Chapter 28 Selene
“I could have held on to anger at her over what happened with Neil, but I knew that she wasn’t really to blame.”
Selene
It was a week later, and I was taking my life back. Or, at the very least, I was trying to do that.
Back in Detroit, there was snow on the ground, and more fell each day. I loved being the first to walk down a sidewalk and watch my tracks appear behind me.
My grandmother used to say that when the snow fell, it kissed the trees and the earth and then tucked them all in under a soft, white blanket.
The roofs of the cars in the parking lots were completely white, as were the tree branches, the benches, and the roofs. Everything.
All of it white and clean.
All of it marvelous and new.
And still the snow fell, slow and gentle and soft, but also…sad, somehow.
As a child, I’d loved the snow. I loved to make snowmen as tall as I was and dress them up in Dad’s scarf or Mom’s sunglasses. It was a nice childhood memory from a normal, everyday childhood. Happy, carefree, bright. So different from Neil’s.
Did you ever play in the snow?
Did you make a snowman and watch him melt in the sun?
Did you ever laugh in the midst of a snowball fight?
Did you ever watch the snowflakes fall and think about how each one was slightly different from all the others?
I supposed I’d probably never know.
When I got back home, I dropped my bag on the floor and hung up my coat on the rack. I caught a whiff of something sweet in the air and smiled involuntarily.
“I’m back,” I called out before heading into the kitchen to look for my mother.
The first thing I saw was a cherry pie on the table with a candle shaped like the number twenty stuck in it, and then my mother burst into the room brandishing an air horn.
It made a sound so loud it practically burst my eardrums as she danced and cheered like a delighted child.
“Happy birthday, my love.” She pulled me into a warmly maternal hug, and I reciprocated, still a little dazed. I did take the opportunity to sneak the air horn out of her hand before she could cause permanent hearing damage.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t know what kind of party favors to get. The woman at the store recommend this, and…” I cut her off with a fond shake of my head. As determined and serious as my mother could be, she could also be a ridiculous weirdo.
I could have held on to anger at her over what happened with Neil, but I knew that she wasn’t really to blame.
All she’d really done was show Neil the anxieties any normal mother would have.
It was Neil’s job to reassure her that he wanted what was best for me—and to actually follow through on that.
Instead, he was too scared of his own feelings and too distrustful of the concept of relationships in general.
So I couldn’t blame my mother, and I couldn’t blame Matt or Megan for the fear that Neil had displayed from the very beginning of our acquaintance.
Sure, they may have further discouraged him or added fuel to his belief that he was not capable of having a real relationship with someone, but fundamentally, Neil had always believed that the only thing he had to give to a woman was his body.
“Mom, just the birthday song would have been fine…” I rubbed my ear, and before we sat down to have some pie, I grabbed her hand. We exchanged a knowing look and a pair of big grins. We both knew what had to happen when it snowed on my birthday.
“Wait, let me get on my coat and gloves,” she said, and a few minutes later we were out on the lawn in front of the house, ready to build our traditional birthday snowman.
Together, we found the perfect flat area and piled up a useful heap of snow.
I knelt down and began shaping it and patting it down so it could form the base of our snowman.
From time to time, I’d lob a snowball at my mother, who tried to use her red winter hat with its cute little pom-poms to shield herself.
Sometimes I wondered which one of us was really the kid and which the grown-up.
“Perfect.” I smiled in satisfaction as I admired the three large balls of snow stacked on top of one another.
That was when my mother produced two round stones and a carrot so I could give our snowman a face.
I dug through the snow until I could find a handful of pebbles to use for his sullen mouth.
“He’s kind of grumpy, this snowman,” my mother noted, standing before him with her hands on her hips and her head cocked to one side.
“I need a leather jacket, Mom,” I said, grabbing two serviceable sticks and sticking them into the snow to create arms. My mother watched me thoughtfully before making a skeptical face and heading into the house.
A few minutes later, she came back with a leather jacket that had red studs on the shoulders.
I took it from her and wrapped it around the snowman, sliding the sticks into the armholes.
“There. Since Neil couldn’t be here, I’ve made a snowman version of him.
