CHAPTER 4
The rest of the week passed by in a hazy daze. Each morning turned out to be a repeat of the previous day. Like a vicious cycle, our routine was set in place, no questions asked, no words spoken.
I would come in early and make him breakfast while continuing my duties.
He would eat in a cool broody silence and then leave.
Sometimes, he would linger by the living room or terrace, his gaze transfixed on the skyline while he had his coffee. His face was always set in a cold, blank mask, giving nothing away. He once used to be a mirror of emotions, the reflection so apparent on his face that I could read him like a book. But Jay had perfected his poker face over these past six years. It was hard to guess what was going on inside his head.
He barely acknowledged my presence; it was as if I didn’t even exist to him. I can’t deny that it doesn’t hurt. The silence and ignorance were more cruel than his harsh words or punishing eyes. I wanted him to talk to me, yell at me, I wanted him to say something, do something, but no the quiet deadness stretched between us, echoing through these empty walls. It was blaring and loud and uncomfortable.
Yet like an addict looking for her last fix, my eyes never left him. The curve of his finger when he touches his chin, the blues of his eyes glinting under the light, and the frame of his body when he moved were all like ecstasy coursing through my veins.
And today, like any other day, I waited in anticipation as I wiped at the counter and glanced at the breakfast on the table.
My heart steadily picked up a beat with each minute. He could walk in at any moment.
And just like that, an icy dread swept through the room and I stiffened.
I could feel his presence before he even walked in; the air had turned colder. I gripped the dishcloth tighter and kept my eyes focused on the glimmering swirls swimming through the expensive marble countertop.
My breath hitched as I felt his body brush behind me ever so slightly before it disappeared. I heard him open the fridge and grab a bottle of his expensive water before he settled down at the breakfast table.
I couldn’t help but sneak a peek at him, dragging my eyes ever so slowly from the counter to the enigma in front of me. My body froze as I came to a standstill.
Jay was staring right at me, but that was not all. He was wearing a suit, a delicious three-piece black suit with a tie and a vest. His hair was swept back, and his beautiful blues danced with disdain as they peered at me
A burning heat made its way up to my cheek as I averted my eyes so fast as if I’d been struck by lightning.
I tried to ignore him as I started to clean but his watchful, steely gaze scrutinized my every move. It made me feel all sorts of way. If the tension in this room was measured, even the sharpest knife couldn’t cut it.
“Do I really have to wear this stuffy suit? This tie is strangling my neck Emmie,” called out a familiar voice that I haven’t heard in years.
I stopped short not thinking as I quickly spun around. God, what was I supposed to do now? Was it too late to escape to the laundry room and hide there forever?
“Yes, it’s an important meeting,” Jay said, flatly.
“You’re an unbearable fucker! Oh, what do we have here? A secret flame, uh? Emmie, boy you have been hiding things from me.”
My body froze up knowing pretty sure that he was talking about me. I wrung the dishcloth in my hand as I stood like a statue, staring at the immaculate walnut cabinets. My heart pounded as warmth spread down my palms—clammy with sweat.
I wheezed out a heavy breath. Well, I do have to face this someday. It was inevitable.
I set aside my apprehension as I slowly turned around.
“Can’t believe you have a pretty girl so early in your…” Mikey looked stunned for a second when he noticed that it was me. He stood next to Jay dressed in a similar fashion, his mouth gaping as he stopped his sentence short.
I didn’t think I had ever seen Mikey speechless.
Mikey looked exactly how I pictured him to be, his sun-kissed long blond hair tied back in a man-bun, with a few tendrils sneaking out. He wore a tight, pristine black suit that fit him perfectly, with his tie undone and hanging loosely around his neck.
My mouth curved into a jittery smile because I didn’t know what to do. Jay sat perched on the breakfast table, his expression stoic, but the slight clench around his jawline gave away his irritation.
