Chapter Three
“DrownedInEmotion”—Caskets
“ D ude… what the fuck was that all about?” Dallas asked as he started the truck again.
I’d gone outside to sit on the tailgate. My mind was blown, and I didn’t trust myself not to go after Ryian and demand to see my son. I’d been trying to make sense of it all and was still sitting there when Dallas had come out of the store. Then we backed up to the loading door.
When I saw Ralph coming out to load the supplies up, I grabbed my brother’s beanie off the dash and tugged it down low over my brow. He’d worked there for years, so I kept my head down and hoped he didn’t recognize me.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, I do, but I can’t believe it.” In disbelief, I shook my head. “That little boy I’ve been having visions of? It’s not you.”
“Well, I kind of wondered. None of the things you saw seemed familiar.”
“He’s my kid.”
The truck jerked and swerved slightly. I immediately looked at my brother in shock.
“Sorry,” he muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. “Did I hear that correctly?”
“You sure as shit did,” I replied before scrubbing my face. “I was not happy about going there today, but not in a million years did I expect to see Ryian or find out I had a son. Am I in some alternate universe or something?”
“Damn, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say other than that. Why didn’t she tell you? Are you gonna get to see him and get to know him?”
“I plan to. And it’s completely my fault that she didn’t tell me. When she left, I was angry and hurt. I decided to make a clean break when I left.”
“I remember, but you never told me exactly why you decided to move to Montana.”
“As you know, I got a new phone and number after throwing mine in the fucking river. I cut off everyone from here except you.”
He snorted. “Who are you lying too? You ghosted me for a while too.”
“You’re right, I did.” I sighed with regret for my impulsive actions back then.
“So, what happened in the hardware store? All I caught was her telling you off and stomping past me and that kid that was helping me.”
“The little boy from my visions appeared at the end of the aisle. When he spoke to me like he knew me, I was completely thrown for a loop. I thought I was seeing things for a second and I’m ashamed to say, I couldn’t look at him for a minute or so. Then when Ryian showed up, I about fell over.”
“Damn, I bet.”
“Piece by piece, a puzzle I didn’t even know I was a part of started to come together. It might’ve been a long shot, but he looked so much like you when you were a kid—at least from the pictures I saw of you at his age. So, I asked her how old he was—when his birthday was. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. At first, I was pissed and I’m pretty sure I was a dick to her. Sitting out on the tailgate gave me time to calm down and think clearer, though I’m still a bit stunned.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I sent her a text. I’m not going to miss out on the chance to know my son. I’ve already missed so much and I’m having a hard time dealing with that. It’s messing with my head bad.” Absently, I rubbed my jaw.
The rest of the trip out of town was quiet. I think my brother was well aware I needed the silence to process. Lost in my head, I was barely aware of the thickening of the cypress trees and other hardwoods that sprung up along one side of the road.
The closer we got to the clubhouse, the more eerie it appeared with all the Spanish moss practically dripping from the trees. I had a feeling that look appealed to the members of Dallas’s club.
When we were almost to the bayou, he turned on a single lane asphalt road. About forty yards down, we pulled into the clubhouse compound and Dallas backed the truck up closer to the front door. Several guys came out and one opened the tailgate.
I climbed out and started helping. We all had our hands full of supplies when I heard a motorcycle approaching. It was Killswitch and I gave him a lift of my chin. He parked his bike and got off, hanging his helmet on the grip as he did.
“Hey, Frosty!” he called out as he smoothed his hair and his dark beard that had two single strips of gray that went from his lower lip to his chin and into his longer beard.
With a half grin, I shook my head. That nickname all the time—it was starting to grow on me.
“When are you gonna ditch that fucking crotch rocket you got and get a real bike so you can join us?” his booming voice called out. He asked me that almost every time he saw me when I came down to visit my brother.
I laughed. “Hey, Killswitch,” I greeted. “How were things at the shop today?”
“Busy this morning, but I took most of the day off since I knew y’all would be bringing this shit in.” He grinned, then turned to Dallas. “Crypt, you get everything okay?”
“Yeah, no real issues,” he said before he carried two five-gallon buckets of paint inside. I followed him with the bags I had. Then we went to grab more.
“Did my sister give you trouble?” Killswitch asked with a chuckle.
“Nah, she wasn’t there. But—” Dallas started to answer, but I cut him off.
“Sister?” I asked warily as I swallowed hard.
“Yeah, my sister and I own Miller’s but I was never into running a hardware store. That was her place from the time she was little. I’ve got the shop and I don’t need the money from the store, she does. Besides, I don’t like the hassle of keeping up with two businesses.” He shrugged.
“Mrs. Buchanan is your sister?” Chills raced down my arms and my stomach bottomed out.
“Yeah, not that anyone would know.” He laughed. “We don’t look the least bit related. She looks like our mom did and I got my dad’s dashing good looks.”
He wasn’t kidding. He had dark brown eyes and near black hair. The last time I saw Mrs. Buchanan, she was a sandy blonde. But her natural color was a dark brunette.
Like her daughter.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I fell back against the truck bed.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Killswitch asked as he looked at me with a puckered brow.
“No,” Dallas said with bugged eyes. “Oh shit. That was her daughter today?”
Killswitch frowned and stepped closer to me. In a deadly calm tone, he asked, “Was there a problem with Ryian at the store?”
