Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
NATALIE
I checked my phone for the hundredth time and sipped my coffee. According to the link tracking his flight, Rhett should have been home by now. I glanced out the window, noticing the sun was casting an orange and pink glow across the sky. My head was a chaotic mess of emotions, each one pulling me in a different direction.
I clutched my mug and settled into the cushion. The minutes ticked by slowly as I waited for him to walk through the door.
I ran through every scenario in my head and knew deep in my soul that this was the right decision. Maybe I was reacting out of panic and desperation, but the more I sat alone in silence, the more I tried to steady my racing heart.
I heard the rattle of keys as he slid them into the lock. He pushed the door open, and my heart leaped into my throat as familiar footsteps echoed through the hallway.
His smile faltered when he caught sight of my tears.
“Hey, what’s wrong? ”
He was wearing a black suit with a blue dress shirt. I wanted to weep at the sight of him.
“Can we talk?” I asked, moving to the edge of the couch.
His brows turned down when he spotted my suitcase. “Is it Beau? Is he okay?”
My nervous fingers were twisting the hem of my shirt. I swallowed hard, feeling tears start to form. “He’s making progress.”
He threw his keys on the table and took his suit coat off. “Then why do you look so sad?”
I turned away, unable to meet his eyes. Instead, I focused on the frayed edge of the area rug underneath my feet and the hum of the dishwasher running in the kitchen.
“Because I’m afraid of how you will react.”
His strong shoulders slumped in defeat. “You’re leaving me, aren’t you?”
I took a deep breath and finally looked up. “No, it’s not that.” I shook my head quickly. “I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t know which way to turn. Everything is happening so fast, and I can’t keep up.”
His eyes held mine. “Does this have anything to do with the suitcase by the door? And I’m not talking about mine.”
I moved my eyes around the room, trying to avoid his gaze. “I just need a little space and some time to think.”
His laugh was filled with anger. “I just met with another team. I’m willing to have you in my life any way I can, but you’re not willing to do the same.”
He was only a few feet away. I wanted to reach out and touch and reassure him, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good.
“That’s not true. Look at where we are.” I pointed to where our suitcases sat by the door, each one headed in a different direction. “I’m a huge distraction to you, and you don’t need that right now. Everything feels like it’s falling apart. Beau is in the hospital, and you’re being traded to a new team. There is just too much happening at once.”
“So, you’re just going to give up.” He flexed his hands at his sides and shook his head in disbelief.
“I’m not giving up. I’m just asking for a little bit of space.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to hold myself together. “You need to focus on your career, and I need to make sure he’s okay. We need to take a step back and get our shit together if we want this to work.”
He growled with frustration. “We do work, don’t you see that? What we have is the only thing in my life that makes sense. I finally found a person who I want to be with, and she doesn’t fucking want me.”
“That’s not true. I do want you. This is only temporary. I just need time.”
“Time for what?” he snapped. “Time to figure out if you want me or not?”
I stood up and reached for him, but he took a step back. “Rhett, I know you’re angry, but please don’t do this. All I’m saying is you need to focus on your career without worrying about me, and Beau needs to focus on his recovery without worrying about us.”
He turned away, running a hand through his hair. “How much time are we talking about?”
“I don’t know.” This conversation was going all wrong. I could see the tension in his shoulders. All I did was cause him stress. Couldn’t he see that?
I wiped the tears with the back of my hand and patted the seat next to me. “Please sit and calm down.”
He sighed and collapsed onto the couch. I leaned my head against his shoulder, feeling that ache in my chest consume me.
He wrapped his arm around me. “Talk to me, Natalie.”
I buried my head in his chest. “Beau is in the hospital, and you’re on the verge of being traded and uprooting your life to a new city. Everything is a mess and it’s entirely my doing.”
No matter how hard he tried to convince me otherwise, I knew in my heart that I had failed the two people I loved the most in the worst possible way.
“Natalie, I say this with all sincerity, but don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic here? I’m not trying to be a dick, and I want nothing more than to make this better for you. But leaving me isn’t the answer.”
“Then what is?”
“How about sticking by me. I know life sucks right now, but I firmly believe we will get through this.”
The hurt in his voice broke me, and I had to force myself to follow through with this. “I want you to focus on your career. I don’t want to be a burden on you.”
“Burden?” He paused. “Don’t you fucking get it? I would trade everything for a life with you. So why the hell am I the only one fighting for us here?”
The emotion spilling out of him pulled at my heartstrings. My resolve waived slightly, but that pit in my stomach and the sense of unrest were too big to ignore.
I placed my hand over his, trying to steady my voice. “There is a part of me that is selfish and wants to say the hell with it. If you go, I go. We’ll fight the world together. But I know that there is a good chance that you will resent me in the end. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day, you will wake up and regret it all.”
“You are wrong. I’ve spent my entire life chasing titles and winning awards. And you know what? None of that means shit to me right now. You’re all that matters.”
I shook my head as another tear slid down my cheek. “You’re just saying that because you’ve lived most of your adult life alone, but you don’t have to be alone. You have a family that loves you, friends that adore you, and?—”
“A wife who doesn’t think I’m worth the risk.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “Nothing could be further from the truth, which is why I can’t do this. I would feel differently if I thought we could simply outrun all our problems without suffering the consequences. But it’s not that simple, Rhett.” I moved so I could sit on the table in front of him. “This isn’t what I want. It isn’t just about you and me. I know at the end of the day, Beau will be fine. But there is also a chance that he will cut me out of his life if we stay together. I need to work on repairing that relationship first before I move forward with you. And you need time to make sure this is what you want.”
