Chapter Eighteen #2
Scott sighed. He’d guessed it was going to go this way. “How about this? We’ll go to the bank and I’ll pay off your student loan. Forget the check if it’s too much, but at least let me take care of your loan.”
“That’s kinda still too much, Scott.”
“Please.” Kip started to shake his head again, so Scott said, “Look, I know. I know how it feels to struggle for money, and then suddenly not have to do that anymore. But I make… I mean, my salary is public record. You probably know what it is. It’s a whole lot of money.
And then I have endorsement deals and all the rest. What I don’t have—” Scott took Kip’s hand “—or, what I didn’t have, was anything worth spending it on. Or anyone to share it with.”
Kip blinked at him.
“I give to charity,” Scott continued. “I bought this apartment, and I travel a bit in the summers. Other than that, I just have a whole lot of money sitting in the bank. It would make me really happy to be able to help you with some of it.”
Kip pulled his hand away and turned his eyes back at the check, his brow furrowed.
“No,” he said finally. “Thank you, but no.”
“Kip—”
“No. Look, I get what you’re saying. I know it… I dunno, makes you happy to make me happy, or whatever. But…it…” He sighed. “I can’t explain myself.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Scott tried.
“It is a big deal, Scott! It’s a very big deal! You can’t just…change my whole life!”
“Why not?” Scott said softly. “You changed mine.”
Kip looked dangerously close to crying, which was not at all what Scott wanted to happen.
“Hey,” Scott said, placing a hand on Kip’s shoulder. But Kip stood up and started pacing.
“I’m not—I’m not a charity. I’ve got a normal student loan to pay off—the same kind that millions of other people have.
I’ve been managing just fine since I graduated.
Maybe my job isn’t impressive, and I live with my parents, but I have my fucking pride.
And I was paying the loan off on my own every month before you just…
just scribbled on a fucking piece of paper and shoved it in a birthday card and—”
“Hey!” Scott said, standing to meet him. He was getting angry now. He took a breath. “Look, I wasn’t trying to insult you. It seems silly for me to have all this money and for you to have all these loans to pay off. It seems like a pretty obvious solution, right?”
“I can manage my own life, okay?”
“Okay,” Scott said desperately. “Okay. Yeah. Fine. I’m sorry.”
Kip rolled his eyes, but it seemed to be more at himself than at Scott. “Fuck, Scott. I know you’re just trying to…”
“I only want you to be happy,” Scott said quietly.
“I am happy,” Kip said. “Maybe I’m not living my dream life, but who the fuck is?” Then he laughed roughly and gestured at Scott. “I mean, besides—”
“My life isn’t perfect, Kip,” Scott said tightly. “I thought you understood that.”
Kip exhaled. “I’m sorry. I know. I’m being an asshole. I’m just touchy about this stuff.”
Scott nodded, possibly a little frantically.
He wanted to undo whatever was happening here.
“It was too much. I get it now. I do. This relationship probably seems a little…unbalanced to you. But you give me so much, Kip. I love you. I love you and I know I rush into things, and I know I’m probably being way too intense about us, but please.
Just know it’s only because I care about you so much. ”
Kip seemed to consider this, then his face softened. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. But I’m tearing up this check.”
“Deal,” Scott said, relieved that the situation seemed to be defused.
“I’m sorry,” Kip said. He slumped back onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. “That was a thoughtful and generous gift you were trying to give me. And believe me, a part of me really wants to say yes to it, but I can’t.”
Scott sat next to him and pulled him into his arms. “Let’s just forget about it, all right? I’m sorry. I should have gotten you flowers or something.”
Kip laughed against his shoulder. “It’s always hard to decide: flowers, or fifty thousand dollars.”
Scott laughed too, fully realizing now how ridiculous his gift had been. He really had no idea what he was doing.
“I want to try again,” he said into Kip’s hair. “Can I try again? I want to give you the perfect present.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to. I love you, Kip. I’m sorry I’m so fucking bad at this.”
Kip’s gaze was soft and affectionate as he tilted his head and brought their lips together. The kiss was achingly slow and sweet, and Scott melted into it.
“I love you,” he said, his lips brushing the light stubble on Kip’s cheek.
“Love you too. So much. Fuck, I don’t want to be mad at you. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“I’ll miss you tonight.”
“I know. I’m sorry. And I’m so busy this week. I’m sorry about that too.”
“What’s on the schedule this week?” Kip asked, then started trailing kisses up Scott’s neck.
“I’ve got a long practice tomorrow.” Scott tilted his head back to give Kip better access. “And I’ve got a thing tomorrow afternoon.”
“A thing?”
“Mm. Sports Illustrated interview.”
“Oh.”
“And on Wednesday I’m visiting kids at the hospital in the morning. And I’m playing that night. Thursday morning, we have a video meeting, and that afternoon I’ve got another thing…”
The kisses stopped.
“And what’s that thing?”
“Oh. Um…just a photo shoot. New campaign for Gillette.”
Kip leaned back to stare at him. “Seriously?”
“And then on Friday I play again and—”
“Then you’re hosting Saturday Night Live?”
Scott laughed. “No! I turned that down. God, can you imagine?”
“No…”
Scott looked at him seriously. “You know that stuff is all just… None of it’s important. It all seems glamorous, but all I really care about is hockey and the time I spend with you.”
“The world loves you,” Kip said, brushing a thumb over Scott’s lips. “I’ve gotta share you.”
“Just a little,” Scott said. “They only get tiny pieces.” He nipped Kip’s thumb and flicked his tongue against it.
“Sucks to be them,” Kip drawled.