Chapter Sixteen
“What’s going on with Carrie?” I asked Amara as we entered the office at Oasis. The races had just begun, the building filled with people from all over the world, engines purring, music blaring.
Amara sighed as she leaned against the desk, her eyes going to Leon’s copy of Dracula. “She still isn’t talking.”
Carrie Hale was the daughter of Mayor Gelling, who had been working with Kavi and the now-former Chief of Police. They kidnapped three children, but with the help of the FBI, Amara found them—in the mayor’s basement. Carrie’s father also had Kavi kill her husband, Robert Hale. She found his mutilated body in their bathroom and since then, she’s tried to take her own life.
“Not that I can blame her,” the detective continued, picking up the book.
I couldn”t either. The pain she must be feeling is…unimaginable.
I leaned against the door, my head turning to look at the wall of screens that showed every angle of Oasis. People were dancing, laughing, and thriving. My heart swelled at the sight. “I fucking missed racing,” I whispered, changing the subject.
Amara laughed softly. “I bet you did.”
My head snapped to her, a brow rising. “Wait—you aren’t going to ask me if I’m really ready to get behind the wheel?”
She pursed her lips. “You’re a badass, Nikki. I know you’re ready.”
I made a noise of surprise, and she tilted her head to the side. “What?”
“Nothing, I just—I just figured you would be worried about me getting back out there. Everyone else was.”
She set the book down before folding her arms over her chest. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m worried about you—all of you…” She trailed off, looking at the screens now. “I can’t imagine the kind of courage it takes to try and control those beasts.”
I looked down to the floor, my mind trying to pull memories of the crash. All I could remember now was the heat and being pulled from the car. “It still scares the shit out of me,” I murmured, looking up at her.
Her hazel eyes softened. “But you love it.”
I nodded. “I so fucking love it.”
Amara’s face split into a glorious smile. “I can’t wait to watch you smoke those guys.”
Laughing, I pushed off the wall. “Just keep Leon out of my races, yeah? I’d like a fighting chance.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Lee is very impressed with you.”
My stomach flipped as my eyes widened a fraction. “What?”
She nodded as the door clicked open behind me. We both turned to find the man himself entering. At the sight of him, goosebumps spread across my skin and Amara straightened beside me.
Lee stood before us, his hoodie covered in blood.
His eyes went directly to his detective. “Butterfly,” he greeted, his voice filled with darkness.
“Leon…”
Before he addressed her again, his eyes cut to me. “Cain is back.”
My eyes dropped to the blood splatter on his neck. “Please tell that isn’t his.”
Lee’s jaw hardened. “Don’t be funny.”
“Nothing about this is funny,” I retorted, gesturing to him. “What the hell happened?”
He opened his mouth to answer, but Amara cut him off. “Badge off or on?”
Their gazes collided, and the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees. When he didn’t answer right away, she asked him again. “Badge off or on, Lee?”
“Off, Amara.”
She nodded and looked to the floor, taking a second. When she looked back up, she took a step closer to me. “What happened?”
“Cain brought us a souvenir from Russia,” he stated plainly, walking over to the row of cabinets on the far side of the office, pulling his hoodie off, leaving his black undershirt on. His back muscles stretched under the fabric as he yanked the cabinet open. “Spent all afternoon with him,” he continued.
Amara and I shared a look.
When he turned back to face us, he was wiping the blood off his skin with a hand towel. “Xander and Cain brought back Ivan, Kavi’s second in charge—along with some pretty expensive cars.”
A pit formed in my stomach as I tried to picture the little boy I’d loved on the streets of Moscow.
“Where is Cain now?” Amara asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“On his way,” he answered, looking over to me, the blood cleared from his skin.
“Is he alright?” I found myself asking.
“Cain is Cain.”
“Right,” I muttered, looking to my feet. His secrets weighed heavy on my heart.
I thought I was finally fucking free…
I heard some movement, some whispers, and then, Amara walked by me. “I’ll see you out there,” she told me. A second later, the door closed, and it was just Lee and me.
“Dominique.” My head shot up at my full name, eyes burning from the sudden onset of tears. “We need to talk about Cain,” Lee declared.
That was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want to talk about Cain. I didn’t want to think about Cain. I didn’t want to cry about Cain.
