Chapter 35
Hallie
The world breaks everyone, and afterward,
many are strong at the broken places.
~ Ernest Hemmingway
I reluctantly leave Greyson’s side, my thoughts and emotions a thorough jumble. I’m bone-tired. I push the button on the elevator. The doors shut behind me. When they open, I’m staring out into a concrete hallway, confused, then looking back at the panel of buttons as if they betrayed me.
A hospital employee gets on. “Did you mean to come to the basement?”
I shake my head.
“Going up?”
“Yes, please.” I push the button for ground level parking. “Sorry. It’s been a day.”
“Maybe take a few breaths before you get behind the wheel. Okay, ma’am?”
“Yeah. I will, thanks.” I muster a smile.
“I see it all the time,” the man says. “Lots of folks go through some pretty tough things here. Some good. But we see a lot of uncertainty. Loss. Bad news. Just don’t drive if you’re not feeling solid. We don’t want to be making a bed for you tonight.”
“I won’t drive unless I’m able,” I promise him. “And, thank you.”
I walk to my van, clicking the fob and climbing into the front seat.
Was Greyson dismissing our future with that wave of his hand over his broken leg?
I sit in the driver’s seat, staring out at the dark parking lot.
Mia has no idea what she did today—in her own childlike way, she lifted all my doubt about how she would respond to me dating Greyson.
He’s not Danny. I never thought he was. But I still let my fear draw lines for me.
Greyson wasn’t going anywhere. He wouldn’t hurt us.
Washington, DC. Why is he considering that option now? And why wouldn’t he have told me before today?
I won’t relocate Mia again—not this year. Not when she’s just acclimating to her new school, finally making friends, and adjusting to life in Waterford.
But if Greyson and I continue to see one another, and he wants to take the job in DC that badly, we’ll work it out.
Mia adapted to this move. She’d adapt to DC if that was what was best for us going forward. We’d be leaving Mom and Avery. But, for Greyson, I would do it.
That is, if he wants that future with us.
I stare up at the third floor where Greyson is sleeping.
He just endured the fire. Maybe that remote look in his eyes and the hesitation in his voice are just the aftershocks of trauma.
I take a shuddering breath. A tear slips down my cheek.
I know Greyson.
He’s solid—resiliant and steadfast.
The man I saw in the hospital bed is not the man who ran ahead of me into the mill.
Something shifted in the fire.
I had taken his certainty for granted. Now I can’t tell if he’s still sure about us.
I take a few breaths and call my sister.
“Hey,” she answers on the first ring. “Where are you?”
“Hospital parking lot. I’m about to drive home. A worker told me to take a minute before I drive.”
“Are you safe?”
“Yeah. I am. Where are you?”
“At your place. I came here with Mom to help out with Spike. She’s doing great. Went to sleep like a champ.”
“Thanks … for everything.”
“Of course.”
“Mia went to bed a while ago,” I say, looking at the clock on my dashboard. “What are you doing there now?”
“I’m waiting for you. I figured you might need to talk—or not.”
“You’re the best.” I turn the key and head out of the parking lot.
“I just love you, that’s all.”
“You don’t have to wait around for me. I’ll be okay.”
“And you’d leave my place if the shoe were on the other foot and I were coming home from a day like the one you just lived through?”
I laugh a tired laugh of surrender. “No. I would definitely not. I’d probably stay over.”
“Yep. That’s the plan.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll see you when I get home.”
“Okay. I’ll be here. Did you eat?”
“No. But I’m not hungry.”
“Broth and toast it is.”
I smile a weary but grateful smile. “Thanks, Ave.”
“Drive safely, mkay?”
“I am.”
We hang up and I stare into the darkness, picturing Greyson in his hospital bed. He’s probably conked out on pain meds right now. He’ll be home tomorrow. Playoffs. We have the Llamacorn playoff game and he won’t even be able to show up, let alone coach.
I pull up in front of my home and park. The porch light is on. I half expect Jonathan to be on his porch, watching me like he so often does, with a smile and a wave.
I open the door to Mom and Avery, curled on the couch together in their pajamas, watching reruns of a drama series we used to watch together.
“Oh, sweetie,” Mom says. “Bless your heart. You look like you got dragged behind a Chevy down a long country road.”
I chuckle. “Thanks, Mom.”
“What a day for you,” she continues. “Do you want a shower?”
