84. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
T arrex
I knew I was barely hanging onto my sanity, but now that I can hear myself think, I’m aware of how close to the edge I’ve been. I don’t second guess my eagerness to die. How could I have continued the way it was?
I eat the plate of food someone handed me. I’m hungry after voiding the contents of my stomach in the catacombs of the arena. As I eat, I watch this group. Each male is of a different species, but the females are all from one place.
Savannah must sense my interest as she explains how they were all slaves who fought their owners and commandeered a ship. She says the females are all from Earth. I only paying vague attention. I’m too busy eating the best food I’ve tasted since my abduction as I bask in the peace inside my mind.
Zar escorts Savannah and me to her cabin, tells me not to leave without calling the bridge for an escort, and once again threatens me if I harm her.
“Why would I harm the female when she brings me peace?” I ask.
After Zar leaves us, Savannah has me follow her into the hall. We confiscate a mattress out of an empty cabin so I can place it on the floor next to her bed. Her tiny kindness soothes my spirit.
“Shall we get Dax to cut you out of your helmet?” she asks.
My helmet. I’ve worn it since shortly after Maleen died. The onslaught of chatter was threatening to push me over the edge of insanity. I would bang my head until I was unconscious to make the intrusions stop.
My trainer, not wanting to lose expensive fighting flesh to self-inflicted wounds, locked me in this helmet. I didn’t fight it. Part of me believed it gave me a grain of protection from the bombardment of others’ thoughts and feelings.
My helmet became my only protection, even if it was merely imaginary. I’ve changed so much in the past two annums I’m afraid to look at my face. What if it reflects my insanity? Or worse, what if it reflects the evil I’ve performed?
But Savannah’s kind eyes are searching, trying to read my response behind my metal prison.
“Yes. Let’s remove it.”
Minimas later, the large, bearded gladiator I met in the cellblock appears with a bolt cutter. He snips off the lock, then steps in front of me to watch me remove the helmet.
“Thank you,” I tell him, pointedly keeping it on. He was just discussing several possible ways I might die. I’m not ready to see my face yet, and I’m certainly not ready to see myself through his eyes.
“Yeah, thanks, Dax,” Savannah says.
Maleen was my null. We had an interesting friendship. No, it was more like a bond. I was the empath, but he understood me better than anyone else in my life, even my parents.
Savannah, who has only known me a few hoaras , must feel the bond. I believe she knows I don’t want Dax around for the unveiling.
After he leaves, she asks, “Want some time alone in the bathroom? How long since you’ve seen yourself?”
“Two annums. I’m not ready to look,” I tell her, feeling no need to keep up a shield with her. Just like Maleen, I imagine she reads me to some extent. I couldn’t hide from her if I wanted to.
She just sits on her bed, me standing at the foot of it. She’s watching, waiting, giving me time.
“Neither of us has to look, you know. Why don’t you keep it on until you lie down to go to sleep? You haven’t taken it off for a long time? I imagine sleeping without it is going to feel like a little trip to heaven.” The corners of her lips tip up. Her voice is soft, as if she’s coaxing a small child.
Her compassion and innate understanding of my needs give me the impetus to remove my helmet. If I weren’t going to die shortly after we land on Aeon II, Savannah and I would be a wonderful pair—empath and null. On Coronis, viates— empath/null pairs — are always males, but Savannah and I would make a good viate nonetheless.
I stand facing her. The refresher with the only mirrors in the room is behind me. I pull off my helmet and hold it cradled in my arm next to my abdomen. It’s at the ready if I have to jam it back onto my head.
Shuttering my eyes, I feel the air on my face for the first time in annums . I feel fifty dextans lighter without the heavy metal helmet on my head, weighing me down. I hadn’t realized how weighty the burden was.
I’m stalling. Although I don’t want to see her shock or fear or disgust, I force myself to drag my lids open to look at her.
Shock.
It’s far better than fear or disgust.
“I’ll look in the mirror in a moment. Prepare me first?” My belly tightens as if I’m girding it in the arena preparing for a punch. Her face has changed. The shock is gone, replaced by nothing.
Maleen was a null in every sense of the word. I could feel nothing from anyone when he was around. No thoughts, no emotions—not even his.
It hits me with sudden force that with Savannah, it’s different. I feel nothing from anyone. Except her.
Curiosity. Interest… attraction?
I lean closer to inspect her. Certainly, I couldn’t be reading her correctly. Until now, I hadn’t been able to hear her thoughts. But I hear these as clearly as if her lips were moving.
