Chapter Eight #4
“What? Was it not obvious? The brother not know you’re…
” Miles made a rude gesture and Sera rolled her eyes.
“I mean, you,” He gestured to her body, “I get, but uh…” He looked Kieran up and down as he raised and lowered his hands like he was weighing Kieran’s fuckability.
“I mean, I guess the heart’s blind to what it wants.
Though I think you could do way better.”
“You are very cavalier with your words, Mr. Harrow.” Sera jumped, Kieran’s voice was directly behind her. When had he moved?
Sera thought she sensed fury radiating from him, but she couldn’t see a sign of it in his face or posture.
“Just observant,” Miles countered. “Am I wrong?”
“Yes.”
Sera and Kieran locked eyes, answering with the same ferocity and timing.
Miles looked back and forth between them. “Right. No, I definitely believe you. Nothing going on here at all.” He set a hand over his face, shielding whatever he mumbled to himself.
Sera was seconds from bolting. Or maybe slapping Miles. His knowing smirks and suggestions were beyond what she was capable of tolerating.
Kieran retreated again, hovering near the window. Sera studied a vase on one of the tables.
“But, you know, life’s a crap-shoot,” Miles continued, undeterred by the obvious tension. “I’m familiar enough with death to know there’s no way I wouldn’t jump at the chance to take something I wanted. You know, all parties willing and all that.”
Sera swallowed down the curses that threatened to spill from her mouth. She wanted Miles on her side and did not want to offend him when he had yet to deliver their message. But she was very close to telling him to go to the Infernal.
Several minutes passed in silence.
“Guy’s taking a long time,” Miles commented, paused, then added, “Do you think he got lost?”
“Mr. Harrow, would you be so kind as to allow me a moment of quiet?” She forced each feigned polite word through her teeth. “I’ve got a rather strong headache.”
She saw humor dancing in his eyes, and she waited for another quip or line that would make hitting him that much more tempting.
“Sure thing, brown-eyes,” Miles said, but the unnecessary pet name seemed to jolt the already tense atmosphere.
Gideon returned with a promissory note. He held it in Miles’s face, barking instructions without preamble. “Show that to the bank, and they’ll transfer the funds wherever you want. They know to expect you.”
Miles took the offered paper and saluted with it. “Pleasure doing business.” He started to head for the door, stopping to glance back at the room and then leaned in to whisper to Gideon, “I’d keep an eye on those two. Wouldn’t leave them alone for too long, if you value your furniture.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Gideon snapped, though his face suggested he was trying very hard not to think about Miles’s implications.
Kieran strode after Miles, set on following him from the room.
Sera jumped in his path. “What are you going to do?”
He nearly stumbled trying to avoid crashing into her, maneuvering to the side so he chanced not a single point of contact. His eyes darkened on her, and while shivers danced along her spine, she wasn’t sure if it was malice or lust that had afflicted him.
“I will wait for you outside,” he said, easily avoiding her now that he had his bearings.
“Don’t bother,” she said, “I can find my own way. You’re free to return without me.”
He paused, turning back and there was the barest shift in his gaze to check over her shoulder. “I will wait.”
Her lips clamped shut. She could hardly argue with Death itself looming over her. She rotated her shoulder, sensing the shadow’s presence like she felt eyes on her back.
“Fine,” she mumbled.
“Good day, Mr. Blair,” Kieran addressed with a bow, then slipped from the room so fast Sera almost missed it.
“Is ‘Captain’ that hard to remember?” Gideon snorted, then crossed his arms, adopting an easy stride toward the sitting room now that they were alone.
She sensed the reprimand coming when his lips formed into a tight line. He closed his eyes and Sera held her breath for the comments, the judgment. Gideon could be so holier than thou simply because he didn’t have an arrest record.
After a moment, Gideon took a deep breath.
“I don’t need to know. You’re… you’re a grown person.
Woman.” He shook his head, like he was forcing unpleasant images away and Sera almost smiled.
“What you do is your business. Just… just know that if anyone takes advantage, you can come to me. I’ve tried to be there for you all these years, but… maybe not as hard as I should have.”
