Chapter 9 Selene #3
“When you’re ready, I’ll take this too,” he whispered against my lips, tightening his hold on my butt.
“But not tonight…” He gave me a chaste kiss and released me.
I gave him a disapproving look and smiled smugly back, perfectly aware that he’d one day coax me into even more indecent acts, things I’d never even thought about.
Though maybe it was especially important for a man—a way to reach a greater level of intimacy with his woman.
With his woman…
I pondered this.
Neil did not think of me as his; he’d never said that he did. Therefore, I was not required to satisfy his every wish, even if it went against my own wants. If he’d been willing to give me exclusivity, he’d be able to take even more from me than I’d already given him.
“I want to go to sleep now. Preferably alone,” I told him in a tone that brooked no argument. Neil watched me, unreadable as always, and I scooped up my dress from the floor. “Goodnight,” I added seriously.
I turned and strode elegantly away on the high heels I couldn’t wait to remove.
I knew that his eyes were locked on my backside. He might have been hurt by my refusal, but even if he was, his pride would never allow him to show it.
But I didn’t care.
I left him there, alone and aroused.
And achieved, for once, a small victory.
* * *
I couldn’t figure out why, when the night came, my mind felt the need to turn over everything that had happened during the day.
But, as it did so, I saw things differently and came to conclusions I hadn’t understood before.
Neil had talked to me; he had explained his fixation on blond women, and I, like a sulky child, had held on to the Jennifer and Alexia issue and refused to touch him.
He had given me something of himself, and I had given him nothing in return.
Our deal…damn it!
Could I really have been so thoughtless?
Overcome, I rolled over on my side and pulled the blankets around me.
The room was enormous, dark, and solitary.
Not a single sound disrupted the silence, except for the rustling of the sheets whenever I moved.
I was chilly under the vast comforter because I had forgotten to bring my pajamas from Detroit, so I was still in just my underwear.
I sighed, staring out into the void before me.
A small alarm clock on the bedside table read 1:20 a.m. in blinking blue lights.
Neil hadn’t come to my room after our conversation. He knew that my door wasn’t locked, so he could have come in at any time if he’d wanted. But he hadn’t done that.
Did that make me feel happy? Relieved? Sad?
I wasn’t sure. The only thing I knew for sure was that my head was too stuffed with negative thoughts to close my eyes.
What if he stopped wanting me? What if he sought out other people because he didn’t think I was at his level?
“Will you shut up and let me sleep?” I murmured to my brain, rubbing my forehead. If I kept going like this, I was going to get a severe headache.
Before I went to bed, I called my mother to reassure her and make my big lie as believable as possible, telling her that I was having fun with Bailey.
But what was I even doing in New York?
I still didn’t see why Neil had asked me to meet him, which only made me worry more. He told me that I didn’t know enough about him, but what did he mean by that?
Enough! For God’s sake!
I huffed and forced myself to shut my eyes.
I would think more tomorrow about how to talk with him—it wasn’t a simple thing to do.
I couldn’t always figure out his strange reasoning, like the thing with the wavy line and the straight one.
I made a skeptical face, having no idea whether I’d understood his reasoning correctly.
He had likened the wavy line to all that was unstable, everything that regular people might think of as questionable: treating women like objects, sex without feelings, a hatred of love, a refusal to enter into relationships, and an unconventional approach to sex.
Meanwhile, the straight line represented morality, restraint, modesty, love in the universal sense…
basically everything that he couldn’t tolerate and didn’t fit into his life.
Yes…maybe that was the point of his speech, and it was just his way of telling me.
“You’re so strange,” I whispered, aware that he couldn’t hear me.
“But I’ll never stop thinking you are special, Neil.
” I smiled as I felt my cheeks heat up. I really was falling for—or worse, was actually in love with—this mess of a man.
With another insane mood shift, this time more positive, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I became restless several times in the night.
I would open my eyelids just a crack, just enough to see the silvery moonlight filtering into the dark of the room, and then go back to sleep. I didn’t feel entirely at ease, maybe because I was by myself.
