CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“So, we all saw the press conference yesterday, yeah?” Connor O’Shea called out over the noisy chaos of the locker room.
Tanner lifted his head from where he’d been taping his socks. “Uhh, what press conference?”
Mickey glanced over at him, then back at their captain. “The Nicholas Calhoun one, yes?”
“Yeah. That’s the one,” Connor agreed.
“Wait? What one?” Tanner asked. “What did he say?”
“How did you miss it, dude?” Jesse asked with a laugh. “It’s the biggest fucking news in hockey right now. Calhoun’s coming back.”
“Oh right, yeah, I thought we already knew that,” Tanner said with a shrug as he made one last turn around his calves, then ripped the tape, smashing the end down against his sock.
Everyone in the locker room went silent and he glanced up. “Didn’t we?” he asked, unsure.
“Well, I sure fuckin’ didn’t,” Luke said. “Didn’t find out until the presser yesterday.”
“Uhh,” Tanner said, frantically trying to remember how he’d found out. Fuck! It was Leif. It was definitely Leif and Tanner had promised not to let anything slip until Nicky made his announcement.
But he had made his announcement, so it was fine, right?
Except no, Tanner still couldn’t admit Leif told him because then he’d have to explain why he was even talking to Leif. Damn it!
“How did you know?” Jesse asked with a frown.
“Well come on,” Tanner said with an awkward laugh. “I just mean it happens like fucking clockwork, right? The guy’s out forever, he thinks he’s healed, he comes back, and then boom, he’s out again.”
Connor grimaced. “It’s been a rollercoaster for Calhoun, that’s for sure.”
Thankfully, after that, attention turned away from Tanner to discuss what Calhoun was going through and how tough his road to recovery had been.
Someone—Tanner wasn’t sure who, probably one of the call-ups—said, “Shouldn’t he just retire?”
Someone shushed him and Connor glanced at that side of the room. “It’s not an easy decision, guys. Deciding when to retire.”
Next to him, Luke grunted. Tanner glanced over but he was just standing there fiddling with his gear.
“I feel for him, you know?” Connor said. “We’ve all dealt with injuries but none of us, not even Mouse there, know what this has been like for him.”
Tanner grimaced because he remembered how bad it had been for Mickey when he’d had a really bad ear infection last season. Everyone had thought it was a migraine from a bad hit and Mickey had obviously been trying his best to deal with it.
But the dizziness and the ringing in his ears had kept him from playing for weeks and made it hard for him to even relax or be close to Rafe. It had been hard for Mickey, hard for them as a couple, hard on the team. Tanner had hated seeing his friend go through that.
It had been so much fucking worse for Nicky Calhoun.
“Aww fuck,” Tanner said as it hit him. “That means we’re going to have to play against Calhoun soon too.”
“Yep, assuming he stays in the lineup, we’ll be facing him and the Rockets in a couple of weeks,” Connor agreed. “So, I think we’d better be ready for them, huh? C’mon, on the ice, boys!”
“Nicky, I want you to take the second line again today,” Coach Pittman called out during practice the following week as they set up for scrimmages. “Leif, you’re centering the top line.”
Leif nodded but not before he caught a glimpse of Nicky’s jaw tightening. It smoothed out so fast Leif half wondered if he’d imagined it but no, he was sure he’d seen it. Sure Nicky was annoyed by his spot being gone.
It made sense from the coaches’ perspective. Nicky was still ramping up to being game-ready and Leif was the one who’d held that line down since Nicky had been out.
But it had to suck.
And it kinda sucked for Leif too because what happened when Nicky was back at full strength? What happened when Leif was moved down to the 2C position? Obviously having center depth was good. Most teams would kill for a one-two punch like New York had with him and Nicky.
It wasn’t like the team would just get rid of him. He was needed here. Right? Or would he be an asset in a big trade to shore up their defense? There was a hole to fill there and … but no, that was crazy. Surely, they’d keep him and use a draft pick and a prospect or something to fill that hole.
He was getting himself worked up over nothing. That was why his stomach was twisting itself into knots.
“You planning to join us today, Rasmussen?” Pittman barked and Leif went hot and then cold, nodding jerkily as he skated into position at the faceoff dot.
“Sorry, Coach,” he called out. “Won’t happen again.”
“Better make sure of it. We’re counting on you.”
After scrimmages were over, Leif took a few extra laps around the ice to clear his head and shake off the lingering feelings from earlier. It helped some but not a lot and he sighed as he came off the ice.
