Chapter 8 Selene
“Apparently, the idea of focusing on just one woman is too scary for you.”
Selene
Meet me in New York.
I’ll be waiting.
That was what it said on the note Neil left me.
We hadn’t spoken since then, though I suspected he was expecting me to respond or maybe even to show up outside of Matt’s place with a big fake smile on my face.
How was I supposed to set foot in New York after what had happened there?
After the blow-up with my father, I had no intention of ever going back.
“You are aware he punched my brother in the face, right?” Janel had been saying the same thing over and over for the past half hour by then.
She was pacing back and forth in my living room with one hand running through her hair while Bailey crunched her way through a bag of Cheetos, lost in thought.
“Ivan did provoke him. First, he implied that he was a druggie, and then he called him a psycho.” I would have defended Neil, of course, even if he was completely in the wrong, but in this case, his reaction had been at least partially justified.
He didn’t tolerate any insults or slights, and Ivan really had crossed the line.
“Are you defending him? For real?” Janel shook her head, disappointed in my attitude.
What else was I supposed to do? Agree with her and insult the guy that I loved?
I wasn’t condoning Neil’s violent actions—I would never approve of that behavior—but I probably wasn’t the right person to condemn him either. When it came to him, I was incapable of being impartial or rational. I simply felt compelled to take his side.
“Janel, guys get into fights all the time; don’t make a federal case out of it,” Bailey cut in, still continuing to munch.
“Have you lost your mind too?” Janel snapped.
Bailey just laughed and shot back, “I just think the two of us can’t really talk about this. I get that Ivan is your brother, but we don’t know how things really went down. We can’t blindly defend either one of them because Selene is the only one of us who was actually there.”
Sure, I was well aware of how things went down. I also felt guilty about it.
Neil had gone for Ivan right after the latter grabbed my wrist while I was trying to talk him into leaving. I couldn’t say for sure what had triggered such a fury in my Disaster, but I strongly suspected that it was Ivan being there, and even more so, him having his hands on me.
That thought alone sent a shot of warmth through my chest.
Was he jealous over me?
He’d never admit it to me, but even the possibility was flattering.
“What are you smiling about now? And, more importantly, what happened to your lip?” Janel looked at me, scowling.
I immediately turned serious again and instinctively raised a hand to my mouth.
The mark from Neil’s bite was still clearly visible there, to say nothing of my back, which was still recovering from the merciless way he’d taken me up against that wall.
Like always, he’d been rough and impetuous.
Someone else, perhaps, wouldn’t have allowed him to impose himself like that, but I had enjoyed it.
Once again, it occurred to me what a deviant Neil had made of me.
I no longer believed in Prince Charmings or fairy tales.
I’d even quit reading the romance novels I used to love so much.
I had learned by then that there was no such thing as the perfect man, especially not Neil.
He was like a dark knight with a heart swathed in shadows.
His golden eyes glowed with a deceptive brightness, and his magnificent outer appearance enthralled everyone he met.
There was nothing of the fairy tale in him, nothing fantastical or noble.
He was a devotee of sex, an able seducer, and a lover of perversion.
My decision to be with him implied that I accepted him in his totality, the good and the bad. Even though I knew he’d never really allow me into his soul.
He’d been clear: He’d let me be with him but not as a partner or a girlfriend.
Did that mean I wouldn’t get the exclusivity I wanted?
I didn’t think so.
I sometimes believed that I meant something to him, like the night he told me about Kim. At other times, though, I felt completely insignificant. After all, if he really valued me in any way, he would have long ago given up the other women, and yet that hadn’t happened, and it probably never would.
I sighed, upset.
I clung to the hope that I had finally earned some trust from him after all we had been through. I knew that it had been hard for Neil to tell me about himself and especially about Kimberly Bennett, though I got the sense that he’d left out a lot of information.
I still remembered the room full of hidden boxes I had found during my stay in New York. The newspapers I’d only caught a glimpse of had said something about a scandal, a dark figure, and the children of the shadows…
What if the truth about his babysitter was something even more terrifying?
Something even more dangerous?
