15. Chapter Three
Chapter Three
B ayne
I ache. Deep in my bones. The ache is warm and tight and unrelenting. Nothing feels right. My teeth don’t seem to fit in my mouth correctly, my fingers feel too long, and all the vivid colors hurt my eyes.
My thoughts are swirling. I vaguely remember people I think were my parents, but my childhood is like a swirling black hole with more questions than answers.
There were so many years in my canine form. By the male’s face who looked at me in the mirror, it’s been more than a decade. I remember the spiked collar I wore on my neck and the smell of metal that was never far from my nose.
There were fights. I remember those. Perhaps I’m remembering all of them, because there were many. So many. If what I remember is only a portion, I fought a lot. So much blood. Thankfully most of it was my opponents’. I can taste the metallic tang in my mouth. I remember some respite, some moments or days in two-legged form, but so much time was spent on all-fours.
You’re back! My inner dog says with joy and excitement. So much pain. Fight. Kill. Pain . He is practically howling. Then Willa came. She saved us. She stroked us and hugged us.
It’s been so long since I could talk to my inner beast I am practically vibrating with joy.
Yes. We’re finally free.
This bed is blissfully soft, especially compared to sleeping on the cold stone of cells and cages for the duration of my captivity.
And then there’s Willa. Willa of soft hands and softer voice. After so many years in my shifted form, I couldn’t think properly, couldn’t understand many of her words, but I knew her. I knew she wouldn't hurt me. I felt her caring, her concern.
I know the scent of her arousal. It was strong on her this morning. I remember that. There are things that become fuzzier when I’m in canine form and things that grow sharper. The aroma of excitement is sharp. I can smell emotions.
Since I met her, Willa has reeked of longing and sadness. Her love for me, though, has never wavered.
I sniff in and get a big gust of her scent. It’s not full of her love now. It’s fearful . . . and aroused.
I’m under the covers but can see the flag of my desire stating the obvious. By the look in her flared brown eyes, she sees it too.
I don’t want to think about the last decade. That would make me both melancholy and furious. I’d rather pay attention to the attraction arcing between us like a living thing.
“Willa. Join me,” my tone is warm, persuasive.
A picture of what she was doing this morning flies into my mind with as much clarity as anything that happened in my shifted form. How lovely she was when she pressed her head back against her pillow, her mouth open in a small ‘o’. The swiftness of her hand circling between her legs. The soft, desperate noises she made when she got close, and the long, low satisfied moan when she reached her climax.
My cock is rock hard when I remember that. My canine nose comes alive beneath my skin as I recreate it in my memory—the spicy bite and allure of her scent. When I glance at her again, I’m sure my desire is clear as my gaze burns through her.
Take her, mate her. My canine whines and nudges. I push him back and assure him that’s the plan.
“I could ease you,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t sound as rough to her as it does to me. “I could give you more than you gave yourself this morning.”
By her reaction, this wasn't the right thing to say. Her lids fly wide, as does her mouth. She paces backward until her back hits the wall. Her small hands fly up, palms toward me as if to keep me away although I’m lying on my back. I doubt she even knows she’s doing it.
What did I do wrong? I sniff again, four little breaths and one long one. I’m certain I’m right. The scent of her arousal is thick in the air. There must be something I don’t understand. My memories are still shrouded in fog with only little snippets of clarity.
I have no doubt, though, that in my pack, we expressed our desires freely with willing partners in both two- and four-legged form until we mated. Then my species never stray from their mates. In my head WarDog whines in confusion and distress and it’s all I can do not to make the same sound out loud.
“Willa?”
“What?”
“I desire you.”
“Yeah, that’s obvious.” Her gaze flicks to the tent my cock is making under the covers.
“You desire me,” I point out the obvious, my head cocked because I don’t comprehend the problem.
“No. I don’t.”
I breathe in loudly through my nose. “Yes. You do.”
