Chapter 16
“HOW’D YOUR DATE GO last week?” I ask Vale as we start our walk out after class ends.
The question’s been on my lips the whole morning, and my mind’s been in metiche mode even longer, wanting to get into business that isn’t mine.
I barely held back from texting or FaceTiming him Sunday night when I got back from my parents’.
A part of me wanted to give him space. Maybe that boy from Kingsville was staying over, and I didn’t want to get in between that.
Another part of me didn’t want Vale to text me back those words.
If he was getting dicked down, I didn’t want to know. Good for him though. He deserves it.
And, maybe related, but the only reason I didn’t ask him before class started is because I walked in to him on his phone and I was scared of the answer being “I’m actually texting him right now, telling him how much I want him to stay the night again.”
Which, again, fine. I should support that.
I will support it. Cheer him on, even. If I feel a type of way about it, it’s got to be because I want to know he’s with the best. But , conversely, Vale would’ve told me right away if he had a good feeling about this guy, right?
Like, would’ve told me all about his day, how much fun he had.
The fact that he didn’t has to mean this boy’s a loser and it’s all history.
Right?
“It was good,” he says. He doesn’t sound over-the-moon about it, but I’m also not getting anything that sounds like he’s lying or trying to swerve from the topic.
He doesn’t look like he regrets it. “I took him by the shop, we got something to eat, hung out at the beach. Went to this place with really good burritos Leana told me about. I think y’all went together. ”
I was supposed to take him to the beach. I should’ve been the one to show him that food truck.
I shake my head, pressing the heel of my palm to my forehead. Still tired from a weekend in the sun, I think. Mixed with Philosophy class first thing Monday morning? Yeah, my whole body, inside and out, is fried.
“Did he end up staying over?”
“Nah. I was already pushing Sunday hoping he’d be like, ‘I actually have to head back today because I have class tomorrow,’ and it worked out exactly that way. Oh, also—” Vale pulls his backpack to his chest, taking out my jacket. “I forgot to give this back to you.”
“Nah, hold on to it,” I tell him, my words coming out quick. “I mean, you know. That way you don’t have to worry about making sure you’re wearing blue and green when you come to my games. You’ll always have something.”
“You sure? You don’t need it?”
“I’m sure. We’ve got so many clothes. And wear it when I’m out for away games too. So I know I’ve got a lucky charm here rooting for me.”
“I, yeah. I will. And, in that case—” He stops for a minute and puts my jacket back on. “My literature professor is always trying to see how cold he can keep his classroom before the AC breaks. This is going to come in handy.”
“Good. See, you’re already wearing it, like, two hundred percent more often than I would, and it’s only been three days.”
“Okay, math major.” We keep walking on what’s become our usual route, going the direction of his next class and as far that way as I can before I’ve got to take a sharp right and head for my building.
“Anyway, let me know what your schedule looks like for the near future. We’ve got a midterm in a few weeks, and I don’t want you trying to cram everything in last minute. ”
My face goes up to the sky, eyes scrunched as I groan. “Don’t remind me. What if we did just a little last minute? Give it a good week and then we’ll come back around. How about if, when we get back our essays on Wednesday and I’ve got at least a B, we wait until next week … end to start studying.”
“B plus.”
“Deal. Oh, and still going to see you at lunch today, right? You’ll sit with me and the boys?”
“Yeah,” Vale answers, smiling. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“See you then.”
Every other day, I take a sharp right, hustling toward the building where my eleven thirty class is as soon as we say bye, fast enough to be in my seat right on time.
Today, though, I’m rushing into the room a minute late.
Because something about Vale walking away wearing my jacket, with my name on the back of it, had me needing to stand there in the middle of campus watching him go.
I let out a grunt as I push the barbell up, feeling the strain in every arm muscle. My face scrunches as I push a little more and … there .
Once the bar’s locked back in place, I sit up, catching my breath, eyes closed, thankful that set’s over.
Behind me, I can hear Kat taking off some of the weight, prepping it for their turn.
One more breath in and out, and I’m up, cleaning off the bench and getting into position to spot them if they need me.
“I could’ve switched the weights for you.”
