Chapter Twenty-Six #2
“I’m not a fucking wizard! I can only do so much. Now, granted, an announcement like this—being the first openly gay NHL player—might open up some new marketing opportunities, but I can’t see you being on the cover of video games, or even representing the big athletics companies…”
“I think you’re wrong about that. I think the world might be ready.”
“Well, you’re a lot more optimistic than I am.”
“We knew that already.”
Both men laughed.
“Listen,” Todd said, his voice a little softer. “You’ve gotta be careful, all right? If you’re spotted… You know. With a man…”
“I am careful. Of course I’m careful! If I wasn’t careful do you think I would have been able to keep this a secret for so long? From my teammates? From the media? From you?”
“I suppose not.”
“I’m tired of being careful,” Scott sighed.
Neither man said anything for a moment, then Todd said, “How would you even do it? Make the announcement, I mean? Did you have a plan?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking about seeing if Sports Illustrated wanted the story. Maybe doing it that way?”
“They will definitely want the story. I’ll bet we could get a high bid for this thing, but we’d have to be smart about how we shop it.”
“No,” Scott said. “I’m not looking for money for this. That’s not why I’m doing it.”
“Yeah, but you may as well—”
“Todd. Stop.” He smiled. “But I like that you’re considering a strategy now.”
“I still don’t think you should do it.”
“Noted.”
“Fuck. You’re gonna do it anyway, aren’t you?”
“Probably.”
“Jesus Christ. I’d better re-up on my antacid pills. Just…don’t do anything without telling me, all right? Preferably, don’t do anything at all. Ever.”
“Stay in the closet forever. Got it.”
“What’s wrong with the closet? It’s a wonderful place crammed full of professional athletes.”
“Goodnight, Todd.”
* * *
When Scott woke the next morning, he stayed in bed longer than usual, replaying his conversation with his agent. The part of what Todd had said that he couldn’t get out of his head was:
You think you’re the only gay guy in the NHL?
No. Scott was sure that he wasn’t. But he felt like he was. All the time. It was a lonely, horrible feeling. And those other secretly gay players must be feeling it too.
Maybe he could change all that. Maybe he could make it easier for them, as well as for himself.
He frowned. Could he really change anything? Just by coming clean with the world about who he was? Would it have an impact? Or would Todd be right? Would the sponsors walk away? Would his teammates distance themselves? Would the fans turn their backs? Would his game suffer?
And then what would happen to those other gay players? It certainly wouldn’t make them feel better.
Fuck.
“What’s eating you, Scotty?” Carter asked over a hotel buffet plate of scrambled eggs and toast.
“Oh,” Scott said, snapping back to attention. “Nothing.”
“You’re a shitty liar, Hunter. I keep telling you.”
Scott smiled and poked at his eggs. “Has it been easier for you since your relationship was…outed?”
“Ah,” Carter said, putting his fork down. “Tired of keeping your girl a secret?”
“Sort of,” Scott said with a grimace.
“Sure, it was maybe getting a little old, the sneaking around. Sexy, for a while, but you can’t keep love down.”
“Love, huh?”
Carter shrugged. “I’m not ashamed.”
“Glad to hear it. I guess that… Yeah. Love. It’s a whole big thing, huh?”
“You can’t cage it, Scott. You gotta let it loose for the world to see.”
“Right.”
“Listen,” Carter said. “Why don’t we do a double date or something next time Gloria’s in town? You could ease into it, you know? We’ll go somewhere low-key, if you want.”
“Maybe,” Scott said, knowing there was no way. Was there?
“What are you worried about? It’s really not a big deal. You think she can’t handle a few cameras?”
“I’m just a private person. Or, as private as I can be, anyway.”
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt for you to be seen with someone. Otherwise they’re gonna start saying you’re gay!” Carter laughed. Scott didn’t.
“Jesus, Scott. Lighten up. No one is saying that. Relax.”
Scott stood. “I’m gonna—” he said, making a vague gesture toward the elevators. He retreated to the privacy of his hotel room.
* * *
Back in his room, Scott made a list on the hotel stationery of what he stood to lose if he made his announcement.
