CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Mr. and Mrs. Murphy,” Dr. Knight said as he walked into the hospital room exactly thirty-six hours from the surgery. “I’ve got the test results.” He walked up to the bed and smiled when he saw the couple snuggled together.
“And?” Lincoln didn’t remove his arm from around his wife as they looked at the doctor. Nor did he make any move to get off the bed. He wanted to be there to hold Addison when she got the news.
“As we suspected. It is cancer. Stage two. But we can remove both tumors at the same time and begin chemo. I have to warn you, it’s going to be a long hard road. I believe we’ve caught it in time. Once the tumors are removed we’ll begin a rigorous regime of chemo. We should be able to get ahead of this and send you into remission.”
“Which is?”
“Cancer free. But that might not be until a year or so down the road.”
“When I’m under chemo, do I have any restrictions?”
“No, but your body will let you know how you feel. On the days you receive a treatment, and a couple days after you’ll feel like shit. Listen to your body, if it wants to lounge around all day, let it. There may be good days, but if you can, I’d recommend your day come to you, or have someone else drive you to wherever you need to be. You’ll be too weak to drive yourself for a while.”
“So, when does the chemo start?” Lincoln asked.
“First I’ll schedule Mrs. Murphy...”
“Stop, call me Addy. We’re going to be working together for a long time, Dr. Knight.”
“We are. Okay, Addy. We can schedule surgery for tomorrow morning and remove the tumors. But I got a close look when I did the biopsy. I hate to say this, but I may have to remove both breasts.”
“I can live without those for now, just get all the tumors on the first round and I’ll be a happy camper. After tomorrow’s surgery, how long before the chemo starts?”
“Not until you gain at least seven pounds.”
“Can I go home after tomorrow’s surgery and are there any diet restrictions?”
“Yes, you can go home probably two days after the surgery. And no diet restrictions.”
“Okay. Thank you,” Addy said, and leaned into Lincoln. It wasn’t until the doctor left that she turned into his chest and burst into tears. Lincoln only held her and let her cry. Several minutes later she sat back, and said, “I’m okay. I had to get that out. So, now that we know, are you still going to stick around?”
“Of course,” Lincoln said, then realized why she said it. He moved so that he was looking her directly in the eye. “I’m not your father, Addison. I hope you understand now what happened with that skank. Jackson called me yesterday and told me she was sentenced to fifteen years. We’ll never have to deal with her again.”
“I did notice one thing that night. I think the shock was so great as to why I reacted the way I did.”
“What did you notice?”
“The club footage didn’t have sound, but I heard her say that she would get you hard if it killed her. When I ripped her head away from you I noticed you weren’t hard. Like you always were when you were drinking too much. I know from experience, when you’re drunk that sucker isn’t going anywhere.” She giggled. “But on a serious note, I think I was so hurt and humiliated that’s why I filed for divorce. I acted before I thought.”
“That and the fact of what your father did to your mother. And I sure wasn’t any help when just days before that you were saying how you felt unaccepted by the club women. I never even talked to you about that. I blew it off, just like I always did. And then I basically flat-out told you that your services weren’t needed for the club pig roast. My god, how could you feel accepted if your own husband wouldn’t accept your help. I’m so sorry about that.”
“I’ve forgiven you for that. But do me a favor, if we’re about to face what’s coming, talk to me. Like we used to. Just before my first mammogram, I realized that I didn’t have any friends. I missed you so much.” She moved so that she looked him in the eye. “I’m not the only one this is affecting. You’re taking on the role of my caregiver, you’re going to want to vent, and get out there on the bike to clear your head. Don’t hold back on doing that because of me. As long as I know you’ll always come back to me, then I’m okay with you going for a ride. If it’s too much for you, talk.”
“And I missed you. I promise I will talk to you.” He settled down further into the bed and kissed her gently. He gathered her in his arms and stayed there until she fell asleep. When she was breathing deeply, he extracted himself from the bed, went into the bathroom, grabbed a towel to cover his face, and broke out into sobs. He stayed that way for a long time. He finally got himself under control, ran the water and washed his face. Back out in the room, he looked toward the bed and was surprised when Addison held her arms out to him.
“This isn’t going to work if you hide your feelings from me. You hold me when I cry, let me hold you.”
Lincoln didn’t bother to deny it. He crawled onto the bed, wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on her just below her breasts and let the tears flow. All the while Addison ran her finger through his hair and talked soothing words. He ended up falling asleep, and when he woke, he felt a whole lot better.
“Better?”
“Yes. I should apologize, but I have a feeling there’s going to be a whole lot of that before we reach the end.”
“As long as you share it with me, I don’t mind,” Addison said, then sighed. “Who do we call to let them know?”
“How do you want to do it? I can call Burt and have him tell everyone, you could call Brian.”
“Or can we have the surgery tomorrow and when I’m released to go home, we go to the clubhouse together and tell everyone together. Invite Brian and my employees to the clubhouse.”
“How we going to do that? That will be past the forty-eight hours.”
