43. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
O ne Month Later
Vartan
I don’t come to the dining hall to eat anymore. I barely bring the fork to my lips. I’ve taken to wearing only my loincloth lately because my pants slip too low on my hips. I’ve lost weight, although it makes little difference to me. All I do in here is watch Lyra. I’ll admit it—I’m obsessed.
Look at her, laughing and joking with the females as if she doesn’t have a care in the world. A lunar ago, after that moment she shared with me in her cabin, she would sneak looks at me across the dining hall at every meal. Now, though, she acts as if I’m invisible. As do all the females on board. If it weren’t for the other males, I’d question my very existence.
That day in her cabin? I’ll admit I’m obsessed with that, too. I’ve relived it a thousand times since she ordered me out her door.
I’ve tried to speak with Zar. I’ve asked him in person, sent him written comms, even requested his mate Anya intercede. He’s shut me out.
One good thing has happened as a result of this interminable punishment—I feel no guilt anymore for what I did. It’s been washed away over all the days of watching the female I care for grow distant.
The only thing that comforts me at all is the pendant. She’s never taken it off. Granted, it rides under her shirt now, invisible to everyone on the ship. I saw her clasp it between her fingers once when she didn’t know I was watching.
Sometimes I see its slim profile under her shirt or spy the chain peeking above her neckline. I’ve decided until she removes it I can maintain the smallest shred of hope.
Other than that, I’ve grown angry of late. My childhood was good, so I can’t say my entire life has been filled with pain as Lyra’s has. However, since my abduction my life has been drack . My time with Lyra has been a shining star in a sea of darkness. It’s not fair that one stupid insensitive moment on my part should steal any chance I have at happiness.
We meet up with the Devil’s Playground soon. I’ll switch ships and travel with them after the rendezvous. What would be even worse than never seeing her again? When the crew of the two ships mingle, Lyra will find a male she’s attracted to and bond with him. There are a lot of handsome gladiators on that ship just waiting to find a female. I know now how quickly a male and female can fall in love.
Love? That’s what this is, right? I thought it was supposed to feel wonderful, but it’s been a constant pain in my heart during my punishment. My chest hurts and I have no desire for food. It’s more like an illness than a joy.
“Vartan,” Zar interrupts my maudlin musings. He’s standing at the foot of my table, his tray in hand. “May Anya and I join you tonight?”
“Certainly.”
I’m at the far table from where Maddie sets out the buffet. People seldom sit with me anymore. I’m pretty sure the females hate me, and the males enjoy sitting with their mates or the females they share sex with. That leaves me alone back here. Which is fine with me, it gives me more time to brood.
“I’ve watched you, Vartan,” Zar says, his feline gaze is so serious it’s as if he’s looking into my soul. “You made a mistake, but it was such a serious one, and could have done such severe damage I believed you deserved commensurate punishment.”
He pauses, waiting for a response.
“I’ve never disagreed with your decision, captain.”
“I had my reasons for making it last this long, Vartan. And I believe you’ve not only paid your penance, but I’ve given you and Lyra time to learn and grow from the experience. I’m removing your restrictions starting now.”
Relief washes through my body, and I offer up a small prayer of thanks.
“To undo some of the damage this has caused, I’m asking you and Lyra to meet me in my study this evening.”
“Thank you, captain.”
If Lyra had granted me even one smile or lingering gaze over the last lunar , I might feel a glimmer of optimism. Since she hasn’t, the only emotion swirling in the pit of my stomach is dread.
Lyra
I haven’t been this nervous since I was a pet awaiting one of Mistress’s punishments. Well, except for that close brush with the rotors in the engine room. That was horrifying. I have no idea why I’ve been invited to Captain Zar’s private study, but it can’t be good.
Vartan is waiting outside Zar’s door. It’s to be just the two of us? I have a sinking feeling, although I can’t imagine what we’re in trouble for. We haven’t been within twenty fiertos of each other in a lunar .
“Vartan,” I say with a curt nod.
“Lyra. I hope you’re well.”
My response is to make a little disapproving grunt in the back of my throat and roll my eyes. It’s so similar to what the other females do when they’re angry I feel like a human for the first time.
