Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Beckett Harrington
I never imagined I’d end up sandwiched between them on the couch watching one of my favorite films after what we’d just done on camera.
When Asher suggested it, I kept my mouth shut about knowing every line.
No need to give him the satisfaction of discovering our shared taste.
Besides, I’d seen it enough times that I could let my mind wander through the hurricane of thoughts I couldn’t tame.
The way Theo and I moved against each other kept flashing through my thoughts.
No penetration, yet somehow more intimate than anything I’d experienced before.
My body still hummed with the revelation.
Something fundamental had shifted inside me, a lock finally finding its key.
I’d never known physical connection could feel so…
correct. Yesterday’s version of myself seemed like a stranger now, left behind in the wake of what we’d discovered together.
Something was shifting between me and my best friend. Perhaps it had been shifting for years, and I’d been too afraid to notice. Now, I couldn’t deny that I was pretty sure I was falling in love with him.
When he strolled back into the room in just his boxers, that familiar easygoing smile on his face and a bowl of popcorn balanced in his palms, my pulse stuttered like a teenager’s.
“I’ve got the goods,” he announced, dropping onto the couch between us, because of course he did. Asher and I had claimed opposite ends like opposing kingdoms. We hadn’t spoken a word in the five minutes Theo was gone. And there was no universe where I’d willingly sit next to Asher.
Theo pressed play on the movie, which he had on DVD because of Asher, and we sank into each other on the couch as we ate popcorn and watched a film.
Except I wasn’t paying attention. I was remembering every time I had touched Theo in the past week, willing my dick not to move as it’d be pretty obvious in my sweats.
I reached over mindlessly to grab a handful of popcorn, my head turning quickly when I felt a hand brush against mine that was too rough to be Theo’s.
Asher and I immediately pulled our hands away…
but I swore I felt a sort of spark. I put that idea to the back of my mind because it was impossible.
Asher was awful, and he’d never see me as anything more than the immature party boy who hooked up with a lot of women.
He saw me as a reflection of my awful father, and I hated that.
I groaned at the first taste of popcorn. “Seasoned just how I like it, with salt and extra butter. You’re the best, Theo,” I said.
Asher’s head whipped toward me. “That’s how I like it, too,” he grumbled, horrified to have something in common with me.
“Terrence Malick is such a genius,” Asher remarked. “I still remember watching this movie for the first time. I was young, and already looking at it from a psychoanalysis lens,” he bragged.
My interest in film came later on, in high school, when a friend dragged me to an older movie showing at the theater. “I haven’t intentionally given much thought to film theory when watching. I enjoy them, and that’s all I need.” I wasn’t sure if my answer came off as less pretentious.
“What’s your favorite movie?” I found myself asking Asher before I could stop myself.
“Safe. Directed by Todd Haynes,” he answered quickly, shrugging his shoulders.
I blinked a few times, unbelieving. “There’s no way we have something in common.”
“I told you both that you’d probably find things in common if you actually spoke to each other,” Theo mumbled before shoving more popcorn in his face.
“It’s not like we have anything else in common,” Asher muttered, folding his arms across his chest.
“Shitty dads,” Theo answered with a mouth full of food. “And you’re both freakishly smart.”
Asher and I made eye contact before he quickly shifted his eyes away.
Asher wasn’t open about his family, nor was he closed off.
He mentioned how he grew up doing things we hadn’t, like cooking for himself and his family, but he had never implied anything wrong between them.
Was his dad who had left bruises on his beautiful skin?
“Beckett’s dad is a criminal who gave him whatever he wanted growing up. Not the same,” Asher said. I wanted to respond with a giant fuck you, wanted to defend myself and separate myself from my father, but Theo interrupted us.
“This movie is fucking weird,” Theo said, changing the subject.
“This girl is so stupid.” He set the popcorn down on the table, then brought us closer together, shutting us up as we both cuddled closely to Theo, neither of us wanting to ruin this moment.
“And she’s just too…calm. All of this murder and she talks about it like it’s the weather. ”
Asher and I chuckled at the same time.
“That’s why it’s so fun to look at it and psychoanalyze the characters,” Asher said.
“It’s unsettling, but that’s the point. It creates discussion,” I pointed out. “We’re seeing it from her point of view, as if we’re in her head. It’s raw. Real.”