“Call Greaser and ask him to come in. We’ll tell him our plan and have him set it up.”
“We could do that. He’s supposed to stop by here after work today.” They looked up at a knock on the door and Greaser stood there.
“Hey,” they all said at once. He walked across the room and kissed her on the forehead. “Hey, Ad. Want some wings?” He grinned as he picked up a white plastic bag. “Or fingers?” He took out two white boxes and opened them. The men laughed when she reached for a chicken finger. As she ate, Lincoln told him the results and their plans. He agreed to do as they wished and asked questions of Addison about her employees. When he finally left, he reassured her that he would take care of everything. He only asked that if she didn’t get out on the day they planned, to let him know.
*****
Three days later, Lincoln shut off his truck and looked over at his wife. “You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.” She sighed. She was so sore she could barely move, but needed to do this. It made her happy when she learned that Dr. Knight was able to keep her breasts, but she still had stitches and couldn’t wear a bra. She had opted to wear one of Lincoln’s button-up shirts that was loose and non-restricting. Lincoln got out and hurried around to help her down. He ended up lifting her and carrying her all the way to the door. He set her down gently and took her face in his hands and gently kissed her.
“How we going to do this when people want to hug you?” Lincoln asked.
“Greaser called when you went out for coffee and asked that very question. He said he’d tell everyone that I was still sore from the biopsy, and I was to be hands off.”
“Good. I have a feeling we’re going to be seeing a lot more of him in the months to come.”
“Me too,” Addison said, and took his offered hand. They both took deep breaths as they walked into the clubhouse. They weren’t noticed right away, but when they were the music suddenly shut off, and everyone turned to stare at them.
“Hi,” Addy said to break the silence. She gripped Lincoln’s hand and when he looked at her she nodded, and he gingerly helped her over to the bar and onto a bar stool. Thank goodness there was a back on it and she could relax. She looked at Lincoln and he nodded. They had decided that she would start.
Addy looked around and saw that all the club members, their wives and girlfriends and her employees were there. Her lawyer was even there with Brian.
“I’m sure you’re all waiting for the results of the tests.” Addy began. “I got the results three days ago, we’re sorry we didn’t tell you earlier, but we wanted everyone together to say this once. Burt, Mary, thank you for allowing my employees to be here.”
“No problem, Addy, I’m speaking for everyone here to let you know that we’re here for whatever you need.”
“Thank you. Four days ago, the results came in. It is cancer, stage two, in both breasts. Three days ago, the tumors were removed. They were able to save my breasts, but as of now, I’m still all stitched up. When I gain more weight, I’ll start chemotherapy. Dr. Knight said that it’s going to be a powerful regime. At this time, he doesn’t see the need for radiation. That will come later, depending on the results of the chemo. I know what I’m about to face. My mother went through this when I was younger and I was her primary caregiver.” She paused to look at her husband and reached out to grip his hand in hers.
“Lincoln’s going to need all of you to help him stay sane as we go through this. There will be days that I will be miserable and yell at him for no reason other than I’m in pain. So, if something happens that he calls you and wanting to talk, please let him vent.”
“Jesus, Addison.” Lincoln sighed. “This is about you, and your needs. Not mine.”
“You’re going to have days where you don’t think you can handle it, you’ll want to rant and rave and scream at the world. But you won’t want me to know that you’re not handling it very well. Remember, we are in this together. This isn’t just my journey, it’s also yours. You’re going to need your brothers and sisters. I’m just asking them to be there for you.”
“For you too, Addy.” Mary stepped forward and took her hand in hers. “If Abe calls one of the guys, we’ll come and relieve him. We’re all in this together.”
“Thank you.” Addy said, and saw that she really meant it.
It was starting to get tense in the room, and it was Brian that made everyone laugh to break the mounting tension. “Girlfriend, I’ll be there for you for anything you want, but I refuse to shave my head to match yours. I like my hair.”
Addy snorted a laugh because Brian was actually shaved bald. Everyone looked at him and burst out laughing and it broke the tension. She and Lincoln answered all the questions as best they could and Addy answered work questions.
They stayed for a couple hours before Lincoln took her home and put her into bed. He settled in and stayed awake for a long time, amazed that what his wife was about to face took a back burner for her concern for him. But he didn’t dwell on that for long, he was just glad that her clothes were back hanging in her closet, her toothbrush in the holder beside his, and her in his bed.
*****
Six months later, Lincoln stood in the doorway to their bedroom and studied the woman lying there. God, he didn’t know how much more he could take. Oh, being there for Addison wasn’t the problem. The problem was seeing her in so much pain after a treatment. She had just received her last treatment from the second round. This round was stronger than the first one, and he didn’t know how much more she could take. She was skin and bones, dark circles beneath her sunken eyes and she had no wish or desire to eat. He was still able to get some broth or soup down her, but it wasn’t enough. The doctor told him that if she lost as much as five more ounces she had to go into the hospital and get hooked up to IVs, maybe a feeding tube, and if that happened, it was all over.
