Chapter Nineteen
“It was the night I was shot.”
I stared up at him, unsure if I heard him correctly. My jaw went slack as a sharp pain coursed through me, my eyes never leaving his. His bare chest was inches away from me, brushing against me with every breath as I tried to comprehend that simple sentence. It was only seven words, after all.
And yet?
I couldn’t believe them.
Cain stared down at me, his features sharp and unwavering, but still so damn breathtaking.
“What?” I murmured, my voice almost non-existent.
His jaw ticked as he studied me, and slowly, I watched those sharp features soften, his cold eyes warming slightly. “That woman owns the bar; her husband is the bartender you spoke with.”
“I don’t care,” I said, bringing my trembling hand to my chest. “You were—were shot?”
He nodded once. “The bullet when straight through my thigh. It was one of Kavi’s men. They’d found me and wanted my damn head.”
“Please don’t talk like that,” I begged, stepping back.
He clicked his tongue. “It’s the only way I know how to. There’s no way to soften the truth, baby.”
My eyes closed, unable to look at him a second longer. He was killing me from the inside out—had been for years, but now? Now I didn’t know if I would survive this. I turned my head, opening my eyes again to look into the kitchen. “You were in pain, and I—”
In the next second, my back was against the back door, his hands cupping my face. “Don’t you fucking dare,” he harshly whispered. “Don’t you dare blame yourself.” The agony laced in his voice was the final straw.
I broke.
In his grip, I shook my head. “I should’ve called out for you. I should’ve—”
My words were cut off.
I was silenced.
His lips crashed down onto mine, kissing me hard. “Every day, I thought about that kiss, about the sounds you made, how you clung to me, the way you came apart on my thigh,” he pushed out when he pulled away. “Every fucking day, clover.”
Our eyes met and something else broke.
Our restraint.
In a flash, his lips were back on mine. We kissed, ravenous for one another, as if we could never get enough. I whimpered into his mouth as his tongue dove into me, drinking from me, and when my tongue touched his, all bets were off.
We were full throttle now. There was no stopping this—us.
With a growl, his hands left my face, one going into my hair and the other gripping my hip as he held me in place. He pressed his body against mine as my hands slowly trailed up his chest, his skin burning underneath my fingers before I locked them around his neck. My chest pressed against his as he yanked my head to the side, devouring me. I gave it back to him, demanding anything and everything he was willing to give me.
The hand in my hair disappeared and, a second later, my bun was pulled free, my hair falling down around my shoulders as he pulled away, his lips going to my jaw as he yanked my head back further. He planted scorching kisses along my jaw, his teeth grazing over my skin, sending a wave of electricity straight to my nipples. I let out a gasp and clung to him more, my fingers going straight into his hair.
Once he was to my neck, he bit down, sucking the sensitive skin there. My fingers tangled into his hair, pulling at it in response as I let out a needy cry. A second later, his tongue was stroking my neck, soothing it as he pulled me away from the door.
“I’m sorry,” I cried, holding onto him.
“Don’t,” he warned, his voice rough with need before kissing me again. His lips moved against mine, claiming me. The kiss was fierce, harsh, and everything I needed it to be—everything I needed him to be.
I pulled away from him, both of us out of breath. “I need to say it. I—”
His hand grabbed my jaw as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m not fucking worried about the past. I’m focused on the present. You’re here, in my arms, Nik. That’s all I fucking care about.”
We stared at each other as his thumb swiped over my bottom lip. “You want this?” he asked, his voice soft but serious. Before I could answer, he added, “I do. If I have to fucking beg, then I will.”
This man spent his entire life wanting—needing—things he couldn’t have. The main thing he’d always wanted was affection—love.
Cain Donovan just wanted to be loved.
Therefore, I shook my head. “You never have to beg for me. You’ve had me from the moment you climbed into my window,” I confessed on a heavy whisper.
His lips slammed into mine, and I was back against the wall again. He was relentless, his hands were everywhere; in my hair, on my ass, my waist, the sides of my breasts. He started peppering my face with kisses, holding my head in place as he did so. “Fuck,” he muttered.