Money, respect, endorsements, fan support, friendships, privacy, and, in a worst-case scenario, his career.
He made a list of what he stood to lose if he didn’t make the announcement.
His sanity, his self-respect, Kip.
Kip.
When he put the two lists next to each other, it was no choice at all. Especially when he reasoned that the items in the first list were things that he wouldn’t necessarily lose. The three items in the second list he would definitely lose.
Okay then.
Where to start? He’d said he wouldn’t do anything until the playoffs were over, but now that he’d made his decision, that seemed like an eternity away.
He needed to do something now. Even if it was only going partway. He couldn’t stand pretending Kip didn’t exist, and he couldn’t keep letting his friends believe he was dating a fictional woman. Enough.
He gathered his courage, and sent out some texts.
* * *
Twenty minutes later, Scott was joined in his hotel room by his three best friends. Bennett was the last to arrive.
“All right,” Carter said with a raised eyebrow, “we’re all here. What’s up, Scott?”
“Um,” Scott said, “why don’t you have a seat?” He gestured toward the beds, where Huff was already sitting. Bennett and Carter joined him. They all watched Scott, waiting.
“Okay,” Scott said to himself.
“Jesus, what’s going on, Hunter?” Huff asked.
“Nothing,” Scott said quickly. “Nothing…bad. It’s not…” He must have looked terrible. He could feel sweat forming on his brow, and knew his cheeks were already pink. His throat was dry, and his stomach was churning. He glanced down at his blue socks, and found some courage.
He took a breath. “I have something that I want to tell you guys. I want to tell everyone, really. But I want to tell you guys first.”
And, yeah, he definitely looked nervous, because Carter didn’t even interrupt with a joke.
“I know this is weird timing, but I just have to… It’s affecting my game. I need to—”
“Scott,” Bennett said calmly, “just say it.”
Scott steeled his nerves and said, for the second time ever, “I’m gay.”
His teammates looked at him, then at each other. The few seconds of silence that followed were one of the most agonizing things Scott had ever endured.
“You serious?” Carter asked, finally.
No! Haha. Just kidding!
“Yes.”
“Whoa,” Huff said.
Bennett didn’t say anything, but his face looked…normal. Not disgusted, anyway.
Now that he had cleared the biggest hurdle, Scott continued, “I know you’d probably prefer to…not know. But I needed to tell someone. So I’m telling you. You guys are my best friends. So, yeah. There it is.”
“You’re serious?” Carter asked again.
“Yes,” Scott said.
“Are you—?” Huff started, then seemed at a loss for words. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick about this. It’s just, you know. Wow, right?”
“I know,” Scott said.
“To be honest,” Bennett said slowly, “I kind of thought that you might be. Maybe.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still shocked over here.”
“Are you planning on telling anyone outside this room?” Huff asked.
“Eventually, yes. I don’t want to lie anymore.”
“Shit,” said Huff. “That’s gonna—You sure you want that heat?”
“I don’t want that heat,” Scott said, “but I’ll take it. I can’t live like this anymore. And maybe—maybe I can make it easier for others. By going first.”
“Maybe.” Bennett nodded thoughtfully. “That’s a lot to take on, though. Your life is hectic enough, isn’t it?”
“Gay?” Carter said, still clearly not over it. “But I thought you were with that sexy dark-haired girl… Elena?”
“No,” Scott said. “I’m actually…with her friend.”
“What now?”
“I’ve been seeing someone. For a few months now.”
“Wait. What?”
“I’m dating someone. I’m…in love with someone.”
“Someone, like…a man someone?” Carter asked.
“Yes. A man someone.”
Carter blew out a breath.
“Look, I don’t expect you guys to be okay with this right away or anything. I know it’s a shock and maybe it wasn’t fair of me to—”
“Scott,” Carter said, holding a hand up. “Shut the fuck up for a second. I’m gonna process this shit, and then I am gonna give you a manly hug. But just shut it for five seconds.”
Scott suppressed a grin. “All right.”