“Can we talk somewhere private?” I choked out. If he was gonna kill me, I wanted it private and hopefully quick.
“Follow me,” he rumbled as he passed me. “You all—finish unloading this stuff, then get to painting those walls.”
Like a man on his way to the guillotine, I solemnly did as he said.
He opened the president’s office and flipped on the light. “Sit.”
It took three swallows to choke down the rock in my throat. I was about to lose my job before I even started after I found out I have a son I didn’t know about. It was great fucking day to be alive.
“What happened? So help me, if you harassed my niece, I will have your ass—regardless of your brother being one of mine.” He leaned forward and rested his inked forearms on the edge of the desk.
“It’s a long story,” I muttered before covering my face with my hands and dragging them down.
“Then you best start talkin’,” he growled out, pinning me with a glare.
“Fuck,” I said under my breath. I’d known Ryian had an uncle, but I’d only seen him a handful of times over the years because he had lived a ways out of town and I thought she said he traveled or something. It was years ago, and I couldn’t remember now. What were the fucking odds?
I took a deep breath and started from the beginning.
“You were that skinny little shit that she was dating in high school?” He cut in and glowered. “And you are telling me you let her go off pregnant to carry that child and care for it alone?”
“No! I swear, I had no idea!” I insisted as I shook my head.
“Then why did you hide from her?” he demanded through clenched teeth.
“I didn’t, I promise you. It was nothing more than a series of unfortunate circumstances and coincidences. When she left, I had no idea she was pregnant. All I knew was that after a seemingly minor argument, she hauled ass. I never knew where she went. Your sister wouldn’t tell me—and trust me, I asked for weeks. I was pissed, got drunk and threw my phone in the river, then left for Montana.”
“She tried to email you. She told me.”
I winced. “Yeahhh. Once I had healed a bit, I made the choice to shut down my email and anything that she might be able to use to reach out to me. I knew if she did, I’d take her back and I couldn’t go through that again. I loved her with everything I had, and she ripped my goddamn heart out, Killswitch,” I explained, not caring one iota if I sounded like a pussy.
He sat back in the chair, but his expression was unreadable. “She was running the store today?”
“Yes. That’s where I saw my son for the first time.” I dropped my gaze to my hands that were squeezing my thighs, then looked back up. “Dallas said I could trust you guys.”
“If you don’t fuck us over, yeah, you can.”
“I’ve been having visions of that little boy for over a year. I had no idea who he was. I thought maybe he was Dallas as a kid. Now, I know better.”
The usually intimidating man’s eyes went wide, and his jaw fell. “Jesus, I never even realized how much he looks like Crypt Keeper. I’m by no means talking shit about my niece, but you sure he’s not his?”
My hands curled into fists. “No way. My brother was still up north of here. Ryian never even met him. And remember what you said about genetics?”
“Shit yeah, I do. Well, what a clusterfuck this is. What are the odds that all these moving parts come together to line up like this?”
“That’s exactly what I thought.” I noticed he didn’t say anything about me having visions. Maybe he didn’t catch that.
“Now tell me about these visions,” he instructed, and I winced internally.
“Shit. Okay. Here goes nothing.” I proceeded to tell him about how I’d had visions for as long as I could remember. They were never anything I could control. They just popped up when I least expected it. Then there were times that I dreamed of things that later came true.
He asked several questions, and I answered the best I could.
“How much has your brother told you about our club?”
Damn, I didn’t want to get my brother in trouble, but then again, he hadn’t really told me anything. So, I was honest. “Not much at all.”
“Nothing about the uh… talents most of our members have?”
It was my turn to frown. “You mean like you’re a kickass tattoo artist?”
He grinned and shook his head. “I mean, yeah, but that’s not what I was referring to. I’m trusting you to keep this quiet. If you fuck up and run your mouth, you’ll force us to take care of the leak. You understand me?”
I nodded. I wasn’t completely oblivious of what some of the patches on his cut meant. No way did I want to end up on their bad side.
“A lot of my brothers are different and with that comes certain gifts and abilities.”
We were both quiet for a few moments while I mulled over what he said. “You mean like things like my visions?”
“And then some. Sure you don’t wanna join us?”
“I’m good. Really. I’m happy with just being a friend of the club,” I assured him.
“That’s fine. I won’t push it on you, but if you ever change your mind, I like you. I’d sponsor you if you decided to prospect,” he countered.
I’d started to watch that motorcycle club show everyone had been so crazy about, but I always fell asleep watching and couldn’t really get into it. Still, I wasn’t exactly sure what he was talking about. This was the first time I’d noticed the “vice president” tab on his cut, and I was sure his offer was an honor. “I appreciate that.”
“You want me to talk to Ryian? Maybe I can help a little,” he offered.
I inhaled deeply and let it out. “I appreciate the offer, but I think this needs to be handled between me and Ryian.”
“I can respect that.” From the look on his face, he approved of my reply. “See you tomorrow?”
“Of course,” I assured him.
He got to his feet and reached out a hand that had every finger tattooed. I shook it and we left the room. When I got back out to the common area, my brother glanced over his shoulder. Paint brush midair, his brows rose and he gave me a look that asked if everything was okay.
I gave a curt nod.
I was giving Ryian another day then I was reaching out again.