Chapter 12 - Samantha #2
But his words do nothing to hold back the tidal wave rising inside me. The moment he wraps his arms around me, I break down in tears. Big, silent sobs rock my body as Logan gently holds me, trying to calm the storm inside me.
He doesn’t speak. He just holds me tight, offering a haven of comfort in a world that’s been feeling anything but safe. His steady breathing anchors me, helping me slowly pull myself back together.
“I’m here, sweetheart,” he whispers tenderly. “You’re not alone anymore.”
I inhale deeply, trying to choke back the sobs still wracking my chest. Logan waits patiently, his presence steady and grounding, giving me the strength to face the grief I’ve been holding in for so long.
“Thank you,” I finally manage, my voice shaky but sincere.
He looks at me with emotion, his eyes full of understanding. He knows words can’t always fix things, but his being here—that alone is healing.
After a few moments, I gently step back and wipe my tear-streaked cheeks. We sit in silence, just soaking in the calm after everything that’s happened.
“You came alone?” I finally ask, breaking the quiet.
“Hmm, yeah,” he replies, sounding a little sheepish. “I left Jason back on BN-22, at headquarters.”
Was he worried I might try something with his new partner after everything that happened with Ayden? It’s been five Polar years since I last saw him, and honestly, I doubt he’ll ever set foot on Gekkaria again.
“You were afraid to bring him here?” I tease lightly.
“I… I’m sorry,” he says.
“Sorry? What for?”
“I fought him that day. Or maybe I should say… I beat him.”
I stare at my brother, stunned by the confession. He looks away, his eyes fixed on the small window of the wooden hut where I mix my potions. His face is serious, tense.
“I don’t understand,” I say quietly.
“That morning, Ayden came to tell me that you two had kissed. Just the thought that he put his hands on my little sister—I lost it. He didn’t fight back.
He admitted nothing could happen between you.
Not someone like him. Not someone like me.
Not with someone like you. So he left. Said he was going to request a new partner.
Told me that if he ever came back, he wouldn’t be able to resist you.
And I watched him go… without stopping him. ”
I stare at my brother, disbelief washing over me. For five long years, I thought I had driven Ayden away. Five years thinking I had scared him off, that I wasn’t good enough for him. That I’d disappointed him.
“You knew… all this time!” I accuse.
“If you mean did I know about your mutual attraction—yes, absolutely. But I still believe that, back then, nothing could have come of it. You were like an herBoorilte living on an independent planet, and he was part of an elite unit in the Confederation. No matter what you two felt, it was reckless and ill-timed.”
“You don’t get to decide that for me!” I snap, a deep ache rising at the thought of what we could’ve been.
“I know. And I’m sorry,” he says softly. “Maybe if you’d come with me to BN-22, things would’ve been different. You wouldn’t have had to face all the fallout from Dad’s shady dealings alone.”
I close my eyes, letting the silence settle as I try to absorb his words. I think of what might have been. If I’d had the choice, would I have followed Ayden? Would he even have asked me? Or was I just one of many left behind on distant worlds, wondering if he’d ever return?
“It doesn’t matter now. That was a long time ago,” I finally say, pushing away the guilt I see etched on Logan’s face.
“No use crying over what-ifs and regrets. And if I remember right, you did offer back then, and I was the one who said no. I was too scared to leave and just kept hiding with the Gekkaris, too afraid to imagine another life.”
“And now?”
“Now… I know it’s time to move forward. I can always come back here if I need to.
The Gekkaris are kind and generous, just like they were with Mom.
But I’m not eleven anymore. I’m not even eighteen.
I’m twenty-three. And my future isn’t here—cut off from the rest of my kind.
Especially not in a colony that’s fallen under Felone’s grip. This place… it’s no longer home.”
“I passed your message along to Akifumi—he’s our commanding officer now.”
“I thought it was Haruki?” I ask, surprised.
“Haruki was our weapons master, the one who trained us. Once we’re officially active, we fall under Akifumi’s command. They’re both Polarian, if you were wondering.”
“That clears things up. Come on—let’s keep talking somewhere else,” I say, scooping up Gooz, still curled up asleep in the corner. “Did you run into anyone on your way in?”
“You mean those weird little naked guys in the purple forests?” he chuckles. “Sure did. I greeted them like you taught me—hands, ritual and all. Just… don’t ask me to tell them apart.”