Vartan knocks, and Zar’s deep voice booms, “Come.”
The captain stands and motions us to the two chairs on the other side of his large wooden desk. He looks so serious I know I’m in trouble. For the first time in lunars, I feel like dropping to my knees, placing my forehead on someone’s feet, and begging forgiveness. Drack! I feel like a pet again. I thought I’d banished that feeling for good.
“Thank you for joining me,” he says as he sits. “Lyra, I wanted to explain something that may have been confusing to you. And to make an apology.”
Apology?
“I don’t mean to embarrass you, but when you first came onboard the Fool you told my beloved mate Anya what happened between you and Vartan on Hyperion. His behavior distressed me—no, infuriated me.”
He pauses a moment, frowning. I get the distinct feeling he’s upset with me and have a hard time swallowing my own spit.
“It wasn’t your fault. Not in any way. Your innocence was one of the reasons I was so angry at Vartan I devised a method to punish him. Because he admitted to having feelings for you, I wanted him to get to know you and help you settle into your new life. I tasked him with arranging your education. You’ve done well. I understand you know a bit about piloting, mechanics, reading, comms, fighting, hydroponics, and more. You should be proud of yourself.”
I think of Zar as a father figure. My chest feels warm; his approval means the world to me.
“I never meant that to be a punishment. It was a way for the two of you to get off to a better start than before. The punishment portion of the arrangement was my edict to Vartan not to touch you—not even a brush of fingertips—until I allowed it. I also forbade him from telling you.”
A dozen pictures fly through my mind as I recall all the times Vartan took hurried steps backward as I approached. The time his eyes flared in fear when I reached out to touch his shoulder. His staunch refusal to slide his tongue between his lips to taste my cream. His choice to walk out of my room rather than lie with his arm around my waist.
Hot tears prick my eyes when the truth of what’s been going on hits me like a boulder has fallen on my head.
I sneak a look at Vartan, sitting straight and calm, watching my reaction. I’ve been so unfair to him.
“Not unfair, Lyra,” Vartan says levelly.
I hadn’t realized I’d said that out loud.
“I directed my punishment at Vartan. I was angry. I have my own . . . reasons for believing sexual assault is one of the worst crimes a person can commit.”
Zar eyes clench as if he’s in agony. Does he . . . have his own history of tragedy that makes this personal to him?
“I made the punishment go on too long. Especially now that I realize I managed to punish you both. My deepest apologies.As of this moment, Vartan is no longer under any restrictions.”
I’ve been observing Vartan, but when I tear my eyes from his handsome face, I see Zar’s fist on his chest, his head hung in atonement.
The pet in me wants to tell Zar it’s okay, then sneak off and speak with Vartan privately. But I’m not a pet anymore so I’ll face this head-on.
“I forgave Vartan for his actions on Hyperion long ago. I credited them to ignorance rather than malice. I’ll forgive you in time too, Zar. But I’m angry right now. If he deserved punishment for something he did to me, you should have consulted me first. You’re right. You hurt us both. Thank you for your apology. Can I speak with Vartan privately now?”
“Certainly.”
As soon as Vartan and I clear Zar’s doorway, I grab Vartan’s hand and pull him to my cabin at a swift walk. I don’t even glance at his face. This is too serious, too important, to discuss in the hallway. I slap my palm on the plate outside my room, pull him to the little table in the corner, and motion for him to sit.
“ That’s what all of this was about?” I ask, my voice tight with residual anger at Zar.
He nods, his lips compressed into a thin line.
I didn’t feel them coming, but tears are falling down my face. I’ve been in agony for weeks over what happened between us. And Vartan? His misery must have been so much worse than mine. He knew what his behavior was doing to me and couldn’t tell me the truth.
“I’m sorry Lyra. I’ve hurt you so much.”
“No, Vartan,” I say, shaking my head. “What I said in Zar’s study was true. I forgave you long ago. This last lunar ? That’s on him, not you. So, the last time we were in this room . . .” I take a deep, steadying breath, then ask, “what would you have done if you weren’t under Zar’s orders not to touch me?”
