Chapter 36
36
CHUCK
I wipe my palms on my pants for the tenth time in as many minutes. The ‘treehouse’—really more of an elevated gazebo with a lot of mood lighting—is perfect. I had to pay the resort through the nose for it, but it’s worth it, especially after I see it for the first time, just before Ruby arrives. It’s a round room, high in the trees, and you have to walk up a long, sloping ramp to get to it. The inside is strung with tiny white lights, giving off a golden glow. Candles are lit everywhere, and flowers give the air a lush fragrance. Rugs cover the floor, there are huge throw pillows for us to sit on, and the low coffee table holds our dinner.
Roasted duck, snow peas, creamy mashed potatoes, tiny brussels sprouts, and icy bottles of champagne. I know there’s a decadent fudge cake under oneof the domes too.
The view of the sunset over the jungle canopy is breathtaking.
But none of that matters if Ruby doesn't show up.
I check my watch again. She's only five minutes late, but each second feels like an eternity. What if she changed her mind? What if she's finally come to her senses and realized she's too good for a jerk like me?
Just as I'm starting to contemplate the fastest way to drown myself in chilled champagne, I hear footsteps on the wooden stairs. And there she is, my girl, who’s dressed in a little red number that scoops low on her breasts and stops mid-thigh.
She looks beautiful, her red hair catching the last of the day’s sunlight.
"Wow," Ruby breathes, taking in the scene. "Chuck, this is... wow. Look at the view!”
I join her at the window and look over the sweeping view of the rainforest. It’s simply gorgeous.
Doesn’t hold a candle to Ruby, though.
I grin, feeling a surge of pride mixed with relief. "You like it? It’s all ours, at least for the night."
She nods, a soft smile playing at her lips. "It's beautiful. How did you manage this?"
I shrug, trying to play it cool. "Oh, you know. Pulled a few strings, sold a kidney. No big deal."
Ruby laughs, music to my ears. "Well, I hope you at least got a good price for the kidney."
As we sit down to eat, I find myself marveling at how comfortable this feels. Just a week ago, Ruby was my teammate's prickly sister who could barely stand to be in the same room as me. Now, she's... well, I'm not sure what she is. But I know I want to find out.
We chat easily through the appetizers, swapping stories about our childhoods. I tell her about my first time on the ice, how I fell in love with hockey despite—or maybe because of—how much I sucked at first. She shares her own story, one about getting locked in the library as a kid, something that would have terrified most people, but which thrilled her to no end.
Imagine, hanging out in an empty, cavernous library alone, as a child. And loving it.
This woman is truly weird. And I love that about her.
Shit. Did I just use the ‘L’ word?
I shake my head. "Only you would be excited about being trapped in a building full of books," I tease.
She grins. "Hey, for an eight-year-old bookworm, it was like being locked in Disneyland. Minus the creepy mascots."
As we move on to the main course, our conversation shifts to our jobs. Ruby talks about the challenges and joys of being a librarian, even though at this stage she does a lot of the grunt work. But hey, isn’t that how most jobs start out?
"It's not just about organizing shelves, you know," she says passionately. "It's about making sure people can find what they need."
I am captivated by her enthusiasm, I can’t deny it. "I've never thought about it like that," I admit. "But the way you describe it... I can see why you love it so much."
She blushes slightly, looking down at her plate. "Sorry, I tend to get a bit carried away when I talk about books."
"Don't apologize," I say, reaching across the table to touch her hand. "I like seeing you passionate about something. It's... awesome."
Our eyes meet, the air between us charged. But then Ruby clears her throat and asks about my career, interrupting the moment.
I tell her about life in the NHL—the thrill of the game, the pressure to perform, the camaraderie with teammates. But as I'm talking, I can feel a knot forming in my stomach. I know what I want to say, what I need to say, but the words stick in my throat as I babble on about how much I love hockey.
"Chuck?" Ruby's voice breaks through my thoughts. "You okay? You look like you're trying to solve complex math in your head."
"That obvious?"
She reaches across the table, her hand covering mine. A simple gesture.
"Ruby, I... I need to tell you something. About why I'm really here."
Her brow furrows slightly, but she nods.
I take a deep breath. "Right before I came here, I got into a fight. A bad one. Ended up spending the night in jail."
Ruby's eyes widen, but she doesn't pull her hand away. I take that as a good sign.
