Chapter 31
Stretching out under the covers with a sigh, my bed seemed conspicuously empty. There was not a hint of another being – only the rumpled covers, a pleasant soreness between my thighs, and a lingering citrus scent giving any indication that Teddy had been here at all. For the entirety of the previous evening and night, we’d not left the bedroom except for snacks. But where was he now? Had he gone and run away again?
My brain was catapulted into wide-awake mode. The angry honey badger was stirring, growling, and getting ready for defensive manoeuvres as necessary. I sat up and scanned the bedroom, and out of the open door into the living room, which had been tidied after our bout of passionate wrestling yesterday. But there was still no evidence of a six-foot-three architect anywhere. There was no sound of the kettle boiling or the shower running. It was silent. It screamed of emptiness and imminent heartbreak.
While indignation and ire began to burn up my throat, my gaze came to rest on a pink sticky note sitting on the pillow next to where my head had been lying only a moment ago.
Stop freaking out. I have not left you and run away to join a monastery. I had agreed to meet Agnes this morning, and you seemed a bit tired after your exertions (which were spectacularly nice, by the way). Come over to her house if you want? Or I’ll call back in to see you later. T x
Then a text came through on my phone.
Ted: Read the note on the pillow, you lunatic.
Shaking my head, I fired off a quick “see you soon” reply and headed to the shower.
* * *
It was another glorious summer morning, and a warm, fresh breeze ruffled my hair as I made my way up the path to Agnes’s house. The side gate was open, and I followed the sound of music and laughter round to the back of her quaint, tumbledown cottage, ducking under trailing honeysuckle and avoiding the snagging brambles that reached out trying to catch my clothes like grasping fingers. From my secluded spot, half-buried in the hedge, I had a prime view of the garden, and I took a moment just to observe.
“Teddy, you waltz very well.” Agnes was beaming and her diminutive frame clutched onto him as they spun in circles to the crooning and slightly crackling voice of Frank Sinatra coming from a large wind-up gramophone sitting on the picnic bench.
“Well, you do me the honour of being a very graceful dance partner,” he replied, smiling down at her affectionately.
“I really do appreciate you fixing that old record player for me. It belonged to my father, a dusty old relic he held on to, claiming it sounded so much better than the modern ones. But I’m coming to think he may have been right after all.”
“You’re welcome. It was a fun little project to keep my mind off things.”
“Things?”
“Hannah,” he admitted sadly, and my stomach dropped.
“But you two are good now, right?”
“Yes, I think so. I just…”
“Just what?”
“I just don’t want to mess things up, Agnes.”
She tutted loudly and smacked him on the arm.
“Now stop it. You’re not going to mess anything up. You’re too hard on yourself, young man.”
He smiled. “I really do love her.”
“And she really loves you too. That treasure hunt of hers was quite nauseating, actually.”
“Wasn’t it just?” Teddy snorted. “But I absolutely bloody loved every single second of it.”
“And that’s because you’re just as bonkers and nauseating as she is.”
I couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that escaped, causing Agnes and Teddy to turn and spot me, partially concealed by shrubbery, arms folded, leaning against the cool wall of the cottage.
“We really are pretty bloody bonkers, aren’t we?” Teddy said.
My gaze locked with his and a moment seemed to pass between us, that now familiar invisible force drawing me towards him, charged particles pinging around us, as if we’d created our very own Hadron Collider.
“Ah, there you are. Let’s have some tea.” Agnes stepped out of Teddy’s arms and headed into the kitchen, seemingly making a lot of unnecessary noise for preparing some tea. She crashed around inside and sang loudly, in an obvious effort to give us some privacy.
“Hey, you.” Teddy seemed shy all of a sudden, quiet and pensive, which surprised and thrilled me. I wondered if he could read my thoughts as a reel of naughty images flashed through my brain as his cheekbones coloured a little red.
“Hey, you.” Hands in my pockets, I sauntered over to him, nonchalantly. “How you doin’?”
He laughed. “I’m doin’ ok, thanks. You?”
Fuck it. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself any longer, and in two strides I was launching myself at him, attaching myself to his face like a limpet. His groan of desire reverberated through his chest as he kissed me back, wrapping his arms around me tightly and pulling me in closer and closer until I could hardly breathe. The singing and pot clattering from the kitchen grew louder and Teddy smirked against my lips.