Her eyes prick with tears. She looks surprised and ashamed, then shakes her head.
“You’re mistaken. And why are we having this discussion? We just met.”
“You said you’ve known me for three lunars .”
“Well, yeah . . . No, I've known you for two hours. I knew WarDog for three lunars .”
“I am that canine. Weren’t you there when I shifted?”
“We’ve exchanged maybe a hundred words. All of them in the last few hours. That’s how long I’ve known you.” She’s angry. I don’t understand why. Her mind wants one thing but her body desires something else.
“You’re angry. What did I do?”
She takes a deep breath as a thousand emotions flit across her face. They shift from surprise to anger to sadness then circle back to anger.
“We just met. We’ve known each other for two hours and you’ve propositioned me. That’s rude.”
“It is? I smell your need. I offered to ease you.” I’m baffled. Perhaps my translator is old and needs an update. But that couldn’t be it. I can read the expression on her face without benefit of translation. She’s furious, and hurt.
WarDog, as he now wants to be called, is anxious and pacing inside my head. He releases one plaintive whine.
“You do not smell my need. That’s rude. It is not something we talk about in polite society.”
“Okay. I won’t mention it again.” This conversation is making my head ache.
She dips her face into her hands, her shoulders sagging. I smell her tears. I’ve made her cry. Willa, the kindest person in my life in the last decade, and I’ve somehow saddened her by offering to ease her.
I climb out of bed and walk to her, then fold her into my arms.
Bending my head to her ear, I whisper, “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I wanted to provide pleasure, not pain.”
Instead of comforting her, I hear her sobs. Now I’ve made her weep. I know I’ve been in my shifted form for a long time, but did things change that much since I’ve been gone? How could I make such a mess of this?
“I’m sorry.” I pet her head like she’s petted mine since I’ve known her.
“You’re naked!” she moans as she presses her palms against my chest and half-heartedly pushes me away.
Trying to comply with her wishes, I take a step back, my head cocked to her level so I can discern what she’s thinking.
“You’re aroused!” she accuses.
“Yes. You’re beautiful.” Certainly this compliment should calm her.
“Bayne!” Her tone doesn’t sound calmer. She’s scolding me and getting angrier.
“I’ve been away a long time, Willa. Explain what I’ve done wrong. I only want to ease you.”
“Sit!” she orders, pointing to the bed. In my mind, WarDog immediately complies and sits, urging me to do likewise.
I back up until the backs of my legs hit the bed, then sit down.
“No. I mean lie down.”
I do.
“Under the covers!” she sounds exasperated.
I climb under the covers, my eyes never leaving hers, assuming there will be another order in a moment, like dance, or twirl in a circle, or make sounds like the tree-dwelling animals that used to jump from limb to limb on Skylose.
“What did I do?” I ask again.
Crying now, she blindly reaches for a chair, pulls it toward the doorway, and sits.
“I didn’t know you were a human. I mean a humanoid. I thought you were a dog.”
“I understand,” I tell her, nodding my head, encouraging her to say more, even as I don’t understand at all.
“I . . . told you things. Secret things. Things people don’t readily divulge to other people.”
Oh. She told me things. My canine brain doesn’t really understand a great deal of the higher-level things that happen in my shifted form. It’s primitive. It understands raw emotion, strong orders, urgent words, and bodily needs. But everything Willa told me seemed urgent. I remember a lot of what she told me.
“And you watched me . . . darn! I can’t even say it out loud.”
I watched her pleasure herself. Not just this morning, but many times. I loved watching that. I loved everything about it. I loved the smell, yes, my canine loves many smells, but none more than that. But I loved the way her face flushed. I loved her little moans of pleasure. I loved the way her relaxed muscles felt when she snuggled me afterward. By the look on her face, I get the message I should never bring any of these things up with her. Never.
Willa
Look at his face. Dear God, he’s so alien . . . and so handsome. And miserable, as if I’ve confused him so badly he doesn’t know what to do. As much as I’d like to make him into the bad guy, he’s not. I’m just so freaking embarrassed.