Sera plopped onto the couch and fell over so her upper body draped across the cushions. “I haven’t made it easy.”
He sat across from her, his muscled frame almost too big for the chair and he stretched his long legs out as he slouched. “No, you certainly haven’t.”
She glared. He smiled. In seconds they were both laughing.
“I just want this to be over,” she said, after the laughter died down. “I’m not… it’s so…” She threw her arm over her forehead and huffed.
“Maybe you like him, Sera.” Gideon shrugged when she nearly rolled off the couch, gawking openly.
“I mean, there are worse options out there. He’s got means.
You wouldn’t have to struggle anymore. Sounds like a decent set-up.
If you like him, that is. Which,” Gideon finished through his teeth, “appears to be the case.”
“What are you suggesting? That I marry Kieran?”
“It’s how things are done, right? The Big Goal where us perpetually single people are left unfulfilled.
” He snorted, like the idea was ridiculous.
If she knew her brother at all, he was not at risk of feeling ‘unfulfilled’ if his conquests were any indication.
“Course, you’d have to be okay with the spotlight, being a human married to a fae politician.
That botched engagement between Graves and that human woman was all anyone talked about for months. ”
Sera hadn’t considered that particular issue.
Sure, she’d had all sorts of mixed relationships.
What did she care for someone’s bloodline if they were attractive enough?
But as a human, if she sought a real relationship with a high ranking Winter Fae, then suddenly she’d be ‘the first’ and ‘how are they compatible?’ and ‘how does she handle the frigid temperature?’
“Look, you don’t have to get all sullen on me. I’m only trying to say that if you wanted the guy, and were willing to endure a bit of gossip, then you’d be set for life. No matter what happened later.”
“What do you mean ‘no matter what happened later?’”
Gideon’s face hardened, his eyes retreating.
He was concealing something and she got the sense that she did not want to know what was going through his mind right now.
“I’m sorry I said anything,” he said, shifting in his seat.
He looked everywhere but her. “I’m not the person to be talking about this. ”
“Yeah, that’s an understatement.”
“I was trying to be helpful," he bit back.
Sera growled and buried her face in her hands. “What does it matter? If I try… I’ll just fuck it up like I always do.”
She let the admission weigh her down. She hadn’t wanted to admit it, not even to herself, but all the danger of her heart aside, perhaps she was more afraid of sabotaging a good thing.
Her past was a string of disappointments, relationships she wasn’t sad to see the back of, whether she had caused their end or not.
But if she fucked up a potentially good thing?
If her chance at a real future was ruined because of her, because she was the problem, that was unbearable.
“You could stay here,” Gideon offered.
And it was the perfect solution, except that it was the last thing she wanted to do. “No, I couldn’t leave Seth. He’s had so few luxuries; I want him to enjoy it while he can.”
“Well, it’s a standing offer. And you can stop by, sometimes. I’m not home often, but, still.”
Sera sat up. That was enough heart to heart for one evening. Her relationship with her brother was not something that could be solved in an hour. She stood up and kicked playfully at Gideon’s legs. “Is this your way of saying you missed me?”
“Not a chance.” His smile suggested otherwise.
Sera stopped in front of the door, hesitating.
“What’s wrong?” Gideon asked, as she picked at a chip in the door frame.
“Nothing I’d share with you,” she quipped. And it felt like they were fourteen again. Which felt good. Better than the mess that started once they turned eighteen and he went off to war, leaving her behind. “But, I’m not sure how to handle this whole… whatever you want to call it.”
“Relationship?”
“Don’t be gross.”
“Sorry,” he said, chuckling.
“Normally, I’d cut and run, but…” She twisted her fingers together, moving them in slow repeated patterns.
Gideon shrugged. “Longest relationship I’ve ever had was one that lasted till morning and that was just because I was dead tired. So it’s not like I have any sort of authority about this one.”
Sera laughed. “No. It’s Rachel.”
Gideon’s entire face soured, shriveling with a sort of disdain that she found infinitely amusing. “Rachel?” He seemed to fumble over her name, then shook his head. “That doesn’t count. That’s Rachel.”
“I mean, it’s a relationship. You didn’t specify sexual.”
