1. Chapter 1
JAX
FOUR YEARS LATER
Jax hated his life.
Gritting his teeth, he shifted his stance, leaning against the wall.
Most people thought that having a back problem meant that he needed a soft and pillowy chair, but firmer seats were better for him, so the cushioned monstrosities in the waiting room were out.
An orthopedist should have more than one option, and the lack showed that this doctor had never been in his patients’ shoes.
It made Jax want to turn around and leave, but he’d waited five months for this appointment, so he should see it through.
The door to the back creaked open, and everyone snapped their heads toward it, waiting for the call.
“Jaxon Fiorelli?” The nurse looked at the chart in her hands and then into the room as Jax made his way to her, knowing that all eyes were on him, because who walked like that at twenty-six? He’d woken up in pain, and the long car ride hadn’t helped, so his gait was giving eighty-six instead.
“Sorry, we’re in room three at the end of the hall.” The nurse seemed nice, and Jax was about to nod when he noticed a seriously handsome man limping out of the exam room next to them.
Stopping, Jax stayed rooted to the spot, his pulse racing.
It was like the electric jolt that used to run down his leg had been reborn, except this time it pierced his heart, as if Cupid was standing right behind him.
He’d seen tons of lovely men during his party days, but he’d never been struck down to his soul the second he’d laid eyes on someone.
Too busy studying the paperwork in his hand, the bearded gorgeousness passed Jax by without a glance. Old Jax would’ve chased him down, but New Jax just stood there, too shaken by his feelings to say anything.
At least he remembered to check out the man’s ass. Not bad. He must be a runner because his muscles were incredibly defined, but he was lean, as if he’d recently finished an ultramarathon.
A polite cough had Jax refocusing, and he looked between Hot Bearded Guy and the nurse, torn. Actually, New Jax did want to chase him down, but he couldn’t run, not anymore. So, he hobbled after the nurse, who waited by the door with a knowing look.
Grinning, he followed her inside.
“Sorry, he was cute.”
Half an hour later, he headed back down the hall, deep in thought over his prescription for physical therapy. After the long wait and the distance, the doctor had barely taken ten minutes with him. He should’ve gone with Hot Bearded Guy.
Making it to the parking lot, Jax leaned against his car and looked up at the sky, defeated. Why was he even bothering with doctors again?
Because he’d been getting worse. It had been four years since his surgery, which had eliminated most of his pain at first, but it had been returning over time, and he wondered if he’d feel this way forever.
His options were more physical therapy, more cortisone shots, more pain meds - which he definitely didn’t want - or more surgery.
He wanted option E: none of the above. Cortisone shots didn’t work for him, and getting on the operating table again would be pointless because he couldn’t get a straight answer out of anyone.
Apparently, there might be scar tissue in his lower back from the herniations, or muscle damage, or deterioration, or something they hadn’t found yet.
But he wasn’t about to let them fiddle around so he could go right back to square one, or worse.
The only thing left was another round of physical therapy.
He couldn’t help but wonder - if the pain was this bad now, then how much worse would it get as he aged?
According to the doctor he’d just seen, he’d been lucky to make it to twenty-two before his back had given out, and the quickly hidden expressions of pity from other specialists had told him that he was going to lose his mobility over time.
His phone lit up, and Jaaaaxon sat across the lock screen with five kissy-face emojis after it.
Having health problems had shown Jax who his real friends were. Some had ghosted right off the bat, either too self-absorbed or too awkward to deal with his issues. While it had hurt, the second wave had stung more. Those were the people who’d shown up for a while, but eventually they’d faded away.
Or Jax had chased them away.
And he didn’t blame them. He used to be fun.
He used to have a life, but it had slipped through his fingers.
Now, all his energy and abilities were needed for day-to-day existence, leaving him exhausted and simmering in a slow-cooked fury.
He’d lost too much - the degree he’d worked so hard for, his apartment, the promise of a steady career, the freedom of a dance floor, even his late-night walks - and now all he had was limitation and pain. How could he forgive that?
Only Mae had stayed, but that shouldn’t have surprised him; they were always two dysfunctional peas in a pod.
Cracking his neck, he texted her back.
Just got out of a doc visit. He added a heart emoji and then a skull . They’re useless as usual.
