Chapter 20
Stella
“We are not seriously doing this,” I hissed.
Theo and I stood in the middle of AJ’s childhood bedroom while he freshened up in the en suite. Any second now, he would walk back in here, expecting a fun little hookup with me and my boyfriend, and I was starting to panic.
Theo raised his brows. “Are you going to be the one to tell him you changed your mind?”
“No.” I poked him in the chest. “You are. You’re the one who started this.”
“And you went along with it.”
“Because I didn’t think it would go this far!” I whisper-yelled.
“So do it,” he said, his expression lit with challenge. “Back down. Throw in the towel and admit defeat.”
I took a step back, suspicion worming through me. Was that what he wanted? A way out of this without having to be the one to do it? Or was this just another game? An attempt to see how far he could push me before I broke?
My spine went rigid with stubborn refusal.
Suddenly, all of our bickering, all of our microaggressions and fights felt like they’d led up to this moment.
I’d caved too many times, and even after our truce, he still made all the rules, all the decisions, controlled almost every aspect of our interactions.
Sure, I pushed back where I could, but Theo always got what he wanted in the end.
Well, not this fucking time. Here, we had an audience, making it impossible for him to coerce or intimidate me. So yes, I would go along with it, for as long as I had to, because no way in hell was I backing down first.
I heard the sound of a doorknob turning and launched myself into Theo’s arms. He automatically wrapped them around my waist, his eyes wide as I grabbed his face and hauled his lips down, mashing our mouths together for the barest of moments before pulling away and pretending to be breathless.
“Getting started without me?” AJ said.
I sent Theo an evil grin before twisting in his arms. “Can you blame us?”
AJ shook his head. “No.”
I leaned against Theo’s chest and—holy shit. His dick. Fully aroused. Pressing into my lower back. How long had he been hard?
“Come here,” Theo said, his tone gaining a husky edge as he extended a hand toward AJ. “I want to see your mouth on hers.”
Cool, cool, cool. This was fine. I could totally make out with AJ in front of Theo.
AJ strode toward us, his steps sure, just as handsome as I remembered: my height, trim but muscular, with an expressive face and beautifully curly hair. His skin was tanned to a light bronze, evidence of the recent vacation he’d been telling me about by the pool before Theo interrupted us.
AJ and I had been on-again-off-again throughout our teen years and into young adulthood, not because we’d had a tumultuous relationship, but because we’d always gotten along so well that whenever neither of us was seeing anyone (and sometimes even if we were) we’d wind up together at the end of a party, talking all night, before it turned into something else.
He was one of the few decent people in this world, which was wild considering his family had more wealth than some nations.
Catching up after all this time had been .
. . nice. Even when he’d gently chided me for cutting him off, like I had everyone else, after the car accident.
I’d apologized, and he’d graciously accepted like the gentleman he was, asking how I’d been, admiring all my new tattoos and wanting to see more examples of my work.
In that moment, I realized how much I’d missed him.
He stepped into me without hesitation, wrapping his arms around my waist and skirting his hands into the open back of my dress.
The smile he sent Theo over my shoulder was lopsided and full of promise as he leaned in to kiss my neck, trapping Theo’s arms between us.
It was easier to relax into his embrace than I anticipated, but then, I’d slept with AJ more times than I could count.
Though it had been a while, my body still recognized the softness of his lips, the feel of his fingers stroking my skin.
Warmth pooled in my belly at the expectation of pleasure.
AJ was unselfish in bed, insisting on making me come at least twice before he allowed himself to, and I wanted that right now.
Because Theo was correct about one thing: It had been too long since I’d done this with someone, especially someone I liked and respected.
Maybe after Theo threw in the towel, I could lock him out of the room, and AJ and I could finish what we were starting.
One of Theo’s arms slipped free, and I thought surely this was the moment he would put his foot down, but instead, he swept my hair aside, out of AJ’s way. Hoping to call his bluff, I shifted my hips backward, right into his straining erection.
Come on, I thought, brushing my ass back and forth over his cock. It’s me. The woman you hate. You don’t really want to do this, do you?
In answer, he grabbed my waist and ground into me, reminding me who he was. The man I hated, who was now leaning down and—kissing the other side of my neck.
