Chapter Eight #2
His mouth brushed the opposite corner of her mouth, and then he lifted his head so the intensity of his crystalline gaze burned into hers.
“What do you think I do? I’m not one of the agents who recruit others from foreign countries to aid us.
I’m the man they send out when the head of a terrorist cell or cartel needs to be quietly taken out.
That’s my job, Harlow. That’s what I do, and I’m damned good at it. ”
She found it difficult to meet that burning gaze, but she forced herself to do it.
She wasn’t going to back down. “If you’re so good at it, Wilder, why would you and Rainier think Blom might have arranged for you to be ambushed?
” She did her best to sound challenging, but it came out as an apology and rather pathetic-sounding because she despised hurting his feelings.
She knew she was implying she didn’t think he was good at his job, and that wasn’t nice, but she had to find a way to save his life when he wasn’t taking the danger seriously.
To her utter consternation, he threw back his head and laughed. Really laughed. The sound was rich and warm and hit her in places she hadn’t thought too much about in years. She loved the sound of his laughter, even if she was afraid he was laughing at her.
“Baby.” He brushed a kiss across her lips, nearly making her heart skip a beat.
“I know too many secrets and have too many skills for Blom to be comfortable with me alive. It’s the same with Rainier and many of the other men he’s employed.
It just so happens my particular set of skills is very scary to someone like Blom if he thinks he’s losing control of me. ”
She studied his face. He had a man’s face, but he looked young until you looked in his eyes. Then he was something altogether different. She moistened her lips. “You kill people.”
“I am sanctioned to kill our enemies,” he corrected.
She wasn’t about to condemn him. She’d seen the terror Shabina had gone through.
No ordinary man could have saved her when she was a teenager and again when she was grown.
Rainier had done that. Zale and Rainier had saved Vienna.
Sam and his friends had saved Stella and her circle of friends, including Harlow.
“I see what you mean,” she conceded. “But that won’t save you from the senator. He has too much power. He would conspire with Blom to get you killed.” She was blunt about it because he wasn’t getting the danger he was in.
He flashed a smile at her. This time, the smile was that of a wolf.
“Babe, you’re listening, but you’re not hearing me.
I’m the man who makes men like the senator, powerful and untouchable, disappear.
Or they have accidents that can only be described as such.
Men like the senator fear men like me for good reason.
Sadly, they don’t actually believe anything will ever happen to them because they hire security and think they’re safe. ”
Harlow found herself just staring up at him. It honestly had never occurred to her that her father would be convicted of his crimes—or that someone could make him disappear. He was far too powerful. In her mind, the senator always won. Always.
She should have been shocked and outraged at the idea that someone might make the senator disappear, but she wasn’t.
She’d seen the harm he’d done too many times.
She’d experienced a childhood of pure trauma.
The abuse had been emotional and physical, and it had been never-ending.
She didn’t feel there would ever be justice, that he was somehow above the law.
“I don’t ever want you to have to have something like that on your conscience, not for me.
You have enough to live with, Wilder.” She bit at her lower lip, trying to find the right words.
“It’s important to me that you’re happy.
Hopefully, you can live your life free of Blom and anything else that is…
” She searched for the right word. “Difficult and dangerous. I hope for you to be at peace.”
“Mon rêve, you are my peace. You are the calm in the middle of a storm for me. You think of yourself as chaotic because you’re in the midst of chaos right now, but it isn’t of your making.
” He nuzzled the top of her head with his chin.
“I was born into an even bigger mess than you were. If anyone is capable of understanding you and your needs, it’s me.
I want to be that man. I was born to be that man.
When I’m with you, everything in me settles.
Stills. Finds a place of serenity I’ve never known. ”
“Even when I’m ugly crying?” She couldn’t help the note of humor creeping in because everything he’d said to her was beautiful, and she was in his lap, totally a wretched mess. She knew her face was splotchy, her lashes tangled, her hair wild.