I didn’t want to live without—
“Don’t,” I warned, my voice cracking.
Lee came to me then. “Don’t what?” he challenged, his eyes flashing. “Don’t call you out? Don’t act like you and him haven’t been avoiding either for the last few months? Don’t act like you don’t care for him and he doesn’t care for you? Don’t what, Dominique?”
“I told you to call me Nikki,” I whispered, my heart pounding inside my chest.
“I saw your fucking face today after Stevens dropped that fucking bomb on us. I felt the fucking fear rolling off you,” he pushed, taking a step towards me.
I took a step back and found myself in the corner of the room. Lee kept going. “I watched you fucking flee back to Sullie’s so you could hide in your own little world. Then, I just showed up here and Shayla told me you”re in the office with my woman, acting as if nothing happened.”
I said nothing, staring at him in disbelief.
“You’ve been walking on eggshells for months, Nikki. You don’t sleep. You barely fucking eat. Then, my car blows up—with you inside,” he pushed, his voice shaking with anger. “You act like everything is okay, that you’re fine, but I know you aren’t. I know Cain is a big part of that.”
“Stop,” I begged.
He shook his head. “No. Dontell and Mina—hell, even Amara—can stand by and pretend that your history with Cain doesn’t affect you, but not me. You got that?” He leaned down into my space. “You should’ve seen him, Nikki. He was a fucking wreck at the hospital. He didn’t eat. He didn’t fucking sleep. I’d never seen a man so scared—and Cain fucking Donovan isn’t scared of much.”
“He didn’t tell me,” I breathed, my breath hitching.
Lee blinked, jerking back an inch. “Didn’t tell you what?”
“That he was Bratva.” Tears took over then, falling down my cheeks one by one as it hit me. “There’s—Lee—there’s a lot of history between us—I—I—” I stammered, struggling to breathe all of a sudden.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“Fuck,” he bit off and, a second later, I was in his arms, my head against his strong chest.
The flood gates opened then, and a wretched, broken sob left me as the pain from the last decade slammed into me. My knees buckled, but he held me up in his strong arms, his hand going to the back of my head as the tears just kept coming. There was no stopping them now.
The last month and a half meant nothing.
Whenever I saw Cain working on his engines, his back to me, I’d shoved down the urge to speak to him. When his eyes just happened to meet mine by chance, I’d ignored the way my heart skipped a beat. When he walked by me, I’d did everything in my power not to touch him—to apologize to him for leaving the loft without telling him, for scaring him, for being so fucking desperate to get away from him that I hurt him in the process.
“Talk to me,” Lee murmured. “I can’t stand this shit, Nikki. After today, I don’t want any more secrets with the Oasis family. Do you understand? I can’t have anymore.”
“Lee—”
“I gotta know.”
Another sob left me as my tears soaked his shirt. “It hurts,” I pushed out.
Suddenly, I was pushed away, his hands on my upper arms as he growled,” He hurt you?”
“He hurt me in a way all women get hurt, Lee.”
A thick, heavy silence lingered between us for some time before he looked to the screens. “You loved him,” he put together.
“With everything I had.”
“Did he love you?”
My bottom lip trembled against my own will. He never loved me.
Lee’s hold on my arms loosened. “Come here,” he ordered, pulling me to him. This time, I held him back as he kissed the top of my head. “Love complicates things.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why do you think I was trying to avoid it?”
“I understand, more than you could ever know.”
I shook my head against him. “Cain and I will never have what you and Amara have. There’s too much pain—too many secrets.”
“Secrets that will affect Oasis?” he questioned.
“No, because they have nothing to do with the woman I am today, Lee. I’m here because I want to be, not because of Cain,” I explained, looking up at him.
“If we fall apart, it will be from the inside. You know that, right?”
A chill slithered up my spine like a venomous snake, ready to strike. “You’re really mad at Jer, aren’t you?”
He shook his head. “Jer and I have always been able to work our shit out. That’s not what I’m saying. Secrets are poison, Nikki.”
I shook my head. “These won’t affect Oasis.”
“You want my advice?”
“Not really.”
He jerked his chin. “When all this over, when the Bratva is done and Oasis is now longer under a threat, you and Cain need to have a conversation.”