“But.” He rubbed his neck, his face still scrunched while he tried to process the implications. Process or maybe repress? Sera would bet on the latter. “No. It doesn’t count. Rachel doesn’t count. Besides, we’re talking about you. Why are you hesitating to go out there?”
The words tumbled out. “Because he wants nothing to do with me. And he’s beyond cold about it. I drive him crazy and, honestly, it’s for the best that he barely says a word, but I also hate it.”
Gideon sat forward in his seat, all the distress from the words ‘Rachel’ and ‘relationship’ used too close together seemed to evaporate. “See, this is why you need to consult me. I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that he wants everything to do with you.”
“You don’t get it. He thinks… every time we’re alone it’s awkward.”
“And it wasn’t awkward before?”
“No,” she said, much more wistfully than intended.
Gideon made a face, like he picked up on the implication of her breathless answer. “I don’t need details, thanks. But I know that if he didn’t want to be with you, he wouldn’t be here.”
“That’s necessity,” she reasoned.
“No, it’s because he wants to be with you. The guy’s got a million connections. Money enough for servants for his servants. He’d find some way to be apart if that’s what he wanted.”
Sera’s heart stuttered, though she wasn’t sure why she found Gideon’s assessment thrilling, rather than alarming.
He walked her to the door and said, “Good night, Sera. And please, no details.”
Her answering smile wasn’t genuine.
Sera stepped outside just as Miles turned away from Kieran, his face drawn with no hint of his earlier mirth. Sera scoffed and raced down the steps.
“What did you say to him?” She demanded.
Kieran gave her distance, his face impassive. “It’s a personal matter, I’m afraid.”
“Personal? Like hell, what were you trying to whisper about in secret?” Sera was flustered.
Had he come out here to tell Miles off for his irritating comments?
That could jeopardize their plan. Was he trying to undermine the plan?
Deliver his own, secret message that would turn around and betray her?
Panic started to race through her chest. She had trouble catching her breath. “What are you planning?”
“He is marked by Death,” Kieran said and…
of all the things he could have admitted, the shock of the statement calmed her breathing.
She looked up, but the stricken twist to his features lingered.
Eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar. “That was all, Sera. I wanted to inform him in case there was something that could be done.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders were still heaving. “Oh. So. You came out here cause you saw a shadow on him?”
“Yes. The news was not a surprise to him, however.” His features were still soft, not as stoic or resigned as usual. “Have you recovered?”
Sera blinked.
Oh no.
Gideon was right. Kieran did care.
Sera mechanically climbed into the carriage without answering and retreated to the blanket and coat awaiting her. She sat as close to the door as the carriage allowed, Kieran positioned as far from the door as possible.
Yet, the space felt smaller. Too small.
His eyes were cast outside, arms crossed over his chest. Sera tried to focus on the window, but her gaze kept returning to his profile. To the sharp lines of his face and the points of his ears.
Dread piled onto her shoulders. This was too much pressure. What if she fucked it up?
Sera’s forte was screwing up. It was in her nature.
And there was the very real chance that Kieran was actually a decent person.
A decent person who, for some reason, was attracted to her despite seeing sides of her she normally managed to hide.
But Gideon was right. It was all there. In the feeling of his kiss, in how hard he tried to avoid touching her, in so many little, invisible gestures that all led her to believe that if she wanted it, if she truly went for it, there was a chance for something real with him.
Her heart squeezed, stomach dropping like the floor had given out.
He was gorgeous, decent, and stable. He was way more than a girl like her could ever dream of catching. Her own list of qualifications was rather pathetic by comparison.
Sera closed her eyes. She couldn’t stop thinking about his hands on her skin. About the way his kiss thrilled and enchanted like it was her first. How did she ever top a kiss like that?
Somehow, Sera had started to lift Kieran onto a pedestal that she feared there was no way to reach.
None of the potential nonsense about humans and fae bothered her nearly as much as the singular idea that she wasn’t worthy.
And even if he decided to overlook that she was inferior in every way, then it was only a matter of time before she fucked it all up anyway.
If Kieran North returned her torment, if Gideon was right and there was true affection starting to grow, then…
Then she was in real fucking trouble.