Far away from home in a giant penthouse apartment, in this impersonal room with an odd man, who could say where he’d ended up?
Suddenly, I felt something depress the mattress behind me and the blankets shifted.
I was too deep in an intense stupor to pay closer attention to my surroundings.
It wasn’t cold anymore, and I had a nice feeling in my chest, like when I was a little girl and felt completely safe and protected.
There was something heavy lying across my side; it felt just like a strong, powerful arm, but I didn’t investigate, just squirmed closer to the new heat source at my back.
It was probably a dream, but I liked the idea of Neil being there with me; it made me feel good. In dreams, anything could happen, and it always felt real while you were dreaming.
There, if nowhere else, I could pretend that I was his.
And there, Peter Pan could pick Tinkerbell.
Content, I drifted back into unconsciousness for an unknown amount of time until the body behind me shifted, startling me. My eyelids opened a sliver; my back was much warmer, as were my hands.
“Neil…” I said in a sleepy rumble. Immediately, my mind went to him, but I got no verbal response.
I did, however, feel something hard poking into my back.
Something stiff and enormous. “Neil,” I said again, uncertain.
I was still trying to figure out if I was awake or asleep, much less determine details about anything else.
“Tinkerbell,” he answered, his voice intense, low, and rasping. I blinked in surprise and smiled as he gently pulled me closer to him. “You need to wake up,” he whispered. He stroked my ribs and then moved slowly down my thigh. Once again, I lay motionless, welcoming his soft caress.
It was so nice…
A blazing heat began to spread from my heart to the place between my thighs, which I rubbed together.
“Still sleepy,” I whispered. He chuckled, and his hot, voracious mouth grazed my neck. I raised my hand to shoo him away and heard another amused chuckle from behind me.
“So lazy…” he muttered cajolingly. Still half-asleep at that point, I turned over and peered at his face in the half-dark. Despite not being fully awake, I still had a sense of what his intentions were.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him, but he shushed me quickly.
“You know I get frequent carnal urges…” Neil kissed my cheek and stroked along my ribcage before moving on to the area between my breasts and then down…to my stomach. I opened my eyes wide then but was still unable to see what I was looking for: his face.
“What…what time is it?” I stuttered confusedly, and he nibbled my neck.
“About four thirty. And you’ve done nothing but grind that sweet little ass against me, Tinkerbell,” he said in a sensual whisper, trying to defend his own state of arousal.
How long had he been in my bed?
I slid my fingers into his hair and stroked it while his lips meandered slowly down my throat.
I let him do it.
“And what if I don’t want to indulge you?” I decided to needle him just a bit; it was never a bad idea for a woman to make herself a little more enticing.
“Have I ever fucked you or even touched you without your consent?” he whispered into my ear, biting down on the lobe, and my breath caught. Why did he always have to talk like that? But I loved his words, no matter how crude or rough.
“No, never,” I answered unhesitatingly.
“Then I’m not going to start now,” he clarified, continuing his languid caresses all over my body.
“But the thing is, you want me every bit as much as I want you…” His hand drifted slowly down to my pelvis and slid beneath my panties, searching for confirmation of his words.
I tensed up as he explored that intimate place with a wickedness calculated precisely to arouse my desire.
At the same time, I felt the rough skin of his cheek graze me as his lips sought out mine.
He sucked hard, and I let out a gasp, my hips automatically moving against his hand.
In the dark of the night our breaths chased one another.
My muscles were tired and thick, but Neil was so firm yet delicate that he kept me suspended between dream and reality.
He could be less aggressive when he worked at it, but I knew that, soon enough, his savage side would emerge.
Abruptly, he brushed my mouth with his tongue and stole a kiss.
His other hand, meanwhile, continued to stroke between my thighs.
He pressed the heel of his hand against my mons to stimulate my clit before sliding two fingers inside me.
It was a game of lust, slow and sensual, that had me kissing him back with passion, just as he wanted.
I groaned and strained in the darkness to catch his stormy golden eyes, but the shadows were too thick to see his face.
He abruptly stopped kissing me—though he didn’t stop touching me—and sighed, rubbing the tip of my nose with his own.