12. Seven

TWELVE

SEVEN

No one is in the suite when I drag myself through the door, breathless after going back up two flights of stairs after the intense fuck with Havoc.

I’m all scuffed up from being shoved and fucked against the wall, and it should feel good, but I have this nagging feeling that I did something horribly wrong even though I don’t know how or why.

All I’d wanted was to feel better. To make Havoc feel better.

I don’t understand why Havoc had acted like I’d done something horrible, and now I’m stuck alone again and trapped in my own thoughts.

I’d needed Havoc to make me feel better, and maybe I resent him a little for bailing on me instead of making sure I was okay.

But something about that doesn’t feel right either.

I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, one I can’t shake.

I send him a quick text, but I’m not surprised when he doesn’t answer.

Are you okay?

I can’t bother Caleb and Vortex because they’re busy trying to clean up a mess that’s my own fault again.

I’d tried talking to Lori, but it’s not like I can talk to her about anything real.

It’s not like I can talk to anyone about anything real.

I stare at my phone, willing Havoc to answer, willing anyone to message me, but there’s nothing.

I start to open one of the blackjack apps, but before I can, Nacho is there, batting my hand away from my phone as he purrs loudly.

At least he wants to be near me. I absently scratch behind his ear, but I can’t bring myself to smile even as he headbutts my hand in a bid for more of those scritches.

Everything is wrong.

Mom will get you soon.

I want to believe that I’m safe here, but Emily had been so smug, so confident, and I’m realizing how horribly I messed up by getting rid of Caleb’s grandfather if he was what was standing between my family and the Spades.

Getting rid of .

Is that what I’m calling murder now?

Nacho bats at me with his claws out, and I wince, setting my phone aside so I can pet him with both hands instead of dividing my attention between him and holding the device up.

I wonder if I could do it again.

I wonder if I could kill Emily, and her .

The thoughts are too much, and I shoo Nacho away so I can grab my phone again.

There are still no messages, and I pull up the blackjack app I’d found that lets me gamble for real money.

It wasn’t even my own money, not at first, because they’d matched my first ten dollars and I’d won a hundred dollars on my second bet.

I’ve lost track of the ups and downs since then, but my account says I still have fifty dollars in it.

I miss gambling with thousands of dollars, but it just means I have to keep winning, until my account shows thousands of dollars on it. If it stays in the app, Caleb won’t even know what I’m doing with my own money.

I do a small two dollar bet for the first round of blackjack. I’d watched a video about the “Martingale” strategy, so every time I fail, I double the previous bet. When I win, I’m ahead by ten dollars.

It’s easier and faster to play blackjack on my phone than in real life. I miss talking to the dealers, like Nat and Madeline, and watching other people play, but that’s not the important part of the game anyway.

And I’m safer if I’m doing this up here.

My fifty dollars are gone faster than I realize, and I add another hundred to the app so I can keep betting. Soon I’m up to two hundred. I just have to turn that into two thousand, or twenty thousand.

Maybe I’ll stop once I hit seven thousand, seven hundred and seventy seven. That sounds like a good number.

Miss K and Nacho sit next to me while I play, until both cats leave me. I guess they got bored. I keep tapping on my phone.

The door suddenly opens.

“Aww, Miss K missed you,” Vortex says. “She’s lined up for you.”

I startle upright and twist on the couch to look over the back toward the suite door. Caleb is bending down to pet Miss K, and Vortex is holding a bag of takeout.

“Hi,” I say, but my voice is unsteady.

“Hi,” Caleb answers. “We brought food.” He stands up and looks around. “Where’s Havoc?”

My stomach twists, and I stare down at my phone before clicking it to the home screen.

“I don’t know,” I say. Frustration wells up within me, and I want to know what I did that was so wrong.

But I have a feeling Caleb and Vortex would judge me, and they’d treat me differently, and they already keep doing that.

Caleb takes his phone out and taps on it. After a few seconds, he shakes his head. “Hmm. Well, given what happened, we can give him some space.” He glances back toward me. “Don’t worry, he isn’t actually banned. Trent had to say that for optics.”

“I know,” I say, feeling self-conscious. He’s going to catch on sooner rather than later. I didn’t clean up, and I have scuffs and bruises where they have to be able to see, and I should’ve taken the time to shower and change clothes.

It hadn’t felt important at the time.

Vortex notices first, and his brows furrow. “Have you seen him?” he asks, his voice far too gentle.

I shrug. “He had to go somewhere, I guess.”

