132. Heartache
132
Heartache
B raveheart
“Eat hearty,” Zedd says with gusto. It’s clear whatever she has planned for today is energizing her. Which means it won’t be good for us.
I’m sitting across the table from Valor and Willow, watching their interactions even though I should be paying attention to the upcoming challenge, or at least eating for nutrition to keep up my strength.
Instead, I’m seeing visions of the replay of the sex they shared last night. The images were quite realistic courtesy of TGN. The sound of their moans, especially Willow’s, are still reverberating in my ears. The close-up of her face shattering in ecstasy will possibly remain superimposed on everything else I see for the rest of my life. Which, granted, will expire today.
I’m weak. Barely able to walk. Unless Zedd has planned a lively board game for today’s challenge, I think I’ve doomed myself and my team to death. I hope they make it quick and painless. What if they sell a black market pay-per-view Pain Package for those with sadistic desires? Perhaps TGN will torture us to death for profit. I wouldn’t put it past them.
I wouldn’t care if it were just me, but Willow deserves so much better.
Willow. I think I fell in love with her within minutes of holding her against me that first night in our cell. She was terrified and angry, but smart enough to know she had to lie down to get to sleep. She’d trusted me. And in that moment, she owned my heart.
I try to keep my eyes on my food, which is tasteless, but my gaze is drawn like a magnet to the two of them. To their credit, they’re not touching and are avoiding looking at each other. They care about me. I know that. They don’t want to hurt me.
Valor is the victor. We had both vied for her affection, even though we were honorable about it. I was out of the running and lost the race.
Willow is looking at me and talking. I shake my head, indicating I didn’t hear her.
“They wouldn’t let you see a medic. It was one of the things we could buy with the tributes we earned, Braveheart. It cost a million credits.”
She lets that figure hang in the air. Last I’d looked, we were under 100,000. Before I can ask how they earned a visit from the medic, she says, “The only way to earn that much was to have sex for everyone’s entertainment.”
My eyes shutter closed and I simply nod for a moment as I absorb her words. They didn’t just go at it on galaxy-wide vid for the joy of rutting like two wild animals.
“We did it to keep you alive.”
Right, but I have eyes in my head. From what I saw, it wasn’t torture.
We both care for you , Valor broadcasts to us both. We would never have done it except for the credits. Why would a thinking person choose to have their first time televised like that? But, I won’t lie, it wasn’t exactly a hardship.
I feel a gust of his remorse.
We dove into the moment and took pleasure from it.
He spears me with a hard look, letting me know he’s not sorry about what he did. He’s just sorry it hurt me.
And we bonded. At least, I think we did.
He nudges a question at Willow, who nods. Her face is squinched tightly, a mask of pain and regret even as she admits her affection for him.
They didn’t do this to hurt me. Didn’t mean for things to happen behind my back. It all happened out of their urgent desire to save my life.
“Thanks for telling me. I forgive you,” I say so low I hope none of our drones pick it up. “No,” I correct myself, “I don’t think I’m fully there yet. But I want to. I want to forgive you both.”