“Yes. I need one.”
“I’ll get your pajamas out and heat the broth and toast,” Avery says. “You just get in the shower.”
I start to tear up. I’d probably cry at the mailman bringing me junk mail right now.
I shower and change into the pajamas Ave laid out for me. Then I join Mom and her in the living room. A cutting board with a cup of broth and buttered toast is sitting on the coffee table in front of the empty oversized chair.
Henry Cavill comes over and sets his head in my lap. I rub my hands through his hair and sigh.
“Do you want me to skedaddle into my room so you girls can really spill the beans?” Mom offers.
I say, “You don’t have to,” at the same time as Avery says, “Yes, please. If you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind,” Mom says. “Besides, these walls are thin as paper. I’ll hear it all from my room anyway. Don’t you mind me.”
She stands, walks over and places a kiss on top of my head.
“Tomorrow’s a new day, Hallie. And you have the day off.” Mom smiles and smooths my hair.
“And I’m taking Mia,” Avery says.
I hadn’t even thought about being off. I would have gone to work if I had to, but a weight lifts from my shoulders knowing I don’t have to function at full capacity.
“I want to go back to the hospital,” I say. “When I wake up, I’ll head over there. They’re discharging Greyson sometime during the day. I want to be by his side.”
“Of course you do, dear,” Mom says. “And you should be.”
“He’s got nurses,” Avery says. “You need sleep. Don’t set an alarm.”
“We’ll see,” I tell her.
I don’t even know how I’m going to sleep. I’m tired enough, I feel like I could sleep for a week. But my skin feels too tight and my thoughts prickle relentlessly.
Mom heads into her room. I grab the mug of warm broth and take a sip. Then I eat a few bites of toast.
“You sure you don’t want a sandwich?” Ave asks.
“This is perfect.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks carefully.
“It?”
“The fire? Greyson’s injury? Your day? Mia’s declaration?”
I shake my head. “She had no idea.”
“But she meant it,” Avery says, confirming what I saw.
“Yeah. She did,” I say. “Easy-breezy and full of truth.”
“Is that the sign you were waiting for?”
“Pretty much.”
“So this,” she flattens her palm and waves it in a circle toward my exhausted face. “Is just you being tapped out from fighting a fire and witnessing Greyson get injured?”
“No. There’s a lot more.” I sigh. “It seems like Mia’s words sent Greyson running in the other direction. Or maybe it was the fire. Or a combination of both.”
“He just went through a fire—one that injured him,” Avery says. “He basically stared death in the face.”
“I know. I’m trying to take all that into account.” I look over at my sister, my expression pleading with her for something—I don’t even know what. “There was something in his eyes, though. He’s questioning us. I can tell.”
“You can’t say that today, Hal. He’s in a hospital bed, on pain meds, processing a lot.”
“Yeah. And …” I blow out a breath. “He got a job offer in DC.”
“What? When?”
I explain the whole order of events to Avery, filling her in on the FEMA offer and his conversation with me in his hospital room. She nods, her face solemn and compassionate.
“He told me he loves me. And Mia.”
“That’s huge, Hallie.”
“Yeah. It is. The first time he said it, he was definitely under the influence of pain meds. It was adorable. But later, when the meds wore off a little and he was cogent, he said he meant it.”
“And you love him?”
“I love him so much. If I knew this kind of love were possible, I never would have married Danny. I would have held out for Greyson—like he held out for me.”
“Wait. Hold the horses. Stop. Shut the front door. He held out for you?”
“For nine years.”
“Girl.” She shakes her head, smiling big.
“I know.” I close my eyes, picturing his face in the hospital. “But something’s off. I can tell.”
“Give it time,” Avery says.
“I have been—and I will,” I say that to her, but in my heart I wonder if time will help anything.
I thought it would. All along, I believed waiting for Mia to come around was the key to us being together. As soon as she was ready—that’s what I told myself. But now? I don’t know. Greyson feels miles away. And I think he might be burning down the access bridges as we speak.
I finish my cup of broth and toast. Avery sits with me. We don’t say anything else. I rinse my cup and plate and then I head to bed.
It takes a while for sleep to overtake me. I close my eyes, practicing breathing techniques I learned at the academy to chase away the anxiety bubbling up in me.
Eventually I drift off …
I’m running through a forest, calling his name. “Greyson! Greyson! Where are you?”