Of course, the real Neil is a little taller and broader, but it’s a pretty good likeness, isn’t it?
” I turned to my mother, who was staring at me like I’d completely lost my mind.
She broke into peals of laughter, and I cocked an eyebrow at her.
What was so weird about it?
“You even got the scary pout.” She moved closer and slung an arm around my shoulder.
At the same time, the streetlamp came flickering on, driving away the evening gloaming.
We stood there, examining our crappy Snow-Neil.
As I stared intently at him, I realized that I had missed a few details.
I arranged another pebble in the corner of his mouth.
See there, I’ve found a way to have you with me on my birthday.
And, naturally, the traitorous tear I’d been trying to hold back for too long slid down my cheek. I swiped it away immediately. I didn’t want my mother to see me hurting.
“Let’s go inside, Selene. It’s getting colder.” As we walked up the drive, my eyes continued to sting.
“Go upstairs and have a nice hot bath before dinner,” my mother instructed, and I obeyed her. Maybe a relaxing soak would ease some of the melancholy that hovered over my days.
I walked into my bedroom and stopped short when I saw something bizarre.
I walked forward numbly until my legs hit the edge of the bed, staring down at the…bouquet of candy?
I studied it for a long moment, afraid I was having a very bizarre hallucination.
But now…there really was a bouquet of candy wrapped in a red bow.
Next to it was a small box, and I instinctively looked over my shoulder for any observers before picking it up. There was a small pink tag on the box that said “Happy Birthday,” and my hands shook as I breathed deep and sat down the bed to slowly open it.
Immediately, I saw something shiny. A bracelet.
It was silver with a single gleaming pearl suspended from it. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I felt hope beginning to unfurl in my chest. But I didn’t want to delude myself because I couldn’t take another disappointment.
No, Neil was in Chicago.
I was dreaming.
I squeezed my eyes shut and gave my arm a pinch. I waited a few heartbeats before cracking one eye open and looking around the room.
Nothing had changed.
It was still my room; I was still on the bed with the pearl bracelet in my hands.
“Not dreaming, then,” I whispered as I tried to delicately clasp it around my wrist without dropping it. I ran my fingers over the assorted candy; some were honey-flavored, others coconut. Nestled in amongst them was a fortune cookie.
I picked it up, cradling it in my hands as though it were a precious jewel before breaking it. I pulled out the slip and read: “Don’t kiss me like you love me. Kiss me because you love me, and because I’m ready to love you back. Come outside.”
I pressed my hand to my lips and glanced around in disbelief—he was here?
Flustered, I pulled on the first pair of shoes I could find and raced out of my room.
I hurried down the stairs, tripping on the last few steps.
My heart was in my throat, and my legs were trembling.
Before I could get to the front door, my mother appeared and handed me my winter coat.
She didn’t have any of her usual questions for me, and I looked up at her, wide-eyed.
“I’ll probably regret this,” she sighed. “But I couldn’t keep watching you be miserable…”
She smiled and opened the door for me. I ran down the porch steps, and then I saw him.
He was leaning on the Maserati he’d parked right in front of our house, and every muscle in my body felt frozen. My arms fell uselessly to my sides as my eyes locked on his.
How many hours did it take him to drive here?
Why didn’t he just fly?
But I didn’t really care about that. Neil was right there with his golden eyes, just as angelically beautiful and irresistibly sexy as ever.
I felt like my soul had been drawn out of my body toward him, but when I recovered from my trancelike state, I ran down the driveway, stumbling clumsily in my eagerness.
He shook his head and smiled, and I blushed.
Hope bloomed again, love burst forth, and the snowy city suddenly had every bit of the charm it had for me as a child as I got closer and closer.
I leaped into his arms and hugged him tight, dissolving into tears again. Only this time, they were tears of joy.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips. Neil lifted me and held me tight against him.
I could feel his heart beating.
His urgent breaths.
His soul softening and merging with my own.
My tears dripped down the bend in his neck, the same place where I’d found comfort in so many times of suffering but also in moments of ecstasy.
“You’re an asshole and…completely crazy!” I sobbed against him. Neither of us wanted the enchanted moment to end.