Chapter 31
Coffee had become an extension of Niko’s nervous system.
He stood in the kitchen sipping his fourth cup, and it wasn’t even noon, the bitter caffeine boost barely kept him functioning at this point.
He felt like a zombie. Unlike in his twenties, he couldn’t pull all-nighters without consequences.
He was exhausted and running mainly on the reverb of memory from the night’s escapades and fizzy energy from the cautious hope that maybe there was a path forward with Tiana.
Last night had been better than good. It was, by any rational measure, the kind of night people write songs about: Pops’ wisdom echoing in the air, unexpected confessions, sex so urgent they christened a storage closet, and then again, still urgent but slower and more dangerous, at least for his heart, at home in the comfort of their bed.
Tiana had fallen asleep in his arms with her cheek pressed to his chest, breathing so fiercely in her dreams he wondered if she could still be fighting him even in sleep.
He’d barely moved, barely breathed, wanting to keep her there by sheer willpower, lying perfectly still, scared if he moved the magic would end.
Niko spent so much of his life on fast-forward, getting instant gratification, chasing every passing thrill, that it was a challenge to be put on pause.
His natural instinct was to be in charge, to take control, so to surrender his life and be on someone else’s terms and timelines was nearly impossible.
But if he wanted to be with Tiana, that’s what he had to do.
And no matter how great last night was, he wasn’t stupid enough to think a single night could undo years of scar tissue, hers or his.
He’d seen her eyes when she woke up, the guarded look of someone who had survived a hundred false mornings, and even as she smiled, he could feel the walls going up inside her chest, brick by brick.
Niko accepted it was going to be one-step-forward, two-steps-back sort of situation.
Or two-steps-forward, six-steps-back. She had trust issues, abandonment issues, attachment issues, and he wasn’t without his issues, hell, they could probably open up a newsstand with all their combined issues.
But he knew that she was worth it, what they had was worth it.
So he would be something he had never been before in his life, he would be patient.
He’d give her whatever time she needed to wrap her head around the fact that he wasn’t going anywhere.
He would give her the space and grace to panic, freak out, and bail, and he’d be right where she left him, because she was it for him.
Loving Tiana forced him to become a version of himself he’d never believed possible.
Patient, deliberate, tenacious, and hopeful.
He wasn’t built for waiting, his entire life was a monument to the thrill of the chase and the reward of instant feedback.
But he’d wait until the end of time for her, if that’s what it took.
He was prepared to be her personal Sisyphus, rolling the boulder of her trust uphill for eternity if it meant she’d finally believe he wasn’t going to disappear.
Tipping his head back slightly, he finished his fourth cup of java, then rinsed out the mug, set it on the drying rack, leaned his hands on the edge of the counter, and reminded himself to breathe.
It was hard being in love with someone who thought the only safe love was the kind that could be walked away from at any moment.
He thought about the look on Tiana’s face last night when he’d told her he loved her, the way her walls crumbled and rebuilt themselves in the space of a single breath.
He wondered if she’d remember it the same way, or if her mind would smooth out the edges and rewrite the narrative to protect herself.
He checked the time again, Tiana had finished her last class over an hour ago.
She must have gone to visit Pops. Or she’d retreated back inside her protective turtle shell.
Because that’s what she had. Pops described the barriers she put up as walls, but walls were easy to climb, Tiana withdrew into a hard, protective outer barrier much like that of a tortoise.
She’d had to do that to survive, not only her childhood but also her twenties with Brock Bartlett.
Just thinking his name caused Niko’s hands to fist. He knew he needed to get G away from him.
Thankfully, his plan was in motion. He’d sent a text to her sister to see if her family would be on board.
He’d yet to hear back, but if they were, then Niko would be dusting off his Cupid wings and bow and shooting his arrow.
A knock sounded on the door, not loud, but definite, like someone who wanted to be heard without making a scene. Niko blinked, startled out of his circling thoughts. As much as he wanted it to be, he knew it couldn’t be Tiana, she had a key.
