7. Chapter 7
JAX
“Are you sure I’m not putting you guys out?” Jax asked, flattening empty boxes and piling them at his feet.
“Are you kidding? We have the room, and Finn is super excited about it.” Ollie added another flattened box on top.
“And what about you?” Jax squinted, taking a sip of tea from his thermos. He didn’t even know why he was asking, because if this was a problem, then he wouldn’t be there. Moving twice in two months had been difficult on him, but once again, Finn and Ollie had come to the rescue.
The face-off with his landlord had resulted in a visit from the cops, and the neighbor’s doorbell camera, along with Jax’s video, had shown that Gus had been in the wrong. The police report allowed Jax to wiggle out of his lease, but he hadn’t been able to get anything else on short notice.
He’d ended up venting to Finn about it at Marci’s wedding, leaving out the part where he’d yelled at his landlord.
As usual, he could’ve handled the entire interaction better, but in the heat of the moment, he always flew off the handle.
It wasn’t a matter of choosing not to be in control; it was a matter of control being ripped from his hands, and he didn’t know how to fix that.
The morning after he’d spewed his frustrations, Finn had called, offering Jax a spare room so he could save up for a bigger and better place, and Jax had instantly accepted.
“I don’t mind at all.” Ollie picked up the pile of boxes. “But you might want to get some noise-canceling headphones.”
“Already got them. I’ve had roommates before.” Grinning, Jax toasted Ollie with his thermos. “And don’t worry, I’ll be out as soon as I can find another place.”
“Jaxaphone, I mean it, you can stay as long as you’d like.”
“Thanks, Ollie.” Putting his tea down, Jax bent awkwardly to pick up whatever cardboard was left behind, and he could feel Ollie’s eyes on him.
He should probably tell them the truth. Ollie and Finn were safe people, just like his mother and Mae, and if they knew, then they might be more forgiving if he snapped at them during a high-pain day.
“I put all your long-term storage on the shelves in the garage, so we should return the van.” Finn walked into Jax’s new room with impeccable timing.
“Thanks, Finn. Um…I need to talk to you guys.” Jax took a deep breath as the two focused their attention on him, catching his serious tone. “I know you can tell there’s something going on with me. Physically.”
“Is it your back?” Ollie asked.
“Sunshine.” Finn bumped Ollie’s shoulder.
“Winner.” Jax pointed at him. “When I turned twenty-two, my spine herniated in a bunch of places, so I had surgery to fix it.”
Finn gasped, a stricken look on his face. Ollie was stunned into silence, which rarely happened.
“And I did good for a while, but…” he gestured toward his tall chair, which rested behind a standing desk. “It’s either scar tissue or my back is falling apart, I dunno, but I’m in pain a lot of the time.”
Ollie stepped forward, gently hugging him at the shoulders.
“Is there anything we can do?” That was nice. He didn’t offer advice, only understanding, but he’d been through his own battles, so he knew.
“You’re already doing it.” Jax genuinely meant that. “I have trouble with sitting and strenuous movement, but I can hold my own. Moving twice is stressing it out, though.”
“Are you on some kind of treatment plan?” Finn followed with the standard question that almost everyone asked, but Jax didn’t hold it against him, giving a real answer.
“I’m between doctors because it’s chronic and they don’t offer me a lot of options.”
“Well, if you think of anything you need? Let us know.” Finn hugged Jax as well, careful to stay above the waist and not squeeze too hard, and Jax appreciated that more than he could say.
He didn’t talk about his disability for a lot of reasons, but Finn and Ollie were family, and they constantly acted like it.
“I know this is private and we won’t tell anyone, but why don’t you let Angelo and Owen know?” Ollie blinked innocently.
“I don’t want to tell them unless I absolutely need to.
” Jax met Finn’s eyes and knew that he agreed.
“People will have an unconscious bias if they realize I’m disabled.
I know you think they won’t, but they will.
And I’m in a competitive field that doesn’t give a lot of accommodations.
I know that’s wrong, and I could be the one to change it, but honestly?
I’m in too much pain to make waves. I just want to be seen as someone who can do the job until I can’t. ”
“He’s right,” Finn said to Ollie. “There’s the way the world should be, and the way the world is.”
“Well, it’s fucking ableist,” Ollie grumbled. “And I’ll be your accommodation, okay? You let me know the second you need help, and I’ll be there.”
