Chapter 12 Neil
“They knew from the frosty expression on my face that something serious was going on…”
Neil
I’d been back in New York for one day, and I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.
Before I left Detroit, I’d destroyed Babygirl’s laptop in a fit of uncontrollable rage, and then I’d taken her phone, positive that son of a bitch had gotten access to every device she had.
I was losing my mind.
I was truly going nuts at the thought of Player daring to invade Selene’s privacy by spying on her through her webcam.
Fucking spying on her.
That meant he had watched her reading her books, getting undressed, prancing around the room in her childish pj’s, and—goddammit—even sucking me off.
After the attack on Chloe, the damage to my car’s windshield, and the note with Hard Candy written on it, I was expecting him to make another move. But not like this.
Not doing something so vile as to invade a woman’s personal space just to watch her like a pervert.
I thought again that it had to be a man, and I dismissed Xavier’s suggestion that it could be one of my exes.
I didn’t know for sure, though; maybe Player was revealing themselves little by little.
The only person who could help me was Luke, who was much better with computers than I was.
After sitting (barely) through another meeting at the university, I went outside for a smoke break and to check my phone.
I had already sent Luke three texts, and the dickhead still hadn’t answered me.
What about the “a Krew member responds promptly in an emergency” rule was unclear to him?
Irritated, I stood outside a campus building and lit up another cigarette, continually glancing up the main thoroughfare, hoping to see my friend show up.
“Get a move on!” I grumbled to myself, taking a long drag off my Winston.
I packed my lungs with nicotine like a desperate man and blew the smoke out through my nose, trying and failing to get a grip.
As I waited endlessly for Luke to appear, I spotted Bryan Nelson, Carter’s older brother, surrounded by four of his basketball teammates.
They were his faithful hounds, following him wherever he went, even to the John.
Then again, he was a basketball star and king of the school, especially because his uncle was the dean.
Dean Nelson covered constantly for his nephew, and Bryan took every advantage of his privileged position, passing all his classes with a snap of his fingers.
As soon as he saw me staring at him, he shot me a cocky half-smile, whispering something to his sidekick next to him and then wrapped his arm around the shoulders of a grinning blond girl who had just approached.
I looked at her, thinking I’d seen her before. She fit squarely into my usual type.
As the girl got on her tiptoes to reach Bryan’s lips, the cropped sweater she wore rose up over her abdomen, and something shiny glinted in her bellybutton.
A piercing.
It was then that my mind rewound to a point in the recent past when I’d lured some girl into the pool house so I could fuck her and Alexia at the same time.
Then, I had her blow me in front of Selene because I wanted to scare Selene off and get her away from me.
I could now vividly recall just who Bryan’s new girl was—Britney Porter.
I didn’t give a shit about either of them, but as they passed, his glare swept over me and he gave his companions a knowing look. They, in turn, grinned back at him.
And I could have said nothing and remained peaceable, especially as we were still on campus, but…
“The fuck do you want, Nelson?” I snapped, blowing smoke out into the air.
He halted, arm still draped over the girl’s shoulders, and turned to look at me, cocking an eyebrow.
“Chill out, Miller,” he answered carelessly, glancing behind me.
“I’ll leave you in the company of your kind.
People like me, we prefer not to get down in the gutter.
Some of us have reputations to uphold.” Then he winked at me and continued on his way, trailed by the four assholes.
His little blond, though, kept staring bewitchingly at me until Bryan nudged her to leave.
I hadn’t seen him since I beat his brother Carter’s whereabouts out of him.
Nor had I bothered asking any questions about what sort of state the kid was in now.
All I knew was that he got out of his coma and probably wasn’t in the hospital anymore.
I’d warned him not to mention my name, showing him videos I’d pulled off his phone of him doing and dealing drugs, the kind that could definitely compromise his family.
Ever since then, there’d been nothing between me and the brothers Nelson.
Chloe never mentioned Carter, and I didn’t question her about him because I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she’d been hurt.
“What’d Bryan, Lex, Gregory, and the rest of them want?” Xavier appeared from behind me, watching the basketball guys walk away. I turned and looked between him and Luke, saying nothing.