“I already—”
“Leaving my boy without telling him and running off to my sister was a low-blow, Nikki, and you know it,” he scolded. “Cain lost his fucking shit. If it were me, I would’ve dragged you back.”
“Lee—”
“Whatever hell he put you through before, Nikki, I need you to forgive him,” he ordered, cutting me off.
My mouth snapped shut as I stared up at the man, dumbfounded.
Leon’s features softened. “He’s been through enough.”
I felt my flinch before I could stop it, and Lee pulled me to his chest again.
I don’t know what it was—what compelled me to spill years of pain—but I did. I told Leon everything—from start to finish, including New York.
By the time I was done, he was leaning against the desk, watching me as my chest heaved with sobs.
A familiar engine roared outside, and both of our heads snapped towards the screens to find Cain’s Silvia pulling into the back. My stomach dropped, but nevertheless, I stood straighter, wiping my tears as I looked back to Leon.
“I’m going to clear my head.”
His eyes flashed with understanding. “Be safe.”
“Aww, come here, bumblebee,” the obnoxious driver to my left taunted as he puckered his lips and blew kisses.
My wrist rested on top of the steering wheel as I slowly turned my head to him, blowing a bubble with my gum. When it popped, I looked at his car, but said nothing.
“Yeah, I know you like that,” the jerk boasted, smiling at me.
I felt the corner of my lips tug up as Shayla made her way to the front starting line. I looked away from the stupid boy, inhaling a deep breath. When Shayla started her thing, raising both arms, I exhaled, bringing my fingers to the wheel, while the other hand found the gear stick.
The race was two miles, and I’d bet five grand.
“Ready,” Shayla shouted, looking at all of us individually. I was on the end, and when her eyes finally landed on mine, I gave her a nod.
“Set!”
I looked straight ahead, focusing on my car and the low purr of her engine. Everything around me faded away and, like always, it was just me, my car, and the pavement.
“Go!”
Foot on the gas, hand on the gear shift, my car shot forward, and my heart soared. I cut off the guy that was beside me as soon as I got ahead, shifting again. All of us—four racers in total—flew down the Oasis track before taking the exit that led into the city.
It was a mile stretch, and less than a minute later, the city drew closer and closer as we gained speed.
My heart pounded inside my chest as a black Mustang flew past me before making a left turn. My head cocked to the side as I shifted, turning the wheel. My car drifted slightly around the corner, and within the next second, I was beside the Mustang again, leaving the other drivers—one of them being the jerk—in the dust.
“Bumblebee, my ass,” I muttered, fingers tightening on the wheel.
This was another quarter mile stretch before the next turn. The city, already asleep, was a blur as I flew through it, going head-to-head with the Mustang. I looked over to find the driver hidden behind dark tinted windows and, for some reason, I couldn’t look away as fears wrapped around my neck.
My hands began to tremble as a cold sweat broke out across my forehead, my skin starting to burn as I heard fire crackling behind me.
When I looked ahead again, the street I was on disappeared, a hill in its place. On top of the hill was me, in Leon’s car, making the U-turn. I was half through before the bomb was set off. I jerked as I watched the car—with me inside—go into the air before crashing against the concrete upside down, leaving me trapped.
Panic set in, and I squeezed my eyes shut, spots dotting my vision as nausea took over.
No, no, no, no.
I felt my car slowing and heard the others whoosh by me as my hands tightened on the wheel and gear stick. Images of the crash slammed into me, over and over, relentless as the panic attack took over. My skin started burning, I could feel the heat of the flames on my skin as the memories haunted me. My ankle throbbed as I got sucked into the past.
Gasping for air, I opened my eyes and found that my car was doing a slow crawl by the curb as the dots slowly faded away. Blinking, I swallowed the needles in my throat and shifted into gear, pulling away from the curb.
I didn’t stay on course.
I didn’t even bother going back to Oasis.
I didn’t tell anyone.
I just drove until I could breathe again.
Time passed, the night stretching on, and finally, I pulled into a parking garage, heading for the top level. I parked in a spot that overlooked the city, the Arch in the distance as sounds of night traffic echoed in the air, and I put my head in my hands.
Then, I let it out.
All of it.
All I was left with was regret and shame.
I should’ve never fallen in love Cain.
I should’ve let him go.