Chapter Thirty-Three
TOMMY
I’ve kept Jenna awake all night, and I have zero regrets over it too. I want her constantly aching and exhausted—it’s the only testament I’ll accept when it comes to me sliding inside her tight body.
When I roll my hips into her again, she falls apart beneath me, pink flushing the apples of her cheeks.
Her soft moan is more of a whimper as the rising sun seeps into her room, drenching us both in an orange glow that looks so fucking beautiful against her skin.
“Eyes on me.” I hold my weight above her on one arm and motion between my eyes.
Still drunk on lust, she gazes into them.
“I’m still here, in your apartment. I’m still inside you, and I have no intention of letting up anytime soon. I’m not going anywhere, Jenna.”
Her warm palms wrap around the nape of my neck, pulling me down for a kiss.
“If you leave me like that again, then you’d better watch out. Next time, it will be something way worse by your door than surf ’n’ turf.”
I smooth my tongue across her bottom lip, dipping inside to massage against hers. “I’m starting to question who the bad one in this relationship is. I might carry the rep, but I think you deserve the accolade.”
Jenna pulls back, dropping one of her hands back to the mattress.
Still inside her, I sit up on my haunches and bring her body with me. I’ve never fucked a girl in the lotus position before. To be honest, I’ve never done most of what I do with Jenna. I’m flying without a safety net with little to no clue what the fuck I’m doing.
And it all feels so fucking good.
“Did I go too far?” I ask, pressing my forehead against hers. “When I said relationship?”
She loops her palm back around my neck, and I set a kiss on the underside of her chin.
“Don’t go silent on me, Hellion,” I plead. Like a fucking simp. “I got carried away after the night we just shared, and I know you need some time to process everything.”
Jenna spreads her legs wider, taking me deeper into her pussy.
“I don’t know how to answer that question, Tommy.
” She closes her eyes for a brief moment, and I can tell she’s deep in thought.
“After I split with Lee and for what feels like an eternity, all I’ve ever wanted is to have what my girlfriends have—a man who loves and cares for me and a chance to start a family of my own. ”
If it wasn’t for the mattress beneath us, I’d fall through the damn floor.
“But now? Is that not what you want?” The tremor in my voice is unmistakable.
After everything, she’s going to reject me. Us. All over again. Maybe the playgirl lifestyle is for her, and I’ve misjudged this entire thing between us.
Jenna shakes her head, squeezing the back of my neck. “It’s not that. I still want all of those things. It’s just …”
“You don’t want them with a guy like me?”
I’m fully aware that I don’t know what I want in my own life. Having a girlfriend has never been at the top of my priority list, never mind starting a family. But the idea of Jenna not envisioning herself doing that with me evokes a kind of nausea I never want to feel again.
“I want to spend time with you, Tommy.” Her fingertips brush through the clipped hair at the back of my head. “I want us to start over and find out what it is that keeps driving us back together. I share and have feelings for you too. But I’m scared that you’ll hurt me.”
I’m desperate to fill her head with affirmations and reassurance that her fears won’t happen. Something tells me that those words will come across as empty. She doesn’t need lip service. She needs something more tangible. To feel my vulnerability.
I press my forehead against hers again and release a steadying breath, knowing that while this may be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it’s the strongest move I can make right now.
“My dad … Alex,” I begin, nausea creeping back up my throat, “he wanted nothing to do with me. From the second I was born to the present day.”
Jenna’s eyes hold nothing but understanding. “I know, Tommy. Despite the name you wear on your back.”
The thought of someone—anyone—knowing the truth behind my father’s rejection has always filled me with the deepest sense of foreboding. So, why is it only relief flooding my insides?
“How did you find out?”
We aren’t fucking anymore, but I’m still hard and inside my girl. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her body closer to mine. Her warmth acts like a balm.
“I didn’t. I worked it out.”
I smirk against her lips. “Am I that transparent?”
She just grins back. “A little bit, yeah. You aren’t as dark and mysterious to me as maybe you think you are. I do have one question.”
“Shoot,” I reply.
“Why do you play under his name? Back when you were younger, you played under Williams. I’m guessing that was your mom’s name.”
I’m desperate to turn this conversation and focus on the fact that she looked me up. Instead, I opt to keep it centered on me and the uncomfortable truths I know she needs to learn about my life.
“When I was seventeen, I took a trip from my home in Minnesota to Brooklyn. I’d always had this feeling that my dad wasn’t who my mom claimed he was—a soldier in the US Army who died on a tour in Afghanistan. The older I got, the less likely that story became.”
I pause for a breath, and Jenna cups my cheek in her hand. I know this is exactly what she needs from me.