I should explain this to him. It’s just, what do you say? I told you about everything in my entire life thinking I was talking to a dog and it turned out you’re a man . . . a male.
I cradle my face in my hands again and breathe, trying to think. By the look on his face, I’ve confused the shit out of him. I want to help him understand what’s going on with me. But before I can do that, my mind has to punish me with a rolling movie of everything I divulged to him over the last three months.
Go ahead, I tell myself. Remind me of all the shit I spilled to him under cover of darkness. There were the things I did that were slightly embarrassing, like cheating in grade school, and saying mean things to schoolkids before I developed a good filter. Those were nothing. I’d feel okay about doing a standup comedy routine about them.
It’s the stuff from Junior High and beyond where things get dicey. The fumbled first kisses. The stupid things I told girlfriends that resulted in learning to never tell anyone my deepest thoughts because they would be splattered all over the Junior High grapevine or worse, Facebook, within an hour.
The mortifying first fumblings on second and third base with the wrong boys. Losing my virginity and having it mentioned derisively on social media. I socially hibernated for years after that.
I peek through the gap between my hands to glance at the male on the bed in front of me. He’s sitting up against the headboard, just waiting for me. His face is sweet, impassive, as if he’ll sit like that all day until I figure out what to do.
And here he is, coming out of a long hibernation of his own. You’d think he’d be more interested in regaining his life, or creating a new one. Anything other than spending his first day back on two legs waiting for a crazy Earth female to explain her seesawing emotions.
“I told you embarrassing things, Bayne. And I masturbated in front of you.” There. I said it.
He nods. As if this is nothing. As if I’m telling him what I had for dinner last night. But, of course, he knows that too.
“Just looking at you, knowing you know every embarrassing moment of my life, makes me uncomfortable. I need some time.”
“Okay.”
Perhaps he doesn’t know what that expression means. Any Earth male would know that it’s code-speak for ‘I’m breaking up with you and you should get out of my fucking bed’. Obviously, the Skylosian did not get the memo, because there’s still a tent under the covers and he hasn’t moved a muscle. In fact, he’s still looking at me expectantly, perhaps waiting for me to join him in bed and let him ‘ease’ me.
“And it’s rude to ask a woman to have sex when you’ve only known her a few hours. You shouldn't ask me again,” I instruct.
“After how many hoaras is it not considered rude?”
At this, my mouth actually pops open in surprise. Look at his face! It’s so sincere. He doesn’t even realize how impolite that question was. Actually, if I allow myself to see it, his artless innocence is endearing. But right now I don’t want to acknowledge that.
“So, you’re going to pull on some clothes and we’re going to march to the bridge and have them assign you a room of your own. You aren’t going to be sleeping in my room anymore.”
He cocks his head in a very familiar way. He did this as WarDog and it never failed to earn him a pat on his head because he was so adorable. He’s definitely adorable now, but I need to force that out of my mind.
“No problem. I can shift back to my canine form and sleep with you that way. I won’t ask to share pleasure with you again.”
I scan his face, looking for the telltale signs that he’s teasing me, but he’s so freaking sincere it squeezes my heart.
“Nope. Separate cabins. I just realized you have no clothes. Wait right here and I’ll borrow some for you. I’ll be back.”
I scurry out, palm the door closed, and lean against it as I take deep breaths. My life has spiraled out of control in the span of a few hours.
After borrowing clean clothes from one of the males and getting Bayne a cabin assignment from Callista, I return to find him sitting where I left him. It strikes me that he’s been a dog for a long time, forced to sit and wait when ordered to do so.
In fact, I used to do that to him. He’d happily sit and wait for me when I told him to. Until this moment, I’ve felt guilty for kicking him out of my cabin. Now I realize it’s a kindness. He needs to figure out who he is, and he’ll never be able to do that living in this room with me.