Chapter 58
58
William
I don’t know what the fuck I thought I’d find on the Upper West Side, but it was just more frustration.
I took a cab there, thinking I’d spot Percy or Opal. It was a fool’s mission since all I had was an approximate location and hope. Hope, the woman, may have sent me there, but hope, the desire to find the woman I’ve fallen in love with kept me there for more than thirty minutes.
I wandered the sidewalk in a two block radius of West 78 th Street and Amsterdam Avenue, studying everyone I passed. I didn’t spot Opal or Percy, for that matter. I did run into a former client who was excited to tell me that his wife is expecting their first child.
I listened to him tearfully tell me that I gave him the life he always wanted while my own life is crumbling at my feet.
When I left him in the same spot I found him, outside a baby store, I got into another cab and headed straight to where I am now.
I’m on the sidewalk outside of Turquoise Crown.
I haven’t formulated a plan for what I’ll do if Opal isn’t here. If push comes to shove, I’ll sit my ass down on the pavement, rest my back against the bar’s door and wait for her to show up eventually.
I push that plan aside as soon as the door to the bar swings open, and Myra walks out. Her eyes widen when she sees me. “William.”
“I haven’t found her,” I say in a rush. “I haven’t been able to find Opal.”
Softly closing the door behind her, she steps closer to me. “She’s inside, but she’s in pain. She’s so sad, William.”
That’s my fault. She knows I lied about where I live. She thinks I’m involved with someone else and I have kids I never mentioned.
She thinks I’m an asshole, and in some ways, I am. I have been.
Lying to her about where I live was wrong.
My fear of letting a woman into my life may have cost me the love of my life.
“I hope I didn’t overstep, but I told her about your conversation with Chuck earlier.” She tugs on the pendant hanging on the gold chain around her neck. “I told her that you explained to him that the woman you were with last night is your co-worker, and those were her kids, not yours.”
That should bring me some relief, but if Opal is in pain, I am, too. “I need to see her.”
“The door is unlocked.” She glances over her shoulder. “I may regret this, but go talk to her. I don’t know her very well. I barely know you, but I do know that you both have things you need to say.”
She’s right about that. “Thank you.”
* * *
I’m standing just inside the doorway of Turquoise Crown. I entered quietly, closing the door with an almost silent click. I have yet to lock it because I don’t know if Opal will demand I leave as soon as she realizes I’m standing behind her.
Just as I’m about to say her name, she turns slowly.
Our eyes meet, and I see what I feel reflected back to me.
Anguish.
Her lips move as if she wants to say something, but there’s nothing.
I take a step closer. “If you want me to go, I will.”
Again, her lips move, but this time, the motion is accompanied by a shake of her head.
“I’m in love with you,” I say. It’s selfish and not the perfect time, but I may never get another chance if I don’t say it now. “I love you, Opal. I know you wanted this thing between us to be casual, and maybe that’s still the case, but I’m so far past that now.”
“I’m past that too,” she blurts out, her tone bordering on anger. “It doesn’t matter though. What we feel doesn’t matter because you lied to me, William.”
“I did,” I admit because I want her to know all my truths. “I have things to tell you.”
Her shoulders push back. “What things?”
I look around the bar. I don’t want to do this here. This space holds the promise of her future, and if she decides I’m a part of her past, I don’t want the conversation we need to have to haunt her whenever she walks in here.
“I’d like you to come home with me,” I rush through that and keep going, “I want to show you my home, Opal. I think we should talk there.”
“Your home in Brooklyn?” Sarcasm laces every syllable. “Or the one in Tribeca?”
“Tribeca,” I answer succinctly. “I’ll explain about the apartment in Brooklyn and everything else.”
“Everything else?” she questions. “What else is there?”
Percy.
My job.
The constant ache that has taken root inside of me at the prospect of a life without her.
“There are things I want you to know,” I say. “Things I should have told you the day we met.”
She scrubs a hand over the back of her neck. “I should tell you to go to hell.”
“You’re right.” I nod. “You should, but I’m asking for an hour of your time to explain things. I’m a good man who made some bad decisions.”
“I’ve heard that from a man before,” she scoffs.
Someone hurt her. I see that now. I hear it in her voice.
“Please give me sixty minutes,” I plead. “If you never want to see me again after that, I’ll leave you alone.”
My chest tightens at the thought of that. My world without Opal is incomprehensible. Weeks ago, I didn’t know she existed. Now, I can’t fathom a life without her.
“Sixty minutes,” she repeats. “That’s all I can give you, William.”
I’ll take it, and use it to explain that I’m a better man than I’ve shown myself to be. I’m the best man for her, and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to her.