Chapter Fourteen
March. St. Louis.
I hadn’t talked to Cain in over a month and a half.
I hadn’t thought about Cain in over two weeks.
I hadn’t pictured his face in my mind in over fourteen days.
I’d cried all the tears I needed to cry over him. I had none left.
For the first time in my life, I felt free of him.
No one spoke about the history between us. Either they were too scared to bring it up, or they just didn’t care. I hoped the latter. Our history didn’t matter anymore—it was over. Done.
Today was “opening day” at Oasis.
For the first time in over three months, races were starting again. The text invites had been sent out, and everyone was gearing up for the night. I’d been here most of the day with Dontell and some of the other Oasis mechanics, working on my Mazda Rx-7.
Last month, Leon and Jer surprised me by giving her a new paint job. My baby was now yellow, with black pinstripes flowing down the sides from each headlight—it brought me to tears. They called me a baby.
“You ready?” D asked, coming to stand beside me as I studied my car. He’d let me park her in the showroom section when I was done tweaking her.
“For the meeting, or the race?” I asked him.
“Both.”
I leaned back against the round meeting table, hooking my thumbs in my belt loops. “I’m ready for the update James and Casey have. I’m ready to get back behind the wheel.”
I hadn’t driven since that night.
Over the last few weeks, I’d been shopping around for an apartment while still living in Sullie’s loft.
New flash: the big man didn’t like that.
He told me I could stay there forever, that I was a quiet tenant. However, it was time for me to finally start my next chapter in St. Louis—on my own. I felt good about it.
“You sure you’re ready?” D asked, coming around to my front. “You don’t have to. No one is making you race tonight.”
I knew where he was coming from. He was concerned for me. All of them were, but my ankle was healed, and I’d been cleared to drive by my doctor weeks ago. I was ready.
I was sure of it.
I nodded once. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
Dontell nodded, accepting it. “Alright.”
Mina’s voice bounced off the concrete floor from behind us, and we both turned to watch her approach. I felt Dontell move around the table to greet her. “Hey, Jazzy,” he murmured, pulling her into his arms.
I smiled as warmth spread throughout my body.
Their love was so pure—effortless.
As their lips came together for a kiss, I looked away, giving them some privacy. My eyes landed on Leon, who was just entering the building dressed in sweats and a hoodie.
Leon gave me a chin lift as he walked up to me. “Nikki.”
“Lee,” I greeted, giving him a fist bump.
His eyes lifted over my shoulder where his sister and Dontell stood, giving them a chin lift before looking back to me. “How you doing?”
“Never been better,” I told him. It was a half-truth.
“You ready for tonight? You know you don’t have to race.”
As dramatically as I could, I made a show of rolling my eyes. “Yes, boy wonder, I’m ready. You, D, and Jer keeping asking me that, I’m going to lose my mind.”
He gave me a smirk, raising his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright.”
I flipped the conversation to him. “Are you racing tonight?”
That smirk morphed into a wicked grin, something I’d never seen on him before. A chill scattered down my spine at the sight of it. “I need a new addition for my collection,” he said, his words holding promise.
“Just not mine,” I laughed.
“I don’t think Lee should race tonight,” his sister cut in, coming to stand beside me. She linked her arms in mine. “It wouldn’t be fair to anyone else.”
Dontell came to stand in our huddle as Lee replied coolly, “Not my fault everyone is slower than me.”
His best friend chuckled. “Here we fucking go,” he muttered.
Mina and I laughed. “What about you, D?” I asked. “You racing tonight?”
Giving me a soft smile, he shook his head. “I’m in the office tonight, Nikki.”
A single clap sounded throughout the old building, and we all turned to find Jeremy and Casey. My eyes flicked over to the car bays and, one by one, each of the Oasis mechanics left, clocking out for the day. They’d be back tonight for the races. D and Lee explained to me that Oasis employees weren’t members of Oasis and couldn’t be included in the meetings.
I thought back to the man they’d told me about, the Oasis employee who pointed a gun at Leon a few months back.
Cain was the one who killed him, apparently.
As that piece of information fluttered inside my head, I found myself scanning the building for him.
He wasn’t here.