“Perhaps we should take this somewhere a little more private, snuggle bun?”
“Oh, sexy monkey features, you read my mind.”
“I didn’t have to read your mind. Your actions spoke loudly and clearly.”
“Tea!” Agnes shrieked, walking backwards out of the kitchen, a tray rattling loudly with crockery. “You can stop your canoodling now.”
Reluctantly disentangling myself from Teddy’s grip, I took the tray out of her hands and placed it on the table, taking a seat in the middle, next to the gramophone, just as Teddy’s phone began to ring.
Glancing at the screen, he looked a little confused for a moment, before excusing himself and nipping through the hole in the hedge and back towards his garden next door.
“So your cunning plan worked then, Hannah?” Agnes’s voice jolted me back from the lurid fantasy I was having while watching Teddy disappear from view.
“Seems so. Thank you for your help yesterday, by the way.”
“You’re very welcome. That poor boy has been all over the place about you, young lady, so don’t you mess him around now, will you?”
I did the Girl Guide salute. “I promise.”
I knew I never would. Because in total honesty, and as scary as it was, I couldn’t even imagine myself looking at another person ever again. This man filled my entire mind to the brim, leaving no room for anything else, no capacity for anyone but him.
“Good.” With a shaky hand, Agnes poured the tea into a flowery cup, the crazed porcelain wobbling noisily against the saucer.
“How are you feeling?” Taking the teapot, I took over being mother, and Agnes sat heavily on the wooden bench.
“Tired, Hannah,” she replied, her voice and the slump of her shoulders confirming the sentiment.
“Do you need help with anything?” Stirring in a lump of sugar and adding milk, I handed her the first cup. “Teddy and I can do bits with the goats or help with the garden? Give you a break for a bit?”
She looked defiant for a moment, and I recognised that expression, that need to be self-sufficient. I understood the desire to be independent and the refusal to ask for help in case it was construed as a sign of weakness. But then it fizzled away, replaced by dejection, and she nodded almost in defeat. And my heart broke a little bit for her.
Opening the packet of shortbread biscuits, I handed her one and then took one for myself, dunking it in my tea and savouring the sweet butteriness.
“Teddy is such a worrier, Agnes. He wants to keep an eye on you. I’ve told him that you’re a tough old bat and don’t need us to interfere, but if you could just appease him, it would get him out of my hair and I’d be grateful.”
Agnes laughed.
“A tough old bat, huh?” It was my turn to nod and she sighed. “You are so like my late sister. She’d have said exactly the same thing. Fine, I’ll do it. But only for Teddy.”
“What are you doing for me?” He said, reappearing through the hole in the hedge, looking a bit shifty.
“I’m letting you help me with the gardening, so you can trim that bloody hedge as you wish so you can nosy into my property.”
“Right. Good. Well…” Teddy glanced at me, silently urging me for something – what, I had no idea. “Don’t be mad, Agnes, but I’ve got someone here to see you.”
We both craned our necks to look as Teddy stepped into the garden with an elderly gentleman and a tall, young man, who both came into view through the gap in the thick privet hedge.
Agnes’s hand began to shake, and I gently took the cup from her, placing it securely back on the saucer.
“Are you ok?” I asked, but she was fixated on the people who had just appeared, ignoring my question entirely.
“Agnes,” the older gentleman said quietly.
“Edward?”
Teddy blew out a long breath. “Yes, I tracked down your brother-in-law, Agnes. It turns out he only lives ten miles away with his family and was very keen to see you again.”
A young, dark-haired woman appeared too, holding a small, chubby-cheeked toddler and clasping hands with an older child, who hid shyly behind her mother’s legs.
“Hello, Agnes. I’m Rose and this is Freddie, my husband, and our children, Benjamin and Elizabeth.”
“This is my girlfriend, Hannah Havens,” Teddy added, proudly.
Emotion brimmed over in Agnes’s eyes. Her lip trembled.
“How did you find him?”
Teddy ran his hands through his hair, before rubbing his chin a little self-consciously.
“It took a bit of effort, but it’s amazing the contacts my mother has through the WI.”
“It’s been so long. How are you?” Edward Timms stepped forward, and I helped Agnes to her feet and she stumbled into his arms, hugging like they were clinging on for dear life.
Edging away from the table, Teddy took my hand and pulled me in under his arm then gently kissed my hair. We watched the Timms family gather around Agnes, bringing her into the fold. Delight was evident on her face and tears rolled freely down her cheeks.
