Chapter Nine #3
He stepped forward, into her space. Too close.
He towered over her. “I notice everything, Seraphina. A table that has sat in my family’s home for generations, damaged long before I was born, suddenly sturdier than when it was originally crafted?
Not a feat done by a simpleton with nothing to offer the world outside her appearance and charm.
I don’t understand why you doubt your brilliance but listening to you belittle your capabilities borders on intolerable. ”
“My mother…” Sera’s shoulders were tight, bunched up to her ears.
He was close enough to sense how her entire body hummed with some sort of tension. Seeing her like this, so unsure and shy, made him…he couldn’t quite name the unsettled, angry, almost helpless emotion demanding his attention.
“Mother always told us we were stupid. Reading wasn’t easy for us and Mother was from an upper-class family, a family that expected every child grasp reading as a basic lesson.
Mother married below her station when she settled for Papa and then she had two children, both unable to grasp something that she insisted to be simple.
And my father was always gone, always working.
Because of us, of course. Gideon and I cost more than they could afford.
When he worked himself to death, Mother never forgave us. ”
Kieran listened while fury pounded in his limbs.
“I am not one to speak ill of the dead,” he began, saying the words slowly.
Ten. Nine. “Given my gift and status as a Winter Fae, death holds a certain sacred profundity for me. But know that I hold no such regard for your mother’s memory.
There is no excuse for such cruelty and if she were alive, I would say as much outright. ”
He was still too close to her. Close enough for almonds to mix with the scent of her tears. Close enough that the slightest provocation would send him over the edge.
Emotion welled in her eyes and he would undoubtedly question his next actions for days.
The line between decency and caring, so easily blurred where Sera was concerned.
He was determined that Sera not believe the worst of herself, especially when it was unfounded in reality.
Decency. When her tears started to fall and his hand rose to gently wipe them from her cheeks. Caring.
His fingers were light against her skin. He knew the dangers of contact with her, braced for the electric pleasure that shot through him. The gesture, while founded in genuine regard for her hurt, turned to something more when she leaned.
The faint shift in the air was tangible, noticeable. Even without the blush creeping into her cheeks or the tilt of her head as she nuzzled his fingers or the swipe of her tongue over her parted lips.
His gaze dipped to her mouth.
The opportunity to end these weeks of suffering dangled before him.
If he advanced, if he allowed this moment to become more, then she might come to her senses and rebuff him.
Her ‘no’ would be his salvation, the best-case scenario that allowed him to continue to protect her.
Her body may want him, but he was holding out hope that her head didn’t.
He dared not move. Dared not take a breath. His fingers still rested on her cheek, her body slowly opening to him, almost imperceptibly.
Except he was a damned fae and he could sense every damn thing. And the reality was inescapable. While he hoped she would turn him away, all evidence suggested that any advance would be met with unrestrained acceptance.
Even while losing the battle for his control, Kieran knew that he could not kiss Sera. Not if he hoped to keep any distance between them, however paltry.
Maybe he was going insane. Maybe he just ached to kiss her with a ferocity that scared him and if he couldn’t taste her again, then maybe he could at least touch her.
But he could disguise his intentions in her Game. A Game that, if she accepted, he planned to win, if only because he did not aim to stop until she succumbed to pleasure.
Five. Four.
“Are…” Her lashes lowered, gaze dusky and full of longing. “Are you going to kiss me or what?”
Kieran moved his hand from her cheek, drawing the tip of a finger over her lips. “I’m afraid I can’t indulge that particular request.”
She let out a breathy growl. “What does that even mean? Why? Why can’t you just kiss me?”
Because I would never stop.
Two. One.
He was out of numbers.
“I think, however,” He let his finger glide down her neck. “I could indulge a round of your Game.” He swallowed, breathing growing slow and husky. This was costing him as much, if not infinitely more, than her. “If you are agreeable, that is.”
“I thought…”
“The Game was over?” The almond sweet scent of her flooded his senses and it took all his focus not to inhale.