We all took our seats and a few moments later, an engine rumbled from outside. A sense of relief washed over my shoulders, but when Dean Connors walked in and not Cain, that relief vanished in an instant. As Dean greeted everyone, including me, Collin Stevens arrived with his wife.
Once everyone was seated at the table, I made note of where everyone was.
Mina was sitting on my right, Dontell on the other side of her, and Leon was to my left, the seat beside him empty. Across from me was Dean, who was sitting next to James, both of them deep in conversation. Casey was on the other side of James, Jer on the other side of her. Kay, Collin’s wife and Jer’s adopted sister, was beside him. Collin, of course, was leaning back in his chair beside his wife, studying the empty chair beside Leon.
Where the fuck was Cain?
“Okay,” Casey Gomez began from her place as Dean and James finished their conversations. “We’ve found a ring in L. A.,” she announced, looking up from her laptop screen through her glasses.
A trafficking ring.
My stomach twisted.
“Roosevelt and his team are bringing the organizers back to Quantico,” James added.
I put my hands in my lap, shoving them between my closed thighs as I listened to her intently. Mina shifted in her seat beside me, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dontell’s hand appear on top of hers on the table.
“Good. If they have a connection with Kavi, then we’re one step closer,” the Mafia King drawled from his place, his eyes meeting Jer’s. “I have men on the ground in Russia. They’re after Kavi’s right-hand, but he won’t be going to Quantico, Garner.” His eyes jumped to the agent.
I was so lost. There were so many moving parts, and while I was trying to pay attention, I couldn’t seem to focus, because Cain still wasn’t here.
“How are we going to manage that?” Leon asked from beside me, snapping out of it.
Without missing a beat, Collin replied, “The men I have on the ground are perfect for the job, Leon. We’ll have Kavi’s right hand before the week is over.”
Must be nice to have an army.
“Okay, we get him here and then what?” Dontell pressed.
James’ dark eyes flicked over to our side of the table. “Then you have forty-eight hours to question him before the Bureau brings him in,” he explained, his eyes sliding over to Collin as he finished.
Before I could stop myself, I leaned closer to Lee and whispered, “What the fuck was that about?”
He leaned down to answer. “A deal Collin made with him.”
I nodded, understanding.
“But don’t kill him,” James warned. “Agent Roosevelt and I need him coherent for questioning.”
Agent Roosevelt was the one who helped Leon and Mina get Cleo back from her kidnappers in Houston, which was actually the Bratva, as well as helped Amara find those missing children. Kavi had paid Mayor Gellings and the Chief of Police to kidnap the children and keep them in a safe place until he was ready to ship them out. Now St. Louis had a temporary mayor, and the STLPD was a more of a cluster fuck than before.
Which was why Amara wasn’t here for this meeting.
“We’ll try not to,” Dontell muttered.
“Do we have a location on Kavi?” This question came from Mina.
Kavi was in hiding, and he had been for months. Casey shook her head. “I haven’t gotten anything from him since the night…” Her words fell away as her eyes drifted over to me.
Half a second later, all eyes were on me.
Pulling a hand up, I waved off the seriousness, the intensity of the conversation. “I’m fine. You can talk about it.”
Something dark passed over Jer’s features. As I inhaled an unsteady but quiet breath, my eyes slid over to land on Collin. He was still as stone, his eyes flashing with murderous promise. “You may be fine, Dominique, but what happened to you was unacceptable.”
I was pretty sure I gulped, but I didn’t reply.
“We’ll get our revenge soon enough,” Leon assured from beside me, his voice low.
“What about Greens?” Dontell asked, changing the subject. “Are they re-building?”
My brows came together as I tried to remember who that was. I felt Mina lean in. “Greens was the supply chain Oasis used for years. It was taken over my Kavi, and he sent in two rats,” she explained, pausing for a moment. “Collin blew the building up the day of your race.”
At that exact moment, a cell phone began to ring. All heads snapped to Collin’s side of the table to watch him pull his phone from his suit jacket. He answered with a sharp order. “Report.”
We all watched as he listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone. Slowly, a look of satisfaction settled over Collin’s sharp features. “Proceed—but remember, I want him alive,” he clipped before ending the call. When he turned his attention to us, he explained, “We have Kavi’s partner. He’ll be state side in a few hours.”