“E. Whoa, what are you doing here?” Mikey asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
And before I could answer him, he was on me in a second and engulfed me in the warmest hug. I stood there dazed for a moment because I didn’t realize that he would do that. I sank into his familiar arms as a wave of nostalgia formed a lump in my throat and I hugged him back, relishing in his embrace.
A throat cleared behind us.
Mikey rolled his eyes as he pulled back and ran a thumb over my cheek. “E, how are you?”
Something about the way he asked me burned my eyes.
It’d been so long since someone asked me that.
I’m not fine at all, Mikey.
I blinked back the unshed tears and gave him a warm smile. “I’m fine. How are you, Mikey?” I whispered hoarsely.
He gave me his signature grin that made his eyes glow. “I’m good. I can’t believe you are here. Like how? Don’t tell me you guys are back together. Emmie has been an insufferable fucker without—”
“Mikey.” Jay stopped him in a hard, cold voice and gave him a pointed look. “Evelyn works for me. And it’s getting late. We need to leave.” He glanced at the expensive watch on his wrist.
Mikey frowned in confusion. “Works for you?”
And before Jay could say something that could potentially shoot pinpricks through my heart, I blurted, “Yes, I work for him. I’m the housekeeper, and no, we’re not back together.”
Mikey gave me a bewildered look. “I thought you went to Yale to become a writer or something. What are you doing working for this sorry-ass fucker?”
I peeked at Jay, who was looking at me with a curious expression for once, like he wanted to know why in the world did I end up being his maid.
But I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Well, things didn’t work out. So here I am.”
“Well, you can always work for me.” Mikey wiggled his brows. “I would love to have you as my maid, darling, and I just live downstairs. Trust me, I’ll take good care of you.”
The sound of the sliding chair creaked through the room as Jay raised from his seat. “Too bad Evelyn is stuck with me. We need to leave now, fucker.” He gave Mikey a sharp look and walked out of the hallway without sparing me a single glance.
My heart squeezed as the hurt settled, making it heavy inside my chest.
Mikey shook his head. “Don’t mind him.” His hand once again cupped my chin. “I gotta go now, but will see you later, okay? Bye, E.”
I nodded, smiling.
He grinned, soon disappearing behind Jay.
I sighed in relief as they both left.
It was good to see Mikey after all these years, and I was glad he didn’t treat me like a vermin. But I was sure I wouldn’t get the same reception from everyone else, especially Katy. I was pretty sure she sided with Jay on that notion.
I missed them, though. I missed them all so fucking much. I wanted to be a part of them once again. But sadly, I was stuck in the middle of both worlds with no way of getting out.
All these torrential waves of emotions were too much for my weak heart. I wanted to burst out and tell him everything, not for the lack of trying on my part, though.
Because I did, and each time, the words were swallowed down my throat. Considering he barely tolerated my presence, the thought of admitting it all to him terrified me. He wouldn’t spare me a glance, and when he did, it was cold and ignorant, sending hurtful spikes down my heart every single time. So how was I supposed to tell him that our story had deviated because it was all orchestrated by an evil bitch?
A chill went down my spine every time I thought of her. I wondered what happened between her and Jay.
Actually, there were a lot of questions brewing inside my mind. Like why had the band moved to NYC? What happened in LA? The media has been pretty tight-lipped. No word of the band other than them continuing their tour in a few weeks was mentioned.
Hmm, maybe I could ask Mikey. I was glad at least one person was on my side because my curious brain wanted answers.
“Emmie, guys! Why is no one picking up my calls?” a melodic voice called out, jolting me from my thoughts. A voice that I would recognize anywhere.
My heart stilled once again for the second time in less than an hour. I guess today was visiting day for everyone. My breathing quickened as the footsteps drew closer and closer.
“Emmie.” Lily stopped short, stunned. Her face grew pale, and her indigo-violet eyes widened as she took me in.
My heart tugged a little at seeing her again, a girl who once saw me as a sister. But to me, she always would be.