“You’re a marvellous man, Mr Fraser,” I whispered.
“Why, thank you. What a very nice thing to say. Have you been taking lessons, Dr Havens?”
“Oh yes, from a master of flirting. It’s been a real eye-opener.”
Freddie Timms turned to us and smiled. It was a familiar expression I’d seen in a tatty black and white photo in Agnes’s kitchen.
“Thank you so much for contacting us, Ted. Being able to connect with Agnes after all these years has really lifted my dad, and for us all to meet our long-lost aunt has been astounding and wonderful. We have their wedding pictures in an album and my father talks about his brother so fondly.”
“You’re welcome.”
“And of course, Agnes is very much part of our family now she’s been found again. We’ll help wherever we can,” Rose added, the toddler wriggling in her arms and squeaking to get down.
“If you head up into the orchard, there are some baby goats to meet. They love children,” I said quietly, indicating the rickety gate beyond the overgrown flower bed, and the Timms family meandered away with a grateful smile, all of them excited as children as they entered the realms of a secret garden.
Meanwhile, Edward had cranked the gramophone up again and taken Agnes in his arms. With overjoyed laughter, the two were dancing together, chatting excitedly and waltzing about the patio, a lightness now gracing their every step.
Snuggling in tighter to Teddy, I slipped my hand into the back pocket of his shorts and squeezed. “Such a do-gooder, and here I was thinking I’d fallen for the evil twin.”
Teddy huffed into my hair, muttering, “You definitely did. All this niceness has just been a ruse to lure you into my lair and never let you escape.”
He did a very good imitation of evil laughter.
“Yeah, I don’t buy that at all.”
“You don’t?”
“No, I don’t. You may think you’re the black sheep of the Fraser family, but I don’t agree. If anything, you might be a grey sort of sheep, but definitely not just your average run-of-the-mill white sheep.”
“Grey though?”
“A Herdwick, perhaps. Quite rare and imperfectly perfect.”
“I see. Thank you … I think.”
Giving him another squeeze, I leant up and whispered in his ear, “Teddy, it’s fine just to be you, and not compare yourself with anyone else. I mean, if I can love you for all your bits, then everyone else will, right?”
“All my bits?”
“Yeah, the uncertain bits, the funny bits, the silly bits, the sexy bits. They’re all really nice .”
Spinning me around to face him, he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, fingertips lingering over my cheek.
“Do you know what? Being loved by a prickly little hedgehog definitely has its advantages.”
“It definitely does. You’d better not forget it.”
“I won’t, and I’m going to continue to love you, and all your bits, even your glorious spikiness, until we’re old grey sheep together.”
“Then we’re in agreement?”
“Yes. A devout plan of being a bit kinder to ourselves, first and foremost?” He smiled.
“All right.”
“And I’m sorry that my own stupidity nearly caused me to lose you and my brother.”
“Yeah, don’t be doing that again, ok?”
“I won’t be doing that again.” He pulled me against his chest and curled his arms around in a protective vice. “Because you’re the only person who sees the real me, with no expectations to be anyone else.” He kissed my forehead, a lingering gentle brush of his lips over my skin. “And you were right too, you know.”
“I often am, but please enlighten me?”
With a chuckle, he said, “I too yearned for the love that Henry and Clara have, but I didn’t want to admit it. Although, I’m pretty certain that what we have is actually better, so there’ll be no more comparisons.” There was a pause, while I breathed him in – his scent, his warmth, his love. “Henry once said that he and Clara were made just for one another, and I completely took the piss out of him at the time, but now I understand what he meant. Because, Hannah, you were made just for me.”
He was right, of course, and I felt exactly the same way. It was annoying to admit it, granted, but I was going to have to get used to him being right about stuff. Because, while it was true that I allowed him to be himself, that I loved him for every imperfection and relished the vulnerability and awkwardness he held inside, it was his effect on me that was far more profound. His acceptance of my spikiness without judgement meant the world, and his innate ability to somehow turn my barbs to jelly protected me from hurting myself and other people in the process. I felt surprisingly secure that he truly accepted me for who I was, unequivocally. Unashamedly. Prickles and freckles and all.
Some might say that he had liberated my inner marshmallow hedgehog and showed me how to be a bit nicer all round. Had he? Yeah, probably.
And I bloody well adored him for it.