40. Chapter Six
Chapter Six
L yra
I wake with Vartan’s brawny arm around my waist, my back to his front. He’s sleeping; his breathing is deep and steady. I gently flip over to get a good look at him. People of his race must heal quickly because the star-shaped wounds have scabbed over and are well on their way to healing. His eye is still puffy and bruised, but it looks like it will now fully open. The slash he took across his cheek was right on top of the scar that was already there.
What a worthy male he is, fighting so he could give the purse to his ship. To keep everyone on board safe from their enemies. He has a good heart.
Now that I’m a member of this ship, I’ll need to contribute. Fear rushes through me as I wonder how I can be of service. A handful of days ago I was a pet who did nothing but lounge at her master’s feet.
I smile, feeling a surge of power at the thought that I don’t think of myself as a pet anymore. I think of it as something in my past. That’s a victory. Maybe if I keep going forward, taking things one day at a time, I’ll manage other victories.
Vartan climbs up from sleep. His facial muscles change from soft to firm as he returns to consciousness. When he opens his red eyes, his gaze immediately rests on my face, and a smile plays on his lips.
“How are you feeling today?” Look at that! I initiated a conversation!
“Good. Well, I feel like drack . I should have given the sign.” He smiles at me and shrugs. “But it feels good to have you next to me, Lyra.” He cups my chin, then traces the pad of his thumb back and forth across my lips.
Relief flows through me so swiftly it’s like a fast-running stream. Something changed. I’m no longer banished.
“You’re not mad at me anymore?” I ask, my voice sounding like a little girl’s.
“Mad at you? I was never mad at you. I was furious with myself. I took advantage of you, hurt you. No self-respecting male would do such a thing.”
An idea strikes me with the force of a hover crash, and I blurt it out. “That’s why you didn’t give the sign.”
“What?”
“You didn’t give the sign because you were punishing yourself.”
His eyes widen, then his gaze fastens on me as he assesses my statement. He nods slowly and says, “I think you’re right, Lyra. I was filled with shame and self-loathing.”
“Well, you succeeded, Vartan. You got your punishment.” I toss him a smile as I tilt my head. “Can you put it behind you now?”
“Even if I forgive myself, can you forgive me, Lyra?”
“I never blamed you, Vartan. I should have told you to stop when the pleasure turned to pain. But I’ll tell you what, since you forgave yourself, I’m going to forgive myself too.”
He leans forward to kiss me so slowly it gives me time to anticipate the pleasure. I remember the sensual feelings his kisses bestowed back on Hyperion. When his lips finally connect with mine, I delight in the warmth of their soft brush. His hand slides up my back from my waist, slips under my hair, and caresses my nape.
I so want to please this male. Every impulse I have makes me want him to feel good. I’ve only known him a handful of days, but I would do anything to make Vartan happy.
His kisses are harder now, almost urgent, and my body responds with needs and desires I didn’t know I had until we shared intimacies at the hotel. I curl my hands around his shoulders and allow myself to kiss him back.
His stomach makes a noise so loud it startles me, then immediately makes another. He hasn’t eaten since yesterday morning. After everything he went through, no wonder he’s starving.
“Let me feed you, Vartan,” I say as I back toward the edge of the bed. “I’ll bring you food, then we can . . .” I honestly don’t know what we can do after he eats, but I imagine he does.
“That can wait,” he says, his voice husky as his gaze travels up and down my form.
“I’ll be back in the blink of an eye.”
I slip into my shoes, palm the doorplate, and hurry down the hallway as I finger comb my hair. Following the smells and the noise, it isn’t hard to find the dining hall. I realize when I near the threshold that I never would have come here if it were only for myself. It would have been too hard to enter this room full of strangers. I would have gone hungry. For Vartan, though, I’ll force myself to walk to the back wall and dish him up a plate.
“Lyra!” Anya calls. “Come eat with us!” She joins me at the table laden with food and tells me the name of every dish and what she thinks I’ll like to eat.
“I’m making a plate to bring to Vartan,” I tell her.
“One of the males can do that. You’re going to sit at the girls’ table and we’re going to get acquainted.” While she escorts me to her table, she raises her voice and asks, “Which one of you is going to bring Vartan some food?”
“I will,” Stryker says as he rises from his seat.
“You’re all ours,” Anya says to me with a smile.
A long time later, the room has emptied except for the females at my table. By now Vartan must have figured I’ve been waylaid. I couldn’t determine how to escape the nice females who all seem so intent on getting to know me.
It’s just Anya, Petra, Nova, and me in the room.
“Now that you know us better,” says Petra after they’ve told me about their lives on Earth and their new mates, “tell us about yourself.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. My fingers clutch the pendant on my chest for comfort as all the air seeps from my lungs. Ever since I stepped foot on this ship, I knew this was coming. I never suspected it would come so soon.