When he opened it, he found a different blonde on his porch. “Sunshine, what are you doing here? I thought you and Zach were flying back this morning.”
Jessie rolled her eyes slightly. It was the barest of movements, and if he hadn’t known her so well, he would have missed it completely.
“Zach extended our trip because he wanted to stay and train at Lucky’s gym.
He’s like a kid in a candy store in there.
” She paused, her brows lifted. “Can I come in?”
“Oh shit, yeah. Of course.” He stepped to the side, and she entered the house.
“Nice,” she commented as she looked around.
“It’s AJ’s Airbnb, but he’s living with Poppy now at her house that he renovated, so he’s letting me crash here until the first of the year.”
“The first of the year?” she repeated.
“Yeah. Did you want something to drink?”
“Coffee, if you have it.”
“I do, yeah. It’s, uh… two sugars and creamer, right?”
Jessie appeared both surprised and impressed that after nearly a decade of representation, he knew how she took her coffee. “It is.”
When he started to head to the kitchen to barista it up, her phone rang.
She pulled it out of her Birkin bag, which he was sure cost more than his first car.
Jessie was the epitome of style, class, and grace.
He’d always assumed that she was born and raised in Manhattan or some other large metropolis, but once he got to know her, he discovered she was from a small town not unlike Hope Falls called Harper’s Crossing.
It surprised him. She didn’t give small-town-girl vibes.
“I need to take this,” she told him, inferring she needed privacy.
“You can use the sunroom.”
He motioned to the large glassed-in room off the back of the house, and a yawn claimed him as he continued into the kitchen to make their coffees, which would be his fifth of the day.
Typically, he stayed away from caffeine in the afternoon, but he’d had zero sleep.
He’d lain in bed all night, with Tiana in his arms, just looking at her.
As creepy as he knew that sounded, it wasn’t like that.
He just hadn’t wanted to miss one second of being back in her bed or of her being back in his arms. The past week and a half, living in the house with her but her being a million miles away felt like ten times that amount of time.
Miserable hadn’t begun to describe the way he’d felt.
For the first time since she got sick, he could finally breathe because he could hold the most precious thing in the world again.
He couldn’t stop staring at her. He felt like an artist studying a masterpiece, each perfectly crafted feature a brushstroke that created the most beautiful portrait.
He memorized every detail, from the upturned nose to the jawline that framed her sweetheart face to the gentle curve of her closed almond-shaped eyes.
And then there were her thick, dark lashes that rested softly against her cheeks, her pouty lips that whispered his name in her sleep, her neck that he traced the curve of with his lips and hands countless times before, and the tiny curls of hair that framed her face like a halo.
Each part of her, he treasured and seared into his memory, knowing that he never wanted to forget a single inch of her.
With the coffees made, he told himself to put Tiana in the back of his mind. He needed to get into work mode. Jessie didn’t do impromptu drop-ins, so he needed to be on his A-game.
Niko approached Jessie, getting close enough to tell that she was no longer on the phone and was now working on drafting an email seated in the couch area.
He set her drink down and took the seat catty-corner to her so he could look out over the backyard.
It took a couple minutes for her to finish up, and Niko enjoyed the view.
He scrolled back through his memories of the week he and Tiana had played house.
They would come out to the sunroom and drink wine, have sex and play Uno.
It was the best week of his life. It was so natural, so perfect. At least from his end.
Once Jessie finished, she looked up and thanked Niko for the coffee before diving right in.
“I’m glad to hear you haven’t put roots down because you will not be here much longer.
The narrative changed in a much shorter time than I thought possible.
It seems that your good looks and charming personality combined with fans’ dislike for Bartlett have gained you a fast pass into the good graces of not only public opinion but the corporate world as well.
I have offers for brand deals and a bidding war for correspondent jobs if you want to do live broadcasts or panel shows if live is not in your comfort zone.
Also, I have several high-profile media outlets offering you contracts for podcasts, which I know is not your thing, but they are on the table. But you basically have your pick.”