Chapter 41
forty-one
. . .
Bex
Ceci is already two drinks in when I enter the bar.
“You got a head start without me,” I complain, waving to Pablo. He’s down at the other end of the bar, talking to another customer.
“I ordered for you,” she corrects, pushing a sweaty rum and Coke my way. “Catch up.”
“I can’t drink too much.”
“Your boo still not doing so well?”
With a heavy sigh, I sag on my stool. “Not so much, no.”
The more time goes by, and the less he’s recovered, the more agitated I become. I’m a neuroscientist, for fuck’s sake. I’ve spent the last decade studying brains. And I can’t fucking help him.
“I… I think I need to quit my job,” I whisper.
Ceci narrows her eyes. “Because your boyfriend got hurt?”
“I can’t stand there and let him keep hurting himself. I know I can’t make him stop playing hockey, but I don’t have to watch—”
“Whoa, whoa,” she says. “Let’s take a step back.”
I gulp down my drink, and when I catch Pablo’s eye, I point to my half-empty glass. He nods, reaching for a new one.
“My entire career has been about brain injuries, and I’ve seen firsthand what happens when people get multiple concussions,” I explain.
“I had that one in college, and my brother’s had a few, and I promised myself—I promised—that I’d find a way to stop them.
To protect people. And instead, all I do is stand by and watch as people I love get hurt. Over and over and over again.”
“Plus you kind of hate your job,” she adds.
I wince. “Yeah. That. When everyone is healthy, there’s nothing to do. And I don’t want to wish a brain injury on someone just so I can be busy.” I blow out a breath. “What I’d love is to work on a way to keep brains safe. So that there are fewer injuries.”
Ceci gazes at me over the rim of her martini glass. “A few months ago, I offered you a start-up.”
My stomach clenches. “I remember.”
“You said you were a few years away from a helmet prototype.” She pauses, sipping her drink. “Has that timeline changed?”
“I mean… it could.”
“Do you hate your job enough to make the jump now?”
That’s what I don’t know.
“Working with the Grizzlies is a dream come true.”
“But sometimes dreams pale to the reality of the situation.”
“Yeah. That.”
Pablo sets a new glass in front of me, and I murmur my thanks.
“When Nick got hurt, it hit me that this might happen again. The second he skates back onto the ice, he’s at risk for another. And it could be catastrophic.”
“He’s at the end of his career. Another few seasons, and he’ll be done.”
“And every single day he’s on the ice, he’s at risk.” I scrub a hand over my face. “I can’t ask him to quit. Not for me. But I don’t have to torture myself watching him risk his health and his life every day. I need some distance.”
“Are you breaking up with him?”
“What? No!”
Ceci stares at me, eyebrows raised.
“I love him.”
“You love him so much, you’ll quit your dream job because you can’t watch him play anymore?”
“Well, when you say it like that…”
“Sweetie, I get it.” Her hand lands on my arm. “You have to protect your peace. If that’s what you need to stay by his side, you go after it.”
Nerves swirl in my belly, but I force myself to ask, “Are you still willing to fund it?”
She laughs, the sound rich and husky. “Girl, I’ve been waiting three years for you to be ready.”
A wave of relief washes over me. “Really?”
“I’ve seen the way your mind works, and I know you can do great things. You will do great things.”
“No pressure,” I mutter.
“If you still want to work with the Grizzlies, they’ll fund it, too. It would be a joint project, where the foundation owns your research, but you’ll have nearly full control,” she continues. “We can start this as soon as you’re ready.”
“I—I want this. I need this.”
She squeezes my arm. “And it will allow you to still consult with the Grizzlies. The team needs someone like you on their bench. I understand if you can’t do the day-to-day, but if you want to stay involved…”
A wave of relief washes over me. Never did I consider that I could have it all; that I could still do my research under their umbrella.
“Seriously? The foundation would be okay with that?”
“I’ve already gotten approval. It’s your dream job,” she says simply. “Some dreams change. They don’t have to stay static. You can consult without being their daily concussion spotter. They can call you in without you needing to be on the road day after day.”
“I think I’d want that,” I admit. “I just didn’t think it was possible.”
“If we’re going to work together, it’s going to be a partnership.
I’m not a dictator.” She gives a self-conscious chuckle.
