Chapter 31 #2
I know I’m not ugly, but I want to hear her say it.
“I think you’re gorgeous. And you’re shamelessly fishing for compliments. But regardless of your looks, you’re a firefighter with a servant heart. Granted, you could smile a little more often.”
“I smile plenty.”
“You do smile more than you used to. Greyson. Stop dancing around the subject. Who have you dated? For how long? Do they still live here in town?”
“No.”
“No, they don’t live here?”
“No, there weren’t any women.”
There. I told her.
“What? What does that mean?”
“It means I didn’t date women.”
“That can’t be right. No one?”
“No one.”
“Greyson. I’m not a jealous woman. Well, I take that back. I’d be one thousand percent jealous now if you showed interest in someone else. But I’m not jealous about a woman in your past.”
“You are the woman in my past.”
“I’m …” She pauses, the reality seeming to finally hit her. “You didn’t date anyone else?”
“I had a girlfriend one year in high school. We broke up about six months before I went to boot camp. She moved for college and never came back. Then I met you in Munich.”
Hallie’s going to think I’m some kind of stalker.
But I’ve never been a man who settles.
“And after Munich …” she asks.
She might as well know how important she was. “I couldn’t get over you.”
I hold my breath.
“Me?”
“You.” I pause. “It wouldn’t have been fair. No one could have measured up.”
She’s silent for way too long.
I shift in my bed.
If she’s overwhelmed, I wouldn’t blame her. My choice to stay single isn’t normal, I know that. But I’ve always been comfortable in my solitude. And I want what I want.
She still hasn’t said anything.
“Did I freak you out?” I ask after the silence stretches a beat too long.
“No. It’s just unexpected.”
“That night was special. You said it yourself. I’m not a man to settle. I’d rather be single than be with someone, knowing you were out there somewhere.” I take a breath and let it out. “It sounds crazy saying it out loud.”
“It’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” she says.
The tone of her voice makes me want to hop in my Jeep and drive over to her house just to kiss her. I wouldn’t even have to hang out. I could do it. I consider offering.
“I still want you,” I tell her. “And I’m not complaining about our pacing.
” I blow out another breath. This is all new to me.
I always say what I mean, but telling someone how I feel about them—telling Hallie—is different.
“You’re absolutely not under any pressure, but I want you, Hallie.
We can take our time as long as you need to. ”
“It’s not me,” she assures me. “I have to think of Mia.”
“And that’s completely right,” I say.
The words flow easily because they’re true. As much as I want Hallie, I’d never want to harm Mia in the process of pursuing something more permanent with her.
“Even though nights like tonight will be hard, you’re making the right decision,” I assure her.
“I wanted to put my arm around the back of your chair so many times—to hold your hand during a song, to dance with you when couples got up to dance, to be with you the way a man is with the woman he’s falling in love with. ”
Her breath hitches. I used the word. I know she noticed.
“I know,” she says. “I wanted that too.”
“Mia’s only seven. I can't rock her world just because I have feelings for you,” Hallie says, reiterating the reasoning to remind us both what’s at stake.
“And, I know this may sound morbid, but I was married, Greyson. And at the time, I thought it was til death do us part. But everything turned on a dime. I can't have something happen between us with Mia in the mix. She'll get attached to you. If we don’t last, losing you would be too much for her.”
Then she surprises me. “I understand if you want to call things off. No man should have to sneak around to see someone.”
“No.” I cut her off. “Hallie. Listen to me. I'd rather have a minute of your time every day, hidden, stolen, or however I can get it, than to end our relationship.”
She’s silent. I hear a sniffle.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Danny messed everything up. Even this.”
“Danny has no say in us. We’re taking care of Mia. That’s what we’re doing here—you and me. We’re doing this together.” I pause and say, “Bit by bit.”
She sniffles again. “Yes. Bit by bit. Thank you.”
We talk a little more, about Dustin and about the women who are drawing her into their friend group.
After a while, Hallie’s voice goes soft and then she trails off midsentence.
“Hallie?” I say in a whisper.
“Mrmm hrmmm?”
“Are you asleep?” I ask.
No answer. She’s asleep. I smile to myself.
I don’t hang up. I just set my phone on the night stand, allowing the soft sound of her breathing to lull me to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night, her voice wakes me. “Grey?”
“Yeah.” My voice is full of gravel.
“I fell asleep,” she says in a groggy tone.
“I know.”
“Did you?” she asks.
“On and off.”
“Mkay. I’m going to go back to sleep. I’ll see you at Mo’s for coffee in the morning.”
“K. Goodnight, Hallie. See you at Mo’s.”
“Goodnight.” She clicks the phone and I stare at the ceiling, hoping for the nights sometime in the future when I can roll over and tug her close, spooning her while we doze off together.