35. Ike
35
IKE
Regret filled me as my phone buzzed.
I rolled over, shutting it off before it woke Isla, who was still sleeping peacefully in my arms. I pressed a kiss to her temple, wishing I could stay in her arms a little longer, but things had to be taken care of, and the longer I waited, the harder it was going to be.
I pulled the blanket up from where it fell to her waist. Despite the warmth from the fire I made, her back was still chilled, and after all the shit we’d been through in that damn shipping container, there was no way I’d ever let her be cold again if I could help it.
I glanced at my phone again, swallowing hard. They wouldn’t wait forever. I’d been gone too long. I hadn’t answered in weeks. How much longer before they came for me?
My eyes dropped to Isla, her sweet face shadowed by the flicker of flames from the fire. Would she understand when I told her? Would she forgive me for what I had to do? I was no better than Kavanaugh. I’d kept this secret from her all along. I’d known that this would come between us, that it might tear us apart. Yet, I refused to give her up.
I couldn’t.
I rolled to my back, sighing as I shoved my fingers through my hair. This was such a clusterfuck. I had no right to make any promises to her, not when I knew what was coming.
“Knox?”
My chest tightened at her voice. “Yeah, baby.”
“Why are you awake?” She snuggled into my side, draping her arm across my chest as she tucked her leg between mine.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
That was the last thing I wanted to do. Thankfully, she was already drifting off to sleep. I brushed my lips against her forehead. “I wish I could,” I whispered.
I stayed up the rest of the night trying to come up with a plan of attack. I was going to need it if I was going to get out of this alive. Isla could never know. I knew that went against everything I promised her, but this was one thing I just couldn’t tell her.
But as the sun rose in the morning and the thought of leaving her became a reality, my plan started to slowly fall apart. Walking away no longer seemed like a viable option. How could I leave and tell her nothing when there was a possibility I might never come back?
I grabbed my phone and turned it on, expecting the multiple voicemails that were waiting for me, all of them just as angry as the last. I had been gone for too long. If I waited any longer, I wouldn’t be the only one in danger.
I stood and started dressing, putting my feelings for Isla aside. I couldn’t think of her right now. I had a job to do, and if I considered her in all this, I might never leave. And then where would we be? No, the job had to come first. I needed to end this, and then we could be together.
Focus .
“What are you doing?”
“I need to leave,” I answered, not bothering to look at her.
“Where are you going? It’s too early to run errands. Come back to bed. I’m cold.”
I grabbed my tie and wrapped it around my neck, concentrating on each loop instead of the smell of her on my skin. “I have to leave for a few days. I’ll leave the keys to my house in case you need anything. There’s cash in my safe and the combination is your birthday. The security system?—”
“Wait. What do you mean you’re leaving for a few days?” I heard her get up and pull the blanket around herself. The anger in her voice was so undeniably fierce that I nearly broke and told her. “IKE, you just got back. You said this was over.”
I turned to her, my face cold and unyielding. “I told you the job with Shawn was over. I still have work to do.”
Her brows crinkled as she took a step back in confusion. “But…wait, you’re going back to…you’re going to do… that ?”
I grabbed my suit jacket and swung it around, slipping my arms into the sleeves. “What exactly did you think I was going to do?”
“Um…anything but that.”
“Well, there are things to take care of.”
“Can’t you take care of it later?”
“No, I’ve put them off long enough.”
She snorted at that, giving me a sarcastic scowl. “Killing someone can’t wait a day?”
“Not in my world.”
“My parents are coming into town in two days.”
Shit. It was very unlikely I would be here to meet them, and I knew this was important to her. “I won’t make it.”
“IKE…after everything that’s happened, I just wanted to tell them I’m okay and that I have someone?—”
“You should tell them you’re fine and you’re standing on your own two feet. That’s what they need to hear,” I argued, even though I wanted to be here, to tell them I would always protect her and take care of her. But I didn’t know that it was true. I wasn’t sure I would return or if I would ever get the chance to see her again. And I wasn’t about to make her empty promises.
“IKE—”
“I have to go.” I turned for the door, desperate to get away before I decided to say fuck it and stay with her, and to hell with the consequences. But that wouldn’t end well for either of us. As it was, I was already on borrowed time.
I reached for the doorknob, but she slammed the door shut and shoved her body between me and my exit. The look on her face made it clear that I wasn’t going anywhere.
“You’re not going anywhere without telling me exactly what is going on.”
I ground my teeth together and took a step back. “What’s going on is you’re blocking my way.”
“Because you woke up an entirely different person!
“I woke up exactly who I’ve always been.”
She scoffed at that. “It’s like you’ve gone back in time. You didn’t even kiss me goodbye. Are you going to start smoking again, too?”
“And if I do?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.
Her throat bobbed like she was holding back tears. I knew this was killing her, almost as much as it was killing me. I needed to leave. Now. “Is this because of what you said last night?”
“What?”
“About the spark?”
“What—” She read into what I said. Isla was anything but stupid. This woman would never let me get away with anything for the rest of my life.
