26 The Walnuts
Beau/Dash
Beau
Sea Springs, Texas
“Mr. Beau,” Amelia said, lively. “Hello. I missed you.” True to form, she moved around her desk to envelop me in a warm hug. I embraced her just as tightly, balancing the small package and scanner with one hand. “I have something for you. Don’t leave.”
Naturally, she didn’t make it easy on me to slide in and out with only a quick greeting. In her enthusiasm, her hands waved in the air as she rushed back around her desk. That was when I noticed Dash leaning against the doorframe to what must have been an office, arms crossed over his chest, appearing as if he had all the confidence in the world, which technically suited him perfectly. Man, he looked incredibly good. So good. His stare was locked on me, but he didn’t say a single word.
“Dash and I baked these for you last night. They’re chocolate chip cookies,” she said proudly, bringing up a festively decorated tin from a drawer at her desk. Her gaze shot back to Dash, as if to include him in the conversation.
“With walnuts,” Dash added. My mouth watered. I missed lunch today to make time this afternoon for Dixie’s veterinary appointment.
“With walnuts,” Amelia repeated, completely aware of how much I enjoyed her cookies. I hadn’t had them since her last visit to Chicago a few years ago. She handed over the container as if presenting me with a special prize. I scanned the barcode on the package and traded it for the cookie tin. The delivery required a signature, so I passed over the handheld scanner for Amelia to sign. She was much better at juggling the load than I had been.
“Thank you. It’s hard to believe Dash was in on this,” I said, my attention divided as I clicked through the screens to submit the delivery details.
“No, he really did. The Airbnb he rented has a beautiful kitchen. So big.” She beamed broadly at Dash. “He’s such a good man. It was all his idea.”
That was even harder to believe. Dash hadn’t spent time in the kitchen since he graduated law school. The sudden silence quickly became uncomfortable. Rather than brush aside the tension, I focused on Dash, getting serious, draining all the joy from the room. “What’re you doing?”
“Keeping an eye on you,” Dash said, smugly, lifting one shoulder as if the answer were obvious. His nonchalance was a too familiar reminder of the person Dash had become. He added a smirk to complete the picture.
My focus shifted to Amelia. “I appreciate the cookies. I’ll definitely eat them all.”
“Dasham, share what you want him to know,” Amelia scolded.
“I’ll answer when he asks questions he doesn’t already know the answers to,” Dash said, his intense gaze fixed firmly on me.
I let out a sharp bark of laughter, turning away from him. Let the games begin. As I started toward the door, I heard Dash’s sure stride and the soft click of his loafers behind me. When I glanced back, Amelia was nowhere to be seen, and Dash was closing in on me.
“Ask the question you truly want an answer to.”
Dash halted inches away from me, making it impossible to open the door. I cast a sneer over my shoulder. He came in so close that his unique scent of cologne wreaked havoc on my senses, frustrating me.
“Back off,” I said and flipped around, ready for the confrontation. Dash stayed right there, holding his ground, way too close for comfort.
“That’s not the question,” he said. His sultry voice had the same medicinal balm as the gentle breeze coming off the ocean. And I had to get the fuck out of here before my defenses lowered more than they were.
“Why’re you here?” I asked.
“You know that answer too,” Dash said, shaking his head. Irritation had a single brow lowering. “I’ll share the answer anyway. I resigned from the firm a week after you didn’t come home with me. I’ve sold the penthouse and our Dallas home…”
“Dallas is your home,” I murmured, definitely, knowing that he had always referred to the house as ours.
“It was our home. It was built to be the place you and I resided,” he insisted, stepping in slightly closer. I stayed rooted to my spot, not due to any manly pride, but everything about him overwhelmed me. He always fucking did this to me, made me unsettled. I didn’t like it. “Chandler was there to gather information to report back to my father. He thought he was setting me up, but I knew from the beginning. When you left, he took the opportunity to attempt to ruin me both professionally and personally. The latter worked flawlessly.”
“Our problems began years ago,” I stated, and started to edge past him. It was time for me to leave. When I moved away enough to open the door, Dash’s firm hand slapped down on the wood, keeping it closed.