“Mmm,” I purred, even as I fought back a wave of panic. “That feels so good.”
The horrifying truth was that it actually did.
“Do you know about the spot right behind her ear?” Theo mumbled into my skin, his lips moving upward.
“I do,” AJ said.
Wait a second. How did Theo know about it?
My thoughts flashed back to that moment he and I stood together against his car outside my parents’ house. The way my body had betrayed me by shuddering when his lips brushed over the area.
Goddamn it, the man really was savant-level good at reading people.
One of his big hands started to slide upward toward my breasts.
Was I actually going to let this man grope me?
Yas, betch! my slutty alter ego answered.
Or so I tried to tell myself. But the ugly truth was .
. . I didn’t have one. That stupid voice was me, not some weird, fragmented personality.
It was the part of me I didn’t want to admit was still there.
The part of me that liked dangerous things.
Craved the thrill of them. Was desperate to turn my brain off, stop overthinking for once, and just feel.
I’d been fighting it since the night Theo came sauntering into my life, worried that if I set that part of myself free, I might risk turning back into the person I used to be, but .
. . what if I was wrong? What if it was okay to be a little reckless every now and then?
I had to be so strict about every piece of food I ate, all the liquids I drank.
I was religious about taking my meds, constantly monitored my stress and anxiety because I was so afraid that if they got out of control, they would trigger a flare.
And I was tired of it.
So goddamn exhausted.
For once, I wanted to pretend nothing had changed. That nothing bad had ever happened and nothing ever would. That I was still young, still healthy. That this was just like any other party, and AJ and I had been lucky enough to find a willing third to join us.
And maybe that was selfish, and wrong, but it didn’t change the fact that I was desperate for someone to take this pain away and make me feel good for a little while.
So, yeah, I was doing this, and not just to win some stupid mind game with Theo, but because I wanted to, plain and simple. I wanted to strip off my dress. Touch someone, let them touch me, see me, see how much this fucking illness had stripped from my body and tell me they still wanted me anyway.
I closed my eyes, fighting back a wave of tears, and reached between the men to pull my dress up.
I only managed to heft it halfway before it caught on Theo’s hands.
In a move that surprised me, he gathered the hem and pulled it the rest of the way off, stepping back so I could lift my arms overhead.
AJ’s gaze drank me in hungrily, no sign of hesitation or worry over how skinny I’d gotten, only lust, open and honest for me to see. I framed his face with my hands, smiling in silent thanks, and started to pull him in.
“Oh, wait,” he said, taking something from his jacket pocket. With a brandish, he produced a makeup remover towelette. “For your lipstick,” he said. Then he grinned, glancing behind me at Theo. “Unless you don’t care?”
Theo let out a low rumble of amusement, close enough that I felt his breath rush down my back. “The last time we didn’t take it off, it looked like a depressed clown painted our faces.”
AJ chuckled, focusing back on me. “Here,” he said, tilting my face toward the light. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and he started wiping my lips with gentle strokes. “Do you want him to remove those or do it yourself?” he said, tipping his head toward the pasties covering my nipples.
“I’ll do it,” Theo said.
I nearly clapped my hands over my boobs in self-defense. Because there was no way he’d be gentle about it. Knowing him, he’d probably rip them off like Band-Aids.
“I can,” I assured him, starting to blindly reach for them while AJ finished wiping my mouth.
Theo batted my hands aside, and then his fingers found the edge of the right pastie.
I braced myself, and he paused there, drawing out my terror like the sadist he was.
But then blond hair appeared in my periphery, and I felt him drop a kiss to my shoulder, his other hand spanning my ribs, warm and large, before snaking across my stomach and pulling me into him.
I hated to admit it, but we fit each other perfectly, his big thighs framing mine, body forming a cage around me, like he could use his size to protect me from the world.
Too bad he was the one I needed saving from.
“Relax,” he said, kissing his way toward my neck. “I’ll be gentle.”
AJ tossed the makeup remover over his shoulder. “Unless you don’t want him to be.”
“Don’t give him ideas,” I said, curling my fingers into AJ’s jacket and hauling him forward.