29. Seven
TWENTY-NINE
SEVEN
I can’t catch my breath.
No matter how many times I try, I can’t seem to manage a full breath, and it only gets worse as the minutes tick by. I watch my phone, but the urge to play one of my games doesn’t even strike me.
I just feel sick.
Lori is gone, and it’s all my fault.
I already know what she is going to ask for, and I know Caleb is going to refuse. He shouldn’t. He should hand me over. We all know what’s going to happen to Lori if my mother doesn’t get what she wants, and I can’t stand the thought of Lori going through a single day of what I’d lived through.
I hadn’t even thought it was that bad, not until I’d met Caleb and Vortex and Havoc, but now? I’d rather face what she has planned for me than allow Lori to suffer that way. Havoc has told me over and over how strong I am, and if there’s ever a time to prove him right, it’s now.
If they were thinking rationally, they’d remember the tracker and use me as bait.
I know better than to suggest it. They’d only watch me even more closely.
Havoc comes over to the couch and hands me a cup of water. “Don’t worry,” he says harshly. “Nobody is handing you over. If Caleb tries, I’ll murder him myself.”
“I know,” I say, taking the water from him. And I do know.
I also know that it’s not going to stop me from getting Lori back myself.
The only question is how .
The door opens, and Havoc immediately gets in front of me and into a defensive stance. It’s only Caleb, Trent, and Vortex, along with an older man who looks similar to Caleb.
Caleb immediately makes his way over to me, and before I can say anything, he wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I promise,” he whispers. “I’m keeping you safe.”
I know that he’ll do everything in his power to do just that. I wish I could let him.
It’s strange, how calm I feel. I should be panicking, trying not to cry. But all I feel is absolute certainty that I’m going to figure out how to do this.
I don’t care what happens to me after they get Lori back. Caleb will find me again, sooner or later. Even if he doesn’t, maybe I’ll find a way to fight my way out. Maybe I’ll get my hands on a gun.
Or maybe they’ll lock me away forever.
I don’t know, but it’s better than letting Lori get hurt.
I nod to him. There are words on the tip of my tongue, things I want to say to him, but he’s too smart. He’d know how determined I am to do what I have to do.
I hug him back, breathing in his scent as I wrap my arms around him and stay close. “You need to figure out how to get her back,” I tell him. “I’m here. I’m safe.”
For now .
Caleb nods and steps up. His eyes look a bit red, but he isn’t crying. He looks like he had that day I’d told him my silly birthday cake story.
“If you’re done with that show,” the older man says.
Havoc turns to him and scowls. “Who the fuck are you, old man?”
Trent and Vortex both grimace, and the man glares at Havoc. “Gerard Spade. Caleb’s father, and the current head of the Spade family. You should watch your tone.”
“Dad, stop,” Caleb says. “Havoc’s a friend. I trust him. And if we’re getting Lori back, we definitely want his support.”
“ When ,” Trent insists. “ When we’re getting Lori back. There are no ifs here.”
Caleb nods. “Of course.” He strides over to the dining room table. “Vortex, if you can show everybody the security footage.”
Vortex sets the laptop he’s carrying down and types at it. The same videos I’d seen earlier appear on the screen, and I turn away.
I don’t need to see it again.
“Fuck. I should have strangled her last time,” Havoc mutters.
Trent barks a laugh. “I wish I hadn’t stopped you.”
Me too.
“So, this is where they both leave the casino,” Vortex says, pointing to the screen. “The vehicle they were using had stolen plates, and our contacts at CCPD couldn’t track it far.” He goes on, talking about what they’d already done.
“Blake is going to put pressure on—” Caleb says, and I don’t know the names that they throw around after that.
“They must have a safehouse close by,” Gerard adds. “Did you get anyone to follow up on that? The new location they were opening?—”
“Yes, but?—”
It’s all noise to me. All those years I spent with my family, and Caleb and his father already know more than I ever did.
I don’t know anything important.
I only know how to mess up.
I stare down at my phone, and I make sure the volume is turned all the way down before opening one of my blackjack apps. Even though I know it’s not the right time to be gambling, I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have any information, I don’t have any other skills.
All I can do is stay out of the way.
I tap the screen, placing my first bet, and I watch as the cards are dealt on the screen.
It doesn’t give me the same rush as it normally does.
It doesn’t give me a rush at all.
I grit my teeth and tap out of the app right as a text message lights up the screen.
