Chapter 3 #2
She did not like the man. She hated what he stood for.
Yet there was something about him that she could not ignore.
Perhaps it was just the urge to prove him wrong?
Likely, it was curiosity that did it, the lingering question of how he was able to act the way he did, without care, without concern for perception and expectation.
How did he do it, and how did he get away with it?
“Come…” Helena led her toward the drawing room. “And one drink!”
It was five minutes later when Sophia found a glass of wine in her hand. She nursed it as she stood toward the corner of the drawing room, avoiding the small crowd, thinking that she needed to finish this wine and go home. My parents will be wondering where I am…
“It might be bold of me to say…” Through the crowd, the Duke appeared. He looked pleased to find her alone, as if this was all part of a game. “But are you hiding from me?”
“I am nor hiding or so much as thinking of you,” she said back, choosing to take a sip of wine to distract herself with. And then, she had another.
“I am glad,” he said. “And I wish to apologize, Miss Sophia. Truly, I do.”
She started at that. “You… you do?”
“You sound surprised.” His smile faded and the look he wore might have almost convinced her that he was being serious. But it was his eyes that gave it away, brimming with humor and silent mockery.
“I did not think you have the capability.” She shrugged and had another sip of wine.
He laughed as he stepped toward her, standing to cut them off from the room. “Can I be honest with you? The reason I have spoken to you the way I have been is…” He clicked his tongue. “Curiosity.”
She frowned… and then had another sip of wine. “What do you mean?”
“You played well yesterday,” he said with sincerity that made her heart pang. Why do I care what he thinks? “And my words, while seemingly harsh, were meant as a compliment.”
“Is that right?”
“You have talent,” he continued. “So much that anyone can see it. But until you manage to lower those walls you hide behind, you will never aspire to your true potential.”
Sophia blinked at the comment… and then had another sip of wine. She wanted to believe that he was still mocking her, but he sounded sincere, and even the humor had left his eyes.
What is he trying to say? And why does he even care? He says that he is not being insulting, but he must know that he is. What is he playing at?
“I do not know what you mean,” she said with as much calm as she could. She went to have another sip of wine but found the glass empty. “There are no walls. I am not hiding behind anything. I am who I am, and the way I play is born from a lifetime of practice and nothing more.”
“And that right there is the problem.”
“I do not have a problem.”
“You do, Miss Sophia…” He took a step closer and she caught her breath. “Tell me, if you will, when was the last time you did something for yourself?”
She blinked in confusion and leaned back because he was standing very close… far too close, so that she could smell his musk and see the sweat glistening on his skin. “For myself… I do not know what you –”
“I know about you,” he continued, his voice lowering.
“Your upbringing. Your parents,” he scoffed.
“More than that, I know your type. You spend your whole life doing as you are told, and now you are convinced that’s the only way to live.
But there must be something that you want…
” Somehow, he stepped even closer. The room was full but it felt as if they were the only two in it.
Sophia’s heart thumped and her knees began to wobble.
“Something you crave that your parents would never allow. That you have convinced yourself is wrong, even if you cannot fathom why. What is it?”
Sophia suddenly felt exposed in ways she never had before.
The room, while full, was smaller than she realized. The voices that hummed throughout fell silent. Her heart thumped loudly, rushing blood to her ears. Her breathing was ragged. And the Duke stood over her so that the entire world seemed to exist for him and him alone.
What did Sophia want? She could not say. She had never thought about it. Once, she might have done. Times were that she had dared to wonder what her life would be like were her parents not so… strict. But that was not her world, so why think about it?
“I… I…” She stammered as she searched for an answer. She tried to tell herself that the Duke’s words did not matter, that she did not care. But if that was the case, why did they affect her so much? “I need some air, thank you.”
She put her head down and stepped around the Duke.
Then she walked through the room, avoiding gazes, trying to be invisible. Across the room was a small balcony that overlooked the back garden of the estate, and she stumbled through it, gasping as the cool night air hit her.
She moved to the railing, her breathing heavy, her mind turning as she tried to gain control. She was not used to this. She was not used to being undone by… by what? By words? By ideas that she did not even agree with? It was so unlike her!
“Miss Sophia…” His voice came from the doorway.
“Go away,” she said without turning around. “Please.”
“I am sorry if I upset you…” She heard his footsteps coming toward her. “It was not my intent.”
“Then what was your intent?” She hissed the word, despite her desire not to.
“To be honest…” He chuckled. “Exactly that.”
She frowned at the comment and then, not thinking, spun about.
He was standing just a few feet away. The night was moonless, casting the Duke in complete shadow. Behind him, the hustle and bustle of the drawing room could be heard, but his body smothered it like a cloak, and the size of his frame seemed to take up the entire world.
Sophia felt trapped… but not in a bad way.
Despite how annoyed she was, how much she loathed the Duke’s words, there was an honesty about him that she was drawn to.