And then I see him—only half of him, grasping at tree roots at the edge of a cliff. His torso’s flat on the solid ground, but his legs are dangling down over the edge.
I run to him, panting, jumping logs, ricocheting parkour-style off tree trunks. I have to get to him.
I reach him and the ground starts to erode from under me—from under his torso.
I can’t get a foothold. I’m sliding and unstable.
Greyson slips a few more inches, debris around him dropping off toward the cavernous emptiness beneath him. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
I grasp his arm, holding on as tightly as I can. “I’ve got you,” I tell him. “I love you. I’ll never let go.”
He doesn’t answer me. His face contorts—brow pinched, eyes locked on mine but unfocused.
I cling to his forearm with a death grip, but gravity tugs him away from me.
Bits of shale break off from the cliff’s edge, scattering and falling.
Greyson’s expression is etched with regret.
“I’m sorry, Hallie,” he says as he releases his hold on me and disappears from sight.
“Greeeysoooon!” I shout after him.
I shoot up in bed, looking around frantically. Sweat coats my forehead and chest. My breath comes in heaving gasps.
A dream. It was a dream—a nightmare. Greyson’s not falling down an abyss.
But I might be losing him—losing my grip on us. I feel it in a wordless place between my ribs, this ache of grief, stabbing and tugging. Does Greyson even believe in us anymore? He loves me, but will that be enough? I don’t know if I can hold on for the both of us if he’s letting go.
I glance at the clock on my bedside table. It’s just after five. I’m not going to get any more sleep, so I get out of bed and pad into the living room, curling up with my Kindle until Mia’s awake.
We share breakfast, her chatter easing some of the ache that seems to have taken up residence behind my rib cage.
“Do you two have everything you need?” I ask Mia and Avery after we’ve showered and Mia’s dressed for the day.
“We’re fine,” Avery says. “Aren’t we, Spike?”
“So fine, Mommy,” Mia assures me.
I look at them both, checking to make sure they really are fine.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll just go by the hospital then.”
“Because you’re going to see Coach G?” Mia asks, eyes wide and expectant.
“Yes. He will be going home today,” I tell her.
“By himself?”
“He does live alone,” I tell her.
“But we have our playoffs!”
“I know. He won’t be able to come. But I think Coach Will is going to have someone FaceTime Coach G so he can watch you play from his house.”
“Okay,” she says, her face relaxing. “And you can stay with him to take care of him, Mommy.”
“I won’t be staying with him.”
“But he likes you.”
“He does,” I choose my words carefully, letting her lead this conversation.
“And you like him.”
Avery’s eyes go wide from behind where Mia’s standing. I smile softly at my sister.
“He’s a good man,” I say to Mia.
“But you could like him some more?”
Avery’s brows wag—she’s such a younger sister, even at this age.
“More than what?” I ask.
“More than a friend?”
“What would you think of that?”
“I would think you’d be smart. Because Coach G is a really good coach and he makes the best ice cream sandwiches in the whole wide world. And he’s nice.”
“Well, we’ll have to see what happens. Right now we just have to help Coach G while he heals from his injury.”
“And then when his leg is all better, you could tell him you like him.”
“I could. We’ll see.”
“Okay.”
Henry Cavill comes over to Mia and she bounces away with him saying, “Daddy, you want to play ball?”
They run out the back door together.
Avery places her hand on my forearm.
“Girl, the light doesn’t get greener.”
“And if his light is yellow?”
“You can speed through a yellow.”
“Or slow down and prepare for a stop.”
“Or just yield to oncoming traffic.”
I chuckle despite the low-level dread coursing through me.
“Enough stoplight analogies, okay?”
“I make a great crossing guard,” Avery says. “Kind of like a wingwoman, but with a reflective belt?”
“Stahhhp,” I say with a smile.
Avery tugs me into a hug. “I love you. Take it one day at a time, Hallie.”
“One day at a time,” I repeat.
I grab my purse and turn to Avery, glancing toward the back door where Mia’s out playing with Henry. “I’ll call you later.”
She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’ll see you later. I’m around all day. I’ll get my work done this morning so I can be at the game with you, run to Greyson’s with you, drive Mia around … whatever.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You won’t have to find out.”
Only, if Greyson takes a job in DC and he still wants us in his life, I will.
One day at a time, I repeat to myself. One day at a time.