I’d seen the band grow throughout the years in media, but seeing Lily along with them was a rare sight. There have only been a couple of pictures of her, all of them blurry and papped. It’s been six years since I’d actually seen her, and wow, those years had only made her more beautiful.
Her shoulder-length hair, the exact shade of her brother's, was tucked behind her ears, her skin looked flawless against the rosy shade of her lips, and she was wearing black as always, a black summer dress and chunky black boots adorned her feet made her taller than her usual five foot three.
“Evy,” she whispered, shaking out of her stupor.
My eyes watered as I gave her a warm smile. I didn’t know how she was going to react, but I was so glad to see her. “Lily, how are you?” I asked softly.
She took a step toward me, dazed, and before I knew it, she crashed in on me and buried her face in my neck. I couldn’t help the sob that escaped me as I clutched her tighter. I couldn’t believe Mikey and her still saw me as a friend after all the havoc I had wreaked on them. But those two were peas in a pod even though they were too blind to see it.
“Evy, what are you doing here?” Lily pushed back from our hug, peering at me with those wide violet eyes filled with unshed tears.
“I work here.” I shrugged. “But tell me, how have you been? It’s so good to see you again.”
“You work here?” Lily’s brow furrowed in confusion, but soon, her lips curved into a smile. “I’m good, more than good actually. I just moved here too, and I’ll be starting a new job soon.”
She circled her fingers around my wrist and dragged me to the couch. “But enough about me, tell me everything about you. I’ve missed you so much, Evy.” She hugged me once again, beaming as she peered at me.
The lump in my throat burned, and I couldn’t help but blurt out, “Aren’t you mad at me?”
Her gaze softened. “I heard what they said about you. And you destroyed Emmie, Evy. He was a shell of a man after you left him. It took years to bring my brother back to what he is today.”
The burn only increased as I thought about all of the damage that I’d caused to Jay. He had every right to be mad at me.
Her soft hand grasped mine. “But I also saw the way you looked at my brother. Even when you guys were fighting, you looked at him as if he was your whole world. And I was there when he left to tour with the Crash Riders, and I saw how distraught you were the whole time. It was like you couldn’t even live without him. I don’t know; something in me refused to believe that you cheated on him.”
The burn expanded to my chest as a single tear flowed out of my eye. “I didn’t cheat on him.”
Lily exhaled as she nodded. “I thought so, then why Evy?”
“It was because of…” A sudden loud buzz echoed through my ears. What? “Because of…” White , I wanted to say, but the burn overtook my entire body. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t speak it out loud. What was happening?
A hand gripped my shoulder, shaking me out of my daze. But the buzz wouldn’t stop. I blinked as the edges of my vision turned dark, flickering as I gazed at her. But I saw two of her. I blinked again, focusing my gaze elsewhere, but everything appeared in two. The floor-length windows, the skyscrapers, the kitchen—everything was doubled. What was happening to me?
Somewhere in the background, I could hear Lily calling out to me. “Evy, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”
But it was all too much, I didn’t think as I shot up to my feet and rushed to the terrace. My hands squeezed the frozen railings as I gasped for air.
“Evy!” Lily rushed to my side.
The cold fall air finally swept its way into my body, the burn fading away. I blinked as my vision started to clear once again, the buzz in my ear slowly disappearing. What just happened?
“Evy, are you alright?” she shouted with concern.
“Yes,” I blurted as I turned to face her. “I’m fine. I just didn’t eat this morning.” I gave her a small smile as I tried to comprehend what was happening to me.
Lily exhaled a heavy breath. “You scared me there for a second. I thought you were going to die.”
“No.” I shook my head and shivered as a freezing breeze washed over us. “Come on.” I gestured to the living room. “Let’s go inside.”
She nodded and followed me. My brain was still muddled. What was that? I’d never experienced anything like that before. I frowned. Was that an asthma attack? Did I have asthma?