He turned and went down the stairs when the bell rang. He pulled the door to the bedroom partway closed so whoever it was didn’t disturb Addison. He swung open the door and actually groaned.
“Father, Mother. What are you doing here?”
“Is that any way to greet your parents?” his mother asked as she swept in and blew him an air kiss on the way by. His father shouldered his way in without bothering to greet him. After the door was closed, he turned to study his parents. He always wondered if he’d been adopted. His parents were so cold and snooty, everything he valued about himself he got from his grandparents. His love of motorcycles, car engines, and this house.
“Since you never come to my house, or give me the time of day for that matter, yeah, I’ll greet you that way.” There was never any love lost between them.
“I heard a rumor and wanted to know if it was true.”
“And that would be?”
“You have Miss Barker here with you?”
“No, I have Mrs. Murphy here with me. She’s my wife, Father and has been for seven years now.” Lincoln didn’t wait for him to say anything. He knew he needed an outlet and his father was right there before him. What a perfect target to let off some steam. “Get off your fucking high horse with me, Old Man. You grew up in this house. You’re not from money like you like to tell all your high society and country club friends.”
“Why I never,” his mother said in shock, with her hand over her throat, clutching her non-existent pearls. “How dare you talk to your father like that?”
“I dare because it’s true. He only got his money after Gramps died. And yes he invested it wisely, but that doesn’t give either of you the right to come into my home and belittle my wife. So, if you don’t have anything important to say, you can leave.” He started toward the door, but a movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He swirled around and rushed up the stairs to Addison’s side.
“What are you doing out of bed? You shouldn’t be up.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but your voice was really loud, I wanted to know who caught the brunt of your frustrations. Now that I know, go ahead and continue. It’s been a while since I saw a good fireworks display.” She wrinkled her nose at his parents and Lincoln couldn’t help it. He sat down on the stairs with her beside him and began laughing. It was the first laugh since her chemo started six months ago. He knew she didn’t like his parents and he was fine with that. He didn’t really like them either.
“Better?” Addison asked him when he wiped his tears and took several deep breaths.
“Much. Thank you.” He leaned down and kissed her nose. He looked up, and said, “What are you two still doing here?”
His mother asked. “And what the hell is wrong with the two of you, Ms. Barker, you look like hell.”
“Thank you, Mary Beth. I feel like it too. But then again, you’d feel like shit and look like hell if you had a chemotherapy treatment this morning. I have stage two breast cancer and had my last treatment this morning.”
“Oh my god, and you’re still with her?” his father asked in shock.
“You bastard!” Lincoln said, and jumped to his feet. “How dare you say that to me? I take my wedding vows seriously. Unlike you. I married Addison in sickness and health, this is sickness. I’ve been with her every step of the way. We’re in this together, and if you can’t respect that, then you don’t respect me.”
“Hey, bro, need the trash taken out?” Greaser asked from the front door along with Burt, Jackson, and Randy.
Lincoln didn’t bother looking up, nor reply as he heard the commotion and turned all his attention to Addison. “Let’s get you back to bed.” He stood and bent down to lift her into his arms.
“I came down for another reason.” Addison allowed him to pick her up, but he paused. “Could I have some hot chocolate and toast?”
“Absolutely.” Lincoln hugged her to him and buried his head into her bald head. This was the first time in weeks that she had asked for food. In the kitchen they were joined by the others and they talked quietly as he made what she requested.
Addison was so weak she couldn’t even hold the cup of hot chocolate, but it smelled heavenly. She frowned when Lincoln picked it up and took a tiny sip. “That’s supposed to be mine.” She tried to slap his hand, but being so weak she barely lifted it off her lap.
“I know, I’m making sure it isn’t too hot for you.” He smiled as he held the cup to her mouth and held his breath as she took a sip. He ended up having to feed her the toast. With each bite she took and kept it down, his tears streamed down his face, unchecked. At the end, she had all the chocolate and ate one whole piece of bread. He placed his head against hers and hugged her tight. “How do you feel? How’s the stomach?”
“Good.” Addison sighed. “But I’m tired. Could you take me back to bed?”
“Of course.” He took her upstairs and settled her in. Back down in the kitchen he looked at his friends and the cup and plate that Addison had used, he sat down and buried his head in his hands as he cried. Once he was under control he looked at the men, and said, “That’s the first solid food she’s eaten in over four months. She just received her last chemo treatment. Dr. Knight said that if she continues to lose weight, no, that’s not right, he said if she loses five more ounces, he’s going to have to admit her and hook her up to IVs and a feeding tube. He warned me that if it comes to that, then her chances of survival are pretty much over.”
“Christ,” Burt said, and went over and laid his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I know now’s not the time, but we wondered if you wanted to take your bike out to clear your head. But after that milestone, I have a feeling you want to stay here.”
“I do. But thanks for the offer. I’m going to go check on her.” They left and he headed upstairs to lie down beside his sleeping wife.