His expression hardened. “So, you’re just going to push me away?”
I shook my head, never hating myself more than I did at that moment. “I’m not pushing you away. I’m asking for time and understanding. Have you looked online lately? I’ve done nothing but bring chaos to your doorstep. Sometimes, we need to do what’s best instead of what we want.”
“You can spin it any way you want to make yourself feel better, but just be honest, you’re acting out of fear, and instead of leaning on me, you’re turning your back on me. That tells me you don’t believe in us.”
He was angry and had every right to be. I took his hand and squeezed it. “Listen to me. I’m not leaving you. This isn’t the end. It’s just one chapter of our lives. I am doing what I think is best for you. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but I’m doing this for us because I feel like it’s the right thing to do.”
“What about what I want? Do I get a say in any of this?”
My lower lip quivered. “Of course you do. That’s why it’s important for both of us to give each other space to figure things out.”
“I don’t want space, and I sure as fuck don’t need to figure anything out. Unlike you, I know what I want. I don’t need a day, a week, or an inch of space to know that I love you and want to spend my life with you. I’ve spent the last six weeks fighting for you, trying to get us both on the same page. I have done nothing but put you first. I don’t know what else I can say or do to stop making you doubt us. Maybe I should stop trying. Maybe you’ll never get there.”
“Don’t say that.” I cried, tears blurring my vision. “I’m doing this because I love you.”
“You love me, huh?” He laughed bitterly. “Do you believe it’s that simple? That we can just hit pause and pick up where we left off whenever you decide you’re ready? I thought we were in this together, but I guess I was wrong. Instead of standing by my side, you’re choosing to walk away. You know what? Maybe Beau was right. Maybe I’m not the right guy for you.”
My eyes slammed shut, and it felt like I was breaking apart at the seams.
“You can’t believe that.”
“I don’t know what to believe right now.”
I clutched his hands in mine. “I don’t have all the answers, but I know I have to do this.”
His jaw worked back and forth as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “I understand why you need to be there for your uncle. What I don’t understand is why you can’t be there for me too.”
“I swear to you. I’m not choosing him over you. That’s not what this is about.”
“It sure feels like it.”
He looked at me with tears in his eyes, and I couldn’t take it. No matter how much it hurt, the road ahead was too uncertain. It would be so easy to stay. Maybe I would have felt differently if our relationship hadn’t been so new and fragile. But everything was falling apart, and I didn’t know which way to turn.
I stepped forward, needing to be close to him. “I need you to understand that this is only temporary.”
He crossed his arms. “So, what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Pretend you don’t exist?”
My face paled. “Of course not.”
“This is ridiculous. You really don’t see how fucked up this is?”
His hands were balled into fists. He was taking this the wrong way. I was doing this all wrong. I was hurting him. I needed to stop this and make him understand.
“Please, just listen to me.”
“If the next words out of your mouth aren’t, ‘I love you, Rhett, and I’m not leaving,’ then I don’t want to hear it.”
I covered my mouth, fighting back a sob. “You have worked so hard to get to where you are. I don’t want to be the reason you can’t give it your all. I’ve already cost you too much.”
His face was a mixture of anger and pain. “You don’t get to make those decisions for me.”
“I promise, this isn’t the end, okay?”
I walked into the bedroom and retrieved the other suitcase I hadn’t finished packing earlier. I started shoving things inside. Nothing was neatly folded or organized. It was a mess, just like my life.
I walked over and pulled my phone charger out of the outlet. I stared at the picture of us at the gala with tears blurring my eyes. Every inch of space in this room held so many memories: late nights of spilled popcorn during movie nights, mornings with coffee and so much laughter, tender kisses and gentle touches, and love. So much love. It all stared back at me, making this moment even harder.
“I’m begging you not to do this.” He stood in the doorway, his eyes red-rimmed, and just the sight of him made my throat tighten. “You told me you would try.”
I closed my eyes, praying for strength. “You have no idea how badly I want to stay, but I’m tired, Rhett.”
He gripped the doorframe. “Have you once stopped to consider that I might need you right now? More than ever.”
My heart was breaking as I struggled to find the words to make all the pain go away, but I couldn’t think of a single thing.
“I love you, Rhett, more than anything. This hurts like hell, but all I know is I’m the reason you’re going through this. All I’m doing is hurting you. I don’t even know why you would even want to be with me. I want to be the best version of myself for you, and I want you to be absolutely sure that I’m what you want. You need to focus on your career without me complicating things.”
“You’re going to regret this, Natalie. And when you finally come to your senses, just remember that you’re the one who did this, not me. All in some misguided attempt to do the right thing.”
When he turned his back and walked away, I sank to the floor. The weight of my decision pressed down on me, and I wondered if I had made the right decision. He thought I was giving up on us when all I was doing was making sure we were right for each other before we went any further. Our relationship had been a whirlwind, and if we didn’t press the brakes now, we would eventually crash.
This break was either going to solidify our commitment or be the crack that tore us apart permanently.