Chapter 20 #3
It took her by complete surprise when, instead of saying anything, he stood up out of his chair and pulled her into his arms in one of the best hugs she’d ever had in her life.
At first, she just patted his back lightly, not allowing herself to absorb all the support and good energy infusing through him.
But then, at some point, that changed, and she just melted.
His hands were holding her so tightly, his entire body was vibrating with something powerful, something positive, something protective.
He kept adjusting his hold on her. Shifting his arms so he pulled her even tighter against him, as if he couldn’t get her close enough.
Each time a delicious tingling sensation ran through her.
His heartbeat was pounding against her cheek. She could feel it thudding powerfully.
When she got married, she never legally changed her name because she’d never wanted to belong to anyone. But in that moment, belonging to the man who held her like he would never let her go did not sound bad at all. In fact, it sounded better than anything in the world.
She felt, more than heard, his breath shudder on a jagged inhale as he whispered, his voice so low and rough it barely crossed the gap between them, “I’m so sorry.”
He sounded shaken, as if it were his own story he was mourning.
She tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a wavy exhale. “I’m fine. Really.”
“I know. But I just keep thinking of that little girl, all alone.” His voice was thin, raspy, and shaky.
“Who did she tell if she had nightmares? Who got her medicine if she had a sore throat or put Band-Aids on when she fell? Who noticed if she had a bad day? Who picked her up from school if she was sick? Who did she go prom dress shopping with?”
“She didn’t go to prom,” she revealed, hoping he couldn’t hear in her voice that tears were now falling down her face. She wasn’t crying, her eyes were just leaking.
No one had ever thought about that little girl, or at least they’d never voiced it to her if they had.
“Who stayed with her in the hospital if she got her tonsils removed or broke a bone? Who did she tell about her first crush or her first heartbreak? Who taught her to ride a bike or drive?” He inhaled deeply.
She had no answer except a shrug, which she had no clue if he felt.
His arms held her as if they could patch up all her missing years with the sheer force of his embrace.
The thing was, if any arms could do it, his would be the ones.
She kept her head pressed to Niko’s chest, absorbing the energy of someone who actually saw her, or at least saw the little girl who was terrified and alone.
Who had no one to tell her nightmares to, or put Band-Aids on, or get picked up from school by, and definitely not notice if she was having a bad day.
She tried not to think about that little girl often.
Because it made her sad and often brought on panic attacks.
Niko’s hand found the base of her skull, fingers threading through her hair. His other arm was a steel band around her waist, and his breath was right in her ear now. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m okay, really,” she assured him as she stiffened, trying to steel herself when he inevitably would not be there for her to lean on.
He must have sensed her switch in demeanor because his arms dropped to his sides and he stepped back as he apologized, “Sorry. It’s just I’ve seen what kids go through in the system, and most of, actually all of the kids I know have some family—siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents… and I’m just…I’m sorry.”
The second she was out of his embrace, she felt…exposed. Vulnerable. More naked than she had been the night before. She felt something shift inside her, like a wall she’d leaned against for years had crumbled. She didn’t know what to do with the space it left behind.
“It’s okay, I’m okay, really,” she assured him, although at the moment she was not feeling okay.
They settled back into their seats, the mood softer, as if the air had been cleared, the table remade into a smaller, safer planet where only the two of them existed.
She stared at her half-eaten meal, appetite suddenly gone. He’d inhaled all his food, both dishes clean. Neither said anything, and to fill the space, she blurted out, “I, um, made dessert.”
Niko’s eyes lit up. “You didn’t.”
In the article he’d said his favorite dessert was strawberry shortcake, which was actually a really easy dessert to make. She stood and went to the fridge. Behind her she heard him taking the plates and bowls to the sink.
“I did." She opened the fridge and then pulled it out. When she turned around, he was standing in front of her. Shrugging, she added, "You said in that article it was your favorite.”
He grinned, the earlier heavy emotion giving way to his usual easy charm, but this time the smile was softer around the edges. “You’re basically leaving me no choice but to marry you.”
She knew he was kidding, and she never wanted to get married again, so why did him even joking about a proposal cause her heart to skip all the beats?