“Ditto,” Finn nodded.
“Thanks, guys. It really means a lot.” Jax’s gaze flicked to his phone as it vibrated on the nightstand.
So now you’re LIVING with Olleelicious? Jaxoooon you need to send me a pic, sat across his lock screen. Thankfully, the others didn’t see it; they just gave him a quick wave and left as he typed back to Mae.
Can you chill please, don’t be a stan.
It’s waaaay too late for that. And I could’ve helped you move! I had to watch your story to find out what’s happening. A dozen crying emojis followed along with some skulls.
Sorry. Work is a lot. And my old landlord was an asshole, I had to move quick.
Ah, OK. A few seconds went by. Did you meet someone? Why was she so good at sensing that?
He had met someone, but ever since he’d seen Tristan talking to his ex in the parking lot, Tristan had pulled back.
Even from that distance, it had been easy to tell that she was Rain’s mother, and some of the line cooks had talked about ‘the ten that Derrick had hit on in the parking lot,’ but Jax had stomped on that gossip before it gained any traction.
Tristan needed privacy because no one wanted their entire workplace to know that their ex had shown up to be messy.
Now all Jax had to do was get rid of this avoidance, because he missed Tristan’s morning greetings and passing nods, not caring that there was a bit of red in his green flag.
Maybe. A guy from PT ended up working at my hall. He sent her a thumbs-up emoji, followed by several eggplants.
I’m dying, tell me more. Or we could old-man it and have an actual phone call?
How about I come down and see you next week?
Yessss. A picture of her giving him the finger popped up under it.
Her hair had faded to a lovely light pink, but she was sickly thin, and her complexion had a gray cast. I know you can’t dance but let’s go to this new place.
There’s an ambient room upstairs and someone from my friend’s polycule is spinning there. We can try to be lowkey.
He let out a long breath. While Mae was definitely lying about being lowkey, it didn’t sound too bad.
But a week later, he thought it was the worst idea ever.
“Are you having fun?” Mae screamed in his ear as the floor vibrated under his feet, the drop making everyone jump until the building rattled.
He hadn’t done this in so long, not since he’d stubbornly gone back to his old life a year after surgery, and it hadn’t taken more than a few nights out to realize that his body couldn’t do it anymore.
But since he didn’t care about drugs besides the gummies he took for pain, and he couldn’t enjoy the music in the way that he wanted to, this space was no longer for him. While he already knew that, this particular visit hammered it home, and suddenly he was blinking back tears.
Taking a deep breath, he gave Mae a weak smile and a nod. Too wasted to see him struggling, she made a duck face, flashing a peace sign at him before running over to the DJ, who put an arm around her shoulders.
A door opened across the room, showing Jax an outdoor area, and his body moved of its own accord, wanting out of the dark, pulsating void that no longer brought comfort.
It took a while for Jax to weave through the cluster of bodies, but he eventually sprang free from the rundown factory, stepping into a courtyard surrounded by woods.
With the full moon to light his way, Jax walked around groups of people until he found the perfect pine tree to lean against. Taking in its scent, he immediately thought of Tristan, which wasn’t surprising because, in spite of the avoidance, Tristan was on Jax’s mind a lot .
What was this? Infatuation? Limerence? Should Jax even act on it?
There were so many reasons not to, including his back. While he could technically have sex, his choice of partner could make the experience pleasurable or something that left him in pain for a week.
Yet he knew without a doubt that Tristan would be slow and gentle, and Jax needed that so badly.
Suddenly, he realized that there was nothing to decide, because he’d already made his choice the moment Tristan appeared at The Pointe.
Jax wanted to take the risk, with his job and his heart.
Despite recent improvements, Jax still hated his life.
He knew that the day was going to be rough before he opened his eyes.
His back had pulled him out of dreamland like a child screaming for attention, and even though he’d been careful in his sleep, he instantly knew what had caused this pain.
He’d just moved again , and he’d also driven the hour to Mae, wandered around a club all night, and driven home.
He should’ve waited an extra week and rested up more. But there was no way around it, he was getting worse, and he wasn’t even surprised, just angry and disappointed.
Lying there longer than he should, Jax chanced being late for work, carefully reaching under his pillow for his phone.
After that infamous morning four years ago, he always placed it close by, because dragging himself across the floor to get it had been excruciating, but not as bad as being wheeled out on a stretcher half-naked in front of his neighbors.