Ofc they are. I was in treatment for 5 months and it didn’t do shit. Three eye-rolls followed. BTW I have some gud painkillers if you want.
I’m set. He probably had stronger ones, but he hated using them and only did so when he woke up in agony. Getting into his car, he started it, letting the heated seat work on his back. Thankfully, he could adjust it in various ways, and he made himself as comfortable as possible. How are things?
They suck, as usual. I’m keeping my weight up but I hate it.
After a long battle with her family, she’d finally gotten help with her eating disorder because an influencer she admired had a similar problem.
So exactly when am I going to meet Olleelicious?
You said I could once I got out of treatment and I’ve been out for weeeeks .
In a strange twist of fate, that influencer had turned out to be Jax’s future brother-in-law, and Mae had been hounding him for an introduction.
While he’d grown up the only child of a single mom, the search for his absent father had led him to surprise siblings Finn and Megan, and he was still reeling from the discovery.
He didn’t want to show them his pain-filled, angry side yet, and he certainly didn’t want to introduce Ollie - Finn’s fiancé - to Mae.
Yes, he loved Mae, but she was messy, and while Ollie had inspired her to get help, she hadn’t taken her recovery as seriously as he had.
I’ll see what I can do.
You said that last time, you dick. That actually made him smile.
I mean it this time. He didn’t mean it.
Anyway, guess what? I dyed my hair pink! My mother hates it says I’m ugly and will never get a husband whaaaatever .
Did my mom do it? He looked in the rearview mirror at his roots, frowning.
Yeah and she tried to feed me.
Sorry.
It’s okay. Your mom is nice. I wish my mom was like her.
You can borrow my mom whenever you want.
She sent him a GIF of a cartoon rabbit yelling YES! and Jax smiled again, but it fell from his face as he picked up the physical therapy prescription, studying it once more.
He did come all this way. Maybe he could find someone knowledgeable enough at PT to help him form a plan, any plan.
It was worth a shot.
“It looks like you’ve done these exercises before.” The physical therapist watched as Jax went through the motions.
“I’ve been in PT a few times,” he grunted, gritting his teeth as he finished the final leg lift, his back giving him a warning .
“Does it help?” Younger than him, Kyle seemed to know what he was doing, checking Jax’s alignment as he turned and did a side plank.
“Not really.” Holding himself up wasn’t easy, even with what was left of his athletic body, but his balance fell to pieces as Hot Bearded Guy walked through the door, looking just as delicious as he had a few weeks ago.
Slumping to the table, Jax took a break, pretending to listen to Kyle while his heart pounded in his ears. Seeing the gorgeous man again had the same effect, like the universe was highlighting him, telling Jax to pursue. But Jax couldn’t just get up in the middle of a PT session and start flirting.
He’d do that after.
Trying to even out his breathing, Jax slyly studied his new husband. Tall, with sandy-brown hair and eyes to match, he had a scrumptious beard and a calm, quiet assurance. And he was definitely a marathon runner because he was lean with an ass that wouldn’t quit.
Jax clicked his teeth with the barbell in his tongue, finishing the next exercise as quickly as he could.
“Let’s move to the wall bands.” Kyle gestured for Jax to get up, and they went to the main area, where Hot Bearded Guy sat on a recumbent bike beside the windows, rehabbing his wrapped right knee.
Luckily, the wall bands were in the perfect place. Pretending to stare out the window, Jax did his reps, keeping the man in his peripheral vision and noting the lack of a wedding ring.
Was he single? Gay? Bi? Not a psychopath? That would be nice. And what should Jax say? He’d never been so hesitant to approach someone before, because this felt different than a hookup, like he was teetering on the edge of a precipice, and it made him hesitant.
Apparently, he was focusing too hard because he jumped when Hot Bearded Guy did.
Cringing internally, Jax snapped his gaze to the cheesy motivational sign on the wall as the man answered a call, and Jax didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the piped-in music didn’t quite cover other people’s conversations.
“Hey.” His voice was smooth like honey with a tone that said he had a soft heart.
It wriggled under Jax’s bones, making them quiver.
“I’m at physical therapy…It’s okay, I understand.
” The tenderness in his words told Jax that this gorgeous man was already taken, which shouldn’t be a su rprise.
“How about I stop at the doughnut place on my way home?”