“Not much to tell,” I hedge.
“You don’t speak English at all? Were you born on Earth?” Petra presses.
I curb my urge to run from the room, but I don’t understand why it’s important they know my history.
“Perhaps Lyra isn’t ready to talk about her past,” Anya says softly. “We’re all so close, we love each other so much, we forget that what seems like support to us might feel pushy to you. Just know that we’re here for you. If ever you want to talk, let us know.”
Her brilliant green eyes are so full of compassion, something bursts open inside me. I kept to myself my whole life. Mistress was mean. Master only wanted me as a pet, he didn’t want me to talk much less speak of my feelings. The household staff were forbidden to talk to me. I’ve been so alone my whole life. Maybe it would feel good to share.
“I was born on Hyperion. I never met my parents.” I stop and pull my gaze from the table to see if the females are listening. All of them are looking at me with kindness.
“We’re here to listen if you want to share,” Anya says. Her voice is so kind, so caring, I decide to keep talking.
“I was raised in a pet shelter. I didn’t know I was a human until the slave auction where Vartan bought me. I’d never seen another of my kind. I recall little about the shelter. I mostly remember the time from when Master and Mistress bought me and brought me to their home.”
With Anya on one side and Petra on the other, I feel the support I need to tell them about being raised as a pet.
“I just learned how to eat with utensils,” I tell them proudly as I hold up my fork “I still feel guilty sitting on this chair. Sitting on the furniture was forbidden. Besides, I was used to sitting at my master’s feet. And the clothes!”
“What about them?” Petra asks, a funny tone in her voice.
“I’m not used to them. I’d never worn clothes until Master Vartan . . . I mean Vartan bought me.”
“He bought you naked?” Petra asks, that same hard edge to her voice.
“Of course. I’m a pet.” I shake my head. “I was a pet. There have been a lot of changes in just a few days.”
“I’m so glad Vartan bought you,” Nova says. “No sentient being should be a pet.”
“Vartan treated you well, right?” Petra asks as she tosses her purple and pink hair to the side.
“Oh yes. He’s so good. So kind. He touches me so respectfully.”
“Touches?” Anya asks, her gaze lancing through me.
Suddenly I feel trembly inside. What started as a supportive group of females has turned into an interrogation. I’m not sure what I said that they don’t like. But something has changed and they’re not happy with me anymore.
“Touches?” Anya prods.
My gaze runs from her, and I freeze. This is the feeling I used to get when I got my lunar flow and soiled myself. Mistress would lock me in my room with a stack of rags and not allow me out until I stopped bleeding. Although she never liked me, she hated me during those times. I was always afraid, and never knew what to do to make her happy.
The way the females at my table are looking at me makes me feel just the same way.
“Has Vartan touched you in a way you don’t like?” Nova asks.
I don’t know what to say. I think I’ll get in trouble no matter what. Everything was easier when I was a pet. I’ll pretend I’m still a pet. I just shake my head.
“Did Vartan touch your breasts?”
I nod. I know I shouldn’t lie, Vartan hates that.
“Did Vartan touch between your legs?”
I nod as my heart beats so fast I can hear it drumming in my ears.
“Did Vartan put his cock in you?” This question is from Petra, her brow furrowed in anger.
I refuse to lie, but I don’t want to admit the truth, so I push my chair back, slip to the floor and kneel under the table.
“This conversation is officially over,” Anya says as she gently pets my head. This comforts me.
“Lyra, you’ve done nothing wrong,” she says. All the females chime in, agreeing. “You’re not the one in trouble here.”
Uh-oh, that means Vartan is in trouble. I didn’t mean for this to happen.
“I’d like to bring you to medbay to have Dr. Drayke do an exam on you. Is that okay?” Anya asks.
I feel more like a pet than I have in days. Pets don’t have opinions. I just shrug.
Before I know it, the females have escorted me to medbay and are standing with their arms across their chests, angry looks on their faces. As Anya explains what she wants from the doctor, I try twice to sink to my knees at her feet like a proper pet. Just like when I lived with Mistress, I’m in trouble and I don’t know what for.
“I’ll perform a gentle exam,” Dr. Dayke says in his calmest voice. “Only one of you may stay to help Miss Lyra stay calm, and I’d prefer it be Nova, my mate.”
I’m inspecting the doctor’s shoes, and am only partly aware when the two females leave. It’s quiet in here. Now I remember Nova mentioning at breakfast that when she and Drayke mated they developed a psychic link. I wonder what she’s telling him.
“Miss Lyra, this will only take a moment,” he says, his voice gentle. “Can you stand for me?”