“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, Harlow, and it has little to do with your looks. Not that I mind how gorgeous you are. But that’s the outside of you. It’s the inside of you, your heart and mind, that I’m so attracted to.”
What woman wouldn’t want to hear those words uttered with complete sincerity?
It was very difficult not to fall hard for him.
Even if she wanted to hold back a small piece of herself to be safe, Wilder made it impossible.
She was too far down the rabbit hole, despite her every intention to keep her distance.
“I hope you know what you’re doing, Wilder,” she murmured. “I can’t bear the idea of disappointing you.”
“Your father made you feel as if you were always disappointing him, didn’t he?
” Wilder guessed. He brushed another kiss onto the top of her head.
Trailed more to her left temple and down to the corner of her mouth.
His lips were whisper soft, yet somehow managed to leave behind the effect of tiny dancing flames on her skin.
“Yes,” she admitted. “He likes to make people feel small. He always delivers his lines with a smile and in the guise of helpful advice, unless he is angry. When he gets angry, he’s cutting and snide, filled with contempt and making certain you know you are far beneath him in every way.”
He’d asked and she’d answered, but it felt strange and a little scary to share so much of herself with someone else.
She was revealing things about her family, but more importantly, about her.
Things she had been taught practically from birth to keep secret.
It made her uncomfortable and left her feeling more vulnerable than ever.
“My father wanted to make a man out of my brother and me. He liked to torture random people for whatever fake grievances he could conjure up when he needed to hurt someone. That need was there almost daily. If he didn’t have anyone else to hurt, he came after my brother and me.
Half the scars on my body were his doing.
” Wilder spoke so matter-of-factly that she almost didn’t understand what he said.
His voice was low, that same velvet softness he used most of the time.
She tilted her head back again, her eyes meeting his.
The light green of his eyes seemed to burn brighter than ever, nearly glowed.
In that moment he looked more animal than man.
More killer than human. Her breath caught in her lungs and stayed trapped until her chest felt burned and raw—not from fear.
She was looking straight into the hell he had trapped in his gaze.
That was somewhere deep, just as the trauma of her childhood was trapped deep in her.
“Honey.” She whispered the endearment and slid her arms around his neck to lock her fingers at his nape, her heart aching for him.
Had he sounded angry or bitter, it would have been so much easier.
The patient acceptance in him was her undoing.
She brushed kisses along his strong jaw and over his stubborn chin.
“Where was your mother? Where were the cops? Wasn’t there anyone to help you? ”
He was quiet for so long, she was afraid he wouldn’t continue. “You don’t have to tell me anything else if you prefer not to, Wilder. I don’t talk about my family or my upbringing even to my friends. Or at least, I give minimum information. I totally understand.”
She did understand, and she never wanted Wilder to feel as if he had to disclose information about his past—about his family—in order to appease her.
“I’m already committed to you. I know that you’re my choice.
You probably will come to regret that you persuaded me.
I’m a total disaster, but no matter what, you’re my choice.
You don’t have to give me anything you don’t want to. ”
He framed her face with his large hands and tilted her head so she was looking directly into his eyes. “Right there is why I fell hard for you, woman. You may not know it yet, and I’ll get you there, but you’re extraordinary. There is no one else in this world like you.”
Wilder pressed his forehead to hers. She breathed him into her lungs. Took in his scent. It was strange how intimacy could be about everything but sex. They hadn’t had sex. She didn’t feel any pressure from him, only this extraordinary closeness she’d never experienced with another human being.
Even the sound of the phone ringing obnoxiously couldn’t detract from that moment. Their moment. That shared intimacy she felt with him that she’d never experienced before.
“My father ran a survivalist camp in the Rocky Mountains up near the Canadian border. He deliberately chose an area that was difficult to get into—or out of. Misfits, angry vets, men who had grudges and were just as sadistic as my old man, joined him. He beat my mother and kept her totally isolated, even from the other women. Mostly because the things he liked to do to her and us couldn’t be hidden.
When I got old enough, I tried to interfere.
The best I could do was keep his attention on me while she found a place to hide. ”