11. Isabelle
11
ISABELLE
It wasn’t hard to see the absolute devastation Eva felt as she sat across from me last night. If anyone understood grief, it was her. Loss was a strange thing. It had a way of twisting your insides and tearing away all the things you thought you knew about yourself.
After I went back to my room, I sat up for a long time, trying to reconcile myself with how I played a part in her husband’s downfall. Technically, I hadn’t really done a thing wrong. When Ebarardo came for me all those years ago, I hadn’t been willing. I knew that much. But I never asked anyone to come after me. Rafe did that all on his own. And Cash chose to go after Rafe. But I still felt I had to take some kind of ownership for the part I played, even if it was unintentional.
When she told me she asked Knight to go after Cash, I immediately panicked, hating the idea of losing the one person who seemed to understand me. But then I realized that if I asked him to stay, Eva might end up going through the loss of a husband. Just like me.
The pain that I constantly felt—the ache that slashed at my chest—was just too much to bear sometimes. I didn’t want her to feel that for even one minute. While she may be hurting now, there was still a chance her husband could be saved. She could still get him back, even if he was broken.
Besides, she had kids. They needed a father. That was something I never had a chance to have with Ebarardo. We’d talked about it over the years, but it never seemed to be the right time. If I could help her keep her family together, I would do everything I could.
That was why I stood in the common area, waiting on Eva to come out of her room. The moment Knight saw me, he knew something was up. I was never out here waiting for anyone. But today I was.
“Isabelle, what’s going on?”
My heart beat a little faster as I tried to open my mouth and tell him what I wanted. It seemed impossible. Ebarardo always knew what was best for me. He told me what to do and when to do it. I was never given the opportunity to have the freedom of choice. Could I actually voice this?
“Isabelle?” Knight said again, his eyes concerned.
“I—” My throat dried up at the thought of asking. No, I couldn’t do it. It was…wrong. Ebarardo wouldn’t want me asking for anything.
“Is there something you need?”
I looked into his dark eyes and remembered that he would be leaving soon. Who would I talk to? Kate, but she worked all day. Everyone else was busy. Mrs. Cartwright was around, but…I swallowed hard, trying to work up the courage to do this.
I would do this.
“I want to go back with Eva.” It rushed out of my mouth so fast that I wasn’t sure he understood what I said.
His brows slanted in a frown. “Why?”
I licked my lips. Why? I had to explain myself. Crap. “Because…I know how it feels to lose a husband.”
That was all I had. There was nothing more I could say. I didn’t know how to live on my own. I had nothing to give other than my time. I had no way of taking care of myself. But this felt like the right thing to do.
“Okay.”
He said it so simply, like he wasn’t worried I would run away.
“That’s it?” I asked, waiting for the catch.
“Isabelle, I’m not your father. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”
“But…you’re…taking care of me.”
He nodded slowly. “Eva will look after you. Just tell her what you need.”
I was so confused. I would just tell her what I needed and I would get it? Did things really work that way? “Shouldn’t you ask her first?”
“Would you prefer that?”
Was he serious?
“Ready to go?” Eva asked, walking up behind me.
Knight turned to Eva. “Isabelle wants to go home with you.”
“Okay,” she said simply. “We have plenty of houses on the property. Or you can live in the mansion. Whatever you want.”
I stared at them slack-jawed. Surely, there had to be some breakdown in communication here. I was talking about leaving this place, not just on vacation, but for good.
“Um…Are you sure? I don’t—I mean…I’ve never lived on my own.”
“It’ll be fine,” she smiled. “And if you’re not comfortable on your own, you can stay with me.”
“But you don’t know me.”
“You’re family,” she stated simply.
“See?” Knight said. “Go pack. We have to hit the road.”
Pack my bags. We were leaving. Just like that. My eyes drifted between the two of them. I took one step, then another, certain the moment I got to my room, one of them would follow me and start punishing me for daring to ask for something so far outside the scope of what I was allowed.
But when no one followed me, I got to work and packed my bags. I was leaving and starting a new life. A smile touched my lips even though the ache in my chest was growing.