They each put a hand on my upper arm and help me up.
“May I ask you to disrobe?”
That’s no problem. For the first time in days, I feel as if I shouldn’t be wearing clothes anyway.
He wasn’t lying. The exam is brief and before I know it, the doctor tells me I can put my pants back on.
“You’re fine, Miss Lyra. Nothing is wrong or broken.”
When I find the courage to glance at him, I see the compassion in his deep blue eyes.
“There was slight tearing, but I think you knew that, right?”
I nod.
“Nova and I can speak psychically to each other. I’ve already instructed her to have a nice, long talk with you about next steps. Or would you rather talk to me directly?”
I shake my head vigorously. No. I don’t want to talk with him.
Nova had been fiddling with her wrist-comm before we left the exam room, so I’m not surprised when the two other females meet us in the hall. Maybe I’m more confused than I thought, because we head in the opposite direction of my cabin.
“Petra grabbed your things and we’ve moved you to a different cabin. We didn’t think it would be good for you to be next door to Vartan,” Anya says, the corners of her mouth turned down in distinct disapproval.
When I arrive at my new room, my pack is on the bed and there are four chairs around the tiny table.
“We’d like to talk about sex,” Petra informs me. “Did your . . . mistress explain anything to you?”
I tell them what Mistress told me, which was very little, and I’m now well acquainted with the Earth custom of rolling eyes. I believe it means extreme disapproval.
“Sex should be consensual. You should want it,” Nova explains calmly.
“I did want it.”
“Oh!”
They all seem surprised by this.
Petra, clearly the boldest of the group, asks, “So it was just rough sex? We just made a federal case out of consensual sex?”
I look from one to the other for a clue about what she’s talking about.
“You wanted him to touch you?”
I nod.
“Kissing?”
I nod.
“Touching your breasts?”
I nod.
“Your pussy?”
“Captain Zar?” I ask. That’s what Anya called him, right?
“No, Lyra. We call between your legs your pussy. It’s slang.”
“You call your mate that?” I glance at Anya.
“No. I called him a pussycat. It’s a house pet on Earth that kind of looks like him.”
I’m really confused.
“You wanted Vartan to touch between your legs?”
I nod.
“And you got so carried away and it felt so good that you two got rough?”
I don’t know what to do.
After a bunch more questions, I finally explain what happened.
“So you didn’t come?” Petra asks.
“Come where?” This conversation is making my head ache.
“Have an orgasm?”
“I don’t know that word.”
“Let me show you,” Petra says as she pulls her chair away from the table.
Is she going to have sex with me? Here? My eyes widen and I look toward Anya for help.
Petra tosses her wild hair and starts panting. Then moaning. Her eyes close and she breathes even more heavily.
“Oh my God, Petra, are you doing When Harry Met Sally ?” Nova asks.
“Ohhh, Shadow,” Petra says. “Yes! Right! There!”
She’s moaning louder now and then she groans long and low and deep until her head drops like she’s too tired to hold it up.
She snaps her head up, spears me with a steady gaze, and asks, “Did you ever feel like that?”
“I don’t think so . . .” I say as I look at all three expectant faces, hoping I’m giving the correct answer.
“There’s one thing I know,” Petra says smugly. “No one who’s had an orgasm wonders what it was. Our sweet Lyra here has never had one. Vartan stuck his thing in her and used her.”
“But Lyra,” Anya says, “you said you wanted him to touch you.”
“Yes!” Good, she’s allowing me to explain. “I wanted to thank him for buying me this present.” I smile and hold up the pendant. Surely, they’ll understand now.
“Sweetie,” Anya says, looking at me with compassion, “we don’t give sex as a gift. We share sex because we like someone. It’s shared . Not given. Vartan took advantage of you.”
“Asshole,” Petra snaps.
“Lyra, you are not in trouble.”
All the females chime in, agreeing.
“You’ve been a . . . pet all your life and there are things no one’s ever taught you. We’re going to teach you things,” Anya says. “You’re part of our tribe, you’re family now and we will fiercely protect you. That means our males are going to have a little talk with Mr. Vartan of Dauphus. You, my dear, are going to be just fine.”
Vartan
Lyra has been gone for hoaras . Stryker brought me breakfast and told me Lyra was having fun with the other females, but I can’t imagine why she didn’t hurry back to my cabin. She seemed eager for bed-play when she left. Perhaps she had second thoughts. After what I did to her on Hyperion, she should loathe my touch.
“Come,” I say immediately after someone knocks on the door. I assume it’s Lyra. I know something terrible has happened when Captain Zar, Shadow, who is head of security and is a well-respected member of the crew, and the doctor enter my room. If the group of them wasn’t foreboding enough, the somber looks on their faces tell the story.