He breathes deep and releases it in a low, husky rumble. “Be careful what you ask for, little Lyra. I’ve had a lunar to imagine exactly what I would have done. I’ve pictured it a thousand times and in a thousand different ways. I’ll tell you this much. In none of my fantasies did it ever end the way it did in reality. If you really want to know, I can show you.” His red eyes are like burning embers as his gaze rakes me up and down. The smoldering glance speaks volumes about his desire for me.
A spike of lust sizzles through me at just his words and the deep sexy tone of his voice. It’s obvious how much desire and longing he’s felt for me. Perhaps as much as I’ve felt for him.
“We haven’t spoken in a lunar , Lyra. Do you want to get reacquainted? Talk?”
My lips lift in a slow, sensuous smile as my eyes answer the question for him. To leave no doubt in his mind, I say, “We’ve talked a lot since we arrived here. We can talk tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. Tonight, I’d like to speak with my hands and lips, rather than with words.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” A sexy half-smile slashes across his face.
I half envisioned him pouncing on me, lifting me, stripping my clothes, and tossing me on the bed. Maybe he’ll do that tomorrow, but he’s too honorable to do that after what we’ve endured.
Instead, he reaches and uses the tip of his finger to sweep my hair off my cheek and lodge it behind my ear. He cups his palm on my cheek with so much tenderness it makes my stomach clench.
This male cares for me. It’s not just lust, although that’s obvious—his erection is straining against his loincloth—but the look in his red eyes is tender.
“I’ve wanted the physical intimacy Zar denied us, Lyra, but I have to admit, I missed the little things. Your laughter. Your stories about your triumph of the day, whether it was cooking or troubleshooting in the engine room. All of it, Lyra. I missed all of it. I missed you. I’ve fallen in love with you. Knowing I hurt you and there was nothing I could do to fix it? That was torture.”
“No more torture, Vartan. Now only pleasure.”
He rises and spans the distance between us. He lifts me, but doesn’t rip my clothes off and toss me on the bed. He treats me like I’m the finest vase in the Museum of Art. After setting me on my feet, he slowly pulls my shirt off.
“The last time you bared your body to me was the most exquisite pleasure and the most agonizing torment. I wanted to touch you so badly I thought I would lose my mind. I’m going to correct that now. Beautiful,” he breathes. It’s the last word he speaks for a long time as he pulls me close and kisses me.
At first, he plies me with tiny close-lipped kisses, but both of us have waited too long to be satisfied with this. He lifts me into his arms, leaving me no choice but to straddle him and clutch his broad, muscular shoulders.
“Tell me to stop if you want,” he breathes into my ear, then explores there with his tongue.
“Don’t joke. What we’re doing is too serious. There will be no requests to stop, Vartan.”
He pulls away just enough to show me his face. It doesn’t scare me anymore, but his knitted brows and flared nostrils aren’t happy. “Promise you’ll tell me if I hurt you. You must promise that. It will kill me if I harm you again.”
“I promise, but it won’t be necessary. I think we’ve both gotten tutoring from our friends.”
I’m so aroused I feel liquid pooling in my panties. There won’t be any problems this time.
He lays me on the bed and tugs my leggings and panties off.
“So beautiful, Lyra. I want to write poems about the shape of your breasts, the curve of your neck, and the tuft of hair near your sex.”
He straddles me, then traces the tip of his tongue from my ear over my collarbones to my nipple. A grunt of pleasure escapes my lips.
As his hands skim over my body, he pulls away long enough to say, “Your body’s different than when I last touched it on Hyperion. Stronger. You’ve changed so much, Lyra.”
“My feelings for you are still the same, Vartan. Make me feel good.”
He attacks one tight bud with his tongue, flicking it rapidly as his fingers pluck the other. Arousal spikes through me, zinging to my sex.
“We’ve wasted so much time,” I moan, thinking of how good this feels and how desperate I’ve felt for lunars .
“We have the rest of our lives ahead of us,” he croons as his mouth finds my nipple. This time his teeth scrape it, pulling desperate mewls from me as my hips buck against him. My movements garner little snatches of connection with his cock, which is still covered by his loincloth.
Just this is so much more exciting than what I’ve been doing with my hand the past lunar . His strong, hard body, his heat, the fiery look in his gaze, they all combine to throw accelerant on my desire.
