4. Seven #2
I see the look of concern on Vortex’s face, and it’s harder to face than if he was hurt. I don’t need his pity.
“You want us to leave?” Vortex asks, and while his voice is steady, the way he glances at Caleb has his worry on full display. “I don’t know if this is a good idea, Caleb.”
“I never thought it was a good idea,” Caleb says, lowering the whip. “I think it’s better if you stay?—”
“No!” I shout, and I stalk over to the bed where Havoc is sitting. I grab his wrist and pull. “Get out. Both of you! You’re ruining it!”
Havoc looks stunned, but I pull harder at him.
“I don’t want you here,” I tell him savagely.
Havoc doesn’t budge. “Hey, Seven, if there’s an issue, we could talk it out. I know it’s rich coming from me, but talking is better than?—”
“Shut up!” I yell, and this time I lash out and punch him, exactly as he’d taught me.
His reflexes are better than mine, but I still clip him in the side of the head.
“What the fuck?” Havoc says, finally getting up. I stumble back a few paces, still glaring at him.
“Seven!” Caleb barks. “Don’t do something you’ll regret.”
I won’t regret it if he hurts me. It’ll be better if he does.
It will make more sense than the rest of this.
I’ve gotten soft. They’ve made me soft, weak. They think I’m something I’m not. They think I’m good , that I don’t deserve pain, and that’s why they won’t punish me like I need to be punished.
Vortex strides forward, and he catches my wrists in his hands. I fight against him, but there’s no getting free of his grasp.
“Let go of me!” I snarl. “Don’t touch me.”
Caleb approaches, and I kick at him. He’s right outside of my range, and that pisses me off even more.
There has to be some way for me to make him hurt me. There has to be.
Caleb looks at me calmly. “I think I’m going to cuff Seven to my bed. Vortex, Havoc, keep him here while I get the cuffs.”
That’s a step in the right direction, isn’t it? If he pushes me down and cuffs me, he’ll hurt me after that. Won’t he?
But I can’t guarantee it. He might do worse.
A chill runs through me.
He might leave me there instead, all alone, in the dark, to think about what I did .
I fight harder against Vortex, but it’s child’s play for him to hang onto me even while I give everything I have. The self-defense lessons are nothing compared to Vortex’s raw strength and his own training, and he wrestles me down with ease when Caleb returns with the restraints.
“No!” I buck wildly, but it’s no use.
Between the three of them, there’s nothing I can do as they cuff me to Caleb’s bed. They step away once I’m secured, and no matter how hard I tug at the restraints—leather manacles with padding; I can’t even hurt myself with them—I can’t free myself.
Caleb sighs loudly. “I think you two should leave. Sorry about this.”
“Uh…” Havoc looks between me and Caleb. “I don’t think so. Seven looks like he’s in a bad way.”
Vortex’s expression is calm despite the conflict I can see in his eyes, and he clasps a hand on Havoc’s arm. “I think they need to talk, Havoc,” he says quietly. “Really talk. Seven doesn’t want us here for that.”
The idea of talking to Caleb is even more terrifying than anything else, and I shake my head. “Wait, no. No, please, please don’t leave,” I plead.
Caleb gives me a harsh glare. “Three seconds ago you didn’t want them here. Your choices are me, alone, or I leave you with Havoc and Vortex all night.”
I don’t want to make this choice. I don’t want Caleb, who will make me talk; I don’t want Havoc and Vortex, who will baby me.
“Just leave me here by myself,” I snap, and now I am blinking back tears. “I don’t want any of you.”
Sheer terror grips me at the idea of being left alone, but I can’t make this impossible choice.
Vortex crosses over, and he presses a kiss lightly to the top of my head. “Caleb will take care of you, beautiful boy. I’ll be here in the morning when Caleb leaves, then Havoc will be here in the afternoon.” He glances at Caleb. “That okay with you?”
Caleb nods and makes a dismissive gesture. “Sure. Havoc, don’t even bother to ask. Seven is apparently in no state to make decisions right now.”
Havoc looks like he wants to argue, but after another glance at me, he clenches his fists and grits his teeth. “Fine. But if Seven is still crying tomorrow?—”
“Havoc,” Vortex says, his voice quiet but firm. “This isn’t helping.”
“Leave me alone,” I say, trying to huddle up in the bed, but I can’t with the way my wrists are cuffed. “All of you, I hate all of you!”
Havoc makes a disgusted sound and storms off.
Vortex ruffles my hair and bends down to kiss my forehead, even though I want nothing to do with him and his fake comfort. I turn my head, not wanting to look at him, and I hear his footsteps as he leaves the room.
That leaves me with Caleb. “Go away,” I tell him, blinking back tears.
“Fine,” Caleb says, and he goes to the door.
I stare at him in disbelief.
I know what I said, what I did, but I don’t really want to be alone.
He doesn’t even stop before he goes out, the door closing almost the entire way.
I shatter.
It’s like the weight of the entire day hits me at once, and I break down beneath it.
The sounds I make are animalistic and wild as I start to cry, tugging hard at the restraints.
I need to get free. I need to get out of here.
I’m not even that far from the balcony. This time, I won’t get caught.
This time, I’ll step off the edge before anyone can stop me.
