15. Kavanaugh
15
KAVANAUGH
I stared at her number for way too long, trying to think of something clever to say. Merry Christmas just didn’t seem like enough. I needed more.
“Dinner’s ready,” Zoe said, poking her head into the living room.
I glanced up just as Red slapped me on the back of the head. “Ow. What the fuck was that for?”
“For staring at your phone for the last half hour,” he muttered. “You’re not with her anymore. Move on, man.”
“Just like that?”
“It’s been over a month. You have to let her go.”
“It’s not that easy. We have a connection.”
He shoved to his feet, snatching his beer off the end table. “What you have is a potential restraining order. Let. Her. Go.”
“We still text,” I argued. “It’s not like this is a one-sided thing.”
“I don’t get you. You broke up with her. You said you didn’t think it would work out, that you would never live up to her expectations for honesty.”
I rolled my eyes at him. He could be so fucking dramatic. “Red, we needed a break, and that’s what we took, but things are going in the right direction. I can feel it.”
He stared at me like I was an idiot. “You can feel it? What are you, a psychic or something?”
“No, but I have this feeling like it’s all going to work out. Trust me on this. I’ve got this under control. See, I’ve been laying the groundwork for the last month and a half.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, sighing heavily. “I can’t wait to hear this.”
“See, I told her that I’d be checking up on her.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So, a couple of times a week, I was checking in. Then I extended it to once a week.”
He nodded. “So, you cut back on your check-ins.”
“Exactly,” I grinned.
“And how does that prove to her that you want to have her back?”
“Well, if I started texting her all the time, she’d think I was being too pushy. She needed a chance to miss me. That’s what I was doing. I let her know that I was worried about her and I was thinking of her. Then, I cut it back when I knew she was doing okay. Now she knows I’m thinking of her, but I’m not trying to edge my way into her life. So, when I show up and ask her out, she’ll already have the seed planted in the back of her mind. Brilliant, right?”
“No.”
“What? Of course it is.”
“No, it’s not,” he retorted. “If you want to be with her, you have to let her know. Aren’t you the one who told me she was looking at IKE a certain way?”
“IKE hasn’t been around.”
“That you know of. And that’s beside the point. You’re playing games with her again. That’s exactly what she fucking told you she didn’t want.”
“Women always say that, and it’s always the opposite of what they mean! Every woman wants you to play the game. It’s how it’s done!”
He shook his head at me in disappointment. “If you believe that, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”
“Guys,” Zoe said, popping her head back in. “Dinner’s on the table.”
“We’re coming, baby,” Red said, turning back to me. “If you want to text her, go all in. It’s all or nothing. No halfway bullshit.”
“I can’t do that through text.”
“Apparently, you can’t do it at all,” he muttered under his breath, but I caught it anyway.
I glanced down at my phone and thought about what he said. In the end, I typed out Merry Christmas and hit send. I wasn’t about to say anything else to her over a text. When I walked into the kitchen, Red was slipping something to Fox, while he shoved it in his jacket, looking guilty as hell.
Strolling over, I tapped him on the shoulder, ducking just as he spun and thrust his fist at my face. “What the hell, Fox?”
“Sorry,” he said. Sweat poured from his face and he was shaking all over. The man looked like an addict who was looking for his next score.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I gripped him by the arm and he jumped, his eyes going wide as saucers. Fuck, I really hoped he hadn’t gotten hooked on drugs in the hospital. “Fox, tell me you’re good.”
“I—” He wiped the sweat from his brow and leaned in. “I just need something to take the edge off.”
Anger filled me as I turned to Red. “You’re supplying him?”
“It was just one time.”
“Just one—What the fuck is wrong with you? The man needs help! Look at him!”
“I am looking at him. This is what’s best!” Red snarled.
I grabbed Fox by the lapels of his jacket and spun him to face me. “Look at me, Fox. You do not need this. You’re gonna be fine, okay?”
“But…” His chin trembled and his hands shook out of control. “You don’t get it. I can’t function. Anna—she?—”
Concern filtered through me as I saw a single tear slip down his face. “What about Anna?”
“She did this to me.”
“Did what to you?”
His head snapped up, his eyes wild and untethered. “This! She did this to me! I’m losing my fucking mind! I can’t get them anywhere. The store won’t sell them to me. The gas station is out. I tried getting a guy on the streets, but she got to him, too!”
He was buying drugs at the grocery store?
“You don’t get what it’s like. She’s doing this as payback for what I did to her.”
“What did you do?”
“I took Cash. I was going to trade my life if he would only come back to us. And for that—” He squeezed his eyes closed and took a deep breath. He really didn’t look too good. I placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.
“It’s alright. Breathe through it. You can do this.” I shot Red a glare. I couldn’t believe he was feeding Fox’s addiction instead of getting him help. The man was clearly losing control. “Breathe. Do those Icelandic throat exercises you like so much?—”
Fox grabbed both of my arms and shoved me up against the wall. “Don’t you get it? Those don’t work! Nothing works! It’s all gone. Nothing helps anymore! I need something more!”
Enough was enough. I was taking back the drugs if it was the last thing I did. He wasn’t getting another pill out of any of us. “Give them to me, Fox.”
His nostrils flared. “No. You can’t have them.”
“Fox, don’t make me do this.”
“I won’t give them up. They’re mine!”
“Fox—”
“No!”
I faked like I was walking away, then spun and ripped his jacket open. He cried out, backing away from me, tearing his body from my grip, but I clung to him, refusing to let him suffer in silence. With more strength than I knew he had, he gripped me by the arms—and for just a second, I saw the beast raging inside him—then he flung me across the room, right into the table with the pies.
Screams echoed around us as I jumped up from the floor and the desserts all around me. Anna and Zoe rushed into the room, followed by Eli and Sarah.
“My pies!” Zoe shouted.
I stormed over to Fox. “I won’t let you do this to yourself. Enough is enough.”
“What is going on?” Anna snapped.
“Anna, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Fox is hiding something from you.”
“Please,” Fox whispered, his voice a tortured plea.
“This is for your own good.” I tore open his jacket, and pulled out—a snack pack of Funyuns. I frowned, staring at the yellow bag in confusion. “What is this?”
Fox turned to Anna, his chin quivering as he crumpled to the floor. “I’m so ashamed. I tried, Anna. I tried, but you can’t expect me to quit like that! You have no idea what it was doing to me!”
Anna strolled over to Fox and bent over right in his face. “Maybe now you’ll understand just a little of what it was like for me when you handed yourself over to Cash.”
She patted him on the cheek and walked away with a smirk on her face. I stared at her as she left, then back at Fox, who had torn open the bag and was now stuffing his face with what little Funyuns were there. He looked like a starving man who hadn’t eaten in a week.
“Do you have more of those?” I asked Red.
“A few,” he sighed. “But it’s best to feed them to him slowly. We don’t want him to overdose on them.”
I nodded in agreement. “So…dinner?”