“That’s it, right? I knew it last night. It felt like something was wrong. And now you’re leaving.”
Sweat coated my palms with every second that passed. Not much got to me, but answering her questions—knowing that it might end everything between us—that made my heart skip a beat.
My phone buzzed again, and I knew this time I couldn’t let it go to voicemail. I slid my thumb across the screen and brought the phone to my ear as my heart pounded in my chest.
“Yes?”
“You haven’t answered your phone.”
“I’m aware.”
“I need you for a job.”
“I assumed as much.”
My eyes never strayed from Isla’s as the silence grew by the second. To her, I was cool and calm, but inside, I was terrified that everything was about to come crumbling down.
“We have some matters to discuss. Be there at the usual time tonight.”
“I’ll be there.”
“And IKE…if you fuck this up, there will be no second chances.”
I hung up and pocketed my phone, finally tearing my eyes from hers. “I need you to move,” I said quietly.
She shifted to the side and I pulled the door open, stepping out onto the porch.
“If you walk out and don’t tell me what’s going on, don’t bother coming back.” Her voice quivered with the threat, but I knew she absolutely meant every word of it. She didn’t tolerate lies or secrets, and this was one that might just end things for good. If I stayed and explained things, at least there was still a chance. If I left…
With nothing left to do, I walked back inside and slammed the door behind me. “Fine. What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
“Be more specific.”
Her mouth dropped open as she tried to think of what to ask. There was a hell of a lot to tell her and not enough time in the world to get through it all. I had a limited amount of time to explain things before I had to leave, so I cut to the chase.
“I work for some nasty people. I already told you that I do some pretty terrible things. It’s not exactly the kind of life you leave. I can come and go as I please as long as I’m there when they call. But lately, I haven’t answered them at all. First, it was because I was locked in a shipping container. Then, I was too busy watching you to give a fuck if they needed me. After that, I started chasing down your dirtbag ex-husband.”
I shrugged, glancing away from her. “On Christmas Eve, I was going to head back. I had no reason to stick around, but I wanted to see you one more time. I missed you so fucking much. And then you called. You know the rest. So, I’ve pretty much been ducking their calls since then, and they’re pretty fucking pissed about that.”
“So…what does that mean for you?” she asked anxiously.
“It means that when I get there, it’s not going to be pretty. They have a job for me, and they need to talk.”
“IKE…” Her voice quivered with fear. I fucking hated that for her, but she wanted the truth. I had to go all in.
“Isla, I will do everything I can to come back to you.” Her head snapped up and her eyes widened. “But that might not happen.”
“But—That’s not possible. You’re IKE. You’re Knox Thorne!” she shouted. “It’s not possible!”
“It is possible. I’m only one man. There’s not a lot I can do against all of them.”
She shook her head wildly, shoving her fingers through her hair. “Why would you say that? Why would you even think that?” she shouted, rushing up to me and shoving me hard, pushing me into the door.
My back slammed into the door right before she slapped me across the face. “Why the hell would you say that?”
I grabbed her by the wrists and tried to calm her down, but she was like a fierce rabbit, trying to kill me as much as she wanted to kiss me.
“Isla. Isla!”
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she threw herself into my arms. I held her tight and pressed my lips to her head, wishing things were different. Hell, I wish I had never met her so I wouldn’t have to feel this excruciating pain, knowing that I might never see her again.
“You were going to leave me,” she cried.
God, I was such a bastard. “I’m sorry.”
She pulled back and punched me across the jaw. My head snapped to the right and I cupped my jaw, surprised by the hit.
“You’re sorry? Did you just fucking say you’re sorry?”
“Isla—”
“No! You don’t get to say you’re sorry after you got all dressed up in your fancy suit and walked out of here all stone cold and not caring at all that you were walking away from me for good. What the hell was any of this?” she asked, throwing her arms wide. “Did you care for even one fucking minute about me?”
I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her flush against me, my whole body shaking with rage. “I fucking care too much! You are everything to me. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. But this all happened before I even met you, and I can’t change that. I can’t just walk away from my old life without the consequences coming back on you, just like they did with Shawn. I have to go or you could end up dead.”
I stepped away from her, cursing under my breath as I turned and pulled myself together. I fucking hated every second of this. I hated her tears and the way she looked at me with those accusing eyes, but I had done this to myself and I had no one else to blame.
“Knox,” she whispered. “I can’t lose you.”
My chest constricted painfully at the ache in her voice. I felt her lace her fingers with mine and press her face to my back. Her other hand slipped around my waist as she held me to her. I clutched her hand to my chest and held on for dear life.
“Let’s run away. We could just leave it all behind,” she begged.
“You could never leave your sister,” I croaked out. “And we’d be running forever. I couldn’t do that to you.”
We stood like that for another five minutes before I knew I couldn’t stay any longer. It wouldn’t change a thing and would make leaving even harder. I peeled her arms from around me and cupped both hands around her cheeks, pressing one last kiss to her lips.
“Brightest fucking spark of my life,” I whispered. Then I walked out the door.