“I take full responsibility for what happened. I sought revenge against my father, and I lost sight of the fact that I had become him. I apologize for my behavior. After I left the firm, I saw what I’d become. Have dinner with us. Amelia’s making her tamales that you like. We can discuss what our future looks like together.”
Still facing the door, I closed my eyelids and remained silent for several long seconds before straightening my spine. For the first time in months, the boundaries I’d placed on our relationship began to blur. I found it unsettling, as I was just getting past the end of our relationship, now learning who I was as a man. I didn’t know what our future—mine and Dash’s—looked like, but I wasn’t ready to go back to the life we’d shared. With the way Dash dominated me, he wasn’t as changed a man as he pretended to be.
With him surrounding me, my body tightened, and I had to get out of there before my resolve cracked.
“Beau, I love you. I miss you. Nothing’s changed for me. Please talk to me so I can resolve your concerns and we can become a couple again. ”
I had to leave. With a force that was fueled by urgency, I flung the door open and started jogging toward my truck before anything more could be said. My quest to find my true self had nothing to do with love, unless it was about loving myself.
Of course I loved Dash, that was never in question. I hadn’t left him because I fell out of love with him. I’d left because I’d lost myself, if I ever knew me at all. I just refused to allow the bond we’d always had to control me ever again. Once I figured myself out, I’d decide what I wanted in a relationship. He’d have to wait or move on. That was just how it would go this time. I finally had control of my own life, and I wasn’t going to relinquish it based on a few words of devotion.
Dash
Weeks later
For as long as I had searched for the area Beau lived, I never expected to stumble on him randomly, on a Saturday evening, while driving on Oceanside Drive, the scenic route of the Gulf of Mexico. Another surprise was that he had two spirited German shepherds on leashes. I didn’t stop or pullover, but I drove slowly as he jogged across the street, looking hot as hell in the tight -fitting athletic wear, and gave some sort of command to the dogs.
Still on the leash, they came back to his side taking a seat. Pretty damn impressive. He unleashed them both and threw out a hand. The three of them jogged on the beach together. After a few seconds, the two dogs bolted, running freely. Beau called out something, I didn’t know what, but they ran into the surf, happily traipsing through the water.
Beau continued to follow, jogging behind them. He had earbuds in his ears. Music was new to his workout. Maybe. I hadn’t seen him exercise in years. The time I’d wasted that I’d never get back haunted me. A long, irritated honk from behind snapped me back into reality, but my focus remained on Beau. I pulled over, so taken with the way Beau handled himself and the dogs that I couldn’t continue my drive.
When they were too far away to be seen, I glanced on the other side of the road at the townhomes lining the opposite side of the street. A dark blue jeep was parked beside the townhome on the corner, and the tiny voice of intuition whispered that it belonged to Beau. I couldn’t contain my smile. Beau had made a good life for himself. Seeing Beau happy filled me with immense satisfaction. It was what I’d always wanted for him.
I drove slowly along the side of the road and turned into the parking lot ahead. I circled around, until I was back on the street, heading in the opposite direction I’d been traveling but in the same direction that Beau had jogged. I’d give up everything to be jogging with Beau right now, involved in his dogs’ lives. It had been this town, this beach that had set my life on the trajectory of Beau Brooks. I was never going to get that man out of my head. I didn’t even want to. I stayed in the far right lane, slowly driving until I saw they’d made it to a private beach. There was a dog park there, the German shepherds were popular among their peers. Before Beau could reach the park, the other animal owners were already welcoming them.
That same attention that was once directed toward me now felt distant, almost an unachievable memory. What a fool I’d been. With roughly four months left on my one year sentence, my determination strengthened to bring us together on that day.
When my heart gave an ache that wouldn’t release, I marked the location where I’d seen Beau and started in the direction of the Airbnb. As always, disappointment in myself made it impossible to think clearly.