“Who is bringing Kavi’s partner stateside?” Dontell asked.
My eyes flicked over to the empty seat where Cain was supposed to be.
Collin, without missing a beat, replied, “The Donovan brothers.”
I whirled back, looking at Collin with wide eyes as my jaw went slack. My heart sunk into my stomach as Leon sat up straighter.
“Excuse me?” he barked as all Oasis drivers looked at Jer, who held up his hands in a calm down gesture.
“I had nothing to do with that decision,” he shot out.
“I ordered Xander to go,” Collin stated. “It only made sense for Cain to join him. I didn’t order Cain; as he has mentioned once or twice before, he doesn’t work for me.”
Why would it make sense for Cain to go to Russia?
“Sending Cain to fucking Moscow is sentencing him to death!” Dontell raged as he shot up from his chair. Suddenly, Leon was out of his chair, and everyone seemed to be arguing. All the while, Collin remained seated beside his wife, seeming completely unbothered.
My heart was on the floor, my other insides about to follow suit. “What?” I breathed. No one heard me, but how could they over Dontell’s shouting?
“Cain barely escaped by the skin of his damn teeth! You just let him go?” Leon roared.
Escaped?
“What?” I whispered, my nails now digging into the top of my thighs.
Slowly, I turned my head to look at him, seeing the passion in his eyes for Cain. I knew there was history between them, but I was in the dark about that. Just like I was about this.
“It’s done,” Dean clipped, his voice cutting through the arguments like a sharp blade. Irritation was painted all over his face. “Cain made his choice. He did it because he wanted to end this shit.”
Dontell and Leon shared a look, and then they both looked at Jeremy as a chilling silence fell over the room. My eyes collided with Kay’s. I’d only spoken to her in passing on Sundays when everyone came to Sullie’s. Today, her eyes were sharp and alert as she watched the chaos unravel. She stared at me for a moment before blinking and murmuring something to her husband. He gave her a nod and stood, buttoning his suit jacket. “There’s no sense in arguing over something that’s been done.”
“How long?” Leon bit off.
“How long what?” Jer asked.
“How long has our boy been in Russia while we’ve been here?” Mina jumped in, her voice filled with disbelief.
“Three days,” Collin answered, his eyes coming to mine almost immediately.
My chest caved in as I scanned the faces of the rest of Oasis’ members as they all realized that Cain hadn’t been around for a bit.
“Why?” I crocked once more, confusion weighing heavy on my shoulders like a cinder block. All eyes were on me once more, making me feel as if I was under a microscope. My skin felt hot, and all I wanted was to go hide.
Clearing my throat, I asked through my confusion, “Why did it make sense for Cain to go to Moscow?”
Jer jaw jumped once. Twice.
Then he hit me with it. “Because Cain used to be a member of the Bratva. Years ago.”
Everything I thought I knew shattered, my world turning upside down as the floor fell out from underneath me.
As my body fell into a deep abyss, I could feel my heart breaking once more over Cain Donovan.
“I know things must be confusing,” Jer said softly from behind me.
Shoving down my anger, I continued to dry the beer mugs for Sullie. Tonight, a new band was coming to play in honor of Officer Bryce. All his doctors told his family there was no way he’d recover, but his brother was still holding out hope—as were all of us.
After the meeting at Oasis, I’d said goodbye to a very angry Mina after she dropped me back off here. I came into the bar looking for something to do other than sit up in the loft stewing over everything that had come to light. An hour later, Jer walked in the door.
“You said you told me everything,” I accused calmly, setting down a mug and picking up a new one.
I heard him sigh. “I told you everything I could. Cain’s story is his to tell.”
“You didn’t think that him being ex-Bratva was something I needed to know?” I snapped, whirling to face him. He was standing on the other side of the bar, his arms folded over his chest.
“No, I didn’t,” he confirmed. “I, along with Collin, told you everything we could. Cain’s dealings with Kavi are not normal. He didn’t join willingly—he was forced to.”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
Jer’s features softened. “Not my story, Nikki,” he reminded me softly.
I bit the inside of my lip, going back to drying the mug. “Right.”
“You really didn’t know?”
