22. Havoc #2
I feel like I can finally breathe again when I hit the highway.
Five minutes out, my mother says, “I forgot something.”
I clench my hands on the steering wheel. “Write down anything else you need, and I’ll go back to get it later.”
“It’s fine, Javi. I’ll be quick,” she says.
I’d known she’d have second thoughts, but I’d hoped they would wait a little bit longer. Before I can get too pissed off, I look at Seven, hoping he can say something else that will get through to her.
“Nothing is worth going back for,” he says with absolute certainty, a certainty I don’t think he’d have displayed before he’d killed Leon Spade.
She falls silent again.
It takes another twenty minutes to reach my new apartment. I park at my spot in the garage, take the heavier of the two bags, and direct everyone to the elevator. Seven takes the other bag, so my mother doesn’t have to carry anything.
It’s a quick trip up to my apartment. I quickly unlock the door and get it shut and locked once everyone is inside.
My mother looks at the apartment with wide eyes. “You live here? How can you afford this?”
“My boss is subsidizing it,” I answer, and that’s pretty much the truth.
“Don’t worry about it.” I carry her duffle bag to the bedroom and set it down on the bed.
The walls are still bright red, but I bought crisp white sheets and curtains to brighten the room a bit.
The night stand, headboard, dresser, and lamp are white too.
“Here, this drawer is all for you,” I say, opening one of the dresser drawers. “And there’s plenty of space in the closet.”
She walks in, touching the comforter on the bed. “Javi…”
Seven, who’s been lingering in the doorway, says in a strange voice, “He loves you. This is worth it to him. You’re worth it to him.”
I wonder if he’d be able to handle us saying those words to him, and I doubt it.
“Mamá,” I start, wracking my brain for the words.
“You deserve better than you’ve had. You deserved better than being abandoned by my asshole birth father, and you deserve so much more than Marcus has ever given you.
I know you’re scared, but you aren’t alone, all right?
I’m here for you. I want you to be happy and safe.
I want to smile and laugh with you, I want my mother to be there when I…
I don’t know, get married or have kids or whatever.
” I notice Seven’s panicked expression in the back, and I laugh.
“Not anytime soon, and there’s a bunch of logistical things to consider, and maybe none of that will happen, but either way, I want you in my life, Mamá.
I’m tired of having to tiptoe around Marcus and being so fucking angry all the time. ”
She manages a weak smile. “He does love me, Javi.”
“That doesn’t mean he’ll stop hurting you,” Seven says, sounding awkward now. “And Javier would never hurt either of us.”
“You deserve to be loved without the pain,” I answer fiercely. “Real love doesn’t include making you feel like shit.”
Real love doesn’t include pain .
I struggle to keep my hands open.
Do I deserve Seven, if I can’t give him the same?
“Ah, mijo.” She walks up to me, and she surprises me by hugging me. “You’re a good boy. A good man. When did you grow up on me?”
I see Seven quietly leaving the room, but I don’t call after him.
“I think it must have happened sometime in the past six years,” I joke. “Okay. Let me give you the tour, and we can figure out what’s still missing. I do have a tortilla press.”
“I’ll cook dinner. For you and your…” She sighs. “Javi, are you sure?”
I nod. “He’s the best thing that has happened to me.
He’s so brave. So strong. And despite what he’s been through, he tries to be kind to people and he’s willing to trust me.
” I let go of her and run my hand through my hair.
“Also, ignore what he said about his name. His parents named him that, but he wants to be called Seven.”
She nods, her expression going bleak. “It was his parents, wasn’t it?” she asks, but I can tell she already knows the answer to that question.
“Yeah.” I clench my fists. “His mother especially. I don’t know the full details, but it was so bad, Mamá.
I’m so grateful to have you. I want you in my future, okay?
I want you to be in my life, and I can’t…
I can’t keep watching Marcus hurt you. I bet he tells you I’m bad news, and that you should stop talking to me, right? ”
She hesitates long enough for me to know I’m right. “I know it isn’t true. I know you’d never hurt me, that you’d never hurt that sweet boy.” She sighs. “I’d like to lie down for a little while, mijo. I need to get my thoughts together.”
I’m worried that if I give her time alone, she’ll second guess and regret, but I nod.
“I’ll be out in the living room,” I say. I close the door behind myself, then immediately go to Seven on the couch.
Before he can say anything, I grip his jaw and kiss him.
He’s tense at first, but he relaxes when I deepen the kiss. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. “Is she okay?” he asks in a small voice when I finally pull away.
“For now,” I answer. I rest my head against his. “Thank you, Seven.”
Seven manages a weak smile. “I was so scared I was going to mess it up. I… I’m glad you have her, Havoc.”
“You convinced her,” I answer. “You’re the reason I was able to understand. If you hadn’t been there, I’d still be yelling and angry and nothing would have changed. Thank you .”
He nods, then lets out a small laugh. “I just told her all the things you keep telling me.”
Seven isn’t giving himself enough credit, but I don’t argue.
“Are you okay with staying a bit longer?” I ask. I want him to stay, but I don’t want to make him more uncomfortable. “She wants to cook for us later, but I can tell her you had to go if it’s too much.”
He hesitates. “I can stay.” He doesn’t sound sure, but before I can say anything about it, he continues, “It’s okay, Havoc. I’m glad you have someone who loves you.”
I sit back so I can look Seven in the eyes. “You have people who love you, too.”
His smile is forced. He nods, but he’s not comprehending what I’m trying to tell him, what I can’t say yet.
I’m suddenly glad it isn’t only me with Seven. Maybe I can’t convince him alone, but between me and Vortex and Caleb, we can get through to him.
We’ll show him what love really means.