My hands never stopped feeling his skin, savoring how warm he was—how real he was.
“Fuck. My clover. My fucking lucky charm,” he breathed, his voice ragged now.
My heart pounded against my chest, and everything, all the pain, all the confusion, all the scars, slowly began to disappear. “My Cain,” I murmured when he pulled back slightly, and our eyes met.
He dipped his head, kissing my neck again as his hands went to my ass, squeezing it. My eyes closed as he nibbled and licked the sensitive skin. My body was aching for him, my nipples hard, my panties wet.
I wanted him in every way I could have him. Nothing else mattered anymore. Just this.
“Up,” he ordered gruffly.
My eyes popped open. “Cain—”
“If you don’t wrap those gorgeous legs around me, I’ll make that ass red,” he clipped into my neck. His hand on my hip disappeared, and then—
I cried out the second his hand slapped my ass. Even through my jeans, I felt the sting.
“Up, baby,” he growled, his hand leaving my hair, snapping to my jaw as he lifted his head to look at me.
Gasping at the sight of the wild look in his eyes, I argued, “I’m too heavy, Cain. I can’t—”
I wasn’t a skinny girl. I wasn’t small. I wasn’t—
He snarled as his hands went to the backs of my thighs, lifting me in the air. I had no choice but to wrap my legs around him. “Too fucking stubborn for your own damn good,” he muttered, frustrated as he turned us. I was still in shock as he turned as, his eyes snapping to mine. “Always fucking doubting your beauty—your fucking worth.”
One of his hands cupped my ass as my thighs tightened around him, my arms still latched around his neck. I was trying to keep myself up; I didn’t want to hurt him. My inner thighs were burning, but I couldn’t focus on that right now.
I wanted to keep kissing him.
I never wanted to stop kissing him.
“Kiss me,” I pleaded.
His eyes flashed. His free hand weaved its way back into my hair and pulled me to him.
Our lips met, and we were off again, kissing with abandon as I whimpered and he groaned.
He moved again, taking us down out the living room and into the hall.
I needed more. I needed everything.
I sucked his bottom lip in between my teeth, and he let out a guttural growl before slamming my back against the wall, the picture frames around me rattling. He pulled away from me, his hands going to my shirt, his movements hurried. I lifted my arms, and the shirt was gone, over my head and on the floor.
I grabbed his face, kissing him again as he began to grind against me, my core quivering, wetness gathering in my panties. His hands snaked to my back, flicking my bra open before he yanked my hands away from his face. As he tossed my bra to the ground, his eyes dropped to my chest. My breasts weren’t pretty. They didn’t look like the ones you saw on the porn sites or TV shows. My nipples weren’t a pretty pink, more like a dusty one. My boobs weren’t perky; they sagged.
Fear slammed into me then, and the longer he stared, the more self-conscious I became. A lump formed in my throat, but before I could suggest that we stop, his hand engulfed one of my breasts, his hot, rough palm sending goosebumps across my skin, and I couldn’t help but let my head fall back as a sigh left me. His fingers kneaded my breast, feeling the weight of it, and my clit started to hum with need.
“Cain,” I whimpered.
His lips moved to my exposed neck before he dragged his sinful tongue up the column of my neck, his fingers shifting and pinching my nipple. “Years, clover,” he said, his voice low and thick with need. “Been trying to picture these tits for years.”
My hands snaked up the back of his neck and into his hair as he trailed his tongue back down my neck, going lower and lower. He alternated between licking and kissing my skin as I stared at the ceiling, praying to the heavens I wasn’t a disappointment for him.
“I know they aren’t very—”
“Nik, I nearly came at the sight of them a second ago,” he said, his mouth over my nipple, his warm breath skating over the sensitive bud. “Perfect tits, baby. So damn perfect.”
I blinked, and his mouth was on my nipple, sucking deeply as my back arched. I moaned at the sensation, his tongue flicking against it. Pleasure shot through me like a bolt of lightning. My fingers yanked his hair, holding him to me. “Oh, fuck,” I cried, my eyes rolling back as my hips moved against him, his hands dropping to my ass as he released my nipple with a pop before going to the other one.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered, latching on to it as a deep groan sounded from his throat.