Huff slapped his hands on his knees and stood. “Okay, I’m over it. And I’m happy for you, Scott. Good to hear you’ve found someone. And if anyone gives you shit about who you are, they’re gonna have to deal with me.”
Scott’s eyes stung a bit. “Thanks, Huff.”
“Me too,” Bennett said, also standing.
“Yup,” Carter said, finally standing to join them. “Me too. Let’s hug it out, Hunter.”
They hugged, and the other two piled on.
“Hey,” Bennett said, after they separated, “what’s his name?”
Scott grinned. “Kip.”
Carter looked suddenly delighted. “Kip!” he said. “That is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever heard! Are you kidding me with that shit?”
“Thank god,” Huff said. “I thought you were gonna say you were secretly dating Rozanov.”
“Rozanov wishes,” Scott said.
“You got a picture of Kip?” Huff asked.
“Kip!” Carter exclaimed again.
“Yeah,” Scott said shyly. “Yeah, I do. Just a sec…” He pulled out his phone and brought up his favorite picture of him. It was the first one Kip had ever sent him, when he was sleep-rumpled in bed.
“Good-looking guy,” Huff said. “He an athlete?”
“No. He’s smart.”
“Oh. Not a dumb motherfucker like us?” Carter asked, mocking offense.
“He’s just… He’s getting his master’s degree. In history. He’s—”
“Wait a minute,” Carter said, and grabbed Scott’s phone. “This is the dude from the museum! Those pictures on the internet! Man, I never even thought—”
“Well, good. I was trying to be discreet.”
“So this dude is so great that he’s making Scott Hunter consider coming out publicly.”
“Yup,” Scott confirmed.
“Shit. I think I’ve gotta meet this guy.”
“This really will be a huge deal,” Bennett said, “if you come out.”
“I know. And I promise I won’t do it until the playoffs are over. Not publicly. We don’t need that right now. And we don’t have to tell the team either.”
“You know,” Huff said, “my brother-in-law’s gay. Good guy. Great with the kids.”
“Oh,” Scott said. “I didn’t know that.”
Huff shrugged. “Not all hockey players are homophobic assholes.”
“For the record,” Carter said, “if you had to choose between the three of us—”
“No,” Scott said.
“Come on,” Carter said. “I mean, I assume it’s me, but—”
“Bennett,” Scott said, just to bother Carter.
“Makes sense.” Huff nodded. “Bennett seems like a cuddler.”
They all laughed and it was good. Scott loved them all.
“We’ve got your back, Scott,” Huff said as they were leaving. “Whatever you decide, we’re with you.”
Scott nodded, and swallowed the lump in his throat. He closed the door behind them before they could see him cry.
* * *
“Hat trick!” Kip exclaimed, pointing at the television. “That’s a hat trick! Yeah!”
Scott had scored his third goal of the game, making it 6–2 for the Admirals in the third period. He had been in top form all night. Kip was thrilled.
The Admirals were going to win this game. And then they would only have to win one more to move on to the finals.
“He’s so handsome,” his mother said, to no one in particular.
“Yeah,” Kip breathed. His father chuckled.
“I’m happy for him,” Mom said. “He seems like such a nice man.”
Kip smiled to himself.
“I suppose they’ll be back in town tomorrow,” Dad said conversationally, “to get ready for game six.”
“Yeah, I think so,” Kip said, as if he didn’t know for certain.
Scott had texted him that morning. Nothing much, just a quick Thinking of you.
Kip had written back. Not too much I hope. :)
To which Scott had replied, Gonna win tonight.
Kip had smiled at that. He liked seeing Scott so confident. It was sexy. I’ll be watching. I love you.
I love you.
Scott made good on his promise.
* * *
The following evening, there was a knock on their door during dinner.
“Who could that be?” Kip’s mother asked, already up and making her way to the door.
“Probably just Annette,” Dad said to Kip, meaning their next-door neighbor. “They just got back from vacation today, I think.”
Kip shoveled some mashed potatoes into his mouth. Then he heard Mom exclaim, “Oh my goodness!”
He stood. “Mom?”
“It’s—it’s Scott Hunter!”