Lily headed straight to the kitchen as she rummaged through the fridge and handed me a bottle of water.
I took it gladly, gulping it like a dehydrated fox.
She rolled her eyes as she took inventory inside the fridge. “I swear my brother has nothing good to eat. This isn’t going to work.” She closed the fridge. “Let’s order something.”
I nodded, still reeling from that weird experience.
We soon huddled up in the TV room, enjoying some greasy burgers. This was the coziest and the darkest room in the entire apartment, with a full-blown TV system, soft, fluffy couches, and even a popcorn machine.
“These are so good,” I moaned as I sank back into the couch.
“I know, right? Katy suggested this place. You know how big of a foodie she is.”
My heart squeezed upon hearing her name. I missed my best friend. “How is she?” I asked softly.
Lily gave me a knowing smile. “She’s good. Busy actually. I hardly see her these days.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Katy decided to stay in LA with Lan. They are finally engaged and wanted to set roots in LA.” She grinned. “And you know Katy, she has been going nonstop over these past years. It’s good that the band is finally taking a break.”
My eyes widened in shock. Jay would never take a break; he loved what he did. “Wait, what do you mean that the band is taking a break?”
“Well, not the kind of break that you’re thinking. This is all very hush-hush, and no official word has been given out yet. But the band has decided they no longer wanted to be a commercial money-making machine for the label. Their deal ends with five studio albums, anyway. They’re planning to announce it after the tour is finished.”
“I don’t understand. Does that mean they’re going to stop making music?”
She shook her head. “No, they are planning to produce their own music. They have the means to do that now. Emmie didn’t want to make album after album just so the label could squeeze in some extra cash. He wanted to take it slow, make music he was actually proud of, and play shows that felt authentic to him. The rest of them agreed, feeling the same way. Actually, I think it would be good for them. They have exhausted themselves over the years, and don’t get me started on the press—they were brutal.”
Although I counted it as a blessing, I couldn’t help but ask, “Why New York? Why not go back to Bellevue?”
“Matt actually wanted to start his own nonprofit label to help indie unsupported artists and discover new talent. The rest of them wanted to be a part of it too. They were very excited to start a new venture, and it felt right for them. They grew out of LA and wanted a fresh start. So they decided NYC would be the perfect place. But Bellevue would always be home.”
That actually made a lot of sense. I was glad they were at a place in life where they could do anything. And I loved that they were following their hearts instead of what the world demanded them to do. That meant they were leaving the label. It meant they were leaving that bitch.
“But what about Pacific White? Are they okay with all this?” I was curious to know about their friendship with White and how far they had taken their relationship over the years.
Because she was always pictured with the band, almost as if she filled in the gap that I left behind. And it hurt, it hurt so damn bad especially when she was pictured by Jay’s side. I also knew deep down that bitch wasn’t going to let the band go that easy, so I wondered how she was letting all this happen.
“The label doesn’t know it yet,” Lily continued. “I think they suspect something because the band has been putting off signing the deal renewal. The guys don’t really care about breaking it off with them, but Emmie and Katy wanted to wait until Cece’s back to tell her the news because they know she won’t take it well.”
Upon hearing that wretched name, I stiffened as the iciness started slithering through my body. “What about her?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Cece is stuck in Australia at the moment. She’s closing a major deal for her label there, or at least she is trying to. We’re not sure when she’ll be back.”
A sigh of relief that I didn’t know I was holding escaped me. I was glad she wasn’t here because I don’t ever want to see her again.
“But enough about all of this. You were actually going to tell me what happened before your dizzy spell hit you, so why did you pretend to cheat on him, Evy?” she asked with a curious expression.
The same unease came back in full force, twisting my stomach in knots. I averted my gaze, trying to suppress it, but it just wouldn’t stop. I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Evy?”