“I looked like Alex Schneider, skated like him. And the more time that passed, the more convinced my friends and teammates were that we were related. As a teenager, I thought their theories sounded crazy. But the more times I asked Mom if I was his son, the less convincing her denial became. That was when I finally saved up enough money from a job I was working at to get a flight to Brooklyn. Alex didn’t exactly make where he lived a secret since he was constantly pictured with girls as he took them back to his apartment. ”
“What happened?” Jenna asks quietly, her heart breaking on my behalf.
“I showed up and gave my name to the security guard on shift. As I stood there, waiting for him to call Alex, I was convinced I’d be turned away.
Maybe even laughed at. But when I was told to head upstairs, a spark of hope ignited that maybe—just fucking maybe—I was right to travel all that way and hold out hope that my dad wasn’t dead and he was actually a hockey player.
One I’d looked up to for his presence on the ice.
I thought maybe he wasn’t the asshole people had made him out to be in the sport and in his personal life, that he was actually decent.
I hoped that I was some kind of secret baby my mom had hidden from him, and now we were about to reunite, and my whole life was about to change. ”
Silence descends between us until I finally speak again. It doesn’t feel like my voice belongs to me any longer.
“What I found was both what I’d hoped for and my worst fear.
He was my dad—he confirmed it. But he had known all about me.
He’d basically been paying my mom inflated child support payments, and he’d had her sign an NDA to keep quiet about him being the father since he wanted zero association with her and me.
He told me he never wanted a family and looked at me like I was a fucking disease. ”
“Tommy … I don’t even know what to say.”
Placing my hands over hers, I close my eyes and sit with my reality. I feel different than I did a few minutes ago, having shared my secret with the one person I could only ever imagine telling. The weight feels lighter, easier to digest.
It feels like I might be fully falling for Jenna Miller.
“You don’t need to say anything, Hellion. Just having you here, listening to me without judgment, is everything I need.”
She nods lightly. “You played under his name to spite him, didn’t you?”
I smile because it’s like she’s in my head, pulling the strings and controlling me. Even if I wanted to keep something from her, I don’t think I could.
“I changed my name and owned who I was—a Schneider who loves to fight and is good at it too. If Alex didn’t want to acknowledge my existence, then he could watch as I buried his legacy underneath my own.
” I puff out my chest. “I know I’m a better player than he ever was.
And I know it hurts his massive ego each time I put a shift in on the ice. ”
“But, Tommy,” she whispers, “you aren’t a Schneider. If you were, you wouldn’t have come back to me. I wouldn’t be here, in this bed, with you. I might not know your dad personally, but any man who rejects their own flesh and blood is no person I would ever allow into my life.”
The first tear runs a warm track down my cheek, and Jenna swipes it away.
“What about your mom? You once told me that you cared what she thought of you, but that’s all I got.”
A pain I only ever feel when I think about my mom curls inside my gut.
“My mom, Helen, wasn’t always the best parent.
But she was never cruel. Alex had her over a barrel with money and the NDA.
I don’t think he paid her a fortune, but it was enough to keep our heads above water and food on the table.
When I found out the truth, I was so twisted with anger and betrayal.
She lied to me for all those years,” I bite out.
“Her own son.” Another tear emerges, and I swipe it away in frustration.
“If it were me, I would’ve chosen the truth over his money.
No matter how desperate things got financially, I’d have chosen integrity. ”
My girl presses her lips together, a softness forming in her blue eyes. “Remember when we spoke about compassion? People make mistakes, Tommy. You, me, everyone. I’m guessing she was fairly young when she had you, judging by Alex’s age.”
I nod, falling a little harder each time Jenna speaks. “Why are you so infuriatingly wise?”
She shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s a gift I wear with pride and save to use exclusively on you.
I’m not saying you should open the door back up to her fully, but I am suggesting that you think it over a little.
Don’t burn every bridge in your life, even the ones that need a little maintenance and repair. ”
I just look at her, taking her in carefully. Every feature on her face, especially the beauty spot beneath her left eye.
“Where did it all go wrong with your parents?”
Jenna’s previously soft expression hardens a fraction. It’s a defense mechanism I recognize all too well.
“The story there is very different from yours. But I do understand what it feels like to be rejected. I also know what it’s like to have an asshole father; mine wasn’t Alex, but he was a selfish prick who hurt my family.
My mom and I …” She pauses and swallows hard.
“We just don’t get along. We’re two different people who don’t align.
Not in our interests or values. My family is my brother, and I’m good with that. ”
Before I can think, I’m kissing the bridge of her nose.
“Your brother won’t always be your only family.
A woman like you deserves a man who will give her the world.
And I think the only reason it took you a little longer to find him was because all the other guys, including your ex, knew they couldn’t match up to you. Women like you intimidate some men.”
“You talk like my search for Mr. Right is over?” she asks.
I move my hips below her, and she moans a little.
“I mean, I know I have a big ego, but I’m starting to think I might fit the bill.”