“I need—I need more,” I gasped, one of my hands leaving his hair before I shoved it between us. My hand went to the button of my jeans as he held me against the wall, sucking my breast.
He pressed me further into the wall to help me. His hand slapped mine away before he flicked the button of my jeans open, pulling down the zipper. He released my nipple, bringing his head up, his lips going to my ear. “Drop a leg, beautiful.”
I did and, as soon as my toes were on the ground, he maneuvered us, opening my jeans further. His eyes met mine as I told him, “I can—”
“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m not touching your sweet pussy,” he cut me off as he shoved his hand into my jeans and panties. His fingers found my core, and years of pent-up need surged forward. My eyes rolled back as he worked his finger over my clit. Up and down. Side to side. In a circle. It was heaven. I was in heaven. My mouth hung open as my body became overwhelmed, climbing higher and higher to the peak. I felt him lean over me, his breath against my forehead.
“That’s a good girl,” he cooed. “Letting me play with this needy clit.”
“C-Cain,” I stammered, my eyes flying open to find his focused on me—not on his hand between my legs.
“What is it, Nik?” he whispered just before he shifted his hand and pushed a finger into me.
I couldn’t hold my eyes open, I knew that, but I was willing to try. This became difficult when he started finger-fucking me, and when he added a second finger, I gave in. My head fell back against the wall, my nails digging into his biceps as I tried to hold steady. When my hips started moving in time with his hand, a dark, low sound left him, causing more goosebumps to scatter over my skin.
“I have to tell you something,” he said, his lips against the shell of my ear now. “Something important.”
This wasn’t the time.
I needed him to continue.
I needed to come—all over his hand.
“Cain, please,” I begged, my voice shaking as my clit hummed.
“I need you to open those pretty eyes,” he murmured, pulling his fingers out of me, moving up to my throbbing bundle of nerves. He circled my clit in a torturous manner, and I could hardly focus.
When my eyes opened, all I saw was him. His soul was shining bright within his pale blue eyes as they shimmered with something—
—something that looked a lot like love.
The thought of Cain loving me—after all this time—sent my body into overdrive, the peak closer than before. “St-stop looking at me like that,” I shuddered, my hips moving faster.
“Never,” he swore, his voice rough. “I’ve always looked at you like this, Nik. I was just really good at hiding it from you.” His fingers dropped, entering me again.
I bit my lip to stifle a moan as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
He leaned down, flashing his teeth as he gave me a half-smile. Then, his lips were at my ear, his teeth grazing over the shell of it. “I love it when you try to be quiet for me.”
My eyes closed again as he worked my pussy.
“I love it when you moan for me—scream for me,” he continued. At first, I thought he was just trying give me some dirty talk, but that quickly changed as he said, “The picture of you screaming my name with your hands in your panties, wearing my fucking T-shirt, will never go away.”
My eyes shot open and, just as I was about to open my mouth, his free hand covered it. I had been silenced. He rose up, his eyes dark and shining. “Yeah, baby. I saw you. I watched you try to resist it,” he confirmed.
He saw me…where?
“The night the storm hit; I came to check on you. Found you asleep and whimpering. Stood above you, watching you writhe in your sleep as you dreamed about some man. I’d never been so fucking jealous,” he growled, his fingers going back to my clit. He circled hard, sending spurts of pleasure through me. I whimpered into his palm as he watched me, tilting his head slowly. “You kicked your blankets off, beautiful, and do you want to know what I saw?”
“Cain,” I said against his palm. The sound was muffled.
He yanked his hand out of my jeans, dropped my other leg, and began shoving them down my hips. “I saw the woman I fucking love, the woman I could never fucking have, wearing one of my old T-shirts from high school,” he seethed as he fisted the side of my panties.
He loved me?
Couldn’t have me?