“We got lucky that nobody was filming,” Caleb says while he sets the table. “We had several guests complain and ask what we did about him. I might need to ask him to lay low for the next few days, until the tourists who saw him have all gone home.”

“It’s all my fault,” I say, the self-loathing bubbling up to the surface. “If I hadn’t said—” He’d heard me, when I’d said I’d rather die than go home, and that had been what had spurred him on to lay his hands on her. “What happens when Emily comes back?” I ask instead.

Vortex levels me with a stare. “She won’t be back.”

“She said that I’m not safe here, not anymore,” I say, my voice unsteady. “Not now that… that Caleb’s grandfather is gone.”

Caleb sits down at his usual chair and rubs his brow.

“It’s fine. Everybody’s testing boundaries right now.

They want to figure out who the real power in the Spade family is.

But Dad is behind me, and I have more of a voice now than before.

I set up meetings with Blake Heart, Trent is talking to Virgil Club…

” He watches while Vortex sets out the food.

“Dad’s been having a hard time with Valentín Diamante. You said Havoc knows the Diamantes?”

“Not on good terms,” Vortex says. “But maybe he has contacts we could?—”

“No,” I interrupt. “Not right now. He needs… he says he needs space.”

Vortex stops what he’s doing and looks at me. “Come sit over here,” he says.

I start to shake my head, but he gives me another look, and my shoulders drop before I obey.

“We all care about you,” Vortex says as I sit down by Caleb. “We’re all willing to pull some strings to make sure you’re okay. The Lockwoods will give up, Seven.”

“Call me Rory,” I blurt out.

Vortex and Caleb both give me disgusted looks.

“No,” Caleb snaps. “You’re Seven Spade, remember?”

Seven Spade .

Only until the honeymoon period is over.

“I’m not,” I say. “No one treats me like I am anymore. Everyone treats me like I’m weak and pathetic.”

“No one thinks you’re weak or pathetic,” Vortex says, coming over to squeeze my shoulder. “And you’re Seven. Whether it’s Seven Spade or Seven Gale or even Seven Martinez, it doesn’t matter. You’re not theirs anymore.”

“Then stop treating me like I am!” I burst out, anger and frustration warring within me. “All of you!”

“All of us?” Caleb asks, scowling. He reaches out to press against one of the bruises Havoc left on my neck. “It doesn’t look like it.”

I flinch, but I don’t pull away. I don’t want to admit that Havoc kept acting like he didn’t want it, or that it was a horrible thing when he finally gave in.

“Seven…” Vortex begins.

I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Caleb shares a look with Vortex. Even without saying a single word, they’re talking about me, judging me.

“I’m going to insist,” Caleb says. “And that’s not a request, pet. It’s an order.”

“Well, I’m not doing it,” I say stubbornly even though my stomach turns at the idea of refusing a direct order from Caleb.

“Yes, you are,” Vortex says equally steadily. “Even if I have to put you over my knee and spank you until you decide to do what you’re told.”

“I’m not,” I insist, my voice going high. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You’re trying to get us to call you by the name you hate more than anything,” Vortex says. “Something happened with Havoc, something that has you upset and him missing. You’re refusing to obey your master. Well, as your Daddy, I’m not allowing that to happen. This isn’t going to fester.”

I make a frustrated sound. “I just want to eat,” I lie.

“Food will be there when we’re finished,” Vortex says without batting an eye. “Now, are you going to talk, or do I have to spank you until you do?”

“You can spank me all you want. I said I’m not talking.” My heart is racing, though, and my mouth is dry. I’m going to get into serious trouble for this. But if he’s going to spank me, it means things are normal, right?

The pain will be good .

“Maybe it needs to be the other way around,” Caleb says. He brushes his knuckles along my cheek, and even though I hate them both right now, I still find myself leaning into the touch. “Vortex will spank you once you’ve talked.”

“That’s not fair,” I protest.

“Neither is you shutting us out,” Vortex says, rubbing my shoulders. “This is important, beautiful. You’re hurting… and Havoc is hurting, too.”

“That’s even less fair!” I sputter, jerking away from his touch.

Vortex sighs. “Maybe,” he allows. “But Seven, you can’t push us away like this. The only reason our dynamic works is because we work together, right?”

“For now,” I mutter darkly. “Until the honeymoon is over.”

Caleb frowns and tugs on my hair. “What honeymoon? Who gave you that idea?”

I don’t say anything.

It doesn’t seem to matter, because Vortex clues in faster than I’d have expected. “What did Emily tell you?” There’s so much venom in his voice that it startles me.

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