Or was that jealousy? That he was able to speak so freely and without care.
That he could do as he wanted, be who he wished, and people still respected him.
“I was only trying to… to cause a reaction in you,” he said. The humor was gone, and his voice was soft.
“But why?” she asked desperately. “What do you want?”
He shrugged. “I’m curious about you. Your playing was beautiful yesterday, that was not a lie. And I suppose that I am the type that when I see great beauty, I want to ensure that it is real. That it’s not an illusion.”
“I am as I am,” she said. “I am not trying to… to trick you.”
“I did not say you were.”
“Then what? What do you want from me? Why are you so… so… so…” She stammered and stuttered, her body shaking.
“Easy.” The Duke stepped into her and took her hand. He enclosed it with both of his and held it tight. “Do not come undone.”
She froze when she felt his hand. Her eyes widened in shock. Her first thought was to pull away and tell him to leave at once. But another thought buried itself deep inside her of… the sensation that she enjoyed how his hand felt around her own.
It was dangerous… something she had never experienced… and it lit a fire inside of her that she did not know existed until right now.
“I am not undone.”
“But you were very close.”
“What do you expect?” she said sharply. “When I have been forced to defend myself from you all evening.”
“I am sure it is no more than what you are used to,” he said softly, still holding her hand. “A lifetime spent defending yourself. Forever trapped in a world you did not create but are forced to live in…” He raised a questioning eyebrow.
She started… she leaned back… she felt her resolve weaken because his words were like cannon balls battering into the side of a fortress.
Sophia was strong. She had to be, the way she was raised.
But there was a side of her that heard his words and knew their truth, even if she never wanted to admit them.
“You do not know me,” she said softly, her walls weakening against his barrage.
“I think I do.”
“My life… everything… I am happy.”
“I never said you were not.”
“You implied it…” She found herself looking at him with desperation, as if she expected him to believe her. Or to save her. Or to… she did not know! “I am happy. My parents… everything they have done… I do not need your help.”
“I am sorry for what I said.”
“And I am better than stale,” she said as if she needed him to believe it. “When I play, it is… it is with heart, despite what you think. You do not know anything.”
He was still holding her hand, and he looked right at her. Then he stepped close and his voice lowered. It was too dark to see his face clearly, but his amber eyes burned like two fires in the dead of night. “I guess I was wrong. Forgive me.”
“I will not.”
He smirked. “There it is.”
“There is what?”
“The fire. It exists inside of you, Miss Sophia. It is right there, begging to be released. I saw it yesterday, I see it tonight. All it needs is a little coaxing. A release, because once it is out and free in this world, I wonder what you will become. That is why I pester you.”
Sophia could feel the fire burning inside of her.
Oh yes, she was aware of it. For her entire life, Sophia had known of its existence. Whenever she was feeling upset or angry or frustrated, it simmered deep within, and she always made sure to dampen it because such things were not ladylike and her parents would never approve.
But in the face of the Duke, she felt the fire brim, she felt it build, and for once she did not try and stop it. He wanted to see another side of her? He wanted to know what that was like? It was time that Sophia showed him… It is time I show myself.
What happened next, she could not explain.
A lifetime of hiding who she was. A lifetime of being the good daughter and never once letting her emotions take over. As soon as she gave in and let that fire roar, she felt it swarm up her body and rip from her throat and then she did something she never thought herself capable.
Sophia stepped forward, propped herself up on her toes, and planted a kiss on the Duke’s lips.
His eyes widened in surprise, as did her own.
The kiss was short and sharp. Their lips barely grazed. But the moment they did, Sophia came back into herself, she smothered the fire, she wrenched her lips free, and she stumbled back as if pushed.
“I am so sorry!” she gasped, unable to look at the Duke.
He said nothing. He just looked at her, and because she refused to look at him in return, she could not say what he was thinking.
“I… that was… I did not mean…” Her body was hot, shaking, about to explode! “I should go.” Sophie put her head down, stepped around the Duke, and stormed back inside.
Thankfully, he did not follow her.
Not that it would have made a difference if he did. Sophia was so ashamed with herself, so embarrassed, that she found Helena, mumbled as excuse about needing to leave, and rushed from the manor before Helena had a chance to change her mind.
It wasn’t until she was inside the carriage on the way home that Sophia had a chance to think about what she had just done. And when she did, she wanted to feel shame, she would have liked to have felt embarrassed, and she yearned to experience disgust because that was not who she was!
Only… a smile touched her lips, a most unexpected thing. Her heart raced, her body was still warm, and the taste of the Duke was on her lips.
That was the first time in her life that Sophia had ever let her emotions get the better of her, and as strange as it was to admit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it would be. In fact, even Sophia was able to see the upside of it… just as she could see the obvious downside.
The Duke was unlike anyone she knew, and for the good of her future and her sanity, she needed to avoid him from now on. Not what she wanted to do, but what she had to. It really was that simple.