With a sharp tug, I heard the fabric rip, and then it was pulled from me. In a flash, his hand was gone from my mouth, and I gasped for air—
Cain shoved the soaking lace into my mouth before snapping his hand over it.
Not even a second later, his other hand was back between my legs with my jeans down to my knees. “Seeing you like that—dreaming of another man—fucking nearly killed me, clover,” he growled as he shoved his fingers in again—three this time. My back arched off the wall as he pumped them in and out of me, stretching me in the most delicious way. I cried out around my panties, his hand still over my mouth.
“Then, I stepped out of the room and watched you through the crack of your door,” he continued, his voice hard and ragged. “Wanna know what I saw? Hm?”
My hands dropped back down, my nails digging into his biceps as my eyes rolled back from the pleasure.
“Look at me!”
I did as I was told, my eyes snapping back to him as his thumb brushed against my clit.
It was coming.
My peak had almost been reached. My legs started trembling, and he shoved his thigh between them to give me support. He leaned in again, forcing my head to the side as he licked up the column of my neck, his fingers fucking me at a steady pace as his thumb worked my clit. When he reached my ear, he growled, “I saw my good girl being a needy little slut, baby. That’s what I saw.”
It was here.
My body ignited, and I tried to move, but Cain held me in place, his hand working me faster as he continued. “Saw my clover girl come for me—screaming my name. You couldn’t help yourself, could you? This pussy needed it, didn’t she?” he taunted in my ear as bliss consumed me. I cried out through my panties.
He pulled back, his eyed dropping to where his hand was playing my body like a fucking instrument. Still coming, he pulled his three fingers out before shoving them back in. His eyes met mine as he curled them, forcing them to hit the right spot. His other hand shifted, dropping to wrap around my neck. “Spit them out,” he clipped.
The panties fell from my mouth as I gasped and pleaded for mercy. “Cain—Cain, please stop,” I breathed before sucking in a harsh breath.
His grip on my neck tightened as he leaned in. “Are you my good girl?” he asked, panting.
I nodded.
“Is my good girl needy? Does she have a needy pussy?”
His filthy words spurred me on, and I felt a second climax building. I nodded, my eyes never leaving his. He got closer, his lips brushing against mine as his fingers hit my G-spot. “Prove it,” he dared, kissing me softly. “I want my little cunt to make a mess on me. I want it all over me. Prove it to Daddy, clover.”
I was gone. My head snapped back as my neck arched, a guttural cry leaving me as I came. A warm liquid covered me, trailing down my legs into my jeans, all while Cain praised me, his head bent, watching it all. “Fuck yeah. Look at that.”
His name left my lips on a moan.
“Good girl. That’s it. Give it all to me, baby.”
When my body was sated, my legs shaking, my thighs soaked, he pulled his fingers from me. I watched in awe as he brought his hand up, his skin glistening with me.
“I’m gonna drown in that little pussy, Nik. That’s fucking mine,” he said, his hand sliding up to cup my jaw. “You hear me? That’s all mine.”
I moaned, nodding. I was speechless.
He pressed his forehead to mine. “You’re all mine, yeah?”
My eyes met his, a question heavy on the tip of my tongue. “And—”
“Been yours,” he whispered, his thumb stroking my cheek. “Always have been. That’s never changed.”
Pleasure gone, my eyes filled with tears and, before I knew it, I was in his arms.
He lifted me again and carried me down the hall. No words were said as we entered his bedroom.
No words were said as he pulled my jeans off and cleaned me up.
He laid me on the bed and held me, still in just his sweats. I was naked, completely exposed, and for the first time in my life, I felt at peace.
When I woke a few hours later, the sun was just starting to rise, and Cain was gone.
When I checked my phone, there were messages about the meet, but the one from Cain made my heart leap.
Cain: My clover girl, last night wasn’t a fluke or a mistake. Remember that before your head starts telling you stupid shit. Pick you up at the loft this afternoon.
As I read his words, my heart started to pound even more as the words he’d said last night echoed in my head.
I saw the woman I fucking love, the woman I could never fucking have, wearing one of my old T-shirts from high school.
Cain Donovan loved me.