“Yeah, I know. You’re mad. I should have replied faster,” Luke began to hastily explain. Xavier just laughed.
“You look fucking stupid, acting like a bitch just so Miller won’t hit you,” he teased Luke. “We oughta start calling you Fido, rolling over to show your belly like that…” he went on, sneering. Luke glared at him and gave him a shove; Xavier staggered back, laughing.
“Say that again, and I’ll break your face, dipshit,” Luke threatened him.
I just watched the two of them, silent and bored.
Sometimes, I looked at them and saw a pair of little boys.
I took one last drag off my cigarette and stubbed out the end before clearing my throat.
Both immediately stopped screwing around and looked to me, getting serious all at once.
They knew from the frosty expression on my face that something serious was going on and that they needed to give me their attention.
“Talk to us.” Luke was the first to speak. Xavier stood beside him, waiting for me to answer.
“What do you know about hacking?” I asked him. His forehead creased up in confusion at my question, and he thought for a few seconds.
“Enough. Why?” He asked in return.
“Because it seems that, in addition to being a skilled puzzle designer, Player is also a fucking hacker,” I told him, passing a hand through my hair.
I was no computer expert, but I knew that seizing control of someone’s webcam and making them the unwitting star of a twisted reality show wasn’t exactly child’s play.
“What are you talking about? Did he hack your computer?” Xavier asked.
“Not mine. Selene’s,” I admitted, and they both looked surprised. Luke immediately realized the gravity of the problem and blanched.
He rubbed his chin, thinking about what to do.
“Okay. So…do you have the computer with you?”
“No. I broke it,” I said. “I do have her phone, though, with all her passwords for socials and email.” My first instinct had been to save her from being part of that depraved show and protect her from the spying eyes of a lunatic.
But I hadn’t thought through the wrathful gesture.
I’d cut off her connection to the digital world to protect her, but I’d also left her alone with no ability to text or even call me. And I was worried about her.
Not hearing from her was making me antsy.
“Alright, see you tonight at six at my place, then,” Luke said.
* * *
When I got back home, I did nothing but dwell on what had happened.
My head was spinning with dark, paranoid thoughts.
It was my fault, mine alone.
I had done everything possible to push Selene away from me, and at first, it appeared to be working. Then, like an absolute dumbfuck, I relapsed.
Thoughts of her tormented me every day. The women I passed time with meant nothing; I needed them exclusively to maintain some psychological balance. But no matter who was underneath me, I was always having sex with my Babygirl.
My body only responded normally to physical stimuli when I was with her, and not just when it came to arousal.
It was about urges, cravings, wants, and hungers—feelings I couldn’t contain—and that was what made me climax exclusively with her.
It was as though she could reach into my soul and calm it with a touch.
When I was with Selene, I was a different…me.
And Player had realized that; along with my siblings, she was one of the most important people in my life.
That was why he’d singled her out for attack again.
I passed my tongue over my bottom lip, the one I’d bitten into to vent my stifled rage, and recalled her kiss, the sweet taste of her on my tongue.
Even when we were far apart, I could sense Selene all around me. I could smell her coconut scent on the air and feel her slim hands trying to soothe the worst of me, to render it tame and lead it back into its cage.
I saw her ocean eyes washing over my body with longing and her slender fingers tracing the lines of my muscles as if they were erasers that could banish every single wound.
I felt her everywhere, but most of all, I felt her inside of me.
And I, selfish as I was, wanted more.
I wanted to tear her clothes off with my teeth.
Leave more bruises on her pale skin.
Sink deep inside her and feel her heart beating in sync with mine.
I was firmly convinced that sex without love was a more powerful force than love itself.
It was an alchemy of the mind, understanding, consuming passion, and union.
I had been subjected to a distorted version of love when I was ten years old.
It was impossible now for me to love.
Those who had never known rape or abuse didn’t know shit about it.
I chuckled at the irony.
I liked using Selene, and I liked being used by her in return.
I thought back on that moment when I’d slid in between her full lips, how she serviced me with innocent boldness, and I trembled.
I was disgusted with myself.