“I’ll keep the foundation away from you, so all you have to focus on is your research.
I’ll be the intermediary. If all you want is funding, that’s fine. But I’m itching to get my hands dirty.”
Swallowing my nerves, I admit, “I’d like there to be some sort of sensor in my helmets. And if you were to design the code…”
Her eyes light up. “I’m in.”
“So we’re doing this?”
“We are.” She holds out her hand, and I shake it with a smile.
After a moment, she tilts her head. “You know, you were the last holdout. My last single friend. What am I supposed to do now?”
“You could date.”
Ceci’s bitter laugh makes my heart twinge. “Guys don’t want to date me. They want my money.”
“You know it’s not like that with me, right? I could find a grant or—”
“I know you, and I love you,” she assures me. “I’m in awe of your brain, and I know together, we can make a difference in the world. But you don’t want to fuck me, and no offense, I don’t want to fuck you.”
“None taken. Not my type.”
“I spent so many years buried in work, I never got a chance to be free. To explore. And now that I have the time, I have to second-guess everyone’s intentions.” She sighs. “Everyone wants a piece of billionaire Cecilia Ramos, and not the person I actually am.”
“You know, Coach Turner—”
She makes a face. “He’s even more married to his career than I am.”
“And that would make you Audrey’s stepmother.”
“Right. I could never.” She winks outrageously. “Besides, you know I like ’em younger.”
“They’d have to be, to keep up with you.”
She clinks her martini glass against mine. “You said it, not me.”
I stumble home a little past eleven to find Nick dozing on the couch. He looks so peaceful, my tipsy heart twinges. I don’t want to wake him up.
Gently, I shake his shoulder. He wakes with a startled grunt, his forehead springing forward and knocking against mine.
Fuck.
It stings like a bitch, and by the way he groans and clutches his head, it didn’t feel good for him, either.
“You okay?” I murmur, taking pains to keep my voice pitched low.
“I’m fine.” His eyes are squeezed shut, and after a few moments, he blinks them open. His face relaxes into a smile. “You’re back. I didn’t know if I’d see you again tonight.”
“I didn’t want to go back to my place. I hope that’s okay.”
“I love you,” he blurts.
My insides freeze, and I go as still as a statue. Did I hear that correctly?
“Shit. Fuck. I mean—”
“You love me?” I squeak.
His swallow sounds so loud, almost like a gunshot.
“I do. I love you. Bex Marie, I—”
“I love you too.” The words rush out of me. “I know it’s soon, that we haven’t been together very long, but I love you so fucking much. When you got hurt, I—”
The sheer terror I felt that day is impossible to forget.
Nick pulls me onto the sofa beside him. He maneuvers my legs over his lap, an arm behind my shoulders.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen to me,” he says. “With my head, with my career… I might be facing the end of life as I know it. But I don’t want to make plans for the future without talking to you. Without us being on the same page.”
“I’m quitting my job,” I blurt.
His eyes widen. “But you love your job.”
“I can’t stand up in the booth and wait for you or someone else to get hurt.
Not again.” I card my fingers through his hair, and he leans into my touch.
“I’m still going to work with the foundation, but it will be research rather than day-to-day oversight.
If they’ll let me, I’ll still consult with the team, but I’m going to focus on making a more supportive helmet, and hopefully prevent injuries like yours from happening in the first place. ”
His eyes flutter closed. “You’d do that?”
“It means after this season is over, I won’t be traveling with the team. I won’t have to be on the road forty games a season.”
“Do you…” He pauses. “Do you want to change our timeline?”
“I like our timeline. Marriage when we’re ready, kids when you retire. I can actually be home to see them grow up.”
“I don’t know that I’m ready to retire,” he whispers, the words laced with pain.
“I’m not asking you to,” I hurry to assure him.
“If I don’t recover well from this… It might not be your choice—or mine.”
“We’ll worry about that when we have to.”
He brushes a kiss across my lips before resting his forehead against mine. “I had all these plans. Was going to light some candles, pour some wine, maybe draw a bubble bath…”
“What happened?”
“The guys left, and I fell asleep.” His sheepish laugh lights me up. “Can I get a rain check?”
“Nope.” I kiss him this time. “We get a life together. We can have a romantic night in anytime.”
His arm tightens around me. “I like the sound of that.