Chapter 26
Mia
Soul Searching
A few days after the gala, Dean Smith asks me to stop by her office for a project wrap-up discussion. I’m still enjoying the sense of pride and accomplishment on holding a very successful fundraiser. In the end, we raised $1.58 million, enough funds to outfit the park with a plethora of inclusive play equipment.
Walking on cloud nine, I stride down the hall towards the dean’s office, my laptop bag slung over my shoulder. I brought it in case the dean would want to review the spreadsheet that led to such a highly successful outcome. I can’t wait to hear her praise for the work Otto and I did on the gala! I’m sure we impressed both deans with the elegant evening and with the funds raised.
“Mia, come in!” the dean says when I knock on her doorframe. She motions towards a chair in front of her desk.
Sliding onto the chair, I place my laptop bag on the floor and smooth my skirt over my knees, Mrs. Snowdon’s finishing school training never forgotten. Glancing around, I’m a little surprised Dean Hutchinson and Otto aren’t here since we’re discussing the fundraising project. Maybe she wants to give me a special accolade in private?
“Thank you for making the fundraiser such a success! Overachieving on the goal will allow the project to start immediately! They plan to break ground next month.”
Knowing that the park is going to become a reality soon, causes a feeling of joy to flow through my body. “It was my pleasure! Otto and I would love to attend the groundbreaking.” Maybe we can invite Nora and Madison as well? We definitely need to include Professor Hollyhocks and her niece. I open my mouth to make these suggestions, but the dean’s smile slips, giving me pause.
“Oh, we’ll discuss that later,” she says in a tone suggesting that neither Otto nor I will be invited. I take a breath to shrug off the disappointment.
“Right now, I want to present you with a special opportunity, reserved for only our highest achieving students. Have you heard of the Baskins, Thompson, and White internship?”
This is more along the lines of what I was expecting! My heart soars. “That’s an internship with the prestigious Boston law firm!”
“They’re extending an internship to you after the conclusion of this next semester. I told them about your work on the fundraiser and they’re very interested in you.”
My heartrate goes into overdrive at the possibility of interning at such an elite firm. This is exactly what I’ve been working so hard for. Eagerly shifting forward to the edge of my seat, I say, “Sounds like a terrific opportunity. I’m very interested.”
She nods. “BT&W need lawyers who will step up to the plate and help their firm achieve their financial goals. You’ve proven you can do that.”
Huh? What exactly does that mean? No mention of my knowledge of law? They only care about my fundraising skills? My euphoria takes a nosedive.
“The details are all in this.” She slides a piece of paper across the desk towards me. “There is one small thing, however.”
My eyes flit from the paper in my hand to her eyes. Her blue orbs glint back at me coolly.
“You must maintain a nearly perfect GPA in order to qualify. I know there was a lot on your plate with the fundraiser and taking a summer class means a condensed schedule. But the B you received in the Trusts, Wills, and Estates class has put a blemish on your record.”
“It was a B+,” I say stiffly, as if that matters.
“Well, you can’t afford anymore B or B+ grades, Mia. Buckle down this next semester and you will get this internship. I’m confident you can do it. I’ll email you the information so you can apply.”
Her scolding tone sets my teeth on edge. This is what she wanted to discuss? A pat on the back, then a slap in the face over my one and only B grade in my entire college career? The internship is a plum offer that most students would kill for, but the way it was presented to me leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
“Do you have any questions?” she asks, her tone clearly indicating that it’s time for me to leave.
“No, I’ll read the information. Thank you for the opportunity.” I say in a stilted voice as I stand and collect my laptop bag.
“Focus on those grades and the internship is yours,” she says.
But do I want it? That internship is coveted by every law school student, so why am I not more excited about it?
I trudge back down the hall wondering if I can go back to being “no fun, studying all the time” Mia. Otto has opened my eyes to other possibilities, namely a relationship with him. I know my heart wants Otto, but my brain warns me that I’m being foolish.