I lifted my head once more on a sigh. “The last time I saw Cain, he was nineteen years old and a rising star at The Pit in Detroit,” I lied, my mind racing. The truth? The last time I’d seen Cain was about nine years ago, in New York City.
Something passed over his face, but it was gone in an instant. “I see.”
“Look,” I began. “You wanted me to stay, and I have. You wanted me on the team and—”
“—but I never said I wanted you in the line of fire,” he cut me off, his voice firm.
I didn’t have the strength to argue. It wasn’t him I was mad at. Hell, it wasn’t even Cain I was mad at. I’d just felt blindsided by that information—and betrayed. Turning away, I gave Jer my back as I put up another glass before grabbing another to dry.
Jer muttered underneath his breath as his phone dinged and a second later, he hit me with more information. “When I brought on Cain, I had no idea about his past—none of us did.” He paused. “Collin didn’t know either, but after talking with Cain, he told us that he did it to save his brother.”
That was interesting.
I bit my tongue as Jer’s phone chimed again. Then, he gave it to me. “Cain will be back soon. Maybe then, you and he can have a conversation.”
I turned back around then. “They sure got that done fast, didn’t they?”
Something dark flashed in Jer’s warm eyes as he replied, “Xander is damn good at what he does. That’s why Collin recruited him out of prison.”
Another piece of new information to add to the list. Xander went to prison—that shouldn’t surprise me, not with anger he had. He probably got into some shit. As I got lost in my own thoughts, Sullie came out from the kitchen booming something to his nephew about the Crew.
Xander was in prison.
Cain joined the Bratva for Xander.
Memories flashed before my eyes as I found myself having to lean against the bar for support. That meant that when I saw Cain in New York…he could’ve been Bratva? Nausea slammed into me as beads of sweat broke out across my forehead, anxiety taking over as I tried to piece together the puzzle I’d been trying to solve since I was sixteen.
“Nikki?”
Blinking, I set the glass on the bar top with a clunk before bracing my hands against it, dropping my head. “I’m so fucking stupid,” I whispered to myself.
A heavy hand gently landed on my shoulder as a deep voice softly boomed, “Nikki?”
“I’m alright,” I assured the men as I brought my head up, doing my best to appear okay. “Just tired. I promise, I’m okay,” I tried to stress as Sullie turned me to face him. His thick brows were drawn together as concern flickered in his eyes like a candle in the night.
“What’s going on?”
“Headache,” I mustered, waving him off.
His eyes moved to his nephew’s, who was still on the other side of the bar. “You sure?” Jer asked.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I probably just need to go lay down for a bit. It’s been a crazy day.”
“Go upstairs. Dom and I will bring you some soup in a bit,” Sullie promised. I nodded and moved around him before ducking under the bar. Once I was in front of Jer, I gave him a half smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you were. D and Lee are fucking pissed at me.”
I shrugged. “Just let ‘em hit you once and they’ll be fine.”
Jer chuckled as he brought his hand up to his jaw. “I like my jaw the way it is, thank you.”
After saying my goodbyes, I headed out of the bar, rounding the building.
Once I made it to the stairs in the alley, memories of the most painful night of my life resurfaced.
Seven years ago. New York City.
Years.
It had been years since I’d last seen Cain, and after endless nights of racing, mingling, and searching, I had a lead. I’d been chasing lead after lead for weeks in New York City. This was a concrete jungle filled with millions and it seemed damn near impossible to find just one man.
A man haunted by the ghosts of his past. A man who was once a boy with a friend who would read to him at night after his mother had finished abusing him. A man who pushed that friend away because of a twisted version of protection.
I looked up to sky, the buildings around me stretching high towards the sheet of black above, snow falling all around me in a soft, calming tempo. The night was quiet. As I looked to the bar in front of me, warm lights spilled from the large window, giving me a look at the few people inside. The bartender, an older man with tattoos and a gray ponytail, was making a drink as his eyes scanned the bar, and I decided to do the same.
Not a blonde hair in sight.
Fuck, they said he’d be here.
Rolling my shoulders, I shoved my hands into my coat pockets and made my way across the quiet street, my heels clicking against the pavement. The racer I’d met at last night’s meet told me that Cain had been racing here for about a month but was talking about moving back to The Pit. Part of me wanted to go back home and wait for him, but I knew it was foolish.