This reckless plan was going to backfire.
He knew. He knew that talking like this, touching her at all, tempted madness.
But now that he had gone this far he couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t bring himself to pull away from the warmth of her skin, wanted to sink further into her and forget everything else.
He took a step closer, his fingers skimming over her shoulder, her neck, the exposed skin above her bodice, as if he feared that any pressure might propel him beyond restraint.
“However,” he stilled, a tremor starting in the hand clenched at his side. “However, should you have no wish to play when I’ve been nothing but inhospitable, infuriating, and ‘the-coldest-asshole-to-ever-live’, if memory serves, then your ‘no’ will end this here and now.”
For the love of the Divine. Please. Just say no.
He eased her back a step, another, until her spine straightened against the door.
It was not a heated advance, but a slow purposeful glide into insanity.
He set one hand flat against the wood. He was no longer touching her, afraid that if he continued his control would falter.
Instead, he waited for her answer. Praying that it was to push him away.
Sera’s body was braced against the door, scarcely an inch between them, and he dared to meet her eyes again.
For the past several minutes his head had been blissfully focused on nothing beyond Sera.
And more than that, he realized that in just the few days he’d spent limiting all contact with her, he had started to miss her.
“Sera?” He pressed, needing her clear, unmistakable answer.
“I thought you said not at work?” She countered, voice sultry, suggestion in her eyes.
He was almost in danger of losing already, his body responding to hers in all the imperceptible ways. Blood and heart and coiling tension. This was thrill. Excitement. He couldn’t remember the last time anything had felt exciting. Gods, it was euphoric.
“I said not in the open.” He lowered the hand braced on the door and locked it.
Kieran leaned, stopping just shy of her painted lips.
“Your answer, Seraphina?” He relished the shiver he felt ripple through her, the barest shudder in her limbs.
Even as he hated himself for influencing her response, but then, he feared he was no longer in his right mind.
If she did refuse him, he might not recover.
“A word from you and this stops. Immediately.” He meant it. He would probably have to gently ease her out of his office, shut the door, lock it, and proceed to find some other outlet for the anticipation and lust coiling impossibly tighter, so tensed a whisper might set him off, but he meant it.
Her dark eyes were wide, unsure, then flitting closed. He watched her throat as she swallowed. She nearly relented, nearly allowed her chin to tilt upward.
She opened her eyes. They shared each deep, trembling breath.
His fingers clenched on the door.
“Sera,” he said. Though he managed to keep the pleading from his tone, it was with great effort. “Do you wish me to stop?”
“I should. It’s the wiser choice,” she whispered.
Disappointment locked in his joints as he prepared to pull back. Yes, she should tell him no. Thank gods one of them seemed to realize it. This was exactly what he had hoped for and yet… and yet…
There was something wrong with him. A lifetime of holding back and now he couldn’t manage his lust? Or maybe that was the problem. He had kept his desires so tightly controlled his grip had finally slipped and it was all spilling out at once.
He removed his hands from the door, effectively releasing her from the cage of his body. He prepared to open the door and get Sera on the other side of it, so he could return to reality. But her hand flew to his shirt, fingers digging hard into his waistcoat.
“But I have never been good at making wise decisions.” She pulled him closer. “And if you stop right now I’ll fucking die, I swear to the Divine.” Her head rose to meet him and, somehow, he managed to still her with gentle fingers over her lips.
Refusing her just then, when her declaration had lit his veins on fire, tested even his well-trained limits.
“You should be forewarned; this can never move beyond physical.”
She nodded quickly. “Okay, okay, I know the drill, it’s not the first—”
“Do not misunderstand,” he interrupted, unwilling to accept where her words were heading, that she might think this was simply another instance where her body was all that mattered when, in truth, he was in awe of her, “my restraint is for your safety and nothing more. I prefer to enter into this with full transparency, not to trap you or take anything you do not wish to give. Were the circumstances different…” his eyes traced her lips, staring with carnivorous need, the thought unfinished and hovering to fill the tense air.