~*~
The application sits in my Inbox for several days. My procrastination is indicative of my mixed feelings. One minute I think I want the internship (or at least a chance at it). The next minute I want to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream and wallow in my sorrow over the thought of losing Otto if I apply for that dang internship.
His latest email is still sitting in my Inbox, along with several others. I couldn’t bear to read any of them because I know he’ll break through the walls I’ve tried to build around my heart. He probably thinks I’ve ghosted him now that the fundraiser project is over. Maybe that’s for the best.
“What’s up with you Mia?” Emma says as she plops down at the kitchen table across from me. I’ve just polished off my second bowl of ice cream, so I’m sure I’m sporting a guilty expression.
“Um, what do you mean?” I ask, playing dense, hoping there’s no chocolate residue on my lips.
“You’ve been down in the dumps ever since you met with Dean Smith. You should be on cloud nine over the successful fundraiser. What did she say to pop your balloon?”
“She offered me a chance at an internship in Boston,” I mutter.
“What?! And you’re not bouncing off the walls with excitement?” Emma shouts.
My face falls and a few tears leak from the corner of my eyes. Emma gives me a concerned look, then hands me a tissue. I blow my nose, but the sniffles keep coming.
“Your reaction has to do with Otto, doesn’t it?”
Emotion clogs my throat, so I simply nod.
“Joey says the guy is as down in the dumps as you are.”
My eyes pop open. “You’re speaking with Joey? After that incident at the Marriott, I figured you’d never speak to him again.”
“When our friends are hurting, we set our feelings aside and band together.”
Ah, that explains the text I got from Bailey asking me if I wanted to talk. My heart thaws a couple degrees, their meddling is kind of sweet.
“What exactly did Joey say about Otto?”
Emma grins. “You still like the guy, don’t you?”
Resting my chin in the palm of my hand, I say, “I think I’m falling in love with him.”
Her brow creases. “Then why are you ignoring him?”
The words tumble from my mouth, I can’t hold them back any longer. For the next couple minutes, I tell my friend everything about the meeting with Dean Smith, including her warning about keeping my grades up. I conclude my info dump by saying, “It felt like a scolding, even though she just presented me that coveted internship. I should have been over the moon excited. But, she doused my excitement when she mentioned that B grade. It was like she tossed a bucket of ice water in my face.”
“And? I don’t see how that affects your relationship with Otto,” Emma says quietly.
Jumping from my chair, I pace in front of the kitchen table, adding another scuff mark to the already worn linoleum floor. Gesturing wildly, I rant, “Otto is too much of a distraction! I need to focus on my schoolwork and keeping my grades up! No one can get in the way, especially some hunky, smart, and sweet hockey player!” When my rant ends, I slump back into my chair, and tears slide down my face while I stare dejectedly at the wooden tabletop.
Emma reaches across the table, hands me another tissue, and squeezes my arm. “Why do you think you have to choose?”
Staring at her with tearful eyes, I say, “I got that B grade because of him. Don’t you see?”
She sighs. “Mia, you got that grade because you had too much on your plate. You’re just using that as an excuse not to see Otto any longer because you’re scared.”
“You bet I’m scared! I’m scared that I’ll add another blemish to my record, as Dean Smith calls it. I’m scared that I won’t get that internship,” I huff.
“Then why haven’t you filled out the internship application yet if you want it so much?”
I nibble on my bottom lip, wishing I hadn’t disclosed that fact during my info dump. “I’m not sure,” I mumble.
Emma looks pensive for a few seconds before speaking. “Here’s my opinion. You’re scared about your feelings for Otto. He’s opened your eyes to a future you never envisioned for yourself. The old Mia would have had that application filled out and submitted by now. But in your heart, you aren’t sure you want it because you want a future with Otto.” She stands and pats my shoulder. “I know you’ll figure out what you really want.” She stands and walks out of the room.
When did my friend become so insightful? She’s right. I need to do some soul searching and decide what future I want. The one I thought I wanted or the one with Otto?