CHAPTER 27
Claire
It was an uneventful weekend.
I read in my room while the last snow of March piled up outside. My mind was elsewhere though. I hadn’t spoken to Harvey since Wednesday, and I’d been tempted to text him to make sure he was okay, but my pride wouldn’t allow it.
Instead, I texted him Thursday and Friday last week to call in sick.
My mom and Audrey have been eyeing me since, knowing there’s something wrong with me. Alas, I told them I was feeling a little under the weather.
In my defense, I did have a cold, but more than that, it was a much-needed break. When I’m around Harvey, I can’t think properly.
Because this is what he does.
He takes all these moments that we should experience happily together and uses them at a time when we’re fighting about Gemma. He couldn’t have called me babe any other time than during our fight last Wednesday?
He’s unbelievable sometimes.
Yet this tiny, foolish part of me can’t stop thinking about the fact that Harvey doesn’t love Gemma the way he should.
So even though I should be on cloud nine that we’ve reached milestones together during our conversations lately, I keep reminding myself that he’s not mine to experience them with.
He’s hers.
I also can’t wrap my head around the fact that Gemma cheated with her boss. I knew there were signs that she was, but until Harv confirmed it, I thought he was overthinking it.
I can’t even imagine how much it must hurt him to finally know the truth—no matter what we did and how bad it was.
On Monday morning, I stay in my car, hands on the steering wheel as I park near Harvey’s driveway. Henrik’s SUV and a truck with a trailer behind it are parked in front, and I can’t help but wonder who’s moving out.
Could it be Gemma?
I should be thrilled, yet I feel guilty, as if they might’ve been able to overcome their issues if I wasn’t in the picture.
I take a few deep breaths, texting my mom back. She wished me a good day—how perceptive of her. Then I grab my stuff and head inside. A few guys I’ve never met are bringing things into the house as I go in.
When Henrik sees me in the kitchen, he just nods before telling me that Harvey’s in his room. “I doubt he’ll train today,” he tells me, and I’m not sure what to say.
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“Yeah.” He looks away, drumming his fingers on the kitchen countertop. “Obviously, Gemma’s moving out. I’ll be moving in a few of my things temporarily.”
Oh God.
“Okay.” I clear my throat. “I’ll go see how he’s doing.”
I leave my stuff behind, greeting some of the guys as I pass by them. They’re moving things into the kitchen and Gemma’s old room—now Henrik’s.
When I reach Harvey’s room, I knock and step inside, closing the door behind me. The sullen look on his face is as good of an indication as any that he hasn’t slept well in quite some time.
“Hey,” I tell him, keeping my distance. I’m not sure what kind of mood I’ll find him in.
“Hey,” he replies calmly. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m much better. Are you okay to train today?” I ask, knowing he probably won’t want to with all the commotion happening outside his room.
“Let’s wait till Hen’s friends leave. Shouldn’t be long.”
“You don’t want to hang out with them?” I’m confused as to why he’d stay cooped up in his room.
“Nah, it’s fine.”
“You don’t like them?” I ask, eager to make conversation.
“They’re fine. It’s not that. Hen and I got into a fight.”
“I see.” I swallow. “About Gemma, I’m assuming?”
“Well, yeah, but not really about her , more about the fact that he knew she cheated and didn’t tell me.”
I’m absolutely surprised by this, so I say nothing until a low “Wow ” passes through my lips.
“Yeah.” He looks up. “I guess it pissed me off.”
“I mean…anyone would feel betrayed,” I reassure him.
What is wrong with his brother, seriously?
He nods. “You can sit, Claire. I don’t know how long they’ll be.”
I sit on the edge of his lowered bed, not wanting to make myself too comfortable, even though I spent the whole weekend dreaming about what it would feel like to spend time with him in a comfortable, single way. How it would feel to kiss him freely and sit on his lap and play with his hair.
I look away. “So you guys decided to have Henrik move in with you?”
“No.” He snickers. “Henrik decided to move in with me, temporarily, as he has his own place. My family probably thinks I need someone to watch over me.”
“They’re just looking out for you, Harvey, but I’m sure it’s frustrating for you,” I say. “When is Gemma moving out?”
He stares me dead in the eye. “Sometime this week, I guess.” I nod. “We broke up, clearly, but I still need time.”
“I know,” I tell him, appreciating that. The last thing I want is for him to reel me back in only for something to happen with Gemma again.
It’s best we keep our distance until she’s fully moved out of here and out of his life. And that might take more time than I’m willing to wait around for—I have no idea.
He wheels closer to the bed and takes my hand. “Thank you, Claire.”
I swallow, my body tingling all over, goose bumps covering my arms. I want this man in a lot of ways. Hopefully the current distance between us will be worth it. Hopefully it’ll make us stronger.
A part of me feels naive, though, to have gone in such a short amount of time from taking professional space to agreeing to wait for him and Gemma to clear the air. My sister would shake her head, that’s for sure. She would tell me to play hard to get.
“I’m doing this for us. I know I messed up in a lot of ways, but I’m trying to do it right for once, okay?”
“Okay.” I smile, hoping his words are truthful.
“This isn’t even about her at this point, Claire—it’s about the unknown.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Oh, Harvey, don’t take me for an idiot! You might fear the unknown, but we both know how you feel about her.”
“That’s the thing. I do care for her, and I’m so angry at her, but most of all, I’m terrified of letting go… I’m scared of losing myself.”
I take it all in, each and every one of his words before I tell him, “I think in life we’re willing to avoid looking like quitters at all costs when maybe, just maybe, that’s the biggest lesson. To learn when to let go…of people, of things. Maybe that’s what hurts most, our need to hold on.” At my words, he touches my cheek, and with the smallest touch, my body ignites like the heavy flames of a forest fire. “I do see where you’re coming from, Harvey, and…thank you for being honest with me. Anyway, it’s been a rough week for you. Let’s talk about this later, okay?”
I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t need to hear that he doesn’t love her. Perhaps he’s not in love with her like he says, but that doesn’t mean that the love they shared has died already.
They just broke up.
I know he needs time.
And that I should focus on myself.
He looks at me with such softness in his eyes. “I really am sorry I’ve put you through this.” He clears his throat. “I should’ve never done that to Gemma either. At the same time, I can’t hate myself for feeling this way about you.”
“Harvey…”
He wraps his hand around my neck while both of our breathing accelerates as he leans his forehead against mine.
Right then and there, Henrik barges in the room, shocked by the intimate moment he’s witnessing. His eyebrows shoot up, and he looks like he has a few choice words for Harv.
Instead, he says, “I’m going to lunch with Gia and Gemma. I’ll be back later.”
He doesn’t even give Harvey a chance to respond. The door shuts instantly, and Henrik’s out of the house with his friends not long after.
“Are you okay?” I ask Harv, not understanding why Henrik would be hanging out with Harvey’s cheating ex-girlfriend, yet knowing it’s not my place to question it.
He chuckles. “Fucking Hen, I swear to God.” He shakes his head. “Let’s go train.”