238. My Heart
238
My Heart
A ’Dar
Her mouth and hands, and yes, those golden eyes surrounded by water-spiked lashes, are too beautiful, too clever, too talented. They do their job too well and before I can pull away, I’m jetting down her throat, my cock spewing its hot liquid, spraying the back of her throat as I moan, pleasure flying through my body, lighting everything on fire.
She sucks greedily, like a newborn rerrik , knowing it needs to swallow or die.
Have I sentenced her to a lifetime of servitude to the demands of machta ? I grew up hearing of it spoken about in hushed tones as if it were the highest aspiration in the universe. She couldn’t feel the same way about it.
Two days ago, she was living her life with her gray eyes and shorter stature and blunt teeth and not a care in the galaxy. She certainly had no need to guzzle an alien’s sperm or pierce his skin to gulp his coppery blood.
She’s moaning in pleasure. Driven purely by biological drive.
She releases my cock with a soft pop, then tilts her head to lean against the wall.
My chest feels hollow. No. It can’t feel hollow and feel agony at the same time. I’ve broken her. Contaminated her. Polluted her. I need to make amends, but how?
Maya
My thoughts had become hazy when I was organizing things with the group of newcomers. It’s a wonder I managed to make any sense.
Machta is powerful. Later, I’ll need to ask A’Dar if it will be this way forever, or if the compulsion will ease off.
I don’t know how a little drop of his cum has hung on to his cock under the onslaught of the shower, even though the spray is pounding at A’Dar’s back. I can’t control the urge to lean forward and swipe the little soldier off with my tongue.
When I look up, I notice an odd look on his face. I imagine we both need a nap. We’ve been running on little sleep and haven’t even eaten a nutrition bar in days. I’ll give him a jolt of Maya—either my blood or some sex—and then maybe we can sleep for a year. It will be like heaven to finally feel safe.
He turns off the shower and lifts me in the bridal carry as carefully as if I’m a Ming Dynasty porcelain vase. After meticulously toweling me off, then giving his own gorgeous mottled green skin a few swipes, he carries me to the bed and sets me down, my legs over the edge.
Instead of pouncing on me, though, he steps back and says, “We need to talk.”
“The four worst words in the English language.” It’s my attempt at a joke.
When I glance at him, I see he’s not in the mood for frivolity. His face is like a thundercloud, browridge lowered, jaw clenching, and his mandibles are quivering. I sure hope he’s mad at someone else, because if this is directed at me, it’s terrifying.
“I’ve harmed you,” he says simply, as if that explains the look of agony on his face.
My hand flies to my right jugular as I wonder if he’s talking about the red marks I noticed in the bathroom mirror.
“Yes, your neck,” he breathes as he shakes his head, his lids shuttered. “But so much more. My chemistry has changed your very physiology.” He gestures up and down my body. “Did I trick you? Force you? I must have. You never would have chosen this on your own.”
“The time for this conversation is long past, A’Dar. That ship has sailed.”
It takes a moment for him to catch the meaning of my idiom. I can see the moment he understands, but it just causes him to shake his head.
“I’ve stolen so much from you.”
To make his point, he slips his thumb between my lips and slides it along the sharp tip of my fang, cutting himself in the process. Even though he’s in emotional pain, even though we’re having a serious discussion, I can’t control my impulse to grip his wrist so I can suck his thumb and drink his blood.
“Exactly,” he says, as if I just proved his point. “I’ve turned you into an axmutine .”
The word doesn’t translate, but I’m sure it means vampire. I must admit, the fact that I now need blood to survive doesn’t sit well with me, either.
“What’s done is done.” I shrug.
“If I could change you back, Maya, if I could turn back time and change your body and send you home like you were before. If you no longer had the desperation, the need to drink my blood or seed, would you take my offer?”
“It’s a ridiculous question.” My voice is petulant. That choice has already been made. The horse has left the barn. The genie is out of the bottle. The train has left the station. Now’s the time to make the best of the hand I’ve been dealt. Lemons into lemonade. All those empty sayings.
He drops to his knees between my feet, the muscles in his face drooping in sadness.
“Humor me, Maya. It’s a simple question.”
He’s wrong. It’s not simple at all.
I think for a long moment, my thoughts jumbled. Then I simply allow myself to imagine it. I picture leaving here, getting a good night’s sleep back in my apartment, and waking up to go to work.
I run through a typical day fielding calls at my desk and slipping out for fast food at lunch, then going home to watch TV or do my diamond painting, my new hobby. I picture lunch and a movie with my friend on Saturday, and yeah, I imagine a hundred more e-dates with the same success I’ve had for years—none.
Then I picture doing it all while living with the memories of the last few days. No. That’s not exactly what I imagine. Who would want to re-live that? I picture it with the memory of A’Dar like he is right now, his sincere gaze looking at me like I’m the most important thing in the universe.
What would it be like to go about my daily business as if nothing had changed when everything has changed?
My tummy does a wild dive with a swoop and a swirl at the end when I think of living without him.
It hits me with the speed and force of a freight train that he’s my mate.
I may not have asked for it or wanted it or even fully consented, although I let him lick my palm to heal me. But I want him now.
“No.”
His browridge wings up as if he doesn’t remember the question.
“No. I wouldn’t take you up on your generous offer, Adore. I wouldn’t go back to my old life. I couldn’t, and it has nothing to do with your essential fluids. It has to do with you .”
I cup his cheek and hope my newly golden eyes are speaking volumes. He turns his face into my hand and kisses the center of my palm. Every muscle in his body had been on high alert, but they all stand down as he breathes deeply for the first time since we were in the shower.
“You adore me.” His body trembles as he accepts the truth of it. “You are my heart,” he says simply, his eyes shining with love.