Cain would never go back to The Pit, not unless his life depended on it.
Once my feet were on the sidewalk, my right hand tightened around the piece of paper in my pocket.
A piece of paper that gave me so much hope—so much faith—when I’d received weeks ago.
It was originally delivered to my old house, addressed to me. According to my father, my mother tried to open it, but he respected my privacy. He’d given me a call, and I gave him a P.O. box for him to send it to.
When I’d gotten the letter, I’d been in a rut—a stall.
The hunt for Cain seemed to be pointless, and I was on the verge of giving up, despite seeing the pain in his eyes from the last time I’d seen him every second of the day. Those eyes haunted my dreams every night. The paper crinkled under my fingers as I pulled it out, unfolding it quickly as my hands began to shake.
I needed to read it one more time before I faced him.
He needed me.
My bottom lip began to tremble as I shoved the letter back into my pocket. I wasn’t crazy for chasing after him—he needed me. Lifting my chin, I stepped into the bar, greeted by cigar smoke and the smell of beer in the air. Pressing my tongue to the top of my mouth, I tried not to gag at the smoke—I hated it. It reminded me of Cain’s childhood home.
Doing a quick scan of the room, careful not to make eye contact with anyone, I approached the bar, where I was greeted by the bartender.
“How can I help you, sweetheart?” he asked, leaning over the wood barrier between us slightly.
“Cain Donovan,” I stated, keeping my voice level, hiding the fact that my knees were ready to give out as panic set in.
The bartender’s demeanor shifted, suddenly eying me with caution rather than kindness. “Who’s asking for him?”
“Me.”
The man huff through his nose, clearly impatient. “And who might you be?”
I knew better than to give my name out to strangers—especially in this world. “An old friend.”
Shaking his head, he pushed off the counter. “Going to need a bit more than that. Cain has lots of friends,” he stated, pausing for a moment, allowing his eyes to take me in. “Though he’s never had a friend who looks like you.”
My molars were clenched to the point of pain, my nails digging into the palms of my hands. “I don’t have all night. Is he here or not?” I asked, my voice firm.
The man chuckled as he swiped up a glass. “You a cop?”
“Do I look like a fucking cop to you?” I shot back.
His eyes held mind for some time, forcing the hair on the back of my neck to stand straight. “No. You don’t.”
“Where is he?” I pushed. The man sitting a few stools down took a long drag of his cigar, holding the smoke in for a moment before he pushed it back out—in my direction.
I wanted to vomit.
“Cain’s out back. Just got done with a job,” the bartender sighed, jerking his head to the door across the bar.
Job?
Without thanking him, I moved, weaving through the tables and avoiding the stares. I pushed through the door, greeted with a small hallway, two doors at the end. One led to the bathrooms, and the other, I assumed, outside. I went for that one, my stomach churning with anxiety, my heart pounding—it was the only thing I could hear.
With my hand on the cool, rusted doorknob, I held my breath, opening it. The cold New York air hit me in the face, stinging my cheeks as I stepped into the crowded alley. Boxes and crates lined the walls on either side, the dumpster down towards the back.
A grunt, coming from the other side of the dumpster had my heart stilling, my breath catching in my throat. Twisting, I shut the door quietly before slowly making my way down the alley. Another grunt came, followed by a curse.
Rich, feminine laughter lifted into the air a few seconds later before a voice said, “Hold still, babe. It’ll feel better in just a second.”
“Hurry up,” a voice growled—Cain.
I took another step forward, movement filling my ears. I stepped into the shadows, looking around the dumpster, and my heart fell to the concrete with a splat.
Before me was Cain, his back against the wall, his face tilted to the sky as a groan left him—and a woman was on her knees before him.
“I’m going to make a mess,” she said, working both of her hands now, but her face hid the ugly truth from me.
Cain’s neck strained as he opened his eyes, that familiar pale blue looking up to the heavens as he pushed out, “I don’t care. Just fucking do it.”
The woman began working him again and, shortly after his eyes closed, a groan left him.
I watched in horror from the shadows.
When the pain became too much, I snuck away, leaving New York behind—leaving Cain behind.
Forever.