Wiggling my legs open underneath him, he’s now nestled in the cradle of my thighs. I feel his hard, thick cock right where I want it and strike up a rhythm as I take pleasure from his body.
My arms wrap around his muscular back, then my fingers skim along his warm skin as I memorize every sexy hill and valley on his body.
In the back of my mind, my thoughts return to that hotel room in Hyperion. Although I try to force them out, they circle, whipping me into a frenzy of fear.
As hard as it’s been to wait for each other, I relax into the knowledge that he won’t hurt me again. Even better, I reassure myself that if I want, we can postpone until I’m ready.
In Mistress’s vids, the people were always naked, but I’m finding pleasure like this, with Vartan’s cock still tightly bound by material. I give myself permission to explore the compelling feelings circling my body.
I push on his chest and he immediately flips us so he’s on his back, me on top of him, and then begin to ride.
“That’s right, Lyra. Take your pleasure from me,” he husks.
I move on top of him, rubbing, then find the best angle. At times I lose my rhythm or the angle no longer works, but I keep experimenting until I get it right.
“Oh, Vartan. I see. It needs to be hard. And my little nub needs to press directly against you.”
I’m panting now, feeling the pleasure build. His hands are on my hips, helping me, allowing me to sit tall on him and move in just the right way.
My muscles tighten, signaling my approaching release. I’m sure he figures it out by my heavy panting.
I’m straining to reach the finish line when he reaches from behind to slip one thick finger into my channel. Heaven. It triggers my release, which is amplified by my rhythmic thrusts.
As I buck against him and focus on his finger, I orgasm for long moments. My muscles spasm around him. As they coil and release, it provides the most profound pleasure I’ve ever experienced.
Bliss hits me in waves. Just when I think it can’t continue, another huge spasm washes over me and I’m lost in ecstasy again. The quivering slows, then stops. Vartan stuck with me every step of the way and is now lovingly nuzzling me and pressing soft, sweet kisses all over my face.
I fall onto the mattress and tug his horns so he’ll come closer. After snuggling against me, he kisses me long and deep.
“I want to make you feel good too,” I tell him between little pecks and the deep melding of mouths.
“We’re just getting started.” He’s smiling. The look on his face is so warm and full of love my heart feels like it will explode with happiness.
“All crew! All crew!” Harsh words interrupt from the overhead speaker. “Incoming vessel approaching at a high rate of speed. Won’t respond to any hailing frequency. Go to your stations. This is not a drill.”
We practice for this every lunar , but I’ve never been assigned a station. I always follow whoever is training me.
“Have they assigned you a station yet?” Vartan asks as he grabs my clothes and helps me into them.
“No. I’ll go with you.”
“I need to go to the weapons room in the ludus . I want you in the engine room.”
“Engine room?” I ask through the cloth of my t-shirt as it slides over my head.
“You told me about the vent. It’s the best hiding place on the ship. You’re one of the few who are small enough to slide through it. I know it scares you, but you must go. Be safe. Don’t come out until Captain Zar himself gives the all-clear. If not him, then someone whose voice you know. Or me. I’ll call to you through the vent if I can get to you.”
If he can get to me? I don’t like that. The alternative means he’s dead.
“I’m going with you,” I demand as I watch him rummage through my closet to find the sturdy boots Dax helped me make.
He places his hands on my shoulders and gives me his most serious look. “This isn’t good. We’re under attack. You’re stronger now, you’ve trained, but it would kill me if you were hurt. I don’t want to lose you. Please hide.”
I picture this ship full of huge, muscled gladiators who’ve trained their whole lives to fight. I couldn’t keep up with them. I’d only get in the way.
“Okay,” I say reluctantly as I wrap my hair around itself into a tail.
“Promise me you won’t come out until it’s safe. I’ve taught you the long sword and you know weaponry, but you’re still a tiny female. I want you hidden and safe.”
“I promise.”
He kisses me and runs toward the door. “I love you, Lyra.”
“I love you, too, Vartan. I’m sorry I stayed away the last lunar . I wish I hadn’t.”
When we get to the fork in the hallway, he runs to the left, and I run to the right. When I pause for the briefest moment to look at him over my shoulder for what might be the last time, I see he’s looking back at me.