It wasn’t the only thing bugging him. Tanner was.
Not that Tanner had done anything. It was Leif who hadn’t really talked to him. Oh, they’d called a handful of times. On nights when they didn’t have games or weren’t traveling. Or when Tanner didn’t have other plans.
Leif hated that he was annoyed by Tanner having other plans.
And okay, so one night he’d had plans on a night when Tanner was also going out, but Leif was pretty sure that the brand launch party he’d been invited to had been less exciting than whatever Tanner had been up to.
On the surface, maybe the modeling world and fashion insider parties seemed exciting. It was a chance to mingle with fashion people, brand influencers, and other celebrities. But Leif had been in that world since he was a child and frankly, it was the most mind-numbing thing he did.
Since it was the middle of the season Leif was left sipping mocktails and making small talk with people he didn’t even like. He never trusted their motives.
The majority of the people there were just there to be seen and photographed and try to get an edge over someone else.
The fake smiles and the people cozying up to him—probably hoping to either gain clout, score tickets to a Rockets game, or get in with him so they could hopefully be introduced to his mother—was tedious at best.
Now that the heroin chic look was creeping back onto the runways and covers there was never enough food and what was there wasn’t terribly filling.
It looked pretty but there were only so many pretty appetizers he could cram into his mouth without looking like a pig.
Being a hockey player only went so far there before he started getting side-eyed.
And the conversations were always boring as shit. Leif had found himself imagining Tanner in the crowd and had nearly laughed out loud. He was the opposite of these people, and he would create mayhem in a crowd like this.
They’d love Tanner for his looks, and he’d probably charm them into genuinely liking him—if these people were capable of genuinely liking anyone that wasn’t directly benefiting them—but he’d also say shocking things.
Imagining it had made Leif smile. Unfortunately, he’d accidentally turned that smile on Sérgio who was also there at the party, and he’d taken it as an opportunity to come over and flirt.
Leif had halfheartedly flirted back, then regretted it when Sérgio suggestively slid a hand along Leif’s upper arm and invited him to the bathroom.
Leif had hesitated and Sérgio had tried to sweeten the deal with an offer of coke.
Leif had no idea why he’d thought that was something Leif would be interested in but at least half the people here were probably doing coke, amphetamines, or prescription stimulants.
Ketamine had been popular lately too, apparently.
Even in the off-season, Leif had never dabbled in anything because he’d always been afraid that he’d either get hooked or get caught. He’d had far too many spiraling thoughts about all the ways that could wreck his hockey career, so he’d steered well clear of it.
Sérgio had been pissy about the rejection and Leif had left shortly after. A shitty end to a shitty week.
Leif hadn’t told Tanner about the research he’d done either.
It was finished. He’d looked through all of the ADHD tips and distilled them into a neat little file that he could send to Tanner.
But he hadn’t sent it and he wasn’t sure why.
It wasn’t that Tanner would make fun of him. He definitely would, but Leif didn’t mind that so much. Maybe part of his worry was that it would make Tanner think his mom had been right about Leif falling for him.
Or maybe it because it would tip his hand and show Tanner how much Leif really did care. Even if Stephanie Forester didn’t know what she was talking about. Not about Leif falling in love with Tanner anyway.
Either way, he kept putting it off.
“Are you okay?” Tanner asked when they were video chatting later that night.
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” Leif asked.
“I dunno,” Tanner said, squinting at him. “You seem weird. I mean, you’re always weird, but different weird, you know?”
Leif managed a halfhearted smile. “Yeah.”
“Yeah? That’s it?” Tanner demanded. “No clever clapback? No banter? Seriously? Are you sure you’re okay, Princess?”
Leif scratched the back of his neck and said the first thing that came to mind. “It’s just some team stuff going on.”
“What kind of team stuff.”
Leif hesitated. “You won’t say anything to anyone?”
“I will do my best.”
“That’s not very reassuring.”
“I didn’t spill the beans about Nicky to the team!
I did almost slip up when Connor announced it because I forgot you were the one who told me about him so was like ‘oh yeah, I totally knew that was coming’ before I realized I wasn’t supposed to know.
But I totally played it off like it was no big deal, you know?
” Tanner looked very proud of his subterfuge.
“Sure,” Leif said drily. He wanted to be annoyed at Tanner but the reading he’d done about ADHD had made him look at things a little differently. Had made him look at Tanner differently.