This time I really will be that red smear on the ground, and I’ll be free of all of this.
The door creaks open, and I whip my head in that direction. The tears blur my vision.
Caleb is back, and he has Nacho and Miss K in his arms. Nacho is trying to jump off. Caleb closes the door before he sets Nacho down on the bed next to me.
“You left,” I whisper brokenly, even as Nacho jumps on top of my chest and starts to knead my skin, his sharp nails giving me only a taste of the kind of pain I want to feel.
“I went to get the cats,” Caleb answers. He sits down with his back against the headboard. Miss K purrs loudly when he pets her, but she gets off his lap and comes to rub against my face.
I sob again, which unsettles Nacho. His nails drag against my chest, but he goes right back to kneading my skin — making biscuits, Vortex calls it — while I try not to make him move away.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out.
“What are you sorry for?” Caleb asks. He reaches out to stroke the hair off my forehead.
Everything. Nothing. I don’t even know.
I only know that I don’t want him to leave me alone, and I’ll say anything to keep him here.
“Hitting Havoc,” I mumble.
Caleb snorts, and a small smile graces his lips. “He’ll get over it. In fact, I bet by tomorrow, he’ll even be glad you hit him.”
I doubt that.
“It wasn’t even that bad,” I say, my voice subdued. “What I told you. It wasn’t . I didn’t get cake. It wasn’t a big deal. And now you’re treating me like I’m going to break if you look at me wrong.”
“It was that bad,” Caleb insists. “But it isn’t about that.” He hesitates, and it’s strange to see him at a loss for words. Caleb always knows what to say. “I didn’t want to whip you tonight. I should have refused, and I went against my better judgment.”
“I told you!” I say desperately. “I can handle it! I’m not fragile!”
“But maybe I am!” Caleb snaps back. “It wasn’t about you , Seven. I didn’t want to do it. I wasn’t in the mood.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
Caleb? Fragile? It doesn’t make any sense to me.
“I didn’t…” My mouth is so dry I can’t keep going right away. “I didn’t mean to make you do something you didn’t want to do.”
“I know you didn’t.” Caleb wipes a tear from my face. “I suppose turnabout is fair play.” He gives me a strange smile. “I’m usually the one pushing you.”
“I don’t mind,” I insist.
Do I?
“I wouldn’t have stayed, if you hadn’t made me. And I would be…” I shudder, thinking about where I’d be if it wasn’t for Caleb. Dead, or with my family.
“Should I release you?” Caleb asks. He squeezes my arm, right above where the manacle wraps around my wrist. “I’ve heard that if you love something, you should let it go.”
I blink at him. “What?” I ask. “I don’t understand.” My heart clenches as fear seizes me. “Do you want me to go?”
“I want you to stay,” Caleb says, and he leans over me. His face fills my vision. “I want to protect you from everything, Seven. But I’m not perfect. I don’t know everything. And, believe it or not, I have feelings and emotions too.”
“I know,” I tell him, still perplexed. “You’ve done more for me than anyone, ever. And maybe… maybe I hated you a little at the beginning, maybe I hated you a little tonight, but I don’t hate you.”
No, I feel things for him that I’ve never felt before, things that I can’t put into words.
“That’s good to hear.” Caleb closes the distance between our lips and kisses me gently.
Strangely, I don’t feel the need to turn it rougher, to coax him into hurting me.
I blink back tears, but I’m grateful for this little thing, this gift he’s giving me.
When Caleb pulls back, he smiles at me. “I’m going to undo the cuffs, and I’ll keep you in my arms. I know I’m not as good of a hugger as Vortex, but maybe you’ll endure me for tonight.”
I swallow hard, my mouth dry. Then I whisper, “Is… Is the balcony door locked?”
Caleb’s eyes widen, and he recoils. “Yes. It should be. It hasn’t been unlocked since?—”
Since I almost threw myself from the lounge balcony.
“Good,” I whisper. I choke on a sob. “I’m sorry, Caleb. I’m sorry I’m broken.”
“That’s not something you need to apologize for.” Caleb sits up and releases me from the manacles.
As soon as I’m free, I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head against his shoulder.
I shudder when he starts petting my hair.
“It’s been a long, hard night,” Caleb says softly. “And I will give you the pain you need, pet. Just not tonight. All right?”
I nod, but then I pause. “You’re just as good of a cuddler as Vortex,” I tell him softly. “You’re different, maybe, but you’re enough. You’re always enough.”
I don’t understand why I need all three of them, especially since I feel complete each time I’m with them. But I never feel more full, as happy, as when it’s the four of us together.
I feel a small pang of regret that I sent Vortex and Havoc away, but I don’t think Caleb would have admitted anything to me while they were there.
“Hmm. Debatable,” Caleb says with a small grin. “You’d be very bored and lonely while I was at work.”
I manage a laugh, weak as it is. “Yeah, I guess I would be.” I nuzzle against his throat. “I won’t do anything stupid.”
Not tonight, at least.
Caleb pulls the covers over us, and the cats settle against our sides. I wait for him to turn off the lights, then I’m back in his arms.
“If it comes back, it’s yours to keep,” Caleb whispers in the dark.
I don’t know what he means, but it doesn’t matter.
As long as he keeps me .