It says it’s from Lori, but I know better.
It’s from her .
It’s almost a relief to finally get it, and I back away carefully so I can read it without anyone realizing I’ve gotten a message in the first place.
I miss you, baby.
The words cut like a knife.
I know what she expects. I know what to say.
I miss you too, Mommy. Can I come home now? You don’t need her.
I see the small dots in the bubble that indicate somebody is typing. I remember waiting for a few of Lori’s texts, the ones about the game we’d been playing or some story she’d read. If I scroll up, I can see ten messages from her in a row when she’d gushed about the latest episode of Martial Law.
I blink hard, expecting tears, but I’m not crying.
Oh, baby. You know you’re always welcome home. I have a car waiting for you downstairs.
That strange calm only holds me tighter. I glance up, where everyone is bickering and arguing hotly about the next steps to take.
No one is paying attention to me.
Okay.
My eyes flick toward the door, but before I can take a step, I feel something against my ankles. I look down to see Nacho, who’s pacing back and forth as he rubs against me. I crouch down so I can scratch him behind the ears.
I’m glad he has someone who can take care of him.
Caleb will keep him safe for me.
It’s a bleak thought, and I remind myself that I still have the tracker, that they’ll come for me. That I just have to get a head start.
I gently nudge Nacho, but he comes back for more pets. I’m running low on time, I know, but it’s still the hardest thing in the world to carefully edge away from him. He looks expectantly at me, and I swallow hard.
I could stay. I could tell them about the text.
But I know that if I do, they’ll go out there guns blazing, and she will disappear with Lori.
I may not know much about the family business, but I know her.
It’s easier than I expected to slip out of the suite and into the hallway.
The familiar guard at the top of the elevator looks at me, and I tell him without letting my voice waver, “Caleb needs the footage from after Lori left the building. Can you run down and get it all onto a flash drive for him? Greg will know what to do.”
He hesitates, but he nods. “I’ll be right back.”
I wait for him to get into the elevator before going for the door to the stairs. It’s a long way down, but it’s the fastest, most direct way to get downstairs. Someone might catch me in the elevator, and there would be other people getting in.
No. This is best.
I close the door carefully behind me, not letting it slam closed, and start down the stairs.
I count them as I go, and I’m breathing heavily by the time I’m halfway down. My legs are burning, and I think about getting onto the elevator. What if she gives up on me coming? What if the car leaves?
I pause long enough to catch my breath and pull out my phone. There are no new messages, but I still send a quick message.
I’m on my way.
The second half of the way down is more difficult, but I think about Lori. She has to be so afraid, and she might even think no one is going to help her. That thought spurs me on, and I get to the ground floor with legs that feel like limp noodles.
Even though I want to run the second I’m downstairs, I don’t want to draw attention to myself so I walk quietly to the exit.
No one stops me.
They’re probably all busy with tasks Caleb has assigned, and I remind myself that that’s a good thing.
But I sort of wish, for even a moment, that someone had been there to save me from myself.
It doesn’t matter.
I head outside, where a few cars are waiting. I scan them, and I have to swallow down bile as I recognize her in the backseat of a silver, nondescript-looking vehicle. I go to it, my legs screaming from the agony of so many steps, and the door opens before I can even get there.
She opens her arms for me.
I slide in, and with a sob, embrace her.
“Oh, baby, you got a bit lost,” she says in her sweet voice. She kisses the top of my head. “And your hair is so long! We’ll have to cut that as soon as we get back.” She tucks the strands of my hair behind my ears and looks me in the eyes.
Somebody shuts the door behind me, and I hear the locks click.
“Are you ready to go home, baby?” she asks.
The car starts moving.
I think about the tracker in my thigh. They can find me, but I need this head start.
“Will you let her go, Mommy?” I ask, and I don’t have to fake the hitch in my voice.
I don’t know what I’ll do if she says no.
She ignores me and reaches for my phone. I watch as she switches it off and tosses it out the window. “You didn’t need that,” she says when she catches my gaze. “You’re coming home to your family.”
She didn’t answer my question, and dread threatens to break into the calm I’ve been feeling. I push it back down. I have to believe she’ll let Lori go. I know that she told Caleb she’d trade for me.
But I realize too late that she hadn’t promised me .
I gambled with my life — gambled with Lori’s life — and now…
I don’t think I’m going to have anything to show for it but regret.