Asher rolled his eyes. “It manages to sound pretentious when you say it.”
“Sounds the same when it’s you,” I spat.
My retort silenced him, and we both focused on the screen again.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and reached for it, noticing a text from my brother. I sighed as reality started to hit me again, tearing me from my fantasy world in my head where I was happily with Theo. My brother had sent me a link to an apartment where they were looking for a roommate.
“Fuck,” I muttered before I could stop myself.
Both of them looked at me. Theo’s expression shifted immediately, soft and alert. Asher’s was harder to read, but he wasn’t looking at the screen anymore.
“What’s wrong?” Theo asked.
I stared at the phone in my hand like it had betrayed me. “My brother’s dropping out. He’s moving. I have nowhere to go next week.” The words felt stupid out loud. Small. “He sent me a link to some random apartment. Guess that’s my reality now.”
Silence stretched.
“My year started out perfect,” I continued, because once I started, I couldn’t stop. “Then my dad got arrested. Then my brother lied and changed his whole life. Now everything’s shifting, and I don’t even recognize it.”
Asher huffed out a laugh that had no humor in it.
“Oh no,” he said, leaning back into the couch. “You’re not rich anymore and might have to live like the rest of us. Tragic.”
Theo shot him a warning look, but Asher kept going.
“Your dad committed a crime. Your brother lied. Some of us don’t get a dramatic fall from grace, Beckett. Some of us just start at the bottom.”
The words hit harder than I expected.
I opened my mouth to fire back, something sharp and defensive already forming, but Theo cut in.
“He doesn’t know, Asher,” Theo said quietly. “You can’t blame him for not knowing.”
Asher’s jaw tightened. Something in his expression shifted, just slightly, like a crack in glass.
“I’ll tell him mine if you tell him yours,” he said, the challenge coming out harsher than it probably meant to.
Theo stilled.
For the first time since I’d known him, he looked uncertain.
“Fine,” Theo said softly. Then he turned to me. “Beckett… there’s something I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t ready, but… you deserve to know.”
"Theo," Asher cut in, voice sharp. "You don't have to. I didn't mean it. That's your story to tell."
"No. You're right. Beckett's my best friend, and he deserves to know. I should've told him when it happened," Theo responded.
Something cold and sharp slid between my ribs, and I couldn’t draw enough air to fill my lungs. Nothing could prepare me for what he was about to say.
“You remember Dad’s driver. John.”
I nodded slowly, the memory of him vague and distant, like a shadow stretched over years I hadn’t noticed.
“He didn’t quit.” Theo’s throat moved as he swallowed, hard enough I could see it, his fingers flexing at his sides, restless, unsure.
When he finally met my gaze, his eyes were glassy, his jaw tight, bracing for impact.
“He groomed me. And when I pushed back… he assaulted me. When Dad found out, he fired him. Destroyed his career, had him locked up. All of it was kept from the public.” His voice came ragged, dragging over the words as if each one had to be wrestled up from a place he had long tried to forget.
The movie flickered silently on. Light danced across the walls, oblivious to the world-shattering truth spilling into this room. No one on screen knew the universe had just shifted.
I was glad Theo's dad already handled it, because if he hadn't, I was sure I'd hunt him down and kill him. I tried to keep my cool for Theo, but I felt anger burning hot inside me.
“I’ve been in therapy for years,” Theo continued, voice steadier than his hands, though the tremor lingered in his fingers.
“But it left… patterns. I need touch. I crave it when I’m overwhelmed.
My therapist doesn’t like labels, but sex…
it calms me. Grounds me. Makes me feel human instead of crawling out of my own skin. ”
I couldn’t breathe. My lungs seized. My throat closed as though someone had wrapped their hands around it, squeezing. The room tilted sideways. Theo’s face blurred, his words hammering into my skull, syllables landing with the weight of blows to my chest.
A chasm yawned between us—years wide, filled with silent suffering.
My oldest friend had carried this alone while I lived obliviously beside him.
Every memory of us together now felt hollow, shadowed by what I hadn’t seen, by what he had endured in silence.
Something inside me cracked—not just the knowledge of his pain, but the ache that he had never reached for my hand while drowning.
I forced myself to speak carefully, gently. “Christ, Theo. I had no idea you went through all of that. I wouldn't have let you suffer alone if I knew. I'm so sorry."