Chapter Six #3
“Sera?” Seth’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. She pushed away from the door like it had burst into flame.
“Yes, it’s me. Nothing to fret about. Go back to sleep.” She padded to her side of the room and burrowed into the covers.
“You only sound like that when something’s wrong.” He sat up fully. She could see him faintly from the glow of the fireplace and the lava stone. He rubbed sleep from his eyes as he crossed to sit on the edge of her bed. “Spill. What happened?”
She sat up and hugged her legs to her chest. “I’m just… I’m such an idiot.”
“You need to stop calling yourself that,” he said, frowning. “You’re the smartest person I know, but that’s not the problem here, is it?”
“The problem is that I tried to fix the situation with Cole. I thought if I found what he needed then maybe I could end the threat sooner.”
“Ah. So you went snooping?”
She nodded.
“And you got caught?”
She groaned and buried her face in her hands.
“What did he do? Did he…” Seth paused and she felt his hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”
Sera’s head flew up, but she caught herself before the impulse to rise to Kieran’s defense could fly from her mouth.
She swallowed and said, “I’m not hurt. He was angry, yes, but nothing more.
I mean, he thought I was betraying him even after he’s been nothing but ‘technically’ kind.
So, yeah, he was pissed. He wanted to know what I was doing and I panicked. ”
“Uh oh.”
“Yep. I threw myself at him. That’s what I do, right? Throw my body at the problem.” She wiped at her eyes, tears brimming for some insane reason. She didn’t waste tears on people, not anymore. She cried enough the first time. She was better than this.
Seth heaved a sigh as he rubbed her back. “How bad was it? Is he as cold as Cole?”
She pursed her lips, looking away from him. “Not in the slightest,” she mumbled.
Kieran was anything but cold, her entire body had been on fire. She had thought for half a second he planned to rip the chemise from her body and take her on the dust covered bed. Nowhere in that fantasy did she worry she would freeze.
“Oh shit!” Seth wiggled in front of her, holding her shoulders with his hands so he could ease her face level with his.
Sera refused to meet his eyes. Why was she being such a child?
She’d kissed men before, she was no simpering virgin.
Yet, she was filled with a giddy sort of excitement that had her blushing as Seth hovered in her face.
“You liked it! Wait, it was good? He was good? I would have bet money he’d never kiss you back.
Or that it’d feel like, I don’t know, kissing the wall. ”
“It was… not like kissing a wall.”
“Oh fuck. You really liked it.”
She fell backward, sinking into the covers as she threw her arm over her eyes. “Divine above, you have no idea. I’ve kissed a few—”
He snickered and she kicked his leg.
“Fine, a lot. But…” She sighed, teeth catching her bottom lip as she stared at the canopy and twirled a strand of hair over her finger.
“Fuck. He smelled so good. He was tender, gentle, but somehow frenzied. His hands drew me closer, but not aggressively or possessive, it was… romantic, but in a way that made my legs weak. It was as if he was caught off guard by how good it felt. By how good I felt.” Her gaze was far away.
Or, rather, her gaze was several hallways away, reliving the touch and sound and taste.
She could have survived a long time on that memory alone.
Seth lowered to his side beside her, leaning on his arm. “You sound like you’re ready to swoon.”
“Oh gods, I do.” She sat up. “Oh fuck, I think I did.”
“You’re the one who told me, never fall. Keep love out of it.”
“I did not say love just now.”
“Well, you sound half ready to carve your names in a heart.”
She growled and hit him with her pillow. “Fine. I get it. I just… I am having a real hard time coming up with a reason to not see where this goes. If he kisses like that…” She squeezed her thighs together, closing her eyes until she was back in that dark room, about to be ravaged by a god.
“It’s your rule. Don’t get invested, don’t fall in love. I’m not trying to be that guy, but he’s a wealthy politician from a generationally prestigious family. He doesn’t pick people like us.”
“I don’t want him to marry me, Seth.” No, she wanted just a few sleepless nights alone exploring all the ways that Kieran North could surprise her.
“You might, if you fall in love with him. And if you sleep with him, what do you think your heart will do then? If his kiss is so great—which, I’m still struggling to accept—what happens when he’s the best you’ve ever had and then—boom, he’s done and you’re on the street again?”
“Then I just put myself back together like I always do,” she argued, knowing that he had a point. She wasn’t in too deep yet, she still had the chance to end this before it got out of hand. Before she got hurt again.
“And what if he doesn’t cast you aside?”
Sera’s breath caught. He was right. If Kieran ended up being some real, genuine promise of a future where she could be loved and happy that was so much worse.
Because Sera incited disaster, it was her only constant in life.
She was doomed to ruin this. Having happiness in her hands and being the reason she lost it again would be unbearable.
“What are you going to do?” he asked, watching her face.
“Do we run?” Seth’s gaze swept out to the room.
She saw the loss in his eyes, how he’d miss the comforts and the lavish accommodations, but she also knew if she asked him to run with her, he would.
Seth was the only man aside from her brother she trusted unequivocally.
Probably because those were the only two male relationships she had that didn’t involve sex.
You trust Kieran.
Sera glared at that little voice in her head. No. She did not trust him. Shut up.
“We’re not running. Not yet. Get some sleep. I’ll figure it out,” she said.
Seth crawled back to his bed, snuggling down into the hellfire he found comfortable.
She went to open the window and let the cool air brush against her cheeks.
She had never felt so… untethered. Even when faced with difficult situations, she always knew what she had to do, what her next step would be.
It wasn’t always ideal, but it was a plan.
A goal. A way to get from one day to the next in one piece.
Here, now, she wasn’t sure of anything, let alone her next move.
If her heart was entering into the equation, then that was a sign to pull back.
No more Game. No more flirtation. He was too close to reaching past her defenses, to breaking through her walls.
Making her vulnerable. It didn’t matter if she believed he was truly kind or not, Sera had a strict no heart policy.
Sera fell onto her—the bed. She could make plans in the morning. For now, she wanted to indulge her dreams a little longer before tomorrow, where she had to accept that the Game was over and that she had kissed Kieran for the last time.