"It wasn't my first... incident. I've got a temper, and it's gotten me in trouble more times than I can count. The team management is fed up with me and gave me an ultimatum—come to this retreat, work on my issues, or risk my contract. I have to do other things too, but they had me start with what they thought would be a ‘relaxing vacation’."
I pause, gauging her reaction. She's listening intently, her expression a mix of concern and something else I can't quite read.
“Relaxing vacation,” she laughs. “If they only knew.”
"I know, right? Anyway, I've been angry for a long time," I admit, my voice low. "Angry at my parents for their neglect, angry at myself for not being good enough, angry at the world for... I don't know, existing, I guess. I've used that anger on the ice, channeled it into my game. But off the ice? It's been pretty fucking destructive."
I can’t believe I just said that out loud. I can’t believe I even admitted it to myself.
What’s happening to me?
She squeezes my hand. "I didn’t know."
I shrug, trying to lighten the mood. "Yeah, well, 'angry hothead from loaded but terrible family’ isn't exactly first date material, you know?"
"So, team management sent you here?"
I nod. "Yeah. They thought it might help me 'find my center' or something like that. But Ruby, here's the thing. I didn't find my center doing trust falls or sharing my feelings. I found it… with you."
Ruby's breath catches, and I press on before I lose my nerve.
"These past few days with you... they've been… good. Great, even. You challenge me, you make me not take myself too seriously. And I know this whole situation is crazy, but I can't help feeling pretty damn fortunate that we ended up here. I... I think I'm falling for you."
There. I've said it. Let the chips fall where they may.
"And I know we're from different worlds," I continue, the words tumbling out of my mouth now. "But I want to see where this could go. Back in the real world, I mean. After the retreat. If... you are down with that too, of course."
I finally stop rambling. Ruby is silent, her expression unreadable. The knot in my stomach tightens.
"Hey,” I prompt gently. "Say something? Please?"
She pulls her hand away, and my hope plummets. "Chuck, I..." she starts, then stops. "This is... a lot. I think I need some time to process everything."
Did someone just punch me in the gut? Because it sure feels like it.
I try to hide my disappointment. "Of course. Sure. I get it."
She stands abruptly. "I'm sorry, I just... I need some air. Some time alone. Is that okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, of course," I say, even as everything in me wants to beg her to stay. "Take all the time you need."
She gives me a small, tight smile. "Thank you for dinner. It was so great. I just... I need to think."
And she's gone, her footsteps fading as she descends the treehouse ramp. I sit there, alone with the remnants of our dinner and the sinking feeling that I’m going back to San Francisco to the same lifestyle, making the same stupid mistakes, to ruin the only good thing I have going.
Because if Ruby’s not part of it, does any of it matter?
Part of me wants to go after her, to explain, to make her understand. But I know that's not what she needs right now. What she needs is to be fucking left alone and as much as it kills me, I’m going to do just that.
I start clearing the table, my mind racing. Did I say too much? Not enough? Should I have waited? What if she decides this is all too much and walks?
The thought of losing her, of going back to a world where she's not in my life, is not something I even want to think about. Jesus, how did she become so important to me so fast? It’s crazy.
I take my time returning to our bungalow, pushing away what’s gnawing at me. I've never been good at patience, at waiting. On the ice, I'm all about action, about making shit happen. But this? It’s a different game. Not sure I know the rules. And not sure I know how to win.
I reach the bungalow and find it empty, as I thought it might be.
Shit.
What if I've screwed this up beyond repair? What if Ruby decides I'm too much of a risk, too damaged? The idea of losing her before we've even really started... well, that’s just fucked up.
But I force myself to take a deep breath. Think rationally, asshole . She’s smart. She's thoughtful. She just needs time to process. That's all.
I lie back, staring at the ceiling, and as I replay the evening in my head, I realize for the first time in a long time, I'm not angry. I'm worried, sure. Anxious, definitely. But not angry. The usual simmering rage that's been my constant companion for years... it's quiet. At least at the moment.
Is this what peace feels like? Is this what the therapist meant about finding my center?
As the night wears on, I try to distract myself. I flip through one of Ruby's books, but the words blur on the page. I turn on the TV, but everything’s in Spanish. Eventually, I find myself on the deck, looking out at the stars, and swatting at the buzzing insects.
And suddenly, I know. Whatever happens, whatever Ruby decides, I'm not giving up. If she needs time, I'll give her time. If she needs space, I'll give her space. But I'm not walking away from this. From her. Not until she says there’s no hope. That there’s absolutely no way.
Maybe, this woman is my chance at something new. Something lasting. Something actually worth fighting for.