“You looked like you needed those ten seconds,” they say with a smirk. “Nothing I couldn’t do myself.”
Kat takes a seat, gets about halfway to lying down, and then, after a few seconds of making a human obtuse angle, sits back up, spins around to face me, and crosses their arm over the bar.
Their eyes stay on me, and if we weren’t the only ones using the athletes’ gym right now, I’d say to be serious and stop shitting around.
Instead, I keep quiet, an eyebrow perked up, waiting on them to say whatever is obviously on their mind. We’ve got the time tonight.
“Can I—” comes out before they’re sighing. Their face goes tense as they keep thinking before trying again. “Circle of trust for a minute?”
“I—yeah. Sure. What’s going on, Kat?”
“You realize I’m, like, different from everyone else on my team, right?”
My eyes go into a line, trying to read further into this, hoping to see the point of their question. “Obviously. You … they —”
“You can say what it is. I’m sitting here asking for it.”
“They put you on the team you’re on because you’ve got a, you know. Vagina.” I don’t know why I circle my own junk when I say that. I, just as, if not even more, obviously do not have a vagina. But that was a choice my hands made before I could think about it.
“I—yes,” Kat says, the words catching in their throat as they try to keep down their laugh and look anywhere except where I was motioning.
“That was wild of you, but yes. Yeah. I just … wanted to say that I know what it’s like to be on a team where, even among all the ways I’m a lot like all the girls, I’m still the odd one out because I’m not one. ”
“Well, yeah. You’re also like one of the guys too. I mean, you’re definitely one of the boys.”
They smile and pat my hands now safely gripping the bar as they say, “Thanks. But, you know, the NCAA thinks my identity doesn’t matter on the pitch. Or that what I’ve got going on underneath my shorts matters more. Either way, weird stuff.”
“And you’re a great player, Kat. One of the best on the team. Which is something I’d still be saying if you were with us, playing with me and P é rez.”
“Exactly. And I know that it wouldn’t be a one-for-one comparison; everyone’s life and experiences are different.
But what I’m trying to get at is if—and I’m not saying there is, so please don’t assume I’m assuming— if there’s something that’s been going on in your life that makes you feel like the odd one out, maybe even uncomfortable or unsafe or like you can’t talk to someone on your team about it, or even your roommates, you can talk to me, alright? And it can stay between us.”
“Oh, I’m not nonbinary, Kat.”
They suck in their lips and close their eyes, letting out a breath through their nose.
Even with their mouth like that, I can see how they’re having a hard time forcing down a smile as they shake their head.
“I realize that, Gabo. I—there can be more than one thing in the container of things that makes someone a potential target for ostracization.”
“Coming out with the big, pre-law words today.”
“ Gabo. Seriously.”
“ ?Qu é ? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kat. Thanks for the … whatever this is. Pep talk. Circle of trust. I support you too. And if I ever feel like trying out they/them pronouns, I’ll let you know.”
They let out a long sigh, crossing their arms on the bar between my hands and planting their face into them. And when they come back up, one of their hands reaches for mine. “One, as much as I would love and happily embrace that version of you, I truly do not see that happening.”
“Why? Because I’m so manly?” I reply, turning around and staring at myself in the wall of full-length mirrors while flexing my arms.
“It would be a difficult and devastating loss for the he/him community. But, two, I want to assume something now. Okay? And I do this not intending to mean any harm by it or make you feel like I’m trying to hurt you.”
“That’s comforting.”
“Shut up. I just … I’m really glad we’ve become friends, and I love you, as friends do.”
“I love you too, Kat.”
“I also want to tell you one more time that I hope you feel like you can talk to me and be honest with me about these things knowing I wouldn’t tell anyone.
I wouldn’t even be bringing this up if we weren’t alone right now.
And, I hope it’s obvious that I wouldn’t think any less of you, ever.
At all. But I— Is there something going on between you and Vale? ”
My eyes that were looking at our hands race to their face. “What? No. We aren’t—I’m not gay, Kat.”
“You don’t have to be gay to like guys, Gabo.”
“I—yeah. Yes, I know. That was my bad. But I’m not … no.”