“What’s wrong? Is Lyra okay?” I try to rise from my bed, but I’m slow, still woozy from the pain meds.
“No,” Dr. Drayke seethes, “Lyra is not okay. Someone hurt her.”
I swing my legs off the side of the bed. “Who would do such a thing? Let me at him.”
“Are you joking or stupid?” Shadow asks, his jaw so tight with anger his voice sounds rough.
“How did I . . .?” One look at the doctor and I figure out the puzzle. My breath leaves me in a huff.
“Sit back in bed,” Zar says. “If you weren’t beat to drack I’d have a crack at you myself. Luckily the Charthian did it for me.”
I lean against the headboard and the males don’t hold back as they berate me for hurting my female. I shouldn’t call her that, but it’s how I’ve felt about her since our first day together.
“She wanted it,” I finally say in my defense.
“Wanted it?” Zar seethes. “My beloved Anya says the female didn’t even know what she wanted for breakfast. She was a pet until a few days ago. Her entire life she walked around without clothes and ate off the ground from a bowl. She wasn’t allowed to make a choice until she met you. Do you really think she had the presence of mind to know she wanted you to shove your cock in her?”
“But she . . .” I begin to say in my defense. Then Zar’s words ring in my ears. He’s right. Lovely Lyra couldn’t decide if she wanted the red or blue shirt when I took her to the store. She told me she’d never made a decision until the day I bought her.
“Every step of the way I asked her if this was what she wanted,” I tell the males hollowly. “Every single place I touched, I asked. But I see now . . .”
“That she couldn’t make the choice in the first place?” Drayke asks, his blue gaze piercing.
“Exactly.”
The room is silent for a full minima as I replay that night. She’d told me it was to be a gift. I wince at the memory of that. Drack ! That should have been enough to make me run from the bed. I thought I’d garnered consent at every turn, but the males are right. She didn’t have the ability to give it.
“I’m glad to hear your side of the story,” Zar says. “When I walked in here, I thought it was rape pure and simple. I see it’s not clear-cut. You may have been ignorant and selfish, but it wasn’t as if she begged you to stop.”
He thinks for a long moment. He is the ultimate arbiter on this ship. If he wants to punish me, he has every right to do so up to and including death. By the sober look on his face, he’s contemplating severe discipline.
“Zar, you’re a fair male. I deserve whatever punishment you decree.”
I picture my face as I saw it in the mirror this morning, with all the star-shaped puncture wounds. Lyra was right, that was punishment. Partial punishment, Zar will provide the rest.
“You’re right, I’m considering your punishment. First, tell me your feelings for the female.”
I don’t pause a moment to think. The answer to this is clear. “I have a strong attraction to her.” When I see three mouths turn down at the edges, I add, “She’s beautiful, but that’s not the attraction I’m speaking of. She’s special, and I want to heal her, to help her find the strength and light and purpose within her. I’ve never felt this way about a female before.”
Although all three males had leaned forward when I first spoke, they now lean back, the anger bleeding out of their expressions.
“I’ll be back in a moment,” Zar says over his shoulder as he leaves the room. It’s an awkward few minimas with the two other males staring at me disapprovingly while we wait.
“If you ever have the opportunity to be with another female,” Shadow says, his green eyes piercing me in contempt, “talk to me. The act should be pleasurable for you both. You evidently have a lot to learn.”
Zar returns and says, “Anya asked Lyra if she wishes you banished from the ship. She said no. Which is lucky for you. If you had hurt her as badly as you could have, I would have left you on the nearest planet. Because Lyra is kind or delusional enough to want to see you again, your punishment is to do just what you said you want.
“You will spend time with her every day unless she wishes otherwise. You will use your creativity to do everything in your power to heal her and help her find the strength and light and purpose within her. It will be your mission. And you will perform it without touching her.”
My heart squeezes in appreciation for Zar’s wisdom and benevolence.
“When I say no touching, I mean your hands will not brush when you pass her the salt at dinner. Your hips will not bump each other when you sit next to each other. If you choose to take her to the ludus , your skin will not graze hers as you spot her on the bench press. No kissing, no hugging, and absolutely no sexual contact.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Zar is brilliant. This will allow us to start over while it lets me assist her to transform from pet to person.
“And one more thing . . .” his voice has a warning growl.
Here it is. Whatever’s coming won’t be good.
“She is not to know we had this talk. You and you alone will own the explanation of why you will not touch her. I don’t care what you say, but if it hurts her feelings, your punishment will become physical, and trust me, what Otol did to you in the arena will feel like a trip to heaven in comparison.”
“Thank you for your trust, captain. You’re a good male.”