I burst out laughing. He’s not wrong—it takes time to recognize individual Gekkaris unless you’re around them constantly.
I know they’re already aware Logan is here. Some of them even know him a little from his last visit, but not well enough to have learned the intricacies of their gestures. Few Gekkaris even use signs themselves.
Outside, under the gray, threatening sky, I meet up with Mila, Flea, and Goulou. Ever since my father died, they’ve spent a lot of time by my side. Not because I grieved him more than I grieved Mom—but because they could sense how lost I felt.
What a strange feeling, being surrounded by those I’ve known my whole life and still feeling so out of place. My joy is still there, but it’s as if my inner light has dimmed a little.
“My friends, Logan is here,” I say, signing quickly as I speak.
“Lo’gan! He’lo!” they exclaim in unison, wearing what I like to call their happiness smiles.
Logan waves back, giving me a playful look that says, So… which one’s which?
I smirk and ignore him, following my Gekkari companions to the large clearing where the evening meal is held. Gekkaris snack all day—mostly on little bugs that pass by—but at sunset, they come together for a very different kind of feast: fresh flowers and fruits.
It’s a unique moment of connection. The gathering is lively, but takes place in near-total silence, broken only by the rustling leaves and soft chuckles here and there.
Gekkari communication is almost entirely visual.
Their skin bursts into vivid colors, pulsing in rippling lines that reflect their feelings and thoughts.
The quick flicks of their tongues as they snag fruit, the shimmer of light on their scaly skin, the meaningful glances exchanged—it’s a dazzling scene.
And despite the lack of human voices, the mood is warm, even tender. A strange and beautiful blend of energy and serenity that’s nearly impossible to describe.
As we arrive, the Gekkaris recognize Logan and greet him with glowing displays of shifting skin tones—an intricate and mesmerizing visual language.
Lina holds out a bright red fruit, offering it to him with a kind nod.
Logan accepts it with a polite tilt of his head.
They lock eyes, sharing a respectful moment the way I taught him.
Lina’s silver scales change color to signal her acceptance of him among them.
We all sit cross-legged around the wide, low table.
“Are we allowed to talk?” Logan whispers, clearly unsure of the rules here.
“Quietly, if you’re talking to me,” I reply. “If you’re talking to them, go slow and keep it simple. Only a handful understand our sounds. Mila will translate anything important.”
“But… will us talking bother them?”
“Not more than two people deep in conversation would be bothered by a buzzing insect nearby.”
"So you’re calling your big brother a buzzing bug now?” he grumbles playfully. “May I remind you I’m part of an elite unit and deserve respect at all times?”
“Oh no! You raised your voice. You’ve probably offended them!” I say, eyes wide with fake panic, hand to my mouth.
He freezes, guilt washing over him as he imagines he just caused a diplomatic disaster.
And I burst out laughing.
Everyone turns to stare. I can’t stop giggling, clutching my stomach, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. All around me, Gekkaris begin to flash bright, joyful patterns, reflecting my mood. The entire table sparkles in unison.
Logan catches my eye, utterly confused, which only makes me laugh harder.
Eventually, the meal continues. The Gekkari conversations are silent but vibrant. Zalim tells a story using skin patterns that flicker in golden shapes. Others join in, creating a dance of color and movement.
“I get it now”, Logan says. “I see what you love here. But you know there’s another life waiting for you. Other Humans to connect with, to teach and learn from. It’s different, sure—but no less meaningful.”
“I know. And I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. You’re right—it’s time. This safe little world has been my cocoon, but I’m ready to break out of it. I’ll come back here from time to time, and I know I’ll always be welcome. But I want more now. I’m ready to leave—with you.”
Logan gives me a look that’s both proud and relieved. Maybe he thought it would take more convincing. But the truth is, I’d already made up my mind.
To show him I mean it, I rise to my feet and turn toward my Gekkari friends.
I raise a hand to call their attention, then point firmly to myself. I open my right palm and extend it toward the horizon in a bold gesture of departure. Then I draw a swift, wide arc with my hand—symbolizing travel beyond the stars.
“Tomorrow, I’m leaving with Logan. Far beyond the stars!”
Mila rises too, her skin pulsing as she translates.
“You… gum bag sumday?” she asks.
“Yes. I’ll come back to visit,” I reassure her with a soft smile.
In an instant, I’m surrounded by glowing yellow hues—joy and hope radiating from every Gekkari.
My dearest friends…
Oh, how I’ll miss them.