What happened that urged Beau to decide on two dogs? Were they male or female? Beau had gotten dogs and I wasn’t involved in the decision. Switching gears, I thought about how hot my guy was while jogging in his tight running shorts and fitted tank top. He was beautiful. Still solidly muscular. It seemed his body was just made that way.
Desire raced across me. Visions of Beau moving over me replaced everything else. I needed Beau inside me. My own fist on my cock tonight just wasn’t going to do justice to sex with Beau.
I wondered if he’d discovered another rock-climbing club. What happened to the dogs when he took his trips? Did they join him on his adventures? They appeared to be very well trained. Had they come to Beau that way or had he taught them? I could only speculate on any answers. I had no idea. Sadness stamped out my desire.
If I ever had an opportunity to bury Chandler, I’d take it without looking back. His payback was coming.
Beau
One month later
I burst into Dash’s office building, startling the shit out of Amelia in the process. The front door rattled under the force I used. When the damn thing bounced off the wall, coming back at me, I had to resist the urge to beat the hell out of it.
I didn’t say a single word as I stomped my way to Dash’s office, forcefully pushing open the closed door. Dash was in a meeting with someone, but I paid no attention to the other person, and didn’t give a fuck about professionalism.
“What the hell’s all that money in my account for?” Although I asked the question, I didn’t wait for an answer. “However you got it into my bank account, take it back. I don’t want it.”
Dash glanced at his client sitting across the desk from him and nodded her out of the office. “I’m sorry, but I need to handle this matter. Feel free to call me anytime tonight with concerns. Otherwise, meet me at the courthouse at eight thirty tomorrow morning. We’ll talk more then.”
The woman shot a worried glance my way, but she still nodded at Dash, snatched her purse from where it sat by her feet, and zipped out of the office like she was late for a race. As soon as she was gone, I again zeroed in on Dash. “I have four million dollars that needs a place to go. I don’t want the money. Take it back. Put it wherever you want.”
“No,” Dash said, waving a hand dismissively. “I need to prepare for a full day in court tomorrow. Would you like to continue this conversation over dinner tonight?”
Oh fuck you , I wanted to say. I hoped the insult stayed on the inside of my head, but I wasn’t sure. “You’re a smug bastard. If you don’t take the money back, I’ll donate it all to charity,” I countered.
“I figured you would, but it’s yours to do with what you want.”
Dammit . My head was about to explode. I didn’t want the money. Why was everyone always trying to give me money? It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out I wanted to live off what I made. Even more upsetting than the money was the way Dash ignored me. For months, he stalked me, putting himself in front of me all the time, and now, he chooses not to care? Dash sat in his chair and sifted through the paperwork on his desk.
“For now, I have court tomorrow. I need time to prepare. Will you send Amelia in on your way out?”
“You’re always prepared. Stop the act.”
Dash paused the fake rifling through papers on his desk and leaned back in his seat. “You’ve got me there. Have dinner with me tonight.”
At that moment, my brain nearly short-circuited. Heat rushed to my cheeks as fire burned my senses from the inside out.
“You’re breathtaking while angry.”
My hands flew up in frustration as my thoughts tangled, fueled by my anger. Four million dollars was an enormous sum of money. I.. What.. Ohmigod… Why did what I want never matter to anyone?
“That money is from the sale of the penthouse. The Dallas property income will be available in the next few days. Your half will be…”
I couldn’t bear to hear another word. No matter how hard I tried, this man kept throwing me off. Yes, I was angry, but I loved him more than I could say. Now those emotions were mixed into everything else. Left with nothing more to say, I pivoted out of his office and stalked toward the exit.
“I warned you he wasn’t going to like it,” I heard Amelia say. I left the office, before Dash responded. If Amelia grasped my wishes, why couldn’t Dash? Man, I needed to take time to compose myself before getting behind the wheel of my truck, but I didn’t.
What did I do with the money? How did I even handle such money? Did I let it hangout in my checking account? That seemed wrong.
Another louder voice inside my head screamed something obvious that I had completely missed. It pointed out that Dash seemed to view our relationship as if we were broken up, dividing our assets as if we were dismantling every aspect of our lives.
I didn’t like that one single bit.