Dear God, he’s gorgeous. Look at that beautiful male. I’ve seen a face like that before. It was in some bible storybook. He has the face of an angel.
She schools her features and says, “I don’t think you’ll be too shocked when you look into the mirror.” Although you could use a wash.
I stride to the refresher and peer into the mirror over the sink.
Tarrex. Older than I remember. My hair is much longer, although I kept it trimmed to the edge of the helmet. But other than that, I look like the younger male who was ready to make his vows to enter the priesthood.
I’d feared the death of all the males I’d killed would be etched across my features. I skate my palm down one smooth cheek and across my mouth. My annums in that helmet would have been even more uncomfortable if the males of my species had facial hair. I don’t know how I escaped bearing the marks of the pain I’ve inflicted on others, but I’m unblemished.
I yank off my loincloth and step into the shower. It wasn’t easy keeping my hair clean under the helmet, so I spend long minimas massaging the shampoo into my scalp while the hot water cascades over my naked neck and down my body. This is the closest I’ve come to feeling comfort in over a decade.
I had figured Savannah and I would have an easy relationship like Maleen and I did. V iates work together as a team for the life of the empath. The null travels with his empath, feeling good about his place in the exchange. The null knows that without him, the empath would be unable to function in society or accomplish his benevolent acts.
I didn’t dream Savannah and I would have a different relationship than what I shared with Maleen. I didn’t imagine I would hear her thoughts. Or experience her feelings.
I escaped to the refresher under the pretense of showering, but it was spurred on by Savannah’s feelings. Well, one emotion in particular. Lust.
I felt a distinct gust of her arousal at the sight of me. I take more time than is necessary as I soap and rinse and soap again. All the while, I’m trying to convince myself I read her wrong. I haven’t been around many females since I lived on Coronis. Certainly, I misread her.
My cock is enjoying his bath. He’s standing proud and tall as the water pelts him. That must be what happened. I’m attracted to her and misinterpreted my lust as coming from her.
She’s a beautiful female. Lustrous brown hair. Sparkling green eyes. And her carriage. She’s not like the other Earth females I observed in the dining room. Savannah is hard, a warrior. Perhaps that is why she was in the meeting with all the males. Perhaps Earth has a caste system. Maybe she was born to the breed. A female warrior null. That would be unheard of on Coronis.
I try to use the Serentine Technique to no avail. It’s always worked in the past to dampen my sexual urges.
Empaths aren’t allowed to have mates. That’s not true. There are no laws against it. It’s just not done.
I turn off the water. I’ve been in here too long. I thought sleeping on the floor at the foot of her bed would cause no problems. Maybe Zar wasn’t so off-target when he admonished me to keep my hands to myself. My cock shows no indication of standing down.
“Tarrex? Take your time, but here are some clothes I commandeered from storage.” She opens the door and sets a small pile of clothes on the floor. Did she see me? Standing here with my cock jutting forward, announcing his intentions.
It’s going to be a long night if this keeps up. If I were a different male, I would laugh at my pun. Unfortunately, I’m the same male I’ve always been. A serious male who never enjoyed much and hasn’t laughed at all since slavers stole me from my homeworld.
I turn the shower on again and step back inside. Soaping my cock, I lean against the back of the shower and lower my lids. I haven’t found release in annums . Haven’t needed it. I’ve been bombarded all day, every day, with anger and pain and avarice and wrath. Even the lust I was privy to felt dirty, not arousing.
I’d have to be dead not to feel arousal now. Not with beautiful Savannah only a few fiertos on the other side of the door. Not with her interest so clear in her thoughts. Not with my mind running rampant with images of spearing into her.
It’s this image that draws me to the precipice. My mind replays just that, just the moment of entering her, of sliding into her. Although I’ve never had a female, my mind is very inventive, creating clear pictures of the act. I imagine her eyes opening wide at my invasion, then shuttering closed in pleasure. It’s this image that causes my essence to spurt into the shower, a small moan crossing my lips.
I keep the water running long enough for my cum to slide down the drain, then I dry off and look at the clothes she brought. They are similar to what several of the males were wearing. Although a few were in loincloths, most wore what I’m pulling on. Black pants with numerous pockets and a soft body-hugging shirt with no buttons.
When I emerge from the refresher, Savannah is sitting on the edge of the bed as if she had never moved. Her head is cocked as if she’s giving something deep thought. Her long, brown hair trails over one shoulder.