“Hmm.” I returned my eyes to her. “Nothing. I just had to get away, so I pretended to cheat,” I lied. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. This was a perfect opportunity for me to say something, but I couldn’t. The words were right there, but I couldn’t spell it out without that unease coming back again. Was I scared?
“Yeah, right.” Her eyes narrowed like she couldn’t believe a word I said.
An awkward silence stretched between us. I held my gaze downward, flicking the nail on my thumb as my nervousness grew with each minute.
I heard Lily sigh. “Fine, Evy, whatever you say.”
My eyes flickered back to her once again as I nodded.
Just then, we heard voices coming from outside. It looked like Jay was back. A different kind of nervousness overtook me, but I was glad for the distraction.
“I should probably get back and clean all this up.” I stood on shaky feet as I placed the empty cartons into the brown paper bag.
“I can help you.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s my job anyway.”
Her face scrunched up in confusion. “Wait, you told me that you work here? But you didn’t tell me what you do? What work can you possibly do here? Emmie would have never hired you.”
My cheeks splotched red in embarrassment. “I work here as a maid,” I mumbled.
Lily grabbed my hand and turned me to face her. “What!? A maid! Didn’t you get selected to study at Yale, Evy?”
I sighed. “Well, things didn’t work out. I rejected the application and ended up in New York. And trying to be a writer didn’t really pay the bills, so here I am.”
Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry.”
My lips curled into a tight smile as I nodded.
Loud laughter rang through from the outside hall.
“We should go.”
Lily frowned as she walked beside me. “Why are you limping, Evy?”
I didn’t even realize that my limp had become prominent. I usually tried my best to walk as straight as possible. But sometimes, the pain was too much, and I ended up shuffling harder than I usually do.
“I hurt my knees a while ago, and it keeps bothering me sometimes.”
“Do you need to get it fixed or something?”
“No, I’m fine,” I assured her as we walked closer to the voices. My heart started to pick up as the anxiety rushed at the vicinity of his presence.
The conversation stopped abruptly as three pairs of eyes locked on us as we walked in.
One cold. One warm. And the other looked shocked.
I swallowed, ignoring Jay’s tense eyes as I glanced at Matt, who looked stunned from his place on the couch.
All three of them were dressed in suits. I guessed they were in the meeting.
Mikey’s gaze drifted from mine and locked on Lily’s. The warmth in his eyes disappeared as quickly as it came, replaced with a detached stare.
Through the corner of my eyes, I could feel Lily stiffen up, but she put on a smile as she headed toward her brother.
It seemed like Jay and I weren’t the only ones with problems.
The temperature in this room rose with each second, making my heart nearly fall to the floor. I had to get out of here before it combusted to a record high.
I quickly turned and dashed into the kitchen. I put away the trash and donned my purse and jacket in a matter of seconds.
My hands were shaking at this point. I had to get out of here.
Lily called to me just as I was leaving through the hallway. “Evy, are you leaving already? Come hang out with us.”
My breath hitched in a sharp inhale as I stopped short, glancing her way.
But before I could answer, Jay’s cold voice thundered through. “Don’t bother my employee, Lily.”
A burn crept through the edges of my vision, and I didn’t wait for another second as I continued down the hallway.
I heard Mikey say, “Did you have to be such a mean-o, Emmie?”
Tears brimmed my eyes as I rushed to the elevator. I gasped for air as the hurt escalated throughout my body. I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here.
After what felt like ages, the elevators finally reached the ground. I didn’t care as I pushed aside the people, tunnel-visioned on the glass doorway, and hurried as fast as I could.
The automatic door opened upon my presence. A gush of cold air with the light rain washed over my face as I dove outside.
I could feel the oxygen filling my lungs and my labored breathing slowing down.
I sank to the nearest wall as the rain poured down on me, but I didn’t care because it finally felt like I could breathe again.
Somehow, though, the deep-seated hurt never dissipated. My heart could take just about anything, but when it was my baby hurting me, it killed me.
I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I only knew one thing.
I have to find a way to tell him everything.