Something that Neil was afraid to tell me?
Too many doubts were still swirling around in my head.
His confession that he’d been abused hadn’t come as a surprise to me, after all.
I’d had my suspicions from the start, and then Logan himself had dropped some hints at the beach house about what had happened to his brother.
I’d never told Neil that, though, because I didn’t want them to get into some awful argument.
Still, I appreciated Neil’s willingness to confide in me, even if it was the edited version.
I came back to the present moment and turned my eyes to Janel, who was arguing with Bailey about my appearance—the hickeys around my throat, the bite mark on my lip, the dark circles under my eyes, and my head-in-the-clouds attitude of late.
“Janel, I’m never going to turn on Neil, and I’m not looking for your blessing or anyone else’s,” I told her sharply, and she looked at me in shock. “That’s enough for now. I need to get ready,” I added, getting up off the sofa.
Bailey frowned at me, and Janel tilted her head to one side, still surprised by my outrage.
“Ready for what?” Bailey asked me, putting the bag of Cheetos down on the coffee table.
“To go to New York.”
I had made the decision to go without thinking about what to tell my mother or how I could defend my choice to her.
She knew about my rancorous relationship with Matt, which had recently only gotten even worse, so telling her I wanted to visit my father for a little while wouldn’t work.
But I couldn’t tell her that I wanted to be with Neil either.
I had a suspicion that it had actually been my mother who had caused him to leave looking so disillusioned the last time.
Maybe they’d had a conversation while I wasn’t around.
I felt trapped, and the only solution I could think of was to drag Bailey into my evil scheme, which I had only just devised that morning.
I was going to leave for New York that afternoon and come back the following evening, but I’d tell my mother that I was staying over at Bailey’s during that time.
Bailey, after a few moments’ hesitation, supported me.
Unlike Janel, who thought my little white lie was a terrible idea.
After the latter left, Bailey and I waited for my mother to get back from work.
Then we told her our lie, and she bought it.
She seemed pleased at the idea of me spending time with my friend, possibly because she wanted me to put Neil out of my mind and begin to think clearly again in a way I hadn’t since I’d met him.
I myself couldn’t believe I was about to do such a thing. I’d even considered not telling Neil I was coming and surprising him, but I needed someone to pick me up at the airport, so I had to abandon that idea and text him.
My plane lands at six o’clock.
Madness. It was pure madness. I kept telling myself that I hadn’t lost my head over Neil, but my every thought and action suggested otherwise.
I mean, where was I even going to sleep? Obviously not at my father’s house.
I brushed off my worries, though, and packed a couple of dresses, a pair of high-heeled shoes, and two sets of underwear (not the juvenile kind I usually wore) into my overnight bag. I’d bought them on a shopping trip to the mall with my friends, not knowing how soon I’d have a chance to wear them.
I had asked Neil to be exclusive with me, and he’d said no, right?
So all that remained was for me to prove to him that my body was just as good as those belonging to his lovers and that I also knew how to be sexy and alluring.
Once I was ready, Bailey and I headed out after I told my mother goodbye and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
* * *
The trip from Detroit to New York felt much longer than I had been expecting, perhaps because of my nerves.
Once I arrived at the airport, I headed for the passenger pickup area, where the air was heavy with smog and exhaust fumes.
There were so many cars and taxis as well as people on foot walking every which way.
I had a moment of déjà vu, recalling the day Matt Anderson, asshole father, had taken me to meet Mia and her children.
It felt like an eternity had passed since then.
I tossed my head, shaking off the memories, and looked around, afraid that I might not be able to find Neil or that he’d completely forgotten I was coming. I’d sent him another text as soon as we landed, but he still hadn’t said anything back.
Where the hell was he? And, more important…what was he doing?
I dropped my bag on the ground and stretched, the bones in my sore back crackling. I was sore not from sitting so long on the plane but from the way my Disaster had taken me.
His hands, his kisses, his tongue…everything about him exuded this unstoppable energy and aggression that often transformed into pure passion.
Neil didn’t just love sex; he was also really good at it, and…